Date: Wed, 17 Apr 2002 19:26:35 -0400
From: Rory M <st_rory@hotmail.com>
Subject: Bailey 12

Bailey
By Rory M
Chapter 12


"I'm really sorry things happened this way.  It sucks," Bailey was standing
in the doorway looking at Cal, who had just put his guitar and bag on the
bed.  Caleb didn't make him feel all that comfortable in the situation,
because his body language was aggressive and his face was tense.  Caleb
wasn't mad at Bailey though, just mad at the situation.  He was cursing
himself in the head for thinking that this year was going to be better, and
that it would be a good year to end his camp experience.  So far it was
going to the shits and it was only the second day.

	When Caleb looked from his bag to Bailey he realized how angry he truly
was, and flared his nostrils.  The smaller boy in front of him looked
genuinely sorry, and more importantly, in pain.  His arms were curved at the
elbows and held out slightly because there were bandages taped and wrapped
around each.  He looked like hell and Caleb didn't want to be the reason to
end his day even shittier thank it had already been.  Bailey had, after all,
been accepting of him so far and didn't do anything wrong.  He was pissed at
the fact that the kid in front of him was a twerp compared to him, let alone
Drew, who was monstrous compared to Bailey.

"Yeah, it does suck," his voice was more bitter than he wanted it to be, and
he tried to soften his features to Bailey, who seemed to take a blow from
what he just spat, "but don't worry about it, it's not that big of a deal,
and you didn't really bring it on.  How are your arms feeling?"

"Sore, I can't really bend them.  Eating lunch was rough," Caleb smiled.

"Listen, I was talking to Jared during swimming and I think it would be
better if I moved in with him, if we can work it out," Bailey's heart sunk
into his stomach, "I mean, I don't want to make you uncomfortable...at least
more uncomfortable."

"I really don't care, I'm cool if you are.  I'd....I'd rather you stayed, I
mean, you've been nice to me and I don't really know any of the other guys
except for you and Jared.   It really doesn't...doesn't matter to me that
you're..."

"That I'm gay.  If you can't say it how are you going to be comfortable with
it?"

"No, it's not that, I just...I'm just tired," he laid on his bed with his
arms above his head, "It really doesn't bother me, I've got a gay uncle, I'm
pretty used to it," well, it wasn't exactly a lie.  He did have a gay uncle,
he just didn't know him that well to be used to it...in that sense.

"You're sure, man?"

"Yeah, why not?"

	A smile spread across Caleb's face that made Bailey stop thinking about the
throbbing in his elbows for a moment.  He noticed how his lip curled a
little to the left corner of his mouth, like a sly smile but genuine.
Bailey gave a quick smirk back and put his head phones on to try to avoid
anymore eye contact with Caleb, he was tired and just wanted to forget about
what happened today, at least for the 20 minutes they had before dinner
started.

	Caleb went about unpacking his bag and making his bed, not tempting to
further conversation either.  He himself was lost in thought.  Considering
the day, it wasn't all that bad.  He didn't have to deal with Drew, and
Bailey wasn't so bad to look at from across the beds, 'Nice guy, too.  Kind
of pale, but that will change here I guess.  Jeese...never thought I'd be
attracted to freckles.  What the hell am I thinking, this is the last thing
I should be considering.  He's too short and scrawny anyway.'

"Hey Bail, whatcha listening to?" Bailey slid his headphones down his ears
and turned to face Caleb, who was now done moving in and sitting on the bed
picking his guitar.

"Reel Big Fish."

"You like that ska crap?"

"Yeah...sometimes.  It's happy and doesn't involve thought.  I'm liking it
right now."

"Well, in that case, you've picked a good band," Cal smiled at him and went
back to fingering his guitar, silently.  You could hear his fingers tap the
strings and see them move, but he wasn't plucking, merely tapping his right
fingers so that it made little sound.

"How long have you been playing? You sound really good."

"I've been doing classical guitar since I was 9.  Been a cover artist since
I realized I can't right my own stuff," he smiled as he looked up from the
strings at Bailey, "My father is a music teacher and in a blues band back
home.  Music has just been a part of my family I guess.  I take requests if
you're interested, I'm pretty good at knowing tunes, even if I haven't seen
the music."

