Date: Sun, 29 Jun 2003 09:16:13 -0700 (PDT)
From: Da Sun <mkrann@yahoo.com>
Subject: Angel Eyes

I guess it started when I was a young boy. I used to stay with my aunt and
uncle down south, because my mother had a drug problem. I didn't stay with
my father because he wasn't ready to be a man yet. Although I was born in
the city, I was raised in the country for the majority of my childhood. I
remember first moving down into their home in the country. A small town in
South Carolina with a population that was close knit. Although black people
had rights, there was still the underlying tension of race relations.

My Uncle James and Aunt Bertha (I called her Ant Bert) had three sons
Junior, Raymond, and Dante. All three of them were older then me, and
definitely well fed. I moved with my aunt and uncle when I was seven. It
didn't bother me moving with my aunt and uncle, because I really did have
fun with my cousins during our family reunions. So when I moved with them I
was cool. Living with them was a change of pace for me. They got up earlier
then I would in the city, and I had to toughen up.

My aunt would say 'Derrick, I need to put some meat on them bones. Women
like healthy men.' Then she'd send me outside to play. I knew earlier in
life that I liked boys, but I never acted on it. I just chilled out with my
feelings.

It started when I was in the fifth grade. I was ten, and I had a friend by
the name of Barry. Barry was cool with me. He was also ten, smart, and
average looking. I would say his best qualities were his eyes and his
smile. He had a very bright smile, and whenever he smiled his eyes would
twinkle. I liked being with Barry, because we would always go on adventures
and we'd talk about everything. As we grew up and moved on to middle
school, I noticed that he was different. He wasn't into girls, and he
basically stayed to himself. By the seventh grade, things had really
started to change between Barry and I. I was becoming popular, because I
was active in sports. Then one day I came to school, and Barry was
gone. This hit me kind of hard, because I really did like him as a
friend. I wasn't thinking about sex at that time, but I knew I preferred
being around him for some reason. I was overprotective of him, and got
jealous is he gave the attention that I felt was mine to someone or
something else. Now I was thinking about sports and wrestling, and shit
like that. About the middle of the year, I was being picked on by this guy
name Antoine. Antoine was the bad boy of the school. He would threaten to
beat me up if I didn't give him my snack money. Plus if I told he was going
to get me back eventually, so I decided to go along with giving him the
dollar I used for snacks. One day after gaining enough courage, I refused
to give him my snack money. Then he punched me right in the nose. Busted my
shit right in the hallway. I didn't even stay in the school. I ran home
crying, and my pride was fucked up. I was embarrassed and ashamed. One
thing my Uncle James didn't play was 'being a punk.' He was so angry with
me that he beat my ass for coming home crying. Afterwards, he made my
cousins 'toughen me up.' From then on my cousins and I did 'boy things'
Afterwards they made me beat Antoine's ass. With time they toughened me up,
and we'd always lift weights, and eventually little Derrick Johnson was now
thick and buff.

By the time, I was in the ninth grade I was popular with the girls, and
feared by most guys. I had gotten the reputation as a bully, because I
learned to like to fight. I wasn't a talker; I just swung, and knocked the
shit out of people. I still couldn't beat two of my cousins, Junior and
Dante, but Raymond I could handle easily.

At the age of 14, I was very toned for my age. My chest had gotten
bigger. I had the stretch marks to prove it. My legs were thick, and my
arms were nice and thick. I had developed my teenage body by working out
with my cousins, wrestling, playing football, playing basketball, and by
working for neighbors plowing fields and stuff. I wasn't fully-grown, but I
was definitely noticeable. I guess I was good looking, but I didn't fucking
care about my looks as long as I had peoples respect. I remember the first
time I was expelled from high school. I got into a fight with my English
teacher, and in his attempt to try to remove me from class he pushed me. I
automatically knocked the shit out of him. After the school officers and
students separated us, I knew I was in deep shit with my uncle. The
principal bounced my ass out of school without hesitation. I had to go with
my uncle to the Board of Education in order to be reinstated into school.
That's when I was transferred to Dulaney High School. Since my Aunt and
Uncle didn't play me getting bad grades I did my work in school, and I made
good grades. My uncle said that I had a temper like my father, but I didn't
want to be compared to him because I didn't think of him as being a good
person to resemble in any aspect. I looked up to my uncle, because in my
eyesight he was the perfect man. He kept all of us in check while keeping
my aunt happy. He took care of all of his responsibilities plus had time to
spend with all of us. My Uncle James was just cool like that.

