Angel of Mine: Chapter 11
I can not believe what I had done to Adam, my one and only true love. I won't believe it. Had I just ruined 7 years of friendship, which couldn't be accounted for in anyway. They were priceless...more valuable than any jewel, or money. He means more to me than words can say, more than I can express. It's a feeling that your partner can feel, without having to say it, but knowing that it's there makes life worth living. What can I do to make things right? I had hurt him, and simply knowing that made me want to die. But I had to show him in some way that I still cared, still loved him, and forever will. I would do anything to have things back the way they were. But I know that can never be...I had betrayed his trust, betrayed his heart...and the very thought of it makes me feel like there's a knife being stabbed into my chest. This is a wound that will never heal, no matter how much I try. Adam didn't want to have anything to do with me, and I could harldy blame him. It was my fault. I gave in too easily to temptation. I never thought I would do something as horrendous as this, but I had...and now I was paying the ultimate price for my crime. And it hurt. God did it hurt!
I made my way throught the empty streets, the darkness and loneliness accompanying me home. The only light were the street lights which I passed every now and then. I tried to keep to the shadows, where I now belonged. I didn't deserved to be seen in the light of day, not even the light of the steet lamps. The wind blew at me, sending shivers all over my body...the same way it would when Adam blew on my chest. Only the wind was cold, Adam was full of warmth and love. I shake my head, and contintue walking, head down at the ground. I didn't know what to do. Adam didn't want to have anything to do with me. Do I leave him alone, and give him the space he needs which shows that I respect what he wants and I don't want to push him away any further than I already have? Or do I pursue him, and show how sorry I am, by any means showing that I don't want to lose him no matter what? I'm analysing this all too much. I should just let it be for now, but my heart is too ill at ease. It didn't want to let go, and it won't. I walked home.
I walked into the house, which was so much warmer than it was outside, and I took to the warmth very quickly. Without anyone noticing I dragged up the stairs and into my room. I really didn't have the strength to talk to anyone at the moment. Not now. Boy, was I surprised when I entered my room. There was Max sitting on my bed waiting for me. I don't know why he was here, there was no reason for him to be here. I had basically used him in such a way that he probably would have never wanted to see me again. Why would he be here inside my room right now? For all I knew, he was probably here to take my life, since I had ruined his. He looked up at me slowly, with a look I could only describe as anger. I could only look back at him with sadness. I wanted to tell him how sorry I was, but I knew he didn't want to hear it. "You're mum let me in," he said softly. At least I felt better, it didn't sound like he was here to kill me. I nodded to him, before laying my eyes nervously at the ground unsure of what to say or what to do.
I closed the door behind me as I entered my room, and lay my jacket over the chair at my computer desk. I sat down, wishing that he would do whatever it was that he was here to do, whether it was to kill me, scold me, or whatever. I could take it. After the rejection I got from Adam, I could take whatever else the world had to offer. Nothing could hurt me more than the hatred I got from Adam. Nothing. "James...you...you really hurt me," he started, breaking that uneasy silence that was so nerve racking. "I...I know...and I'm sorry," I said in a voice that almost cracked, just above a whisper. I should've have jumped the boy from behind for making my life what it was now...but I didn't have the energy in me to put up a fight. Not to even argue. And besides...he's a victim in this, an innocent bystander who happened to get caught up in it all. I was the true monster in all this. Temptation got the best of me.
"You're sorry? You have no idea how much you hurt me..." he started, his voice never raising to anything above the normal volume. "Yes I do..." I replied. I had to say something at that stage...because how could I not understand? How could I not understand the pain, the hurt? It's all there, and I was feeling it right now! And God knows how much longer this feeling was going to be there? How much longer would I have to live with this until it made me crazy? "What?" he replied curiously. "Let me tell you something Max...Love is something that is indescribable with words. It's what you feel here," I pointed to my heart. "And...Love can either take you to a place of Heaven...or Hell," I continued. He had to learn about this from someone at sometime, and although he probably wouldn't have wanted to hear about it from me, I wanted to tell him. So he wouldn't get hurt, ever again...like I had been.
"And you've made mine a Hell..." he said coldly, to which I couldn't reply. "Well...we're even now," I said after a long silence. He gave me a quizzical look, and I got up from my chair and walked over to the window and leaned against the frame staring out at the stars which seemed to shine so brightly. I wondered if he would ever forgive me? And if he did, would he want me back? Could he ever trust me again? I wanted to make a wish to the stars and hope that that wish would come true...or were the stars against me now too? "What do you mean? What could you have been through that could be any worse than--" he started, but I didn't let him finish.
