Date: Wed, 21 Dec 2005 17:53:34 -0500
From: post modern sleaze <postmodernsleazefics@googlemail.com>
Subject: Anonymity Nowhere, part 5

Anonymity Nowhere
By DeadCaffeineJunkie & Keishi

Chapter Five

Iki lead Alerio into the bathroom, sitting him down on the edge of the bath
while he pulled out a bottle of antiseptic, some cotton stuff and some
bandages. He'd had a quiet talk with Mrs. Weatherman once they'd shown up
(the woman exclaiming in surprise and concern at their wet and- in Alerio's
case- bleeding state) and she'd soon been guilt-tripped into letting Iki's
'new friend' stay over. He promised to stay out of her way. Now upstairs,
he uncapped the antiseptic bottle and tilted it onto the cotton wool to
clean Alerio's hand, which he rested on his knee, leg up on the bath rim
next to Alerio. "You idiot..." he chided softly. "Hitting one solid object
wasn't enough; you had to hit another one too?"

One side of Alerio's mouth hitched at Iki's words, but that was all he
could muster. He was worrying himself sick over Maria, and he hadn't even
called his mom's old boss like he said he would. He winced as Iki pressed
the cotton a bit too firmly to his gashes, the alcohol stinging a
bit. "Ha!" He sucked in a breath. "Hey, Iki, could I use your phone?"

Iki frowned. "Sorry Rio, hang on... hold this..." He handed Rio the cotton
and disappeared, then re-entered, carrying a portable phone. "Here, dial
then press this button." he said, pointing the button out to Rio, before
resuming his 'Florence Nightingale' act.

Alerio smiled his thanks, and began dialing. He hesitated before hitting
the 'send' button, chewing his lower lip. "Um..." he placed a hand on
Iki's, halting his ministrations. "Can I have a minute alone please?" His
eyes were apologetic. "I can wait until you're done, if you like..."  Iki
didn't want to be away from Rio, but he nodded and left, closing the door
behind him. He tried not to eavesdrop, getting stuff ready so that the two
could sleep in his room instead, and trying not to think about what had
happened only a few hours ago.

Alerio came out after only a few minutes, his cheeks colored but his face
less pensive. He handed the phone back to Iki with a small, "Thanks," and
surveyed the room. So this was where Iki stayed. "Where will I be
sleeping?"

Iki took the phone back. "You can have the bed, I'm sleeping on the floor."
he said, indicating a pile of blankets there. "I'll be back..." he went off
to put the phone back and then returned carrying the bandage stuff."Sit."
he ordered, taking a seat on his bed himself.

Alerio sat on the bed. "Stay with me in the bed, okay? I promise nothing
will happen that you don't want," he said seriously. "I just need another
body next to me tonight."

Iki bandaged his hand. "If you're sure." he said detachedly. He still felt
like he was somehow marginally dislodged from his body. "Don't be saying
that just `cause I'm on the floor, cause it IS actually comfy..."

Alerio watched as he worked, enjoying this moment of relative peace between
them. If they weren't practically screwing, then they were overanalysing
each other's lives. For once, he liked the quiet nothingness between
them. Without a thought, he reached out a hand and brought Iki's chin up,
not wanting anything other than to see his face at that moment. "I don't
mind..." he murmured, dreamlike.

Iki's usually electric green eyes had gone out, something darker swirling
behind them and blocking the light, but they softened on contact with
Alerio's gaze. He tied off the bandage, then lifted the hand- without
breaking eye contact- and kissed it. "Whatever you want." He said back,
just as softly.

Alerio's eyes closed involuntarily, and his breathing slowed, becoming more
forced. "I want you," he said, then clamped a hand over his mouth. Iki had
that power over him, the damning power to make his brain turn to flavored
jelly in an instant with the set to his jaw, or the gleam in his
eye. Alerio pulled his hand away from Iki abruptly, scuttling backward on
the bed, terrified by his own admission, though he knew it wasn't new. But
it was there, hanging between them, and after all that lip service he'd
given Iki about wanting more than his body. When he could go no further, he
stopped, on the edge of the bed looking at Iki expectantly, fearfully,
wide-eyed.

Iki was startled to hear that from Alerio's mouth suddenly, at such an odd
time, but Alerio pulling back is what hurt. He watched the other boy and
wanted to cry. Why couldn't things be simple for once? He was only 16 but
he felt old, he felt like he should have died years ago. He felt like there
was nothing good left in the world that wasn't tainted in some way and he
felt torn apart inside because he couldn't do anything to help the one
person he was starting to love. The only person who'd admitted to liking
him. But most of all, he was very, very tired. He knew Alerio might just be
looking to fuck away the adrenaline, maybe to feel like someone was there
and that the world hadn't all gone crap, but he also knew that Alerio would
be there tomorrow. So he crawled across the bed to sit beside Alerio, and
put his hand on his upper thigh, leaning close. "You have me." he said, and
kissed him exhaustedly.