I entered Dulaney High School carrying an attitude that said 'don't fuck
with me.' It seemed that in my effort to not be a punk, I had become an
asshole only at school though. When I was home, I was happy and
talkative. While I was at school, I was often considered mean. I never
smiled, and I was always serious. I think my attitude came partially from
the fact that I knew I was gay. I knew that most people thought of gay men
as punks and sissies, and I wasn't gonna let anyone think of me as a punk
or a sissy. So I didn't let motherfuckers at school take me as a play
toy. I put my peers in there place. With this type of attitude I had only a
few friends, buy they respected me. I didn't want a whole lot of
friends. The friends I had were all that I needed.

When I first arrived at Dulaney High as I said before I came with an
attitude, and I established that I didn't take bullshit so don't fuck with
me. I went to my homeroom class, and took my seat in the back. As students
started to flock in I couldn't help but notice this very effeminate guy. He
was standing at the door, and he was holding his book close to his chest
like the girl he was with. I shook my head, and put my head down. I was
thinking 'I hope his ass don't sit next to me.' More students came in, and
I was deep in my thoughts.

"Oh my goodness...long time, no see," a soft male voice stated. I looked up
and almost shit myself.

It was Barry, and he was different. His curly jet-black hair made him look
even more feminine. If you added titties to him, he would be a girl. I mean
he didn't have any masculine features other then the fact that he had a
very thin mustache. I was shocked as well as nervous. I didn't want people
to associate him with me, so I coldly said ' hey was sup.'

"Well it looks as if we are going to be classmates again. It's been such a
long time, and so much has changed." he said still standing there with his
books clutched close to his chest.

"Yeah...I can see that." I said now digging through my bag trying to act
like I was busy looking for something. He turned around and sat right in
front of me. I was thinking 'damn, damn, damn.'

It wasn't that I didn't like Barry, but I didn't know what to say. He was a
punk, and everyone knew it. He didn't mind the way he acted, but I did. It
made me feel uncomfortable. I later realized that it took more courage for
him to be out the closet then it did beating up people. School was cool,
and I found out that I had five out of seven classes with Barry. I also
found out the one of the classes that we shared was gym. Gym was the class
I excelled the most at. When I was changing I couldn't help but wonder if
Barry would sneak peeks at guys in the shower. I changed quickly, and went
upstairs to the gym with the other classmates. My teacher Mr. Atkins made
us do five minutes of stretching, twenty push- ups, twenty sit-ups, forty
squats, and then ten laps around the gym. Afterwards, we were divided into
two teams, and we had the begining of our class Olympics. I didn't know
that what they were all about, because this was something that had been
explained to the rest of the class in the beginning of the year. I arrived
during the second semester, so I had to jump right into the schoolwork were
everyone else was at. As we called off by twos and fell into teams, I
couldn't help but notice that Barry wasn't as enthused about participating
in the class as everyone else was. We had divided into Blue Team and Red
Team. Unfortunately, Barry was on my team. I was chosen as our team's
captain, and I must admit that I am extremely competitive. I hate fucking
losing especially at sports. With my cousins always playing sports and
physically challenging shit, I was used to being physically active. On the
first day, we had to play volleyball. Now I am good at most sports, but
volleyball wasn't one of them. I still knew the object of the game, and I
knew how to play it. I just wasn't as used to playing it as basketball or
football. We started the game, and Barry was at the net. I called that
position the spiking area, because you could spike the ball and knock the
shit out people with it. The game went to the score of fifteen, and we were
tied with the red team 10 to 10. I was serving, and my team was positioned
as they should be. I wanted to score with my serves, because I didn't want
them to save the ball. During an earlier part of the game, I got really
angry with Barry, because he was slow and he was afraid to get hit. I
really didn't want the ball to come in his direction, because he didn't hit
the ball instead he would duck and cover his head. Although it was just a
game, I wanted to win, and here he was acting like a pussy. Thankfully we
did win the first day and earned our bonus points for that day, but Barry
was clearly going to be a problem if I wanted my team to win in class. At
the end of the period, I showered and I noticed Barry sitting alone by
himself. I didn't think anything of it until I noticed that when everyone
left, he took his shower. The last bell of the day, and I walked down the
hallway to the front door.

"Hey was sup, buddy." Barry said cheerfully walking beside me.

"Nuttin " I said keeping my eyes in front of me.

"I had fun in gym today. I am not as good as you are in sports, but you
were always more athletic then me. I still had a good time though." Barry
said giving me a punch on the shoulder.

