Andy had his own emergency pilgrimage to make, I guess. Not for the same reason. He came over while my folks were home. I answered the door and he said something in my ear. I didn't really get what he said. I knew my ear was wet and he needed to see me: privately.
I told my folks it was Andy, and we headed up to my -- his old -- room, closed the door. I turned from the door, bumping into him. He was right there, almost pressed to me. He stood there facing me, sort of squared off, looking down. He looked up part way, not meeting my eyes, reached out to pluck at my shirt.
"Um... I umm... I need... Mike, I... I need... I l-like you... Uhh, a lot... I uhh... ," a tear started to run down one cheek. "What I..."
"You've been awfully lonely, haven't you?"
Andy just nodded. It looked like he tried to swallow. I said, "Hey, I know it's not much, but I'll be here for you. 'Till you... 'till you..." I found myself growing sadder and sadder. I tried to say "Till you find someone... " I felt my mouth turn down and not even I recognized what came out before the sob.
Andy froze, looked up at me. Boy-Lasered me through his tears, through mine. "No! No, you don't understand. You! Ahhh, I'm afraid to jinx it. It's you. Y... I'm afraid you'll go away."
"I'm here, aren't I? I come over there under my own steam, don't I? I'm kissing you aren't I?" I asked, answering my own question with an unhurried demonstration. His mouth was all full of tears and snot. My boy's tears. The snot of Andy crying his love.
He hung on me, is the best I can describe it. His legs seemed to go out from under him, and he hung from me. He's as big as me, so we both ended up sitting, then rolling sideways. I put my arm under his head and held him until he calmed down, until the sobs subsided. Until I felt his boner pressing against me.
"Oh, wicked boyfriend!" I said, pulling him against me, "Cute, naughty, sweet, sexy..."
"Trustworthy, loyal... ?"
"Umm, I can be friendly," he said, plucking at my shirt again, shyly.
"So I've noticed," moving in for a longer kiss. Somehow, when the motion ended, I wound up with his lip still grasped between mine. Some sort of a pact had been sealed, and there was nothing to be said, right then. I just held him, felt the solidity of him, the warmth of him, his presence. Delicious boy presence. Boyfriend presence.
"Um, I'm sorry..."
"Sorry?" I asked.
"I, uhh... I don't do 'Reverent' so good. Except, sometimes when I'm sucking you. So I guess I am reverent. I worship The One."
"Funny, I'm a Trinity sort of guy, myself. I sort of love the whole... family."
"Pfff, yeah right. That's fucked." He was grinning.
"And you love it."
"And I love it. Love... you." His tender vulnerability, his naked honesty, were hard to withstand. I was quivering a little.
Hearing the actual words sort of shocked me. It seemed like a mantle had just been placed onto me. I had to stop and look at that for a second. No. No, the mantle was already there, had already been there, had grown there while I wasn't looking. He was just the first one to speak its name.
"I'm sorry," I said. "That I didn't get to say that first. I guess I didn't know what to call it. I thought I was just going crazy. I have been, really. I've been going crazy. I'm walking around bumping into things. I feel like I need to be close to you all the time. Closer. I feel like I can't get close enough. I can't do my homework. Nothing's real but you. I wish I could say it better."
"Hush. Just shut the fuck up and kiss me again. Boyfriend."
Later, he asked me for something personal, some item of clothing, that he could hold, touch, when I wasn't around. I was looking through my closet, when I turned to say something. He had an old flannel shirt he'd pulled from my laundry. He was holding it against his chest with one arm, holding a big fistful to his nose. It was thrilling and heartbreaking and sweet, all at once.
"Do you want me to wash that?" I asked.
No boy laser now. He just shook his head. Just a tiny shake. Somehow that made it real.