Disclaimer:
All other content or otherwise are works of my own
imagination. All events are fictitious in nature.
Any
similarities to persons living, dead, or otherwise are purely
coincidental.
This story contains strong themes of homosexual
content, if this offends you in any way, please refrain from reading
further. If you are not of legal age to read this, please leave
now.
A/N:
I'd like to thank TalonRider for editing this chapter. His
unparalleled excellence and tireless effort applied to my work is
greatly appreciated. Thank you!
I'd also like to thank Librent
for her fantastic beta-reading of this chapter. Thank you!
American
Differences
-By Emulated
Chapter 25: Tolerance
I
entered my room, my legs quaking and my eyes moistening. I was home,
again.
My eyes skimmed the room, my mind detailing every object I held dear,
everything that was mine. Emotion flowed through me suddenly, causing
my lip to quiver. I stumbled over to my bed, laying face down as I
let out my first sob. I sank my face deeper into the sheets as the
tears fell from my eyes. My shoulders slumped and my body rocked as I
wept against my pillow. The past seventeen days had taken a massive
toll on me. I needed to release, to let it all out, but at the same
time I held it in, willing myself to strive forwards.
But I
couldn’t hold it in anymore. I was home, my shield had broken
down, letting everything come to the surface.
I cried harder.
My eyes and nose running onto the duvet. A hand touched my shoulder.
I jumped at the contact, turning around and wiping my face. Tears
were in my father’s eyes as he reached out his
arms,
“Matthew.”
I
hugged him tightly, “Dad.” I croaked.
“Shhh…it’s
ok.” He whispered calmly, “You’re home
now.”
“Don’t make…me leave…again,
Dad. Please.”
His arm tightened on me, “Never
again. Never again.” He repeated as he rocked me gently.
We
stayed together for a while longer, until my sobbing had stopped. He
continued to hold me close, running his hand across the top of my
back soothingly, as though he was trying to heal the wounds.
A
few minutes later I pulled back, trying to give him a grin through my
streaming eyes. I noticed Mum at the door, watching us. We shared a
look, her expression giving nothing away. My body trembled slightly.
I couldn’t fight her. I didn’t want to fight her. I’d
had enough.
She eyed me cautiously as she slipped into the
room, heading towards us. I followed her as she reached the side of
the bed next to my dad and sat down. She sat there for a moment,
looking at me. Her face reddened slightly,
“We were
wrong to send you away, we shouldn’t have done that.” She
said quietly, her voice weakening, “I’m sorry, Matt.”
She finished, weeping softly, inching closer to me.
Half of my
mind was overjoyed to be back, to have her hold me, but the other
half was still reluctant to forgive her. She’d said and done
some horrible things to me during the past month. But I wanted to
move on. I couldn’t keep holding things against her, otherwise
I’d be guilty of the same things that she was.
I nodded,
pulling her into a hug, “It’s ok Mum. It’s ok.”
*
Ten
minutes later we were sitting downstairs in the lounge. Mum and Dad
wanted everything to be in the open so we all knew where we stood in
terms of my sexuality. At the request of my parents, as they picked
me up from Connor’s house, Josh was told to stay there until he
would be picked up later. They didn’t want him to be involved
with the conversation, which was something that I was, frankly,
pleased with. Josh was an amazing brother for being only twelve, but
he was just that, twelve. I know some kids around his age, or even
younger have come out and stuff, but Josh wasn’t like that. He
was somewhat mature for his age, but he was a far cry from being able
to comprehend what was going on with me. It was better that he wasn’t
involved at that stage, in case things went ugly, again.
“Ok,
this whole…’me being gay’…isn’t
something that’ll just go away. It’s part of me and
that’s it.” I said, staring at them. “It’s
something that can’t change, or be changed.” I added,
making it clear for them.
Mum nodded, “We understand
that, Matt. We’ve spoken to some peop-“
“What?!”
I exclaimed, “Who?”
Dad raised a hand, “Relax,
it was just someone over the phone. Nobody we know personally.”
I
shifted on the couch. Again I found myself split over that decision.