"Adam...he..." I couldn't bring myself to say it. Just the very thought brought tears to my eyes, and I swallowed the lump in my throat, "Adam doesn't want me anymore." And with that said, I felt a tear come down my face as I closed my eyes shut for a moment, hoping that when I opened them, I would wake up and this would be a nightmare that Adam and I would laugh about tomorrow. But I opened them, and the tears were replaced with more which I let run down my face. Max hadn't had any reply to that, and so I thought I'd take this opportunity to explain it all. "Adam...he found the...(sniff), the hickey you gave me. And then...(sob), he just didn't want me at all..." And I fell down with my back against the wall, my knees pulled up as I drowned the tears into my jumper. "I'm sorry Max, I really am..." but I doubt he would have understood what I was saying as I was sobbing uncontrollably.
What I didn't expect to find next was Max cradling me, and it wasn't until my crying had toned down a bit that I looked up and found him with tears in his eyes too. He looked at me and said in a whisper, "I'm sorry..." "No Max," I shook my head, "...it was my fault. I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you." "I didn't mean to do...to get you..." he searched for the right words, careful not to send me into a fit of tears. I nodded my head, "I know Max, I know. But don't blame yourself...it wasn't your fault. It was mine. I shouldn't have done what I did with you while in a relationship." It wasn't his fault at all! "I can't help but think, I broke you two up," he said with a worried look on his face, "I mean...I..." "Max, listen to me. It wasn't your fault..." I said placing a hand on his shoulder to comfort him.
"I was...I was seducing you yesterday y'know..." he said again worriedly, with scared look on his face. The boy probably expected me to start beating him up or something at that moment, but I didn't. I wouldn't. "I know," I replied, to which he finally relaxed knowing that I knew. What's done is done, and there's no point on looking back because there was nothing I could do to change the past. I could only look to the future, and focus on how to fix the problem rather than dwelling upon it. "And you're good at it..." I said with a slight smile. He looked at me surprised at first, but then I saw him smile. Something I thought I'd never see again. And it made me feel good inside knowing that in some strange twisted way, I had sorted out a little of my problems. The healing would take place over time, and knowing that we would get there gave me some sense of hope again.
"So...so we're cool?" he asked, waiting for my reply. I looked deep into his eyes, and I knew he had in some way forgiven me, and I had done the same for him. "Friends," I said offering my hand, to which he shook. He let out a sigh of relief, and helped me to my feet. "Max, why don't you stay the night?" I offered him an invitation to show that everything was alright. He looked at me with such a look that only I would have been able to interpret. "Max, you're sleeping on the floor..." I said to confirm my invitation, with a smile. "Oh! Oh...yeah! Yeah, sure...I'd love to..." he replied laughingly. "I'll just call my mum up and tell her ok?" I said ok, and let him use the phone in my room while I told my mum that he would be spending the night. It was late already, and I bet we were both dead tired.
His mum agreed, and he was jumping with joy like a child which reminded me of myself, and how childish I could be at times. It was fun, being able to act the way you feel without people criticising you. How you were expected to act at a certain age. It was silly. But Max was able to express himself in whatever way he felt necessary, and I took note on that quality which I admired so much. After that phone call, it we were basically in bed already due to our tired states. Like most sleep-overs, you end up doing very little of that thing called 'sleeping'. A quiet conversation started stirring between us. I lay there on my bed, my eyes closed. I couldn't keep them open any longer.
"Can...can I ask you...something?" he asked.
"Do you think you and Adam will....y'know..."
"I dunno...I hope so..." I said. At that moment my heart was suddenly filled with all that hope of me and Adam getting back together.
"I think you will....you really loved each other huh?" he asked.
"We did..." I smiled a little to myself in the dark. "I don't know what to do with myself now..."
"If you two really loved each other that much, I'm sure you'll get back together..."
"He doesn't trust me anymore...why would he want me back?"
"Because he still loves you. You can't just stop loving someone just like that. It doesn't work that way...he still loves you. He always will," Max said to me.
"Go to sleep Max..." I said in a nice tone. But in some strange way, his words of wisdom did make sense to me. It just didn't seem possible that you could just stop loving someone at will. The heart wants what the heart wants, and like me, I want nothing more than to have the love of my life with me, to care for me and love me, just like I would do for him. And I have no doubt that Adam feels the same way. I had to let the pain pass, so he could find it in his heart to forgive me. But everyday I have to live without him by my side, was bad enough to think about let alone live through. He probably hated me right now, but the love was there. It had to be.
