- Wow. You know what? Today was like...perfect. Well...almost perfect, but it was close enough for it to count. At least in my book.
I say 'almost' perfect because...well...mostly because I still have this left over ache in my gut over what happened last night at the party. I mean, I was seriously hoping that I'd just go to sleep and wake up this morning having forgotten all about it. But to be totally honest, it was the first thing that crossed my mind, even before I opened my eyes. It was like having this hollow vacuum in your stomach, sucking inwards and causing you to curl up and roll around helplessly in your own misery.
I wish it didn't matter. Seriously. I mean, come on...me and Jamie Cross? Please! Even if he WAS a homosexual, it would STILL be an unbelievable stretch of the imagination to think that he'd want ME! Even in the 'stupid fantasy' category. It was dumb to think for ONE moment that he would ever be interested in me, you know? I mean, Jamie is like outrageously gorgeous, did I really not expect anybody else to notice that? Did I truly expect him to just be this really beautiful lonely kid who was waiting for somebody like 'me' to come along and sweep him off of his feet? I've been an idiot. He's Jamie 'fucking' Cross, for crying out loud! Of COURSE he's gonna hook up with some hot girl at his own party! Every female specimen in the whole damn school would gladly sacrifice their right arm just to kiss him on the mouth. And even the straightest teenage boys in school would admit that Jamie would be the one boy they'd go 'gay' for. He can have anybody he wants. All he has to do is pick one that he finds attractive, and then sit back and let them make a fool of themselves trying to get to him quick before he changes his mind.
Sigh....so he went upstairs with a pretty girl? So what? Good for him. Good for her. I should be happy for them. If for no other reason than I can finally strike him off of my list as someone that I should keep loving and pursuing and drooling over for the rest of my life. This is a good thing. At least I know where I stand, and I feel better about that.
Yeah, I know. I just wrote that whole paragraph out, and even printed in my own handwriting it looks like a giant steaming pile of bullshit. But what am I gonna do? The only power I have is to forget about him.
Why can't I forget about him???
One thing I do have to confess though....even though a part of me wanted to roll over and cry myself back to sleep, there was another part of me that was strangely turned on by the constant flood of images of what might have happened up there last night. The idea of Jamie Cross in his bedroom, rolling around with that other girl and them tongue kissing in the dark...DAMN that made me hot! In fact, I got so worked up thinking about it that I had to jack off twice before I got out of bed this morning. My God! Just imagining her getting him naked, maybe giving him a hand job...mmmmm! Or maybe she let him go all the way. Maybe he got the chance to thrust himself into her juices over and over again, while she was holding onto his ass cheeks with both hands...WOW! I can't even IMAGINE how she must have felt! All of that beauty, all of that hot bodied, soft, warm, sexiness...just laying on top of her like that. Wanting her, if only for the moment. Geez, she must have felt like a goddess to be chosen by someone so perfect. Which, I guess, means that the rest of us hopeful admirers are totally left out in the cold. And I can't pretend that my heart doesn't break a little bit more every time I think about it.
But there was ONE good thing that came out of this day! And that's what brought it closer to...sighhh....'perfect'.
It all started off with my mom wanting to go out and visit my Aunt Janet today. She asked me if I wanted to tag-a-long, but I swiftly refused. My aunt Janet is great and all, but she's definitely not something that I would consider the highlight of a Saturday afternoon. Not to mention the fact that she has this cat named 'Charlie', who totally hates me for some unexplained reason. That damn cat just sits in the corner all damn day, staring at me, waiting for me to get close enough to it so it can hiss at me and run away. It's, like, the least affectionate animal in the world. And people wonder why I'm a dog person.
Anyway, so I refuse to go, because I know that being at Janet's house is only going to amount to me being by myself, being alone with the kitty from hell, or trying to pretend that I'm interested in whatever two grown women talk about when they get together. Not my cup of tea. And she, thankfully, left without me. And that's when things got interesting.
See, Sam called my house first, and we talked for a few minutes. Nothing big, but I guess he was under the impression that I was mad at him again for getting back with Joanna. I'm not. At least, I don't think I am. But all that aside...he kinda wanted to come over for a bit and talk. His exact words to me were, like, "Dude, I know that you said everything was cool and all, but can I just come over for a bit and talk to you about it? I just gotta know that we're still bros, you know?"