I thought quickly of an excuse to get away from him, because my cousins
would be meeting me and I didn't want them to get any ideas. I had heard
them speak of a gay guy that they used to beat up on the regular. He would
never fight them back, and my uncle didn't like gay people period. If a gay
man was in his presence, he'd make a face like he was disgusted, and then
he would go in the opposite direction. My aunt didn't mind gay men; she
just called them sissies and would laugh with them and then laugh at them.
Here it is my once bestfriend was as womanly as she was. He was
coordinated, he had two little diamond earrings, and he swayed his hips
when he walk which made his ass (which was plump) jiggle from left to
right. I knew damn well I had to keep my distance. So I made up an excuse
that separated us. Part of me felt bad, because Barry and I were very
close. He was the only one that understood me, and accepted me as I was
back in the day. Yet I still couldn't come to adjust to this new side of
him. I was afraid of being a part of his world, because I didn't want
people to judge me. I didn't want people to disrespect me as they
disrespected Barry even though he acted as if nothing fazed him. When I saw
him sitting alone inside the gym waiting for everyone to leave, I knew that
his world was chaos. I could feel it. I turned just before I went home, and
watched Barry walking alone with his head down. I felt bad inside, but I
couldn't fathom how he felt.

That night after dinner and homework, I listened to my radio and couldn't
help but wonder about how life was actually for Barry. Although he seemed
happy, my intuitions were telling me different. Whatever it was, I placed
it at the back of my mind and went to sleep.

The next day things continued on and Barry was as jipper as ever. I noticed
how most of the boys would say things degrading to him, and he never said
anything to them. One in particular by the name of Roland always seemed to
have something to say about him. Roland was fucked up in the head, but he
didn't bother me. It just angered me to see him fuck with Barry, but
worrying about Barry wasn't my responsibility so I ignored what was going
on. Even though it was going on right in front of me, and Barry considered
me his friend.

"Was Sup Derrick, you ready for gym today," Barry said smiling and acting
as if nothing had happened.

"Yeah, I am ready to win. By the way if we have to play volleyball, don't
be afraid of the ball. It won't hurt if you hit the ball first." I said
thinking back to the day before.

"Boy..you are crazy. I will give it my all today okay." he said smiling and
walking pass me.

As I watched him leave, I couldn't help but look at his little plump ass
moving from left to right. I would hate for him to go to jail. His ass
invited trouble cause it was just 'PHAT'. I had to catch myself, so I
turned and acted as if I was disgusted to keep up my front. The day
progressed swiftly, and even though I knew what was going on...my day
didn't start until gym. I ran to the locker room, changed my clothes, and
was in the gym in a flash. Today we had relays. I was ready for this and I
pumped my team up..even Barry. I placed Barry last but I didn't realize the
err of my decision until I saw Roland stand next to Barry. Even though we
started off smoothely in the lead, the red team caught up with us.
Eventually we were under by one race. If Barry lost the last race we would
lose, but if he won the blue and red team would be tied. Which meant I
would have to run again, and I knew I would win. Barry and Roland took the
starting line, and the teacher call 'On your mark, get said, ...go'. Roland
took off like lightning, but to my astonishment Barry was right behind
him. Barry kept right up beside him, and when he turned the corner he sped
up. He kept speeding up as if he had more energy then the rest of us. I had
never seen someone run so damn fast. Not only did he leave Roland behind,
he wasn't even tired. I was amazed. Of course, I was pumped and I ran the
last race as if I won the Olympics for real. I shot across the finish line,
but I was still in shock about how fast Barry could run. Of course , Roland
didn't take it too lightly, and you could see that he wanted to make a big
issue out of it. I walked over to Barry, and as feminine as ever he
squealed and jumped around rambling at me.

"Barry, I am sure surprised you could run like that." I said giving him a
playful punch on the arm. I was really proud of him. He stood there
giggling, and our team was giving him high fives and even the teacher was
in shock.

