Date: Thu, 21 May 2009 13:07:55 -0700 (PDT)
From: Ace Venture <acegolfking@yahoo.com>
Subject: Always Wanted        Gay Male / Highschool

			 Always wanted...Never Had
				 Chapter 1

	Hi before I start my story I gusse you should know some things
about me. Well where to start is the key word....Well my name is BJB. I
don't like saying my full name because I am closeted right now and people
often search my name and email. This is a true story and I write it as I
go. I do need you to email me guys when I need you to know what I should be
doing and stuff. But anyways enough of that know a little of me before I
start story. I am 18 years old in April. I am Austic but not that much. I
am a graphic artist and a damn good one. I am also a published author of
two books. (I'll mention in an email) I like to think of myself ugly even
though people say im not. Im over 6 foot 2 inches and im working out 3-4
times a week. Ok enough of me lets just get on with the story.

You see theres this guy in my classes. Like all of them....He is so
perfect. His name is BJL (im not saying what they stand for) He is a
baseball star in this small town we both live in. Our school is so small
and poor we need to have the three towns around us just to make it a
school. Well anyways he is soooo perfect he sits across from me in first
hour, next to me in second hour, not there much third hour, and forth hour
hes behind me. We both graduate on Tuesday and I am close to him for that
two. He is the sexiest man alive in my book. But that's just me. Well
anyways he is always staring at me and I stare back and don't get me wrong
these are not evil glares stares. He is doing it friendly to loving I
think. He smiles when he looks at me and I turn my head because I know I am
starting to blush. I loved him for 6 years since I moved to this small
town. I used to live in Chicago but I moved to a whole different state.  I
always acted mean towards him and I knew I could never tell him the truth.
He is always hanging with girls and I talk to all the girls asking how he
is on dates and im always nosy trying to imagine. (p.s. these girls know my
secert and are supportive as far as I know) well they tell me that hes
never taken them on dates and never even talks about it. Of course I freak
out thinking why would he always hang with girls and never date them it
made no sense to me. Well I find out he supposblly is dating someone but
its all long distance. And that is the same excuse I use when someone asks
if I am gay. Well I think nothing of it because it possablly is long
distance. Well one day beou was walking by and saw my letter I was typing
mentioning I was gay in there. He asked about it and I couldn't find the
words to awnser. I stammered and almost cried because I didn't want him mad
at me. Well he didn't get mad he was all cool with it he didn't even seem
mad I was gay. Of course I didn't tell him I had a crush on him for over 6
years but that didn't need to be mentioned. Well he asked me what college I
was going to and when I mentioned ridgewater college he mentioned he was
going to. I didn't beilve him so I asked him for proof. Appertlly he was
going to ridgewater. He mentioned then that he and another male friend are
buying a house and then out of all things to ask. He asked me to live with
him.  I freaked out and made an excuse but he seemed a little disapoitment
I couldn't look him in the eye I felt scared. He left and I felt bad. Forth
hour came he was happy and said that he hopes to see me at ridgewater when
he goes because he thinks it will be fun having friends live with him. I
felt my heart kinda die at that point because he only likes me as friends.
I love him but remain friends still because I don't think he is gay. But
the only strange thing is he felt my leg and looked me in the eyes when in
a dark room when a movie was going on. I saw him look towards me and he got
up and walked towards me and when the lights came back on he was back in
his seat, talking to the same girl he always talks to. I swore under my
breathe thinking maybe one day I can kiss him because if I get a kiss from
him id be happy at least. I sadly don't think that will ever happen.

Any Suggestions what I should do?

P.S. True Story True Facts True Names (just not mentioned)

Should I also keep writing?

Acegolfking@yahoo.com