The days passed and I became more and more depressed as my love tried to stay away from me, keeping the distance between us as far as possible. Both physically and mentally. There is nothing on this earth that can hurt me more than that. I couldn't help but look at him at the opposite side of the room from me, looking at his beauty. And in that beauty, I could see the hurt and pain I had caused him as he silently crawled into a shell that he had never carried before. And I was alone, physically and mentally. Stacy had taken to comforting Adam, almost mothering him, and all I could do was watch. But that didn't matter...I only hoped that what Stacy was doing for Adam was actually helping him in some way. But my loneliness was enough to make me realise how much I needed him...and my friends. Robbie stuck with Adam, and I could only guess that Stacy had told him what had happened. About the both of us. He didn't seem to have a problem with it as he did stay with Adam, but still thought, he hadn't said a word to me.
Come to think of it, none of them have. Stacy hadn't spoke to me since that night when I visited her at her house when Adam was there. Maybe Adam was needing all that comforting...yeah, he was. I had put him through Hell...but so have I. Adam needed more comforting, that's all. I couldn't blame him...I was the bad guy in all this. I'd look at Adam, and he'd have this blank expression on his face, the sadness had taken over him completely. And that made me feel like shit. I don't want to look away, but I have to. I couldn't bare to see him like this, it made me want to cry. How could I make this right? What could I do? There had to be something...anything! Sigh...give him time.
It was difficult to concentrate during class...my thougts dwelled on him completely. I need him so badly...so badly that it hurt me all over. Love is truely a powerful thing...it completely overwhelms your body with thoughts of the special one. It's all you can think about. But my love is mixed with pain, and your thoughts are twice as strong. I miss him so much. I look over at Adam, to check if he's looking at me maybe. Adam's head is down looking at his text book, and Stacy gives me a look, to tell me to look away. I close my eyes for a brief second with all that pain, and turn away from him. It hurt so much...oh God, it hurt!
This awkward situation brought Max and I closer together though. We hung out at luchtimes, as Adam, Stacy and Robbie really didn't take to me. I mean, I couldn't be around Adam could I? And they were there for him 24/7. But I missed having them around...especially Adam. But Max kept me company, and he was back to his normal self as if nothing had ever happened between us. I was glad that he was happy but I hoped that he wasn't just hiding it away to make me happy. But it didn't seem that way. I stayed around him and his friends for a bit, as the 'others' occupied the cafeteria. If I went in, then Max would see how awkward it was between us, and it'd just cause more tension than there already is. And God knows what Adam would do if he saw Max. I don't want anything happening to anyone, with the bad situation that already had it's death grip around our necks.
Everyday after school, I would go home feeling like crying but holding it in, and not letting it out. And when night time came, and I knew that Adam wasn't coming over I'd cry myself to sleep. It became like a pattern everyday. I couldn't help it...the pain of seeing him, and not being able to hold him became too much for me to handle. And as each day passed, it only hurt more. Then a week later I recieved a phone call.
"Hello?" I answered.
"James?" It was Stacy.
"Nothing...I...I just got up, that's all," I lied.
"You've been crying haven't you?" she asked worriedly.
"No! I mean...no, I haven't," I tried to cover up.
"Hang in there, I'll be right over..." she said.
"No...you don't need --"
She was on her way. In 5 minutes she was here, and when she came in she gave me a big warm hug and I hugged her back. "I'm sorry baby...I'm sorry I wasn't there..." She was near tears herself, and I was still hugging her. "It's ok...I'm hanging in there..." I replied, lying about my state. I wasn't hanging in there...I was almost ready to break. We went into the living room where we sat down opposite each other so that we were facing each other. It was quite to begin with, as I sat there staring at the coffee table with a blank look on my face. "You look worse than he does..." she said. I didn't even reply to that, I didn't know what to say.
"James...listen to me..." she said serously.
"How's Adam?" I asked suddenly without warning.
"Adam...he's...he's coping. But you...you don't seem to be doing too well..." she said with concern in her voice.
"Just help Adam...be there for him..."
"We were there for him...but he's pushed us away..."
