Date: Fri, 17 Mar 2000 09:18:06 -0700 (MST) From: pete Subject: The Ballad of JT, Chapter Three, Gay Male, High School Copyright Notice - This story is copyright by Pete Roholt and the author retains all rights. You may distribute, copy or print this story however you like, as long as this copyright notice remains intact and you do not change the story in any way. Also you may not charge any fee to anyone to distribute or access this story. Okay you all know the routine if you ain't supposed to read this don't. If you do don't get caught. If male to male affection and or sex bothers you get lost. There isn't any sex in this part and probably won't be any for a while. This story is going to deal with being outed in high school, gay bashing, suicide and other intense themes (If my writing is up to it ) This is fiction it isn't true some scenes are based on my own experiences with names changed to protect the guilty. Any comments will be welcome please include"nifty" in the subject line. pistonpolisher@webtv.net The Ballad of JT By Pete Roholt Chapter 3 "I've lost Jimmy. What am I going to do without Jimmy" I called the nurse and asked for something for the pain. She didn't know that the pain that was bothering me wasn't from the injuries. Later they made me go for a walk again. After returning from my walk I found my folks in my room. "Hello." I said quietly. "JT, I'm.. well I'm sorry for the way I reacted earlier." My Dad said, "This took me by surprise. You've always been such a boy's boy, scouts, riding horse, working on cars. I just never dreamed that you'd be..." "Gay." I said. "Yeah uh gay." "Dad, I'm still the same person that I was the only difference is that I'm not lying to you. You always taught me to be honest and you don't know how much it hurt me to not be honest about this." "Actually JT, I do have a pretty good idea." He said, "Do you remember your uncle Jeff?" "John, we can talk about this another time," My mom interrupted. "No, Sarah." He said. "I want to talk about this now. JT, do you remember Jeff?" "Well I remember that he was real sick, but he always liked for me to visit with him. I remember one terrible thunderstorm when I went to his room and he held me and told me that I didn't have to be afraid because he wouldn't let anyone hurt me. But he died when I was like... ten right?" "Yeah, 1992." He said, "You see Jeff was gay. For a long time I was the only person in the family that knew. I was the only person that he trusted enough to tell. I was 16 years older than he was and I guess in many ways I thought of him as my own son rather than as a brother. He died of AIDS. He was only 27." "JT, when you said you were gay it brought up so many old memories. I didn't want to face it. When Jeff died I guess I didn't really deal with his death, I just closed off a little bit of myself and refused to open it. When I left earlier I went down to the chapel and as I sat there I could hear Jeff chewing me out, telling me what a rotten selfish bastard I had been to my own son. That's where your mother found me sitting in a pew in the chapel crying my eyes out." "JT I am so ashamed of the way I reacted. If there were any way I could make it up to you I would, but there isn't anything I can do to completely remove the pain I caused. I love you son, please forgive me." "Of course I forgive you." I said. "I really didn't know what had happened to Jeff. I should have figured it out I guess." "No hon," Mom said. "After Jeff died I knew your Dad didn't want to talk about it so I made sure the subject didn't get brought up. You were just ten and you knew he died and what from didn't make any difference." "Sometime," Dad said. "I will tell you about Jeff, but this isn't the time or place. I do have one question though." "What?" I asked. "How did they find out that you're gay?" he asked. I felt my face heat up and I knew I was blushing. "Well, saturday night after the movie my boyfriend and I were caught parking." "You have a boyfriend?" He asked. "Yeah. Or rather I had a boyfriend." "Who is it?" Dad asked. Mom interrupted him and said, "Jimmy O'brien." "Well I really shouldn't say," I said. "But from the conversation I just had with Mrs. O'brien they already know." "Are you okay?" Mom asked. "Mom, I just don't know. The only good thing in my life lately has been Jimmy and I don't know what I'm gong to do without him." I said, "Mrs.. O'brien was really mad and I don't think they will let us see each other again." I tried, I mean I really tried, but tears came to my eyes and before I could stop it I was crying like a baby. Mom came over and put her arms around me and said, "Shhh it'll be alright honey everything'll be alright." I felt another hand on my should and I saw through my tears that my father had put his hand on me and was holding Mom with his other arm. That was when I knew that no matter what else happened my parents loved me. After quite a long time my tears finally quit. I sniffled a little and said, "Thanks, you guys are the best." "JT," Dad said. "I'm going to have to go back home tonight. The business won't run itself. But your mother will stay here with you. The doctor thinks you'll be able to get out in a few days and I'll come back for both of you then. Is there anything you want me to say to your uncles or grandparents?" "Well," I said. "Knowing Wheatland they probably already have heard the rumors. So tell them the truth. I have no intention of living a lie when I go back, not that I could go back into the closet anyway." "That's the JT I know." Dad said, "Just cowboy up and do it." "Is there any other way to do a difficult job?" I asked with a small grin on my face. "Nope," Dad said with a smile. "Just cowboy up and do it." An aide brought in my tray for dinner and Mom said "Lord is that the time. Dad and I need to go eat too. Is there anything you need?" "Yeah Mom where are my clothes?" "They cut them off of you at home we'll have to get some new ones. What do you want?" "Nike's, sweat pants and a sweat shirt, some T-shirts and boxer briefs and some socks would be great." Mom came over and gave me a hug and said, "I'm so happy your back with us." Then Dad came over and gave me a hug too. "JT I am really sorry for the way I acted this morning. I do love you and I was so worried about you." "I love you too Dad." After they left I sat down to a fine meal of hospital food. Yuck. I should have asked them to bring me a Big Mac.