"Hmmmm...." Bailey gave a squinty smirk and tried to think of a song that he
either wouldn't know or wouldn't be able to play.  After a few moments, a
stroke of cleverness( or so he though) struck him, "How about... Talk Show
Host?"

"You like Radio Head?"

"Shit,  I didn't think you would know that one," Bailey smiled in his
defeat.

"Radio Head is one of my favorites, I know all of there stuff.  Try
something a little harder."

"Built to Spill."

"They're a little too Indy for me, but I can do it."

"How the fuck do you know who built to spill is?"

"I know who everyone is."

	Just then Jerry stuck her head in the door and announced that it was time
to head down to the dining hall.  With a groan and a little monouvering for
Bailey to get out of the bed without hurting his arms, they made there way
with the rest of the group over Greenly and to the main hall by the lake.

	Dinner was slop, but the group was somewhat somber and relaxed.  Many came
up to Bailey to ask if he was ok and say what an asshole Drew could be, many
were just tired...being in activities and the sun all day was a shock to the
system of most lazy teenagers, so was the fresh air (yes, there is fresh air
in New Jersey).

	Liz sat next to Bailey and flirted and seemed to almost cuddle up next to
him at the table.  For once though, Bailey didn't mind, though he didn't
enjoy it.  The SOFT touch was welcome, especially since his arms still were
aching.  Plus since Drew had blatantly called him a fag in front of the
entire group, anything that made him look straight was a good thing.  She
laid her head on his shoulder and played with his hair.  It felt good to
him, but at the same time made him want it from someone else who he'd really
like.  Cal sat across the table from him, moving food around on his plate
and cracking on Jared for eating the crap.  He looked up from his plate to
see Bailey looking at him, his face was melancholy  and tired and he felt
something was up, and then he realized Liz was inching her way into his lap.

"Bail, you feeling alright, man?  You look a little suffocated," he glared
at Liz.

"I'm alright, just not feeling up to sitting outside tonight," he almost
sighed it out.  Jerry over heard him.

"Bail, you can hang out at the lodge if you want, I'll hang back with you.
The director won't mind."

"You sure you don't want to miss bonfire?"

"I've seen it already...you were there last night, too," he flashed a smile
at her as his mood brightened.  She turned away to direct the line into the
kitchen.

"Lucky bastard," Bailey shot the bird at Cal, who was obviously jealous.

"Don't fall asleep while we're gone, Bailey.  We're going to tell you all
about it when we get back," Trina was picking at a piece of slightly stale
bread.

"I can't wait..."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


"I hate that kid.  He thinks he's right no matter what because his dad is a
minister or some shit.  He's so fucking preachy."

"Yeah, well at least you can zone him out, it's kind of hard when you have
to stand and clap to 'Jesus Loves Me'," Jared banged his head into the bed
post and shut his eyes.  It seemed to Bailey that the evening ceremony was
just like the last evenings.

	All six of the now quasi-clique had crammed themselves into Bailey and
Caleb's room.  The door was open, and they could see people outside the door
just six feet away playing a game of Egyptian Rat Screw, but the lodge for
the most part had a low hum. Many had gone into there rooms just to relax.
A few of the younger girls were already asleep.

	Caleb sat in the corner where his bed met the sidewall and the back wall of
the room.  Perched on his pillow he sat with guitar in his lap, which seemed
to just be his comfort.  Next to him sat Trina, her legs lazily dangling off
the bed and her body mounted on her elbows, followed by Amy on the end of
the bed.  Jared sat on the floor with his back up against Caleb's dresser,
while Bailey was laying on his stomach, the most comfortable position he
could manage, and Liz had taken it upon herself to lay next to him between
his body and the wall.  She had her head on his back and laced her free hand
across his shoulder blades.  He wasn't comfortable, but Trina and Caleb
found it amusing.