On one hand I was pleased that they were reaching out, accepting help
from people who offer it, but on the other hand I felt somewhat odd
about someone else knowing about me. It would just take some getting
used to.
“Ok…so you spoke to some people. Did
they say anything good?” I inquired.
“They said a
lot of things.” Replied my mum, “At first I didn’t
want to call them…” She said, looking at my dad.
“But
I rang them anyway.” He spoke, “I couldn’t…”
He shook his head, “I thought that I had messed up somewhere,
Matt. That it was my fault that you turned out this way. I needed to
know if it was true.”
I frowned, “Of course it
wasn’t true. You’re the best Dad anyone could ask for.”
I widened my gaze to my mum, “You’re both great parents,
it was never your fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, it
just is.”
“We know that now, and we know that it’s
something that cannot be changed. We understand.” Said Dad,
“But you have to understand that this is still very new to us.
We never expected this so please give us a little longer.”
‘They
tolerate me now, but still don’t accept me.’ I
thought to myself, ‘It’s better than nothing, and a
step in the right direction. I can’t blame them for that.’
I nodded, “Ok.”
“Ok. Ok, that’s good.”
Spoke Dad.
“And Jamie,” I said quickly, “He’s
part of my life…” I looked at them, “I love him
and he loves me.” I paused, noting the small frown on their
faces, “Look, I don’t want you to treat him like royalty,
I just want you to recognise that we’re together, as
boyfriends.
“It’s also going to take us a little
more time to…accept Jamie as your boyfriend.”
I
had thought as much, “Is he allowed to visit?”
They
looked at each other, “We haven’t discussed that yet.”
Replied Dad.
Then it was my turn to frown. Why did they have
to ‘discuss’ it? It wasn’t like he was something
dangerous that could go haywire in a split second! Or that he was
unpredictable or something! He was my boyfriend. That was it. I
lowered my gaze to the floor. While I had expected them to say no,
just hearing them confirm my suspicions left me feeling uneasy
again.
Dad cleared his throat, “How about you invite
Jamie over for dinner tomorrow?” He suggested.
“What?”
Asked Mum and I in unison.
He nodded, “It’ll give
us a chance to…meet him as your boyfriend.” He replied,
turning to Mum, “It’s just an idea, if you don’t
agree or…” He trailed off, leaving the ball in her
court.
She sat there for a moment, pondering over the
suggestion.
“Mum?” I called out, gaining her
attention.
She turned to me expectantly.
“I
think it’s a good idea. It’ll let you see him for who he
is, and you’ll see us together…” I stopped
talking, noticing her grimacing over my choice of words. “What
I mean is, you’ll see that we’re just like any other
couple our age. We don’t go into some ‘super gay mode’
if that’s what your worrying about.” I said, trying to
lift up the situation.
“It’s not that, Matt…”
She began, shifting in her seat, “This is so new to us.”
“It’s
new to me too.” I offered, “I never wanted you guys to
know about me just yet.” I said, “I’m finding it
hard too.”
Dad looked at me, “Would you have told
us, about you?”
I thought to myself, shaking my head, “I
don’t know. Definitely not while I was in school. Maybe when I
was older or something…”
He looked sad for a
moment, “And we’d never have known.”
I
sighed, “No.”
We were all silent for a minute or
so. Taking everything in.
I glanced up, “So, abo-“
I began, before the doorbell rang. I stood up, walking over, “It
could be Josh.”
They nodded at me, “Tell him to
come in here before he runs upstairs.”
“Ok.”
I replied from the hall, as I reached the door. I peered through the
window, noticing two people standing outside. I recognised Terry’s
coat as I unlocked the door. “Hi guys.” I said.
“Matt.”
He replied, a grin on his lips, “Connor says you’re back
at home.”
I smiled, standing back from the door, letting
them inside, “Connor would be right, I’m back now.”
“For
good, I hope.” Said Monica, as she closed the door behind her,
“Are your paren-“ She said, before noticing Mum and Dad
enter the hall, “Hiya, we thought we’d stop by to see
Matt. He left before we got back.”
“Yeah, sorry
about that.” I answered quickly, “I didn’t know
what else to do.”