There was a silence as we both waited for the other to respond with something. But there were no words spoken, and the silence grew longer and longer. Every time each of us were about to say something, we would stop and think twice about it, and then ditch the idea altogether. He's pushed us away... Stacy's words kept repeating in my head. What does she mean he's pushed them away? What is she implying? So many questions. I had to say something.
"Just...be there for him..." I said in defeat, not knowing what else to say. I was lost for words, as my brain kept trying to register what she had told me.
"James..." she shook her head before looking down, "...we can't. We've tried, and he won't listen to us anymore."
"You've all pushed me away and now what? You come to me to tell me this? Adam had you and Robbie to help him, to comfort him and what did I have?! Jack SHIT!" I exclaimed in anger, frustration and sadness.
"I know...and we're sorry, really we are..." Stacy started to apologize.
"And through all this time...not a phone call, not a word spoken, I didn't know what was happening! Do you know how much it hurt me when Adam woudn't speak to me?! How much it hurt not knowing if he was alright?! It hurt...it hurt so much...and just knowing that I caused his pain makes it even worse..." I paused. "And you know...it just felt like no one cared about me anymore. You didn't even call to see if I was okay...and even you said I was doing worse than Adam was...not that I wanted you to feel obligated to call. But do you even care?"
"Of course we do!" she defended herself. "And I'm sorry...if only you had thought with your heart and not with your dick..." she said angrily.
I looked at her angrily, and as her words sunk in the anger turned into pain and stung my insides. I gave her my I deserved that look, and walked slowly to my room, and started crying half way up the stairs. I did deserve that...here she was helping me, and I threw it back in her face. I ran up the rest of the way, and into the refuge of my room. A place that was once full of hapinness and joy, and was now a place of sadness, pain and loneliness. I threw myself onto the bed, and burried my head into my pillow as I sobbed aloud. I had lost my friends too now...I had been such a jerk. What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I do anything right? I cried and cried, and I cried hard, letting all my emotions overflow not allowing me to control them in any way. It was too much.
I felt a hand stroking my hair, and slowly looked up. Stacy, she was still here. I hugged her, which surprised her at first, and she began to cry. I burried my face in her shoulder, and she rubbed my back slowly like you would do to a small child to get him to sleep. "Shhh....I'm sorry James...I was mad...and I didn't mean to.....Oh God, I'm sorry!" I only hugged her harder and harder, and I didn't want to let go for fear of losing her too. "I'm sorry Stacy...I don't want to lose you too..." "Shhhh...you're not going to lose me. I'm here..."
After what seemed to be an eternity, she finally pulled away from my hug. "Now James...listen to me. I told you that Adam had pushed us away. He won't talk to us anymore, won't listen to what we have to say. And we basically didn't know what to do...so Robbie and I talked it over."
"What are you two going to do?" I asked curiously, hoping that they had come up with a solution that would fix this up. I knew there wouldn't be a quick fix solution to all this, but I hope they had something that would help us in some small way. Anything to take this pain away, but mostly to take Adam's pain away. I would rather take away his pain, than see him hurt. I'd take his pain, and add it to my own. Then I'd sacrifice my life, so that the pain would be gone forever, and he'd never have to suffer. I'd do that, if I could. I'd do anything for him.
"We're not going to do anything..." she said.
"What?!" I replied in shock.
"We're not going to do anything..." she repeated, "...you are."
"No...no, I can't Stacy. I can't..."
"Yes you can James. You have too..." she pleaded
"How can I? I can't even look him in the eye...not after what I've done. I...I...what would I say?" I asked, panicking now.
"Just tell him what's in your heart James. Whatever you say from the heart is true..." she said. It sounded all deep and meaningful, but what would I say to him? What could I say to make things right? "James, can't you see? He doesn't want me or Robbie...he wants you..."
I thought long and hard about it, and I believed Stacy's words although somewhere deep in my mind, I thought she was lying. Just saying it so that I would go and talk to him. But in my heart, I wanted to believe that he wanted me...I wanted to believe that more than anything in the world. But I feared it too. She sat there waiting for my reply, as thousands of thoughts entered my mind and raced at me all at once. Until I put them aside, and thought to myself...what have I got to lose. She was right, it was time for me to make a move. I had to take a chance to make things right again.
Could I actually do this? I mean...would I have the courage to go to Adam and plead my soul to him once again? I had to face him sooner or later, I realise that now, but is it too soon. I missed him so much, I loved him so much, I need him so much. My heart beats for him and him alone, and I longed to have his arms around me. From the time we have been apart, it has been an eternity for me. Too long. If I didn't talk to him, then I don't know how much longer I could survive without his love. I hoped he still loved me, still had feelings for me. Because since he's been away from me, my love for him has only grown more and more, and I don't know how to live without him. I don't remember how to live without him. Without him...there is no living.
