Date: Wed, 21 May 2014 07:01:32 -1000 From: Christian Joudon Subject: Bad X-ample Author's Note I don't know if I am going to finish writing this story. It's the first time I've ever written anything. I'm just seeing if people like it, before I continue on. So, do send me comments if you would like to read more from me. Nothing frothy has happened yet, but I assure you lots of juicy details later. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Beginning Beep...beep....beep "Good morning ladies and gentlemen, looks like today's gonna be a scorcher. In fact this hot weather is gonna last us though the week. Pull your flip flops out and get yourself to the nearest body of water, we have a heat wave on our hands. You can expect the lows to creep down to a chilly 95 and the highs to be, well, hotter than hell." Ughhhh.... I slapped the alarm in protest. I didn't want to catch too much good news so early in the morning. I went to roll over and found that the sheets were stuck to me with sweat. So had my shirt and everything else in my immediate vicinity. I took a deep breath and nearly choked on the humidity in the room. Staring up at my ceiling two things became abundantly clear to me; this week was going to suck, and the fans in my room that my mother had bought were merely decorative. As I mused at the similarities between the fan and my mother, I made my way to the shower. When I entered the bathroom, the mirror greeted me with it's usual news. I'm not a schizophrenic, I'm an entirely lucid person. My mirror talks to me because my father owns several tech and genetic research centers in Silicon Valley, and he gets to bring goodies home. This particular goody was alerting me to the fact that the weather was as shitty as the radio said it was going to be, and that I had several text messages waiting on my phone. "Alfred command initiate shower, temperature 68" "Yes sir" the sound of rushing water confirmed that the command had been understood. Alfred was my favorite toy that my father had brought home. He was a super computer with AI capabilities, and the ability to infect any network. Originally XRC-97, I thought it would be a prudent choice to rename him with a more cuddly name, so I picked the butler from Batman. He was primarily built for counter insurgency purposes, but the military recognized that if anyone was able to replicate him, the ensuing cyber war could possibly destroy both nations infrastructure. My father was unable to throw away years of work so he repurposed him to our home mainframe and personal devices. And instead of battling terrorists, he had much more terrifying task of trying to keep up with my mother's expectations. As I stepped into the shower I added, "Command dictate unread messages." "From Mother Dearest: would you drop your sister off at school I have a terrible headache from this new cleanse I'm doing. You should try it dear, it might improve your mood a little.". She meant well, but the things that came out of her mouth suggested otherwise. Alfred continued on,"From Eric: I saw the most beautiful man at the gym last night. He was a total babe. You should have been there, but instead your fat-ass was sitting at home eating twinkies." I looked down at my stomach and inspected it, the muscles danced in the dimly lit room, and when I pinched it the only purchase I found was skin. As for the twinkies, I'm pleading the fifth. Alfred listed off a few more texts but my attention drifted towards the mirror. I had inherited my mother's heavily lidded green eyes, and her mothers red hair, but thankfully I hadn't been blessed with pale freckle-prone skin, but a golden Mediterranean complexion. My body was tempered from years of surfing, gymnastics, and weight lifting. All in all it was a pretty good package. I finished what I needed to and made my way to the kitchen. My mother stood at the kitchen island sipping a concoction that I swear had something lurking beneath the surface. Seated next to her was my younger sister, Alice eating a bowl of Gluten Free Panda Puffs. We had discovered early on that Alice had coeliac disease, and everything in the house with traces of gluten had been removed. Hence why she ate her gross little cereal and I resorted to sneaking twinkies in the dead of the night. I tried to give her as much support as possible, but every now and again my will would crumble. I didn't seem to be the only one in the family who had trouble, a year or so ago I snuck into my fathers study looking for his keys and I happened upon a stash of cinnabons in his minifridge. I hadn't given up his secret yet because I was saving my blackmail for the day I would need it. "You can take her, right?" Hope sparked behind my mothers eyes. I can't recall a day when my mother didn't have a headache or some other ailment early in the morning. Her curious case of low grade early morning flu symptoms seemed to start the day I got my drivers license. Unable to say no to either women in my life I relented. "Of course, are you ready for your first day of school beautiful?" Alice nodded her head in agreement, and I grabbed a quinoa pop tart and threw the little brat over my shoulder. "Let's blow this joint." I grabbed our backpacks and slipped on my high tops, halfway crunching the soles. I have to confess I have a slight sexual fascination with boots and high tops. I'm not a foot fetishist by any means but the thought of a man in nothing but boots did something for me. It was one of the many small kinks I enjoyed. Consequently most of the shoes that I owned were converse or boots. I shuffled out of the house and dumped my squealing cargo into my car. After dropping her off at her first day of school I went to go to my first day of school. This year I would be a senior in high school and I could feel my disinterest with high school almost palpably. High school was surprisingly not difficult for me as an out gay teen. I was