Terry laughed, “You don’t
have to check with us, you’re old enough to make your own
decisions.”
“Yeah, but…” I smiled,
“You were looking after me and stuff, I’d have spoken to
you first if you were there.”
“Don’t worry
about it, Mate. We’re here now anyway.” He replied,
looking up at my parents.
I regarded his stare curiously. It
wasn’t an aggressive, or even an accusing stare, but there was
some definite defiance to it, some deeper meaning. I’d always
assumed that it was a stare to show that he meant business, that he
wanted the best for me, regardless of the outcome. That alone meant a
lot. And it took a lot not to let the flood gates open again.
*
Connor’s
parents stayed for a while, mostly going over the same things that we
had just been talking about. But it was good to go over things again,
and with Amanda and Terry there too, it let me better try to gauge my
parents’ reactions to certain things. Mostly their conflict
over my ability to be in love with Jamie. Of course Amanda and Terry
continuously told them that it was the same love that they felt for
each other, but they were still a long way from accepting that. That
was the part that hurt me the most. The whole issue surrounding
everything that had happened in that month had been because I was in
love with a boy, yet, when confronted with the cause at it’s
very basic level, they were outright denying it. Obviously they
weren’t doing it in a rude or malicious way, but it was clear
that they still had a way to go in terms of understanding my love for
Jamie.
It was about ten minutes after Connor’s parents
left, my dad going with them to collect Josh, did someone knock at
the door again. Being downstairs, I walked over and opened it,
expecting to find Dad and Josh, but was surprised to find Noah
standing there.
I looked at him, clearly he was equally as
surprised to see me.
“Matt?”
I smiled, “Hi
Noah. How are you?”
“I’m fine...” He
said, a frown on his face as he studied me for a moment, “Sorry,
I just wasn’t aware that you were back home.”
I
opened the door further, standing to the side, “I only came
home a few hours ago. I haven’t had the time to tell Jamie yet.
Come in.” I ushered.
“Thank you.” He
replied, “I only wanted to come and drop some things off for
your parents.” He added, raising his briefcase, “But it’s
good to see you, how are things?” He asked.
I nodded,
“They’re getting better…” I began, noticing
my mum exit the lounge, heading over, “…evidently.”
I said, facing Noah again, “I don’t expect things to
change straight away, but it’s a start.”
“And
it’s something we’ll do together.” Spoke Mum,
giving me a small smile before turning to Noah as he handed her the
briefcase, “Thank you for dropping these off, Noah.”
His
grey eyes left mine and locked onto my mother’s, “Not a
problem.” He replied, “I’m pleased to see Matt back
at home.”
She nodded, “Yes. It’s been hard
for all of us, but we have to deal with it, “She began, noting
me frowning, “Not because it’s something bad, but because
it is different.”
I shared a look with her, wondering if
she’d really changed, if she could move towards accepting me as
her gay son.
“You’re right, it’s very
different.” Agreed Noah, “But they’re our sons, two
outstanding young men, and we love them for that.”
She
nodded again, taking a look at me, “Would you like a cup of
tea, coffee, or something?” She offered Noah, “Joe should
be back any minute and he just wanted to go over some of the details
for the meeting with the-“
I zoned out of the
conversation. My parents had a knack for doing that. One minute I’d
understand every word, and then they’d suddenly go into work
mode, talking about this and that. I usually excused myself at that
point. But with Noah standing there, removing his coat, I wondered if
work would be the only thing they wanted to discuss. It seemed that
even Noah himself wanted to bring up the topic about my being at
home, given the way he’d give me a few glances, as if reminding
me that I wasn’t forgotten.
“Hey, I’m just
going to head upstairs and call Jamie,” I began, “He
doesn’t know that I’m here yet…”
Noah
smiled at the mention of Jamie, “I’m sure he’d
appreciate that.”
I grinned back, noting the look on my
mum’s face. She was trying to appear calm and somewhat happy
over what I said, but it was clear that she still had some
reservations about me contacting my boyfriend from home. But I didn’t
care. With me being at home, I’d be calling Jamie a lot more
often. It was just something that she’d have to deal with. “Ok,
I’ll see you later, Noah. Good to see you again.”