At the time, I didn't see anything wrong with that. So I kinda just shrugged my shoulders and told him, "Cool. Come on over." And he said he was gonna grab something to eat first, and then he'd stop by and ring the doorbell. No biggie, right?
Then....the phone rang again. And it was Brandon this time. God...hearing his voice unexpectedly like that was like an orgasm in itself.
He was like, "Billy...I couldn't sleep last night. Going to that party with you was just so....omigod, it was incredible! You were incredible." Then he lowered his voice a little bit, and I could swear that I could feel him blushing over the phone! "I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. I just..." He paused for a moment, like he was worried that his mom might hear him or something. Then he whispered, "...I love you more and more every day, Billy. It's hard to breathe without you." I think I was suddenly struck speechless. I stopped, and my mind felt as though it was trying to come up with some kind of intelligent response, but...the emotion rushed up into my throat, and my eyes widened, and all I could do was....sit there. My mouth was open, but nothing would come out. I think I made him nervous. So he's like, "Well...I just...felt like I had to call you. That's all I wanted. So...I'll see ya around? Soon, I hope?"
I just blurted out, "My mom went to see my Aunt Janet!" That must have sounded so STUPID to him! Arrrgh! Then I said, "You have to come over."
And he's like, "Now?"
And I'm like, "RIGHT now!"
So he giggled a little bit, and it sounded soooooo adorable, and he says, "Um...ok. I'll be there in about 20 minutes."
So I said, "Cool. I....I love you too." I was literally shaking when I said it, but it was more from excitement than fear. It was almost like I couldn't believe that I was actually able to say it out loud to a boy that I really loved and have him...'accept' it, you know? It was SO weird!
The second he hung up the phone, I tried to call Sam back and cancel! I did NOT want him to come over while Brandon and I were...um...'doing stuff'. And I certainly didn't want him to come over first, because then I'd have to quickly tell him to 'get out' as soon as Brandon got there, and he'd know that something was up. The bad thing is, Sam didn't pick up his damn phone! Which means that he either went out to get something to snack on before coming over, or he was already on his way. Dammit!!! Why doesn't he get a damn cell phone or something? I honestly had to sit there and panic for nearly a half hour, waiting to see which boy was going to show up first, when the doorbell finally rang.
Thank GOD it was Brandon and not Sam! I could tell by the tall silhouette peeking through the screen door when I ran over to open it up. I took a quick second to smooth some of the wrinkles out of my shirt and make sure that my hair was looking cute, and then I yanked the door open to pull Brandon inside before anybody saw us. He giggled at my eagerness, and as soon as I locked the door back, I had to just turn and stare at him for a second or two. He was unimaginably gorgeous today. His shy little smile was the most flirtatious, most amazing, sight that I had ever seen. His big hazel eyes sparkling brightly, highlighted by those pretty long lashes of his...and his hair looked just a little bit longer than usual, but in that really cute 'I'll be ready for a haircut in about two more weeks' kinda way. It playfully hung down to his eye on one side as it swept across his forehead. And those lips...those incredibly delicious lips. I HAD to have him. I had to have him right then and there!
I didn't say anything, I just walked up to Brandon, wrapped my arms around his slim waist, craned my neck up slightly, and held him close as my lips touched his with a grace that I couldn't put into words. Brandon's kiss can so easily take your breath away if you're not careful. Is this what it felt like for that girl to kiss Jamie Cross last night? Is this what it's like to be 'chosen' by the most beautiful boy on the planet?
Nah....this was MUCH better!
I could feel him growing hard against me, and I let my hands run up the back of his t-shirt as our heads leaned one way, and then the other. He had been sucking on some Jolly Ranchers on his way over here. I could taste it when I sucked on his tongue. Mmmm...strawberry. His lips are so soft. And his cheeks were like porcelain. I could feel his hands on me, and I wanted to pull him into my room and tear his clothes off so that I could get to all of his tasty pieces, hehehe! But...I dunno...something about just standing there, kissing him with my eyes closed, feeling the whole world spinning beneath my feet while time stood still...it was such a rush. I didn't want to stop.
