Date: Sat, 9 Jul 2005 02:15:33 EDT From: NEL114@aol.com Subject: Anybody Just Not Him 4 Last time: I walked towards my locker. "FUCK!!" followed by a loud bang. I slowed my pace trying to think who could that be. I don't recognize the voice. Whoever it was why would they be in the locker room this late. I was near the voice which sounded like it was at my locker. I neared my locker and prepared myself for the worst. This is Detroit after all. But when I got there it wasn't bad at all. It was the guy. It looked like he had waged war on his locker and from the looks of it he was losing. "Need some help?" oh my god I just talked. Weird! I don't even know him. "Huh" he looked at me and then at the ground, embarrassed. "Man what is it with these boogie ass lockers. I been trying the damned thing for like an hour". His voice wasn't as hard core as he looked. It wasn't soft either, it was perfect. Yeah I know what he was talking about, I couldn't open mine for a week. So I got detention everyday for not dressing out. Ok, that's twice why I am so comfortable with him. The only person I felt this comfortable with is Eric. But he's straight. "For real cuz, that's fucked up" he looked at me. I was captured in his gaze, those beautiful green eyes. His eyes!!! I opened his locker and tried to teach him, but he still needed help. I didn' t understand all the school in our city use the exact same lockers. Maybe he was from a different city or state. Yea I guess so. After he opened his locker he put his stuff in and started to change. And I put my hoody on so that I didn't have to take my sock off. When we were all changed and headed for the gym he said something that shocked me. "I like the way you dress, it's hot!" he said with a smile, not a regular smile but a smile of seduction. We stopped walking. He looked at me. Those eyes, those deep green eyes. I feel like I know him, I don't know how but I do. Huh, now it was my turn to be embarrassed. Did he just say I looked hot? What if he's like me? I mean he's hot and he seems like a cool person. No he's probably just fucking with me. When most people see the way I dress they say it looks weird. But he said it was hot. What about Derrick. But those eyes! I feel it building up My emotions held deep inside Fake a smile and say hi They don't even know That at this moment This very second You want to die But You cant... You hope for something, anything That would be the cure for all you problems But it will never come I see him as I walk down My secret lover He looks at me I cut myself Green eyes, deep green eyes My cure, have I found it In green eyes I found my haven My escape, my comfort I see green eyes in the hallway I smile... Green eyes My knight in shinning armor My secret lover My pain My knife There was a silence after he said that. I was looking at his eyes, those beautiful green eyes. I couldn't pull away from his gaze. His eyes had me in some sort of trance. I barely knew him, I mean I don't even know his name. But when I looked into his eyes I felt safe. We were close, real close. I was still trapped in his eyes. But it felt good and I liked it. I wanted so bad to kiss him. To feel his lips on mine. I even imagined it in my mind. I leaned in and closed my eyes. I could feel his breath gazing over my face it smelled like winter fresh. I liked this, even though we were in the boys locker room so close to the door that could open at any second, I wanted it. I moved closer and stood on my tip-toes cause even in my mind I was still a midget. I felt his hand grab me around the neck, he leaned in the rest of the way. I wish I was brave enough to take the chance. To actually do what just played out in my head. What if he is like me, what if he could be like my... boyfriend. But he cant be, as far as I know I'm the only gay boy here. "yea it is isn't it." I responded I think he just hit on me. He looked relieved. It felt kinda weird talking to him now, if I wasn't staring into his eyes, I was looking at his perfectly kissable lips. His lips were perfect, not to big and not to small. I Wanted so bad to kiss him. " So you like Linkin park." he responded with perfect his voice. He looked at my wristband. Is he serious, of course I do. Hearing his voice made me smile. " yea, they're my favorite band. But like would be an understatement. I love chester." wait how did he know that was for Linkin park. "How do you know that' s the Linkin Park symbol." he laughed and looked at me. " oh! You like them too?" my face looked like a big O with arched eye brows. Nice face, eh. . I thought he would be into like gangsta rap and shit, by the way he dressed. I guess looks can be deceiving... " yea they pretty tight." he was still smiling. He's playing me, the only one who loves me is derrick. Derrick Tony Johnson, his name brings me comfort. Its why I named my bear Tony. Tony is always there for me. Whenever I feel like total crap, I know that I will always have that bear to hold and cry on. I started walking towards the door. He followed. "so what class are you in?" I was curious. We have two classes in the gym at once. We share the gym and weight room. We alternate days, this week my class will be in the weight room Monday, Wednesday and Friday. And lucky me today was Wednesday. " my schedule says some coach Wylie. What class are you in?" he's in the same class as me. This must be fate " your in my class." I'm pretty sure I smiled when I said that. I couldn't hold it in. but then I thought, he's in my class. Johnny is in my class too. What if Johnny says something and scares him away. Johnnies his best friend. He' s not even here and the mere thought of him makes me feel like shit. Coach Wylie interrupted my negative thoughts. Me and the hot elf walked towards coach Wylie. He looked at me and saw the hoody. " good and I don't ever want to see you wearing that stuff in my gym again!" he looked over at...what is his NAME? For now the hot elf will have to do. "And who are you?" he was talking to the hot guy who was standing right next to me. "I'm new..." he was cut off by Wylie. " I didn't ask that, what's your name son." yes I was finally going to know his name. Hmm he kinda looks like a Derrick. I hope that isn't his name... "My name's Tony. Antonio Alexander." I looked at him with total shock. TONY, his name is Tony. that's weird. This is weird. Coach Wylie looked at his clipboard. And started flipping pages looking for Tony's name. He looked at me, Tony looked at me. I'm quite sure I still had some of that shock on my face. He made face like WHAT??? He stopped looking through his papers and took a pen from his pocket. Your pocket is not a safe place to hold your pen, those things bust so easily. He took the pen out and wrote something down. He started to me with his face on the clipboard. " show him what were doing today, teach him what to do." if it was some other new kid. I would've said no. not him, anybody just not him. " ok coach." I looked over at Sasha, the girl who took up for me. She didn't have a partner yet. She was probably waiting for me. Maybe she can work with us. I thought but I thought wrong. I usually don't talk much to the people in this class. But it was like she made it her mission in life to talk to me. Me and her aren't friends, far from it but we talk. So I guess she's an associate. She's pretty nice too, but I feel uneasy around her. I guess that's why were not friends. I waved her over. While he, Tony started talking to coach about something. "Thanks for earlier." I was referring to the incident with Johnny. She likes him even less than I do. I noticed when she walked over he walked over to me. Coach must've finished lecturing him. But this time he was a little closer to me. So I close I could feel the heat from his body. " oh no problem. I cant stand Johnny ass no way." she frowned, then smiled again. "so you ready to work." she put her arm on my shoulder. Then she finally noticed...Tony. It still feels weird, his name is Tony. But maybe he's like Tony, my bear of course not derrick. Well in some ways. I mean when I first saw him, I was...I was. I dunno what it was but it felt good. it felt right. " Hey. You're the new kid right?" she didn't even wait for his response. " hey are you related to Derrick?" WHAT!!!? He looks nothing like derrick. Ok maybe some small similarities, but not the way she made it seem. " who's Derrick?" he rolled his eyes and looked at me. I was still lost in thought. He seems so much like him. But he's not him. He's not derrick. " uh oh. My bad Vince." yea uh oh it is. She just called my new friend, if I can call him that. Well she just said he looked like my supposed enemy. I forced a smile, " its ok." it really wasn't. he had so much in common with him. The name, the resemblance and of course...my heart. But he didn't have that yet. Only derrick has that part of me. But maybe, maybe he could be the like the good part of derrick.