“You
too Matt.” He said as I moved to the stairs, “See you
later.”
I nodded back at him as I skipped up the steps
and into my room, closing the door behind me. I headed over to my
desk, reaching for my mobile, when I noticed my computer. I stared at
it for a second, before I flipped open the lid and opened up the
Instant Messaging client, seeing if Jamie was online. Luckily for me,
he was. I clicked on his name, causing the chat window to pop up,
showing Jamie’s display picture. I wanted a picture of him, but
he decided on some baseball player. Still, I was only seconds away
from seeing a proper, moving Jamie, not a picture.
I reached
out and typed on the keyboard:
Matt09: U there
Goldilocks?
Jamie replied a few seconds later:
*JK*:
Hey sexy!
Matt09: ;) Hey, u good 2 talk?
I
asked, implying a video chat.
*JK*: Sure, 1
min.
Matt09: ok
I unplugged the computer and took
it with me as I climbed onto my bed. I placed it on my lap,
readjusted the screen and waited a moment before the little message
appeared, asking me to share my webcam. I click accept and waited for
it to connect. A few seconds passed, before the speakers crackled to
life.
“Hey, Baby.” Came Jamie’s voice, as
his image appeared. He looked deliciously cute on my computer screen.
His head was propped up in his arms as he lay on his stomach on the
bed. I wanted to reach out and kiss him like that.
“Hey.”
I smiled, “How are you?”
“I’m good.”
He replied, “How ar- You’re at home!” He
exclaimed.
I grinned, “Yep.”
“What?
For real?!” He asked, eyes wide.
“Uh huh. Mum and
Dad came and collected me earlier.”
“Wow!”
“Yeah,
pretty much.” I smiled, looking up around my room, “It’s
good to be back.”
He grinned madly, “I’m
really pleased for you, Matt. You deserve some good news.”
“Thanks,
Jamie.”
He breathed for a moment, “Wow, this is so
cool.” He mused, “So what, they just asked for you
back?”
I nodded, “They came over to Connor’s
house and asked for me to come home again.”
“Did
Connor’s parents say anything?”
I shook my head,
“They weren’t there. They popped in a few minutes ago.
Just before your dad.”
“I remember him saying that
he was heading over. Aww, I wish I went now.”
I grinned,
“It’s ok. Hey, you free tomorrow?” I asked,
remembering my parent’s invitation. Well, I wasn’t sure
if it was ‘official’, but I figured that it’d be
better if Jamie knew about it at least.
“Yeah, let me
check my journal…” He paused for a moment, “Naah,
all booked up. No time for Matt. Sorry.”
I rolled my
eyes at him, “I’m being serious. Mum and Dad wanna invite
you over for dinner.”
“You serious, like really
serious?”
I nodded, “Yep. They want to meet my,”
I cleared my throat, “Boyfriend.”
He beamed at me,
“So they’re cool with me, with us?”
I
sighed, “I’m not sure, probably not. I think they want to
‘test the waters’, to see how bad it is to see us
together.”
Jamie grimaced slightly, “I’m
feeling nervous now. I don’t wanna mess up.”
I
frowned, “Like you could ever mess up. You’re like made
to be perfect, you know.”
He sighed, “I don’t
like the idea that we’re being ‘tested’. I know
it’s your parents and all, but it don’t feel right to
me.”
“I know, Jamie. But I…” I
hesitated, “I really want to do this, to show them that there’s
nothing odd about us. That we’re just like any other
couple.”
“I would have always have done it, Matt,
to have dinner I mean.” He paused, “I just don’t
want to feel like we’re being analysed or something. We
don’t have anything to prove.”
“You’re
right, we don’t.” I watched him, “Are you ok,
Babes, you seem at edge.”
“I’m sorry, it’s
just a headache. I think it’s something I ate earlier.”
“Aww,
Jamie. I hope not.” I looked at him, “Listen, forget
about this thing tomorrow. You don’t need this stressing you
out more.”
He smiled, “It’s ok. I want to
go. I’ll be better in a few.”