smart enough that I could apply minimal effort to stay above my parents Gradar, handsome enough to not get picked on, and witty enough to have friends. I also lived in the most liberal place in America; Southern California. High School wasn't unpleasant it was simply stagnant. I made my way towards the entrance when I was nearly tackled from behind by Chloe. I turned around and gave the most serious fake frown I could muster. "Oh, I thought you liked it from behind, my bad." She said while patting my butt and adjusting her signature bun back into place. No matter how little effort she put in she always looked impeccable, she was too beautiful not to. Her dark brown hair was stained by the sun and so was her olive complexion, set atop was the face of Brigitte Bardot. But her beauty wasn't what enthralled me so much, it was her wildness that drew me in. She wasn't wild in the sense that she was a party animal, it wasn't a disrespectful behavior either, it always felt like she could break any rule she wanted to at any moment, but she simply didn't. It was a feeling that I shared with her. It always felt like I was a very large glass of water that somebody had tried to pour into a much smaller ice cube tray of rules and regulations and I kept spilling out all over the place. I laughed and kissed her on the forehead as we made our way into class. We sat in our seats when I heard a squeal at the front door. I turned to see Eric rushing towards us, dressed in some very bright manicured clothing. His cherub like features were misleading, he was no angel by any stretch of the imagination. He hugged us both excitedly and plopped down next to us. "Omg did you see the new transplant. He's soooooo beautiful, he's straight from fucking Italy, I call dibs by the way." -Eric "I don't know if you can call dibs on a human being, I think dibs are reserved for the last slice of pizza or the last chicken wing." -me "Well, sure you can, don't be silly. I've called dibs on possibly half this school, no one seems to listen to me however. But if anyone gets to call dibs, I do. I'm foreign and so is he. " Chloe was also a transplant, she moved from England freshman year. "No, dibs go by who called them first. Plus you said it yourself you already called dibs on half the school."-Eric They continued to bicker for a while but I stopped listening because the object of the conversation had just walked into the room. He was stunning, I'm not one to stare impolitely, but I could not remove my eyes from him. He had steel grey eyes and dark curls. It looked like he hadn't shaven in a week and had a small shadow on his perfectly square jaw. He was wearing a tank top that did little to hide his thick ropy frame, and when he walked there was a slight swagger in his step. My heart nearly dropped out of my chest and started flopping around on the ground. The school bell luckily rang before that could happen. He went to sit down in his seat two seats behind me and slowly the world shifted back into place around me. I interrupted their continued bickering "What's his name?" "Mattheo Sansone. Don't even think about it I called dibs on him!" Eric replied in hushed indignant tones. " I hate to break your heart sunshine but I don't think that he's gay. He looks pretty normal to me." Whispered Chloe in retort. The truth stung a little bit more than it should have, but when doesn't it. I would just have to file him away in the small area of gray matter that I had labeled fantasy box, along with James Franco and Daniel Craig where they could all keep each other warm at night. Class began and the teacher started to talk about the syllabus when I felt a tap on my shoulder, I turned around to see Mattheo's inappropriately handsome face. "May I please have ...umm..." He gestured at the writing utensil in my hand. I finished his sentence "A pencil" "Yes, may I please borrow a pencil" Already turning four different shades of red I shoved my pencil at him and turned around hoping he didn't see the blush forming on my face. Penciless and red, I realized that it might take a little more time to file him away than I originally thought. He ended up in three more of my classes, and by the end of the day I was emotionally exhausted. To add insult to injury the heat wave had short circuited the cooling system and we were assaulted by the 103 degree weather. I was a puddle of sweat and nerves. There was no way that I was going to want to make it to cheer practice today. But it was tryouts and everyone had to be there because it was a "cheerocracy", although anyone who had met Roxanne, the head cheerleader, would know that it was actually a "cheertatorship", and she was definitely a "cheerbitch". We decided to move the tryouts outside next to the football field so we wouldn't have to be stuck inside without air conditioning. The usual vapid skanks showed up. But my attention was drawn towards football tryouts where I saw Mattheo. I turned to Eric, who seemed to know everything about him already, "He's trying out for the football team?" "Yeah, apparently he was captain of his rugby team back in Italy." I could see that very clearly, he was crushing it out there. Catching every throw, knocking people around like bowling pins, and generally being a badass. "I think that somebody has a crush". -Chloe "I do not" "No, your just watching him intently to make sure he doesn't have a bomb strapped to his chest."-Chloe "Someone has to watch out for the safety of the children" "Mmmmmm," she pursed her lips and gave me a very unimpressed look before turning her gaze back to the hopefuls in front of us; thankfully letting the subject go. My eyes had not wavered from him however, and they didn't for the rest of tryouts. I got home and took the coldest, longest shower of my life. I left my shower and nearly crumpled into my bed. As I stared up at my ceiling, I decided that it was going to be a very long week.