Brandon bent his knees a bit, and began to grind up against me, and I had to sit on the arm of the couch to steady myself. He pushed himself into me even more, and our kissing was getting more intense...until I had to put my hand behind me to keep from falling backwards. Um...it didn't work. Hehehe, we both kinda fell back onto the cushions and he landed on top of me. He grinned down at me, as I looked him in the eye, and rubbed my fingertips through the gentle locks of his hair. We just...stared at one another for a second, and then he lowered himself down to start kissing me again. I was in heaven. My heart was beating so hard that I could hardly breathe without whimpering out loud.
Then, he kissed and sucked on my neck, as his hands tried to unbutton my pants. That only made my panting and gasping even worse...and as soon as he lowered the zipper, he got up and pulled my pants and underwear down to my thighs. I was sticking straight up in the air, pulsing, throbbing, begging for his touch. And he lowered his head to slowly suck every inch of me into his mouth without stopping once. There I was, laying on the couch with my legs dangling over the armrest, sliding into the warmest, wettest, mouth in existence...between a set of pursed kissable lips...his eyes closed as his suction surrounded me on all sides....
And the goddamn doorbell rang! It was Sam! And me and Brandon were in the living room. The curtains were closed, but they were pretty thin. If Sam decided to peek in the window, I was sure he'd be able to see us. Brandon stopped sucking, much to my disappointment, and I was quick to get up to my feet. Sam waited a second or two, and then he rang the bell again. I was stuck for a moment, but I knew that I had to do something fast. So I whispered to Brandon and said, "C'mon! Let's go to my room! Shhh!" I know, it sucked, ditching my best friend without warning....but...dammit, he should have answered his phone. Or At least called again to make sure that it was alright to come over. Fuck!
My pants fell to my ankles, and I was trying to shuffle forward as fast as I could, and when Sam knocked on the door with his hand and then called out my name, I had to start hopping so I could get to my room faster. Brandon covered his mouth and started really laughing at me! Hehehe, I guess I did look pretty silly, pants around my feet, hopping around with my erection bouncing painfully up and down as I tried to avoid being seen. I suppose I could have just kicked my pants off all the way and just walked, but I wasn't thinking straight at the time. We hid out in the bedroom, and my window was open, so I gave Brandon a silent gesture to keep his giggles quiet. We sat on the floor, and I took my pants the rest of the way off as we waited for Sam to go away. I looked over at my baby, and had to lean in to kiss him again for a moment as I heard Sam run around to the other door and ring that doorbell as well. I just...I just wanted him to leave! Give up already! I'm spending time with my sweetheart here! Finally, Brandon and I didn't hear anything from outside anymore, and I slowly got up to slowly close my bedroom window. We were in the clear, Sam had gone back home, and we were alone again. Alone again Sighhhh....
As I looked out of the window to check the area, Brandon walked up behind me and kissed the back of my neck. "I want to be with you all the time. Every minute of the day." He groaned in my ear. "I just want to hold you in my arms forever.", and he rubbed up and down my stomach a few times, before grabbing a hold of my hardness and stroking it until I was shivering against him.
I turned around and draped my arms over his broad shoulders as we began tongue kissing again, and he unfastened his pants, letting them drop to the floor as well. Oh WOW, why can't we do this every day, and not just when we get lucky enough to have the house empty? I could totally wake up to Brandon's kiss every morning for the rest of my life. If only we had a place of our own, you know? A place to just be....ourselves.
I lifted his shirt over his head, and I saw that luscious piece of warm meat sticking out in my direction. My mouth was watering over the mere sight of it, and I let my hands travel down his backside as I slowly got down on my knees. My fingers didn't stop until they were tightly gripping the soft squeezable flesh of his ass cheeks. I gave them a grope as I sank that awesome hardness into my mouth, and he trembled a bit as he thrust his head back and released a desperate sigh. He must have been aching for this as badly as I was. He was weak in the knees, and soon had to sit down on the floor and lean against the bed to keep from falling over. I sucked him in sooooo deep, my tongue swiping as much flavor off of him as I could manage with each downward bob of my head. He tasted soooo good. He raised his knees a bit, and I reached up to tickle his balls a bit, and even went a bit further down to rub that sweet little trail leading to his asshole. He went wild for that one!