The bell finally rung and every body went to the locker room to get changed
and ready for our last period. I noticed again that Barry was last to leave
the locker room. I went to my last period class, but Barry never showed
up. I knew he didn't cut class, because he made straight A's in every class
even Gym. Although he might not have excelled at the physical stuff, he
passed all assignments. One of his best qualities was the fact that he was
so damn intelligent. The last bell of the day, and I didn't see Barry
anywhere. Even though he had changed over the years, I still felt like I
should be there for him...to protect him in some kind of way. I did miss
him a lot, and I hated myself for being such an asshole. I figured he must
have left school early, but I told myself that I would make it up to Barry
by reestablishing our friendship as it was. He probably didn't even realize
it had been severed, but I knew what I had to do. I had to stop being an
asshole. I met my cousins at the school yard, and we walked home. I told
them about Barry and Gym. I even told them that I think he might be gay. Of
course, the gay part didn't sit to well, but because he was my friend they
didn't say anything bad about him. They all remembered him from elementary
scholl, and the strangest thing was they kind of figured he would grow up
to be gay. I couldn't tell back when I was younger, but they said they
could. We talked about school and girls and sneeking some of my uncle's
corn liquor. That night Ant Bert cooked up a storm, and we sat and ate and
laughed big time. I told them about Barry, and to my surprise my uncle
didn't say anything out of the way. Instead, he said I shouldn't go passing
no judgments on people. That's why I loved and respected my uncle so
much. He was an honorable man in my eyesight. Although he had biases, he
didn't try to push his beliefs on people. I told them that I was
uncomfortable around Barry at first, and my uncle wondered why. I told him
that I didn't want people to think that I was gay by hanging with Barry,
and he laid me out. He told me that I shouldn't go worrying about what
people say. He said if you gonna be a real man, you got to be able to walk
with all kinds of folks and talk with all kinds of folks. He even told me
that a few of his business buddies was gay, but he never minded doing
business with them. After talking with Uncle James at the dinner table I
really felt bad, because he was right. I shouldn't have judged Barry,
because of how he acted. If I was a true friend, I would accept him as he
is. Yet it dawned on me why I was really acting this way. It wasn't that I
didn't like Barry, the truth was that I knew I was gay and I was afraid he
would figure me out before everyone else. Even more was the fact that I was
attracted to Barry. I only put up a front for people, but deep down I had
strong feelings for Barry. That's why I was so hurt when he left, and
that's why I took itr so personal when Roland was picking on Barry. Well, I
didn't want to go and let everyone else know my revelation. I decided that
I was best the way I was, but I still could be friends with Barry. At
least, start off at that point. Barry wasn't a bad person, and I could talk
to him about anything. I had made up my mind that when I went to school the
next day, Barry and I was going to have a long talk.

The next day started off nice. I woke up to a big breakfast, and I got to
school in time to play some basketball before the bell wrong. I didn't see
Barry anywhere. I figured he was late. When the bell rung and I didn't see
Barry, I started to worry. I waited until homeroom before I asked about
Barry, but I didn't have to ask because the boys in class was already
discussing it. Apparently right after gym the day before, Roland and a few
boys decided to make Barry pay and they whooped him inside the locker
room. The boys said that they beat him good. They did say that Barry busted
Roland's nose, but they said that Roland and his friends made him pay big
time. I was seeing red by the end of the story. The guys that told me
didn't understand why I was so angry, but I knew. Barry was my friend, and
he had been beaten by some bullies. I should have been there to help him. I
felt like I had neglected my friend. I was very angry. By the end of the
day, I had heard the story over and over again. What really made me mad was
that Roland and his buddies were talking about it like it was so
funny. They didn't even get into that much trouble. They got detention, but
Barry was at home all bruised and busted up. I was boiling by last period,
and I could hardly wait for the last bell to ring.

When the bell rung, I stormed out of the door, down the hall, and I beat my
cousins to the schoolyard. I knew that Roland and his buddies walked a
couple of blocks in the same direction as me and my cousins. When my
cousins arrived they could tell I was mad.

"What the hell is wrong wit you." Junior said looking worried.

"Somebody messin' wit you in school agin" Dante said trying to get me to
tell what my problem was. Eventually, I told them.

"Roland and his boys fucked Barry up yesterday, and it was all cause he
beat 'em at relay racing." I said now getting even angrier. When I get mad
I start to cry, but that means big trouble for everybody else.

"Well what you gonna do? You fittin on fightin all three of dem boys by
yourself. Boy, you is mad." Raymond said looking at me as I handed my books
Junior.

"I am going after the ringleader. Yall make sure they don't try no slick
stuff. I can dust them off after I finish off Roland." I said coming out my
school shirt. Ant Bert didn't mind dirty dungarees, but she would cuss get
the switch is your shirt was all torn and messed up.

When I saw Roland I walked up to him, and I did what Uncle James told me
and my cousins in a fight. He told us that if you want to fight a man then
fight face to face, and do it fair. Uncle James was straight up like
that. He said that's how you can judge if you can really brawl.

I said, " Roland you like to pick on weak peoples how about you fightin me
since you and your boys beat up my friend."

He looked at his buddies and they started to laugh, cracking there
knuckles. That's when my cousins started cracking there knuckles.