But I can't even look him in the eye. I'm too ashamed of what I did, I feel like I'm not worthy to look at him anymore. But he's so beautiful, his smile...his eyes...those lips. How I longed to kiss him...just the very thought of him, brings tears to my eyes. I missed him sooo much! I had to do this...I had to. He'll have to listen to what I have to say, because I'll make him. I know I've hurt him...but I've been hurting too. But he comes first in my eyes, and always will.
Friday afternoon I set out to Adam's house. The weather had become really weird, as it started raining relentlessly. I had only gone out the door 1 minute ago, thinking that the rain had let up, and I'd be able to get to Adam's without an umbrella, when all of a sudden I was being pelted by drops of water. I was being soaked from head to toe, and I could hardly see. I kept my head down, and proceeded to walk. Despite the coldness of being soaked, I was nervous. My ears felt hot, and so did my face. I was dreading this...and I was scared more than anything else. And with every step I took, I neared Adam's house where the final confrontation would take place. And it scared me. I was scared of the outcome, what would happen with us both after this.
I stopped outside his house. No car in the driveway, that's a good sign. At least we'd be able to talk alone privately. I was too far in, to turn back now. I stood there in the rain outside his house for a minute or so, wondering whether I should go through with this or not. Was it too late to turn back? I started to shiver, as the cold which should have gotten to me long before, started to settle in. I walked up to the front door, and rang the doorbell. My heart was beating at a hundred miles an hour. I heard footsteps, before the door opened. And there he was...my beautiful angel. How I had longed to see his beautiful face...those eyes, those ruby lips...
The door slammed shut, right in front of me. Adam didn't even say a word to me...and I wasn't even able to fit a word in. Is that what our relationship had been reduced to? A knife stabbing pain stabbed throug my heart and it hurt so much at that point, that I leaned against the door with my arms and just stood there hating myself. 'Adam,' I whispered to myself, 'Please give me a chance.' And with that, I gathered up my strength and rang the doorbell again. The door quickly opened and a very angry Adam appeared.
"What?!" he said annoyed with me.
"Adam...I just want to talk to you..." I pleaded.
"Well, maybe I don't want to talk to you..." he said coldy. Every word this boy says to me, has an effect on me. Everything he says, I hang on to every word. And when those words are of hate, it hurts me so much. Everything he says affects me.
"Please Adam...I just want to talk...can I come in?" I asked, hoping he would at least listen to what I have to say, even if he didn't want to be with me.
He walked away from the door, and headed into the living room without saying a word to me. I walked in, closed the door and took off my shoes as they were quite wet. I didn't want to get his carpet dirty. I shouted out to him, "Could I please have a towel?" I heard him go to the closet and heard it closing as he came back and threw it to me. I gave my hair a bit of a dry, and just left the rest. My shirt was already too wet to be dried as it clung to me, and my pants were no better. I walked into the living room, where the fire at the fire place was burning. The heating was on, and his house was warm and cozy. This was the kind of place you wanted to be in on a rainy day like this. I had probably ruined Adam's afternoon.
"What is it?" he said, in that annoyed tone again.
"Adam, could we have a nice conversation?" I asked him.
"Nice? You wanna talk nice? Ok, here's nice. Let's talk about my once boyfriend, whom I loved so much with my heart. I gave him my heart, my soul...hell, I gave myself to him completely! I loved him so much, and one day what do I find? He cheated on me! He fucking cheated on me! Now how's that for nice?!"
"Adam...I can't express how sorry I am...how very sorry I am..." I started. I didn't really expect that to come from Adam, but it did.
"Sorry? You took my heart...and threw it away..." he said hurt.
"No Adam...I never threw it away. It was with me all the time...I kept it," I said to him with such sincerity.
"James...why'd you do it? Why'd you hurt me?" he asked, as he began to tear up. Just seeing him like that made me start to cry, but I tried to be strong...for his sake at least.
"Adam, I never meant to hurt you. I love you sooo much, and I can't help it. What happened was just an act of lust...it meant nothing. I love you, and only you. If I could take away your pain, I would. I'd do anything for you Adam..."
"How am I supposed to trust you?" he asked, his facial features softened from crying.