I smiled back, “Only
if you’re sure.”
“I’m sure.” He
replied, before there was a knock at the door.
“One
second, Babe.” I replied to Jamie, before I looked up, “Come
in.” I called out, watching as the door opened, showing Josh
there.
“Hi, Matt.”
“Hey, Josh, you
ok, Mate?”
He nodded, “So you back home now, for
good?”
“Yep, I think so.”
He smiled,
“That’s good.”
“Yeah, it is.” I
replied, watching him. It was clear that he wasn’t used to
these little chats, that he wasn’t sure what to do, but it
really struck a chord in my heart that he’d come and check to
see how I was. Josh was important to me. So very important.
“I’m
gonna be in my room.” He replied, turning around.
I
smiled, “Ok. Remember I’m here if you need anything.”
He
nodded.
“And Josh?”
He looked up.
“Thanks
for being so great during all of this. I know it’s been hard
for you, but thanks for sticking by me.” I said. Perhaps it was
too much, but I wanted him to somewhat understand what I thought of
him, without it sounding too gay.
“It’s
ok.” He replied simply.
I grinned, “Good, I’ll
see you later.”
“You too.” He said, as he
closed the door behind him.
I sat there for a minute before
Jamie spoke, “You two really care about each other, don’t
you?”
I opened the computer’s lid again, looking
at him, “Yeah, we do. A lot.” I watched him again for a
moment, “Thanks Jamie.”
“For what?”
“Being
there for me too, through all of this.”
“Connor’s
the one you should be thanking, he gave you a home.” He pointed
out.
I nodded, “Yeah, Connor and his family were great,
but…” I struggled for the right words, “They’re
not you. You’re my boyfriend, Jamie.”
He beamed at
me again, “God I love you, Matt.”
I wanted him to
come over, just so I could be with him, touch him and hold him. I
wanted to lay there on my bed and have him snuggle up to me from
behind. “Can’t you come over now?” I giggled.
“I’d
be more than happy to come over…if it wouldn’t make
things worse.”
I shifted on the bed, “You have no
idea how good that sounds.”
He smiled, “Well, I’m
just here.” He said, waving at me, before he scratched his leg,
causing the robe to slip slightly, flashing part of his cute butt at
me.
“Hey, cover up or something!” I
giggled.
“Why? My door’s locked.”
“I
know, but you’re just…naked!” I replied, “Wouldn’t
want some hacker or something to be perving over my boyfriend’s
butt!”
He reached back and slapped his ass, “Oh
yeah!” He grinned.
I reached down, pretending to press a
button, “I’m taking a screenshot of that!”
“Come
and-“ He began, before he realised he was talking loudly, he
reached out to the keyboard.
*JK*: I was gonna say, Come do
it yourself.
Matt09: Do what…
*JK*:
Use your imagination…;)
I giggled again, “I
love you so much, Jamie Keller.”
“I love you too,
Matthew Blake.” He said, before I heard someone shouting from
downstairs. Jamie smiled, “Was that my dad?” He asked.
I
nodded, climbing off the bed, “He’s saying that he’s
leaving. I’ll be back in a second, Jamie.”
“Sure.”
He replied, as I stepped out of my room, walking to the top of the
stairs, looking down at Noah and my dad.
“I’m
going to head off now, Matt.” He said as I came towards him,
“I’ve spoken to your parents about Jamie coming over
tomorrow and that’s fine, if Jamie’s ok with that.”
I
nodded, “I was just speaking to him. “ I replied, looking
at Dad, “Said he’d like to come.”
“Yeah?”
Asked Dad, “That’s good.”
Noah smiled,
“Well, that seems to have been taken care of now.” He
said, looking at me, “I’ll see you later, Matt.”
“You
too, Noah.”
I watched as Dad led him to the front door,
before he stepped out, heading to his car. I turned and headed up the
stairs again, but Mum stopped me.
“Matt, dinner will be
ready in a minute, if you’re hungry.” She called up, as
Dad closed the front door.
I faced her, “Sure, I’m
starving.”
“Ok. I’ll give you a shout once
it’s done.”