I looked at him and said, " We can do this straight up or we can have a big
brawl, but we are gonna fight today. So what's it gonna be?"

He looked at his boys, and then me and said, "Aight tough blood, we gonna
do this straight up. And when I whoop you, me and my boys is gonna beat
Barry again for sickin you on us."

I started to think about Barry, and how his face might be all bruised
up. Tears started to well in my eyes, and Roland's boys started to laugh.

"He crying all ready" they said laughing. But when Roland put down his bags
and stode up I punched him right dead in the nose. And walloped him right
in th eye after that. I beat him good. He fought back, but he didn't do
anything awesome. I had some whelps across my face, and my lip was busted
but it wasn't swollen. He kept trying to wrestle me down to the ground, but
I was straight up boxing. I beat him for a good ten minutes. Towards the
end I started to slam him around on the ground. I figured if he tried to
get me after this whooping then he is really tough. I even scrapped his
face on the ground which put strawbeery burns on his cheeks. I dusted him
off big time. By the end of the fight, my knees was busted, and my elbows
was busted and I had a busted lip. Roland's face was black and blue. Both
his eyes was black, and he had bust a vessel in one. Then I busted his nose
and his lip. He looked like a bull had charged him. I walked home and Ant
Bert almost had a fit, but I told her what had happened. She looked me
over, and Uncle James looked at her then she told me to go get cleaned
up. When I came downstairs for dinner, I thought I was in deep trouble
cause everybody was so quiet. I knew my cousins had told Uncle James
everything detail by detail. I started to eat my food after grace and I
noticed Uncle James laughing.

"Well did you beat him good?" Ant Bert asked looking at me with a smile.

"Yes ma'm" I said as my Uncle James started to laugh.

We talked about it at dinner, and they said I could go over and see Barry
after dinner. I had an twelve o' clock curfew. That meant I had six hours
of free time. Barry lived on Fremont Street which was about ten minutes
away. After dinnner, I freshened up and put on after school clothes, and
walked over to Barry's house. On the way, I brought some soda pop and some
peanut brittle. I knew he loved peanut brittle. When I rung his doorbell,
his mother answered the door. She was surprised to see me. She quickly
invited me in, and by the way she acted Barry must never had any company. I
was preparing myslef to see my bestfriend. I just knew he was messed up big
time. When he ran down the stairs smiling, and not bruised up I looked
confused.

"Barry, you don't look like you been beat too bad to me" I said now wanting
to know what happened.

"I know. It's because I balled up. They didn't get my face. My back though
and my sides were bruised. They just ache now. What happened to you?" he
said touching my elbows.

"I heard that Roland and his boys jumped you. So I beat him up." I said now
feelng nervous.

"Why'd you do that?" he said looking confused.

"Because..." I said now starting to fidget with my hands.

Barry's mother stood listening, but when she saw that Barry was giving her
a 'get lost' look. She smiled and put on her nursing jacket then told us
she had to be at work early. She told Barry that he didn't have to go to
school if he didn't feel up to it, kissed him on the cheek, and then she
smiled at me as she locked the door on her way out. Barry walked into the
living room, and I stood at the door.

"Why are you still standing there? Come on in. Take a seat. Do you want
anything from the kitchen...some soda pop, lemonade, lemon meringue pie."
he said being a good host.

"Naw...I am cool" I said sitting on the sofa, and getting comfortable.

"Okay, so why did you beat Roland up?" he said now pressing me to tell him.

"Cause you are my friend, and he was wrong for doing it. I thought he
really busted you up, but you ain't really busted up like I thought you was
going to be." I said now wondering why I came over to see Barry. I felt
awkward. I felt like I was about to ask Barry out on a date.

"Well, thank you Derrick. I didn't expect this." he sitting on the sofa
next to me.

"Oh by the way, I brought you a root beer,and some peanut brittle. I
remember peanut brittle being your favorite." I said handing him the candy
and the soda pop.

"Derrick, can I ask you something?" he said looking sad all of a sudden.

"Yeah, go right on a ahead. What?" I said relaxing as I watched the
television.

"Do you know why they beat me up?" he asked me now lookng at the televion.

"Yeah, because you won at relay." I said as if I was right.

"No, Derrick that's not it." he said not looking away from the television
screen.

"Well then why...whatever it is, you didn't deserve being beaten up." I
said trying to boost his esteem.

"Maybe I do...they beat me because I am...I am...because I'm gay" he said
and it was as if the room got silent. No it was like the town got silent. I
didn't say a word, I just absorbed the silence into me. I didn't know what
to say or what to do, but I had to make a good decision. I decided that I
was going to be a man.

