Date: Wed, 27 Apr 2005 07:15:01 EDT
From: NEL114@aol.com
Subject: Anybody just not him chapter 1b  highschool

The locker room empty just the way I liked it. I was sitting on a bench . I
waited til everyone else was out. I don't like being around them I don't like
what their bodies do to me. Being gay and where I live don't quite match as do
a lot of things. So I wait, I wait til they're all gone. Then I change, I'm
always late for my next class but the teacher doesn't seem to care all that
much. There Is one bad thing that happens when I wait though.

I hear him coming. I see the door being slowly pushed open and I see his
godlike body enter the boys locker room. He doesn't notice me right away, so I
take the time to admire his body. I see his tall frame standing there slowly
making his way towards me maybe he doesn't see me or maybe he doesn't care that I'
m checking him out. He gets closer and I make out his light brown eyes and hi
dark brown hair. Then he turns towards me stares a while and says

"Hey Faggot" but its not what I hear. I hear `hey babe was sup'. I'm use to
the way he works, the way he says one thing and means something completely
different. Whenever he says something to me he looks me dead straight in the eyes
and I can see what he really means I always do.

"Oh look its my best friend, fucking breeder" I shoot back. But he knows what
I'm saying
`I'm happy to see you, I missed you. My brown eyes tell all I'm not any
better at hiding what I'm feeling but then again I don't try I as hard as he does
to cover what I'm feeling.

I can feel his brown eyes on me. I myself am about 5'3 well that's what the
doctor said, although my body isn't as godlike as his I think it looks great
on me, and I think he does too by the way he's looking at me. I look back at
him and we just look at each other for a while in complete silence taking in
each others image. But this gets to real for him and he breaks our little moment.

" Get ya gay ass outta here." he paused " I don't like fags in here while I'
m changing"
But I know what he really meant  `baby I'm sorry, I--I just cant handle
this right now'

I know its too much for him he has to much in his head. The system, the
screwed up fucking system burned in his head that gay is weak and being weak were
he lives isn't acceptable. He had to fight being the `light skinned boy' he
was already seen as unworthy.
that's why he joined the football team and hangs out with that jackass
Johnny. I guess it was a good decision cause he's now the starting quarterback and
nobody gives him shit football is to valuable to our school and considering he'
s is one of the best players you cant mess with that. If your wondering how I
know all this stuff his sister is my best friend.

I snap out of my daze and start to dress. I put on all my clothes that makes
labels me `the punk' or `Oreo' depending on who you hate. I put on my levis
with my black wife beater my chucks my spiked belt and all my bracelets on my
left arm to cover...just to cover.

I close my locker and head to the door I reach for my chain but it's not
there, then I remember I left in my locker, I quickly run back and get it. I slow
down remembering he came the same way, through the same door. A stray tear
fell. He left me again...why do I love him.

"I hate him" I say to myself wiping away the tears that slipped.



I walked out of the locker room and realized I smelt like it. I placed my bag
on the ground and started looking for it but I couldn't find it. `if I were
Vincent deodorant where would I be, hmmm I would be HERE'.

"Found it I said to particular." I popped off the top and held it close to my
nose and inhaled deeply. I sighed, I love the smell of ask specially Apollo
because its his favorite too. I pulled it away from my nose and with one hand I
pulled up my shirt and with the other I started to spray the Axe. After I was
satisfied that I smelled ok I bent down and it back in my backpack

Down the hall I can see Eric make his way his way. Eric is the only guy that I
'm close too   and he`s hot as shit, I think I've had a crush on him since
freshman year but its not as serious as what I feel for Derrick I don't think
any is or ever will be. Plus its hard for me to talk to guys its weird I'm gay
but I get all `shy little school girl' when a guy I don't know talks to me.
But it was different with him we just clicked for some reason. Well maybe cause
he's like a big brother even though he's only a few months older, maybe
cause he's taller a lot taller but then again everyone is its like he protects me
in a way I think if I . Eric has this really intimidating look I think he's
about the same height as Derrick and he has this swimmer/ runner body, I've even
had the chance to see him with his shirt off. But he's just nice to look at,
he's still like a big brother to me plu he's not him. When Derricks around
Eric gets this real pissed look on his face and finds some way to put his arm
around my shoulder not in a sexual way to some it may look like to friends
walking down the hall but not to Derrick. Well I you've probably guessed it but
they really don't like each other much.

 Now as far as I know the only people who know that I'm gay is Dinita and
Marie and I didn't even tell them, they said it was kind of obvious seeing as in
I don't have a girlfriend and I don't oogle their goodies but tell them to
cover up, I guess I hang around those two too much..

"damn boy trying to kill a nigga" Eric said while coughing.

"My bad, just came from gym"


This is the firs chapter redone, I already other chapters finished, comments
wanted. NEL114@AOL.COM