"I don't know Adam...I'd do anything to make it up to you, I swear I would...
"I can't trust you James." He paused. "You'll only do this to me again..."
I began to cry, and so did he. "Adam...(sob), please..."
"I'm sorry James, (sniff)...I can't let you hurt me again..."
Adam wasn't going to let me back into his life! I began to panic, scared of being alone. I couldn't live without him. I couldn't! This can't be the end! Oh my God, what am I going to do? I closed my eyes, trying to think of what to say, turning away from Adam. I remembered Stacy's advice.
"Since this is the end..." the words cut into my soul, a wound I knew, would never heal. Not now, not ever. "Adam...I love you. Knowing that I hurt you, hurts me more than anything else in the world." I heard him sniff. "And it hurts me so much, I'd do anything for you. I'd do anything...I love you so much, it scares me sometimes. I don't know how I'd live without you Adam! I wouldn't know what to do without you by my side...I need you! I love you Adam."
I waited for him to respond. I opened my eyes and turned around and Adam was staring down, listening to my words. "I love you Adam...with my heart, and soul." I said, "And no matter what...I'll love you always." I was hoping that he'd be able to listen to my words and know that every one of them were true, and straight from the heart. If there was anyone who could tell the truth, it would be Adam. No one knew me the way he did. He seemed to search his heart for the answer. He shook his head no.
"You've hurt me in a way...that I just can't take you back just like that. You'll only do it again James...and I can't afford to be hurt like that again," he said tears in his eyes.
I ran outside, away from the warm cozy room which had suddenly become so cold. I was alone now...completely alone and this scared me more than anything in the world. It hurt my heart, so much. I couldn't tell if it was physical pain or mental, probably both, but either way it hurt! I ran and ran, the rain suddenly making me sooo unbelievably cold. I heard someone call after me, but I kept running. The rain was in my vision, mixing with tears which I was desperately wiping from my eyes. Where was I going? I didn't know where I was going, or what I was going to do with myself. I just had to get away from there...far away. This was it...I kept running...I don't want to live anymore.
Suddenly, the next thing I knew, I ran off the footpath and the whole world went spinning as I slipped and bumped the back of my head on the edge of the footpath. I heard a sickening thud as my head made contact with the concrete. The pain shot through me, but I refrained from crying out aloud. My body hadn't taken in what happened, and I just lay there feeling a little light-headed. I couldn't move. I heard my name being called out again. It sounded so distant.
"A-A-Adam..." I whispered. My voice wouldn't work, my body under the spell of sleep at the moment. This was all like a dream. I heard my name again, and this time it was louder and I saw a face. An angel, leaning over me.
"James!! Oh my God! Oh my God! Can you hear me James!!?" I was too far gone to answer, but I was able to nod my head, which I suddenly realised hurt like hell! He ripped some cloth from his shirt, and told me to try and hold it over the wound. I saw Adam's hands, and there was blood on them...all over. I suddenly realised that this was serious. "Jesus...James, you've lost a lot of blood, I'm going to get us some help. Can you hold this as tight as you can?" I lifted a lazy finger to try, but my strength was gone. I couldn't. "Oh God! HELP!!! Somebody please HELP!!!" Adam called out. I don't know if anyone heard him. Adam was about to get up and get help when I whispered
"A-A-Adam...please...don't leave me..."
I was suddenly having difficulty keeping my eyes open, and they fluttered to do just that. "James??? James!!!" He was crying, kissing me on the forehead and grabbing my hand tenderly. "No no no no no! James? Oh God! Stay with me baby! Please? Don't leave me! Don't leave me...I do need you James, I don't want to be alone...I love you..." I then felt my body shiver, and Adam cried out, "HELP!!! Will somebody PLEASE HELP!! Stay with me baby! Don't go...don't go... SOMEBODY...please help..." They were the last words I could understand, said in total despair while he cried, before I began to phase in and out of consciousness. He was sobbing uncontrollably, his tears falling onto my lips, as I passed out. I heard him screaming out my name, his hands caressed me tightly in a hug, and I could feel him rocking me back and forth in his arms. I wanted to tell him that I loved him, that I was sorry about everything, but I was too far gone to be able to do anything. And everything just went black.
So what do you all think? I know there's more crying yet again, but face it...it's reality writing. But, this is starting to become resolved, and of course, there's more to come, so stay tuned ok? Please e-mail me people, I need the inspiration.
Send all comments, compliments, and anything you want to firstname.lastname@example.org
or click here