"I already know that. I hope you don't think I didn't know that. Like I
said it still doesn't give them the right to beat you up." I said feeling a
sensation run through my body. Like I was doing a good thing.

"Derrick you amaze me. I missed you so much. I wish we never separated. I
am glad you are back though." he said now relaxing and punching me on the
shoulder.

"Hey don't be beating me up, I didn't do anything wrong." I said pushing
him back playfully.

"I know you didn't. I just...I ...I love you." he said.

"I know you do...I love you too. We friends...no need getting all mushy." I
said not taking what he said too seriously.

"No...Derrick. Not like that. I really do love you." he said.

"I know that..you mean as a friend ...right." I said looking
confused. There was a long pause, and he exhaled.

"No...I don't mean as a friend. I mean I am in love with you. I love you."
he said now looking away as if looking for something or someone.

"Barry...I don't know what to say...I mean...damn...why me. When did this
happen? How do you know? You don't even know me anymore. Gosh, this is
crazy." I said now feeling the sweat build in my hands. I was
nervous. No..I was scared because I didn't know what to say or do.

"I've always had feelings for you. I left because my mother had divorced my
father, and she took me away with her. When he got remarried, and moved to
Chicago she decided to move back. I used to always think about you, and
when I left I was so depressed that I never made any more friends. My
mother put me into counselling, but I never made friends. It was in
counselling that she found out that I was gay, and that I was in love with
you. That's why she reacted the way she did when she saw you. She moved me
back here in hopes that I could make some new friends and move on. When I
got to Dulaney High, I remembered a few folks from elementary school. They
treated me okay, but I never considered anyone my friend. My feminine
nature made me stick out, so I always had problems with the boys. Teachers
loved me though. When I saw you in school the other day, I went into shock,
but I really didn't want to seem like a dumbass. I noticed that you had
changed, and I figured you probably didn't want to deal with me because I
was ...you know. When I told my mother that you were back, she wanted to
transfer me immediately. She didn't want me to get that depressed, but I
lied and told her that I had gotten over that stage in my life. So right
now, I am doing this so that I won't be regretting that I never said
anything. I know you might want to leave, and that is okay. I just feel
good that I said what I had to say. So if you going to leave then...I just
want you to know that I loved you as a friend and I am sorry that I am so
fucked up." he said not looking at me. I could see he was crying, but he
never looked away from the television.

When I got to Dulaney High School, I knew I was going to change but this
was like a soap opera. I was quiet for what seemed like forever. I had
procesed my thoughts, and I knew that I was about to make the right
decision. I got up...walked to the door then I hung up my jacket. When I
sat back down, he turned and looked at me. It was at that moment that I
realized that I loved him too. His eyes had a sparkle that I wanted to
have. They looked so innocent and bright. I began to speak in a voice that
was thick with nervousness and emotion.

"I..I..I understand and I am okay with how you feel. I..think I feel the
same way..no. I do feel the same way, but I don't know what to do. I missed
you like you missed me, and I fought Roland because I love you. I didn't
want you to be hurt, and I felt like I should have been there to protect
you. I know we are young, but I know what I feel right now, and these
butterlflies in my stomach is telling me that I am feeling the right
thing. Barry, I don't know how this thing works...but I know...I don't even
know what I know." Then I did the dumbest thing...I asked him for a sheet
of paper and a pen. He was still misty eyed, but I didn't know what to say
so I decided to write it out.:

DO YOU WANT TO GO WITH ME? [ ] YES

                                                   [ ] NO

                                                   [ ] MAYBE I DON't
KNOW!!!  check one

I gave him the sheet of paper, and he looked at it. Then he looked at me,
and we both burst out laughing. Then without any warning he kissed me on
the lips, and it felt like time stopped. I have to admit that I had kissed
plenty of girls, but never in my life a boy. At first, it was just a long
peck, but I wanted more. I pushed passed his lips with my tongue, and I
kissed him like he was a girl. I was french kissing Barry, and it felt
good. I could taste the root beer in his mouth, and his lips was so soft. I
didn't know what I was doing, but I was following my instincts. I pulled
him unto my lap, and he didn't fight me off. He kissed back deeply, and
then he broke away. We both looked at each other.

"What are we doing?" he said looking im my eyes breathing heavily.

"I don't know...but do we have to stop?" I asked letting my desires take
over.

"I don't know what to do. I have never been with anybody. Have you?" he
asked sounding like a little kid.

"Yeah...I been with a couple of girls. I mean we don't have to do
anything. I don't know what to do either. I am just going with the flow." I
said now doubting if we were doing the right thing. I didn't want to do
anything that would hurt him, or make us feel too awkward.