Of course, Brandon was always a bit of a 'quick' one, and his hair-trigger explosion went off just minutes after I got him in my mouth. It caught me by surprise, and I let some of it spill out of my mouth, but I think I got most of it. Hehehe, you know, it seems to taste different every time I swallow a load from him. I wonder why that is. Hmmm...whatever. Everything we do together is hot, but I wish he didn't get so excited and shoot off before I got to really please him the way I wanted to, you know? I want it to last for just, like...ten or fifteen minutes longer. That's all I guess it comes with practice.
He had to rest for a moment or two, and I was still between his legs, just kinda kissing the inside of his thighs. He's so soft and spongy there. It's like pressing your lips against a feather pillow in a silk casing...but warmer. And after his breathing returned to something a bit more 'normal', he used his hand to raise my chin and I kissed him on his stomach. But he kept lifting me up and leaning to the side so I could crawl on top of him, so I did. I kissed him on the lips, and wormed myself between his legs so my hardness could press itself against something. But...he kept lifting, and he began to kiss my nipples as I crawled further up. Then he let his tongue run slow circles down my side, and he pushed me even further up. He was kissing my belly button before I actually caught on all the way, and tried to balance myself as I lifted my knees, one at a time, to straddle the sides of his head without digging into his shoulders. His hands rubbed up and down my ass cheeks as he sucked on my balls for a little bit, and then he pulled me all the way into his hot lips and started suckling at me like a newborn baby. I felt that warm wetness slide over my sensitive tip, and we both whimpered from the sensation. I spread my legs even wider, resting my pelvis on his lips as he sucked me even deeper into his moist lips. Oh man, it was fucking incredible! He grabbed handfuls of my ass, and he pulled me down as far as I could go without smothering him from above, and I started to pump gently into his mouth. I could feel myself sliding up against his tongue...and he was moaning as his hands touched me all over down there. I kept humping his face, but I was afraid to go too far or I might choke him. But....Jesus....it felt soooo good! His mouth was so wet, and so hot, and his tongue was pressed so tightly up against the underside of my boner...I can honestly say that I didn't hold out very long either this time.
It reminded me a lot of the way Bobby used to just worship every last inch of me while we were having sex. The way he just gave himself over to me so completely, and wrapped his whole body around me as though he never wanted to let me go. And....why am I thinking about Bobby Jinette right now when I'm talking about Brandon?
Sorry, lost my train of thought.
Ok, so I got to the point of no return, and Brandon's hands were running up and down my thighs and ass, and I just couldn't hold it anymore. So I clenched my ass SUPER tight, closed my eyes, and tried to hold back a silent scream as I felt my orgasm pulse and spasm right into those kissable lips of his. He didn't miss a drop, and while he was swallowing, I was trying to balance myself on my hands and knees...which is hard to do when you're body is wiggling and squirming out of control like that. I completely let loose, and finally got so sensitive that I had to pull myself out of his mouth before he sucked me unconscious! It was SO wild!!!
We even got to cuddle for a good half hour or so before my mom got home. I didn't want to ever let him get dressed again. I didn't even want to stop kissing him there on my bedroom floor. Being able to rest my cheek against his smooth chest, and lay one of my legs across him...there's nothing more comfortable, more naturally soothing, than that. I can't even put into words what it's like to love somebody sooo much, and just feel your naked skin against theirs in silence for a little while. Sighhhh...but inevitably we had to break it up. I knew that my mom would be coming back once it got dark enough for us to have to turn the lights on. So, with a whine, I let him go. But we kissed every step of the way to the door. And he said, "Thanks, Billy. I really needed this today. Hehehe, but you DO realize that you've just made things worse in terms of me thinking about you, right?"
And I just grinned and told him, "Yep! I hope so! And I'm glad." Then I kissed him again. Longer this time. "I don't ever want you to stop thinking about me, Brandon. I love you." And with a blush, he walked out and went home.
Like I said...not all the way perfect. But perfect enough for me.
I've gotta run. I kinda expected Sam to call when I didn't answer the door today, but he didn't. I hope he's not upset. I'm gonna write him an email as soon as my mom gets home. At least that way I can say that I went with her to aunt Janet's house and didn't get a chance to tell him. I'll see him tomorrow. No biggie.
I'll write more later. See ya soon!