"What are you going to do tomorrow when we're at the lake and Low Ropes?"
Trina asked.  Low Ropes was an obstacle course set up in the woods that
lined the left side of the camp.  There were different settings where the
goal was that the team had to solve a problem.  One was getting across "a
lava river" safely, and not leaving anyone behind.  Meaning they had to
start at one line and get across to the other by only using 4 pieces of
wood, a rope hanging from a tree, and an island in the middle.   It was all
on the ground, but if one person touched the pine needle carpet the team had
to start over or lose.  And this was just one of the lovely events, wait
until the wall climb and the tire tunnel to freedom.

	Everyone hated Low Ropes, but then everyone who was afraid of heights loved
it compared to high ropes.  Which was an individual obstacle course where
they strapped a camper to a harness, walked them along a wire, made them
climb a chain ladder, and then propel through the finish line.  Was it
mentioned that this was all happening from 50 feet above the ground?  Most
campers liked it for the propel down the zip line when you finished.  Others
hated it for what it was, scary.

	Bailey in his own right hadn't experienced either hell, though they were
explained to him.  He was almost grateful for being injured so that he could
get out of this crap for a week.  Instead he would be spending his days in
the splendid air-conditioned nurses lodge watching black and white soap
opera's with Nurse Jenkins.  She even gave him the ice cream she had stolen
from the kitchen.

"I'm going to the nurses lodge, I guess.  It's kind of...boring," he smiled
to himself, on the inside anyway.

"I'd rather do that then swim. I passed the test last year, why do we have
to go through two weeks of swimming lessons every year?"  Liz whined...she
did it well.

"The pollen in that water makes me want to vomit. I think tomorrow I will,
so I can lay around and be bored with Bailey," Trina kicked the air in front
of the bed.

"We've got the craft shack to ourselves in the afternoon, though.  At least
it's cool in there."

"Yeah, I can't wait for brush up on my sowing skills.  The pillow I made
last year is getting kind of flat," Jared again banged his head into the
corner of the bed.  The rest laughed at him

"Alright guys, it's time to get to your own rooms. Lights out," Scott came
around the front of the door and said, and quickly went to the next.

"G'night, guys," Jared sprang to his feet (he was closest to the door) and
slowly made his way out.

	Trina left next, giving Cal a kiss on the cheek and Bailey a swat on the
ass, and Liz pretty much did the same thing, and Amy more coyly said good
night and left, shutting the door behind her.  Bailey was already in a
t-shirt and shorts, and for the most part prone to the bed ready to sleep.

	Cal on the other hand was not.  But, instead of giving Bailey the dreams he
wanted that night, he flicked off the overhead light before he undressed,
crawling into bed in only boxers.  Bailey could still see his form in the
moonlight from the window, so in all he got a pretty good impression of what
Cal looked like without the bag clothing.

	Cal slipped around so that he was facing Bailey, who in turn changed the
angle of his face so that it didn't seem like he was looking in his
direction entirely.  Cal picked up his headphones from the portable CD
player on the floor and placed them over his ears, but then decided that he
didn't want to listen just yet.

"You know, I never thought I'd be rooming with another straight guy again
who didn't beat the shit out of me."

"Huh? What are you talking about."

"Last year, when I decided to just fuck it all and come out, my room mate
and his friends, including Drew, decided to teach me a lesson.  I ended up
with a cracked rib...and that beautiful single."

"I'm...sorry that happened.  But not everyone is like that."

"Dude, I know, look at Jared. Actually I don't think Jared cares about
anything except when it deals with him directly.  He's a cool enough guy,"
Cal seemed uneasy in his words and kind of regretting that he started the
conversation.  He could feel the uncomfortable stillness in Bailey.

"It really doesn't bother me, like I said, I'm used to it."

"So you're uncle is gay, is that it?"

"Yeah. He's actually my great uncle, my grandfather's brother."

"Must have been hard for him then, considering supposedly it's much better
now.  You close to him, like is it cool and everything that he's around?"

"Not so close, but we're cool. Doesn't bother me, you know?"

"No, I don't know many people who aren't bothered."

"You don't know the right people."

"And you do, Bailey boy?" Cal laughed out his question.