Barry looked at the clock and it read nine o' clock.

"What time you got to be home?" he asked standing up and grabbing my hands
pulling me off of the sofa.

"I got to be home about twelve. Why?" I asked as he led me upstairs.

"I just wanted to make sure you had enough time." he said leading me to his
room.

"Enough time to do what?" I said smiling mischiefly.

"Enough time to do me" he said as he turned and pulled me to him for
another kiss.

This time he moaned, and we both fell on his bed. I don't know what we were
feeling, but after ten minutes of kissing we were both pulling at each
others clothes. He was sucking on my chest, and though I am dark brown
skin. I can still get love marks on my body, and he definitely was putting
some on my neck. I was about to make him stop, but then I didn't mind. I
allowed him to do what he wanted to do to me. I moaned slightly as he
sucked harder on my neck. Barry kissed me as if he was worshipping my body,
and that made me feel good. I couldn't help but place him in the same
category as I did the girls I was with, but he was special. I could feel
the love in his touch. I couldn't believe that he was on top of me
straddled in the buff. All we had on was our socks and underwear, and I was
damn near out of my underwear. My dick was leaking onto my navel and I was
over excited. Barry's body was so soft, and I wanted to just ravage it. I
just wanted to hear him panting my name, and begging me for more. We
wrestled as we kissed rolling over back and forth unto one another. He
started to kiss me down my body,and started to lick my navel. Then he
pulled my dick out and started to kiss the head of my dick. I was already
hard, but when he started to suck on my dick I got as hard as a rock. It
started to hurt. I noticed that he was getting my dick real wet with his
spit, and it felt real good but I didn't want to cum that way. I wanted to
put my dick inside of him. I mean my dick was 8 inches and fat. I must have
gotten that from my father. Barry's dick was like 7 inches which was
cool. I wasn't about to suck his dick, but I did massage it. He shuddered
like he had felt a chill going up his spin. He sucked my dick with so much
passion. I though for a minute he was going to bite me cause he was going
crazy. I had to make him stop, because it was feeling too good. I was about
to shoot all down his throat. I pushed his head away, and he looked
worried. When I pulled him up to me and kissed him, he understood what was
going on. I moved on top of him, and we began to grind each others dicks. I
laid my head on his shoulder and grabbed his waist as I began to really
grind my dick into his. He started to really get into it, but I wanted his
ass.

"Barry can I fuck you?" I asked in a tone almost inaudible. My voice
dripped with lust, and though I asked him I wasn't taking 'no' for an
answer. He looked up at me, and I fell into his gaze. I didn't even let him
say yes. I had his knees pressed to his chest, and I was letting big globs
of spit run out my mouth unto his little asshole. Everytime my spit dropped
unto his ass, his little hole would contract and release. I could tell that
he wanted it just as bad. I pushed my dick against his hole, and he
clinched his eyes shut pulling it through his teeth.

"Derrick, please if it hurts and I say stop...stop alright" he said looking
scared.

"Yeah...you know I won't hurt you. I promise to stop if it starts hurting."
I said trying to reassure him that it wouldn't hurt.

He smiled then lifted to kiss me. We kissed and I proceeded to push my dick
against his hole. After minutes of prodding, the head of my dick finally
penetrated his hole. He grabbed my shoulders, and I allowed him to grip my
arms as I started to push inside of him deeper. I went really slowly,
because he was very, very tight. I didn't want to split or tear
something. I was nervous, but I was horny as hell too. I was picturing him
and I as a married couple on our honeymoon or playing mother and
father. Barry was the mother, and I was the father. I started to kiss him,
and this time the kiss had a different feeling. I pushed deeper into his
hole, and his legs tightened around my waist, and his nails dug deeper into
my back. I got excited and thrusted the rest of my dick in, and he broke
our kiss to let out a yelp. The sensation of being inside of him was
extraordinary. I had to slow down, because the tightness and the warmth of
him was making me too excited. I was ready to cum within minutes. His eyes
had this glazed look, and I couldn't help but stop just to look inside of
them. It was like his eyes were windows, and if I looked hard enough I
could see another reality.

"Am I hurting you?" I asked concerned if I was doing it right.

"Yeah, it hurts, but I don't want you to stop" he said biting his lower lip
absorbing the first pains of being deflowered.

"Okay...I am going to take it easy." I said but I knew that this was a
lie. I was going to fuck him.