Alerio kissed back, relief washing over him as if he were doused in ice
water, trapping Iki's face with his hands, careful not to aggravate his
wound. He made a meal out of his mouth, tasting him as if for the first
time, eating and savoring. He lowered Iki to the bed, careful as the sun,
his good hand running over his shoulders, chest and stomach soothingly. He
held him close like porcelain, unwilling to let anything hurt him, ginger
in his touches and caresses. The fire in his belly told him how much he
wanted Iki, but he'd be damned if he'd ruin this now by rushing things. His
fingers, wanting to bruise, stroked instead. His teeth, wanting to bite,
caught and nibbled. He drew Iki's breath out of his body slowly, wanting
this to last as long as he could stand it.

Iki caught and reflected Alerio's mood like light in a mirror. He let
himself be smoothed, kissed back so their kisses were like silk sheets,
soft and silent. His movements copied Alerio's, slow and languid but no
less intense, gently soothing the marginal curve of Alerio's waist, (a
place on another man that he had battered with his foot earlier), his other
hand nestled again on Alerio's lower back. The soft sounds he made were
half-heard and liquid, and despite the tender sweetness as they made out,
his body felt like it was weeping.

Alerio brushed his lips over Iki's temple and shifted his body so he was
hovering over Iki, searching his face for something intangible, but he knew
instinctively was there. "Iki..." he whispered, lowering his mouth to his
ear, "Iki... tell me your name, your real one." He kissed the lobe, kissed
along his jawline, soft and persistent. "Please, I want to know you, all of
you..."

Iki mewed like a kitten in a bucket down a well, turning his head and
leaving himself open for Alerio's mouth, words and lips all running over
his face like tears that didn't come. His breath hitched and he looked up
at Rio with suddenly young eyes. He was teetering on the edge... if he fell
now, he wouldn't live to climb back out if he wanted to... "Y-you won't
call me it?" He asked in a voice as hushed and reverent as the other boy's.

Alerio brushed back Iki's hair, kissed his temple like a mother would to
soothe a toddler. "Not if you don't want me to, baby," he said softly.

Iki sighed from some chasm deep down inside him and turned his head to hide
in Alerio's shoulder. "My full name is Dominic Torrance." He said, and knew
he was gone. There was something almost mystical about giving away his
name, like he'd given Alerio the power to control him. But he was fooling
himself, because Alerio had power over him before he'd given his name.

Alerio sat up, his fingers finding the hem of Iki's shirt and shifting it
carefully above his head. His mouth found his collarbone unerringly,
sucking on it before breaking away to sit up. He straddled Iki, his knee
between his legs, and looked down at him warmly, a smile faint on his
mouth. He cocked his head to the side. "Iki suits you better, but why don't
you want me to call you that?"

Iki let his head fall back as Alerio stripped him and then sucked on his
collarbone. He moaned like melted chocolate and exhaled softly when Rio
stopped, watching him silently. He played his fingers over Alerio's knees
where they were slung over his leg, but disappeared somewhere inside his
own head when Alerio asked him the question. He wasn't quite all
there. "People I don't wanna remember called me that."

Alerio leaned down, hovering over Iki. His bangs brushed his forehead as he
stared into his eyes, his hand coming up to cup Iki's face. "Hey, come back
to me," he said, gently shaking Iki's head. "Come on, baby, its okay." He
kissed him, just a soft pressure of lips against lips.  He couldn't stay
away with that calling him back, so he blinked and sighed and let Alerio
call him down. Like falling, he suddenly hit something. "Rio... I want to
tell you everything; I want to tell you it all."

Alerio shifted, lining his body against Iki's smaller one on the
mattress. He never once broke contact, one hand stroking Iki's hair while
the other ran across his chest and stomach, soothing. He lay his head on
his arm, eyes calm and watchful on Iki's face. "Okay," he murmured, his
voice more felt than heard.

Iki wiggled a hand under Alerio, needing the support, and then told him,
anything that came into his head about his life. "I was born in London, but
I moved when I was seven. You know my dad left us when he found my mum was
pregnant, and that she was only 14 at the time. So my granddad looked after
her and raised me for practically five years himself, cause she,
apparently, couldn't deal with me, so she went out clubbing and stuff. She
dropped out of school and everything... my granddad died when I was six,
and my mum couldn't afford to keep us there, so a year later we HAD to
move. We moved into this council estate, this divey little flat thing. We
only stayed there for a few months before the council moved us. And that
was basically it for a while, just moving from council house to council
house.