"Well, a few. Some of my friends are pretty cool.  Like, they don't really
care about that."

"How do you know if they do or not?"

"Well, my friends Veronica and Rich don't care, and a few others I know of."

"Are you sure? I bet it would be a different story if they met a real gay
person. A lot of people talk but they still get weird."

"No, trust me, I'm sure."

"So you have gay friends at home or something?"

"Well, yeah I guess.  Rich is bi..."

"Oh, I see.  So you're really cool with sleeping right next to me, though?"

"Why are you asking me this over and over again? I said I was fine with it!"
Bailey was getting uncomfortable.  It felt so right to just come out but he
couldn't.

"Sorry, I won't mention it again.  I'm just not used to the idea."

"Well, I've never slept in a room with another..."

"Another what?" Cal cut him off quickly, he had a hunch but he wasn't going
to ask, that would be rude. Plus if it wasn't true it would be so awkward,
and he didn't want to do that to the guy, he liked him.

"Another guy... not since I was a kid anyway.  It's new to me, but I
mean...I'm not bothered, I like you better than most of the people here."

"Why?"

"Because...you're funny, and...and you hate this shit as much as I do," Cal
laughed, Bailey sighed in relief.

"I just thought for a second you meant something else."

"What do you mean?" Bailey was defensive.

"Nothing, I just read that the wrong way, it was funny."

"What, are you saying you think I'm gay."

"Now why would I do that, Bailey?  I think you would have told me if you
were, since I came out to you."

"Why would I have, that's not a good enough reason."

"Why not, why would you fear another person who is coming from the same
place that you are?"

"It's not that easy."

"How the fuck would you know, Bailey?" Cal realized his hunch was right.

"I'm tired, can we just drop this and go to bed."

"Fine.  But Bailey?"

"Yeah?"

"You can trust me, you know, I would like to think of us friends, at least
at the beginning of being friends."

"Trust you with what?"

"Whatever you're avoiding."

"Stop fucking toying with me, alright? Yes, I'm gay.  Are you happy?" Bailey
felt like smacking himself for saying such a stupid thing. But then he
realized he couldn't because his arms couldn't bend that far.

"I didn't mean to..."

"Whatever, I'm tired. Can we sleep?"

"No, wait a minute," Cal was now frustrated and a little confused, "So
you're gay. So then why didn't you tell me, and why did you do that shit
with Liz?"

"I've been here 2 days, and she did it to me."

"You could have stopped her."

"Yeah, well after Drew called me a fucking fag I figured it couldn't hurt to
be seen with a girl."

"So it's ok to lead her on? She's my friend, what gives you the right to be
dishonest with her."

"I thought we were friends a minute ago? And you should know it's not that
easy, and I didn't want to just push her off."

"I just don't see why you'd do that around us. Don't you think that we'd
accept you, they accepted me, didn't they?  You need to tell her tomorrow."

"I'm not going to tell anyone tomorrow, why should I? SO that it can get all
over camp?  I don't need that.  My summer has already started to suck, I
don't need that."

"You don't need that?  I've lived through that for over a year now.  Don't
ask me for sympathy.  I've come out, and I've gotten my battle scars. You're
lucky enough to have already gotten rid of some of the assholes, and we'll
make sure Drew doesn't bother you."

"I just can't come out and be cool with it.  It's hard for me, you should
know."

"It's only hard if you're ashamed.  You shouldn't hide, you're giving in."

"Fuck you. I just don't see how it's that smart to come out right now,
what's the point?  You know, and I regret it already," Bailey's voice was
moving higher than the heated whisper they had been using.

"Whatever, man. I'm going to sleep, I don't need to hear any more of this."

"Fine," Bailey rolled over and waited to hear him turn his headphones on,
and then buried his face in the pillow...crying softly.  He felt like such
an ass.  He came out to Cal when he told himself not to, and now he had
alienated himself from the only guy he thought he might have had a chance
with.  So, instead of getting understanding, he got scorn and his feelings
of going home returned.


Any comments or questions can be sent to St_Rory@hotmail.com or IM me at
Rory Danial.  Thanks always for reading.