I started to pull out of him, and he moaned softly. I knew by the way he
started to moan that he was not going to do this silently. That intensified
my feelings, and I began to dive back into his virgin hole. His serenade of
moans and groans had started. I started to through my back into my fucking,
and he began to go crazy. The louder he got, the harder I fucked. I didn't
want to stop. Everytime I felt like I was cumming I would slow down or
stop. After about fifteen minutes of stop and go, I started to fuck him
like I wanted to. I have to admit, I was kissing and sucking on his neck
like a mad man. It felt so fucking good that I knew we was wrong. It had to
be, because his ass was extraordinary. I started to thrust in his ass with
so much strength and passion that he started to scream. I couldn't help
it. We were making so much noise that I just knew we were going to get
caught. He had this wild look in his eyes, and all I could do was stare
into them. Then he started to tremble as if he was having a nervous
breakdown. I was slamming into his ass, and his dick was shooting streams
of cum between us. The pulsating sensation of his asshole around my dick
sent me over the edge. I let out the loudest moan ever, and his body was
pressed against the head board of his bed. I buried a load inside of him
that I knew was enormous. When I looked down into his eyes, I could see
that he was crying softly.

"What's the matter," I asked, "Did I hurt you?"

"Yes...it hurted...but..." he stoped midway and closed his eyes, "I want
you to do it again. It felt good too."

I gave him a peck on his lips, then I got up because I had to piss. He
followed me to the bathroom and washed up. I stode there watching him, and
I got hard instantly. It was like within minutes I was ready to go
again. As he was reaching for another towel in the closet, I came up behind
him and grabbed his ass. Before he even protested, I was pushing my dick
into his freshly fucked ass. It was still wet inside, and he pushed his ass
back onto my dick. I pressed his body against the door of the closet, and
we fucked hard. Before I knew it, we were on the floor. He was on all fours
and I was behind him slamming my dick into his ass. He was as loud as he
was before, but this time he was more energetic.

"Ohhh shitt, Derrick. Oh my goodness. What the fuck are you doing to me?"
he yelled as he started to cum all over the floors. I drove my dick iinside
him harder, and I guess because he came it felt even more intense. He
started trying to control my thrusts, but I put his arms in a lock and
began slamming his ass with my dick. He screamed begging me to stop, but
pressing his ass up against my pelvis. Eventually I started to paint his
insides with my cum. I laid on top of him with my dick still in his ass. We
stayed there for a couple of minutes. Then we both washed up, and went to
his room and laid down. Within minutes, I was fast asleep. I slept so
peacefully, and comfortably that I forgot I had to be home at twelve o'
clock. It was twelve thirty, and I jumped up out of bed in a hurry. Barry
was laughing, but he didn't want me to get into trouble. He offered to call
my house, but my aunt would have cussed him out, so I told him that he
didn't have to call for me. He put on a robe, and walked me to the
door. When I was leaving out the door he had this sad face, and I knew he
didn't want me to go. I opened the door, and he was about to shut the door
when I turned around and gave him another kiss. I kissed him like he was my
'babies mama'. He started to blush then I ran my ass home.

When I opened the door, Ant Bert ws waiting for me in the kitchen. I walked
in and quickly apologized. Uncle James was upstairs in the bedroom like he
was asleep, but I knew that he wasn't asleep.

"Derrick, where in the hell have you been boy. It's almost one o' clock."
she said looking at me kind of funny.

"I was over Barry's house all this time. We got caught up, and I wasn't
paying attention to the time." I said hoping that she would let me off the
hook. I thought that it worked, because she told me to go to bed. Just as I
was about to give her a hug and a kiss she stopped, then stepped back and
tilted my head to the side. I almost shitted myself right then.

"Baby, what's those marks on your neck. The purplish marks on your neck."
she said with this look in her eyes like she just caught a burglar. I
didn't say anything, I went into shock.

"Ant Bert I think they might have come from the fight earlier." I said
thinking quickly.

"Ohh okay..." she kissed me and as we were walking upstairs she said 'Next
time when you are fighting...try to make it in before your curfew or I am
going to give you a real bruise.' I turned and looked in shock. She smiled
and winked then slapped me lightly and said "take your ass to bed."

That night I slept like and angel. That year I began a new journey. I
started a new school. Rehashed and old friendship, and created a love
story. Barry and I eventually became inseparable. Hours turned into
days...days turned into weeks...weeks turned into months and months turned
into years. Barry and I loved hard through all sorts of drama...on and off
relationship, two apartments and eventually a house.


Through The Rays Of My Sunshine To The Flowers Of Your Heart...

I send you love.

                 Bleu Waters