"I hung out with the wrong people and stuff and they got me into things. I
skipped school a lot, I started drinking- and that was my worst vice,
drinking- dabbled in drugs a bit. I threw rocks through people's windows
for no reason, I played around on railway tracks, I shoplifted, broke stuff
down just cause it was there, graffitied everywhere. By the time I was
thirteen I'd been in front of the police more than once, and they
eventually arrested me for criminal damage, possession, theft, being drunk
and disorderly and one case of arson without endangerment... that was for
setting fire to one of those wooden climbing framey things in this kiddy's
park... I got sentenced to this Intensive Supervision and Surveillance
Programme thing, the ISSP, cause I was underage, and I had to do community
service and I had a curfew and they kept tabs on me and stuff... they took
me out of my mum's house and put me in foster care cause my mum was deemed
unfit. And I shoulda fucking thought so.

"She was a coke addict since I was, like four, even before, practically all
of my life. I was shocked to find out that it wasn't USUAL for your parents
to leave you home alone for days, and that the other kids didn't know how
to cook their own dinner and wash their own clothes and know how to call an
ambulance cause your mum was turning blue on the living room floor. And
that wasn't even the worst, she brought boyfriends home, but they weren't
even boyfriends. Just dealers who she'd fuck for coke, and her junkie
friends who were just as bad. I used to go and sleep in the park or in the
station and all kinds of places rather than stay at home cause of some of
those weirdoes.

"And she'd ignore me and let me get on with it unless I pissed her off, or
pissed one of her friends off, or one of her boyfriends, and then she used
to-" his voice shook and his fingers curled into Alerio's shirt for the
first time since he spoke. "-shut me up in the airing cupboard, in the
dark, next to the boiler." He shuddered. "She forgot I was in there. Once I
was in there all day and blacked out for a while, `cause it was hot and
airless... and it gave me panic attacks." he took a breath and seemed to
settle enough to continue.

"She let the boyfriend's knock me around if they wanted. She'd just watch,
or leave, or tell me off. One or two of her friends tried to molest me or
something a few times, so I learnt to leave when they came round. I never
stuck around when any of them started laying hands on me, just scarpered
outta there. That time at the ISSP was so scary for me, `cause I didn't get
how bad she'd been until I saw that things weren't supposed to be like
that. I was in it for six months, and met my first boyfriend there. We only
went out for five months. I always knew I didn't like girls like that... I
lost my virginity to him... heh, like my mum. And then there were just guys
after guys, `cause I just wanted someone... but I didn't want them
close... I don't know... and then, there was a long line of moving round
the country from foster homes to care centers, back to foster homes, and
most of them were nice, but some of them weren't- but I reported those, I
tole you. And no one wanted me around for any longer than half a year, as
you know. I've only had one Christmas that wasn't in the care centre. Coke
addicts didn't celebrate it either. And now, I'm living with
Mrs. Weatherman for another however long it's gonna be `til she gets her
little girl and I go back to the centre."

Alerio was dumbfounded. He knew, through his own rough childhood, that the
world was not kind. He'd never thought it could have been so unrelentingly
cruel before, though. What Iki had had to go through in only sixteen years
of life was double what would have driven a lesser person to a drug
addiction, or worse, off a bridge. Anything to escape such a fucked-up
reality.

While Iki'd told his long, lonesome, utterly heartbreaking tale, Alerio
could give him the only thing he had to give: his attention. He lay on that
small bed and held Iki close, his eyes never leaving his face, his mind
never once wandering. It was horrific, and pitying, but he knew Iki would
have only closed up if he let the horror show on his face, and would
probably have gotten up and left if he thought Alerio pitied him. So he
listened, and held, and stayed silent as Iki talked, stumbled, paused, and
began talking again, until it was over and he was spent, lying in his arms.

His grip tightened, his fingers secure, safe. He wanted to wrap Iki in
silken sheet and soft blanket, put him away where no one could harm him;
but he, too, knew reality too well, and knew what was and wasn't
possible. You couldn't protect someone else when you couldn't even protect
yourself.

So he laid his head on Iki's when he finished, their dark hair brushing,
mingling until one strand was unrecognizable from the next. He pressed a
kiss over and over to Iki's temple, saying nothing, just a presence, a set
of ears and arms, warmed from the blood of a slowly beating heart.

TBC.  Thanks for the response so far!