“Ok.” I replied, before I
continued up to my room. I closed the door and hopped onto the bed,
picking up the computer, “I’m back.”
Jamie
yawned, “What did Dad want?”
“He’s
leaving, he’ll be there in a minute.”
“Sure.”
He replied, before he looked over to his door, “Ok, Mom, I’m
coming!” He shouted.
“Dinner’s ready?”
I asked.
He smiled, nodding, “Yeah. I’ll see you
tomorrow, yeah?”
“Yeah, see you later. Goodnight,
Jamie, love you.”
“Love you too, goodnight.”
He said, blowing a kiss at the webcam.
I smiled and blew one
back, before we closed the connection.
I sat there thinking to
myself for a few seconds, before I shook my head and smiled at the
thought of Jamie.
*
The
next day at school was just the same crap as usual. I say crap
because all they kept going on about was revision! ARGH!!! If they
had any idea what else I had to deal with other than bloody revision
then I’m sure they’d be surprised. But they did have a
point. I had loads of exams in the coming weeks, and I had done
little preparation of any of it. I had to start, and seeing my recent
return to home, I was in as good a situation as any to begin.
“I’m
so pleased for you, Man.” Said Connor, as we roamed the halls,
heading to my locker.
“No, you’re just pleased to
get me out of your room.” I joked.
He placed a hand on
my shoulder, “You know that that’s not true.”
I
nodded, “I know. But I like being home again, having my room
back. Feels good.”
“I’m glad,
really.”
“Thanks, Con.”
We rounded
the corner to see Li and Jamie standing next to my locker. We headed
over to them, “Heya.”
“Oh, hi.” Called
out Li.
I managed a smile, “Hey. You guys ready for
English?” I asked, reaching my locker as I fished out my
key.
Jamie stepped forwards, looking somewhat flustered, “Erm,
I put that note in your locker, the one about the thing for the
game.”
I frowned. I couldn’t remember a
note.
“You know, the note…” He said, before
he flicked his eyes towards Li, and then to me.
“Oh,
yeah.” I said, playing along, “Thanks.” I said, as
I put the key in the lock. Luckily, the door swung open the other
way, towards Li so she couldn’t see the note. I quickly checked
it over. It was a small Post-It note with a heart drawn on it. I
smiled immediately, before I lifted one of the pages in my English
book, throwing it in, and pulled out the book. I placed it in my bag
and zipped it up, before closing my locker.
“You all
set?” Asked Jamie.
I nodded, my eyes glancing from Li to
him, “Yep, lets go.”
We dodged past all the other
students in the hall and emerged into the English wing. We walked
across into our room and took our seats. It didn’t take long
for the teacher to appear, and when she did, she gave us a really
easy lesson. We were to cut up quotes from the Shakespeare play that
we’d studied in the year, and to place them next to the person
saying them, and what they meant. It was all simple enough, until we
were partnered with Li, seeing as she was sitting next to us, with
Sarah next to her.
So the first part of the lesson was good,
cutting out things, arranging them. Easy stuff. I couldn’t
remember half the quotes though, so I had to keep looking in my book,
finding the right page. Eventually we got them done, and in the
correct order too, once the teacher had checked it over.
Seeing
as we’d completed the task, Li placed herself on cleanup duty
and proceeded to clean up all the left over pieces from the sheets we
cut up, giving Jamie and I a chance to talk about him coming over for
dinner.
“So you still up for it, tonight?” I
asked.
“Sure I am.” He smiled.
I watched as
Li scraped the paper off the table and into the bin, “Good, I’m
not sure what we’re having to e-“
“Wait,
Jamie, isn’t this the note that you put in Matt’s loc…”
She trailed off, her eyes focused on the piece of paper as she pulled
it from the bin.
I glanced at it briefly, the blood draining
from my face. The note that was in my locker, the one that Jamie had
given me was grasped between her fingers. Everything that was on the
note was facing towards her, right for her to see. My head began to
spin.
Her gaze looked up to meet mine. I peered into her dark
eyes.
She knew.
I hope
you enjoyed reading this chapter of American Differences.
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Copyright © 2009 By Emulated