- I feel like I have the ultimate infestation of cooties right now. Ugh!!!
Okaaaaay...so here goes...
I went to school today, really giving Joanna's little 'talk' some serious thought. And giving the idea of bashing Stevie's head in with a fucking baseball bat from the gym some serious thought too. Only one of them is going to bring me any kind of peace of mind (And the other one was Joanna's idea!) But...if there's even a slight chance that it'll win Brandon's heart back...it was worth it.
I did sorta catch sight of them together before school started today. I guess Stevie rides his bike to school too now, so they were at the bike rack at the same time. They locked the bikes up TOGTHER! Can you believe that? Like...all 'snuggly' and shit, with the same chain! What the fuck is THAT all about? Arrrrgh!!! Ok...alright...I've gotta calm down. I'm calm. It's nothing. It's...grrrrr....'cute'. I'm supposed to be happy for them. So...I figured I might as well give this a shot.
I walked up to the two of them as they were talking to each other, and I could feel knots being tied up in my guts as I got close enough to speak. "Uh, hey guys."
Brandon and Stevie turned around, and I swear, I had to fight the urge to tackle that emo boy over that bike rack and strangle him until he was too scared to go anywhere NEAR my ex-boyfriend ever again! But...I chilled out instead.
Brandon was like, "Hey, Billy. What's up?"
I'm like, "Nothing, really. I just...wanted to say hi, I guess." I tried to look over at Stevie and smile, but I had to gnash my teeth together as hard as I could to keep even a fake grin on my face.
Brandon said, "Oh, hey! Have you met Stevie? Stevie this is Billy."
Stevie smiled at me with those super white teeth, and those big dopey 'glow in the dark' neon blue eyes of his. And that stupid dark brown emo hair, swept all beautifully over his forehead, looking all perfect and slim in his bullshit tight fitting black t-shirt. GOD, I *HATE* that kid!!!! So I'm just like, "Hey...."
And he shakes my HAND, like, "What's up, Billy? Brandon's told me a lot about you, dude." Ugh! Even his voice is all hazy and cute. Why is he even AT this school! Shouldn't he be modeling skimpy swimsuits somewhere or something?
I'm like, "Really? What did he tell you?" I looked back over at Brandon, wondering if he's been spreading bad news about our break up.
Brandon gave me a knowing look and replied, "Not as much as you think." He seemed pretty serious about it, but I don't know what that meant, to be honest. Does that mean that he didn't tell Stevie why we broke up? Or that he didn't tell him that we even dated at all? Or that I'm even gay? What does he know, and what doesn't he know? Great...now I've got THAT to figure out in a roundabout way. "Well...we should be going to class. Stevie and I have English together now."
They bashfully grinned at each other, and I tried hard to keep from vomiting all over Stevie's shiny black shirt. I wish I had eaten something more 'colorful' for breakfast...I would have let it rip right then and there. I clenched my fists around the straps of my back pack, and I said, "Yeah...well, I've gotta run too so..." It started to feel REALLY awkward, so I just said, "Well...see ya." Being sure to add, "Nice meeting you, Stevie." I swear, lightning should have shot out of the sky and sizzled me to a fucking CRISP for telling such an outrageous lie! But I guess the fates wanted me to suffer for a bit longer, so they let it pass.
The whole thirty second meeting was enough to make my chest feel like a crushed aluminum can, and I HATED it! How long did Joanna really expect me to put up this? I mean, did that little interaction have any real impact at all? Am I supposed to believe that Brandon's gonna suddenly think to himself, 'Hmmm, Billy was nice to Stevie when he met him. I can't wait to strip naked and get back together with my old boyfriend now?' Somehow, that doesn't seem too likely. What did she say now? She said that he loves me...but he doesn't trust me anymore. And that's supposed to be a 'weapon' of some sorts, right? Ugh, this plan made so much more sense on Friday. I've gotta try thinking like a 'girl' if I'm gonna figure this out. Because the 'guy' side of me still says that my best weapon was that baseball bat from the gym.
I saw Jimmy LaPlane in the hall today, and instantly tensed up. I don't know why, it was just some freaky reaction that I had to his confession yesterday. He saw the surprise on my face, and it caused him to giggle out loud. He's like, "Billy...what are you doing?" I went over to say hi, but I still had my defenses up a bit. I just felt completely...'exposed' all of a sudden. He was instantly like, "Billy, I'm not gonna TELL anybody about...you know what? It's not like I told anybody so far."
I straightened up a bit, and told him, "I know. I just...I feel so weird for lying to you all this time."
But Jimmy smiled and replied, "I don't think of it as lying. Let's just call it 'withholding the truth for the sake of a friendship'." Why was he being so extremely cool about this? Then he says, "Besides...you're sort of beyond the point of disappointing me. So consider yourself lucky."
Believe me, I did.
We talked for a minute or two. But the mood changed when the subject of AJ came up. Jimmy sort of avoided my eyes when I said his name, and he tried to pretend like he was fidgeting around in his locker for more books. He was like, "What about him?"
And I'm like, "Well, I mean, you got what you wanted, right? So...."
There was a pause between us, and Jimmy's like, "So what?"
Which I thought was weird. So I asked him, "So you're gonna, like, break it off with him, right?"
Jimmy almost didn't want to answer at first, but then he told me the truth. "No. Things between me and Alex are fine." Fine? What the heck is he talking about? He doesn't even LOVE Jimmy! And Jimmy KNOWS it! But when I asked him what the deal was, he just said, "Let it go, Billy. Alright? I told you...it's Alex or nothing. I don't like being all alone on the weekends. I don't like jacking off to the boys on the Disney Channel all the time. It's pathetic, ok? I just want to enjoy having a boyfriend for a little while. I LIKE Alex. And he makes me feel good, so...leave us alone, k?" He kinda peeked over at me out of the corner of his eye, and then he said, "I'm fine, ok? And you're being very sweet, Billy. Really, you are. But I'm having fun. That's all it is. It's not like I'm gonna get all 'caught up' in this or anything. When it's on, it's on. And when it's over...it'll just be over. Until then, let me share some fluids with a real hottie and just be happy for me."
It seemed totally backwards to me, but he closed his locker and told me goodbye before I could really come up with any kind of logical comeback for that last statement. Maybe Stevie's not the only one that needs a good 'bat attack'. Because if AJ hurts that boy, I'm coming for him next.
Oh, by the way, Bobby Jinette has sorta backed off of me entirely. He still speaks to me, but only in sad little whispers and mumbles. Somehow, I think the idea of being my 'friend' is about as appealing to him as being Brandon's friend appeals to me. And that's just gotta be like stabbing yourself in the crotch with a barbecue fork. I kinda miss talking with him. And that's strange, because it's not like we had a whole lot in common. But now that we hardly talk at all...something is missing in my day. Odd.
Ok, so anyway...I go to lunch with Sam and Joanna right? And I barely set my lunch tray down on the table before the questions start. Joanna's like, "Soooo? Did you talk to him? What happened? How did they respond?"
I couldn't do anything but sigh to myself. I said, "They didn't. They hardly noticed me at all. They were too busy giggling and sharing a bike chain and...going to English class together." I pouted. I hardly had any appetite at all. I was like, "It's just so 'STUPID' that he likes this Stevie kid soooooo much! I mean...I don't see what's so special about him, other than him being cute." I looked up at Joanna, who seemed concerned, and couldn't believe that I was actually coming to her for advice on how to get another boy. I whined, "C'mon, Joanna, HELP me! What am I doing wrong? I tried being nice, but they're too lovey dovey to pay me any attention."
Her wheels were turning, and she told me, "Well it's not going to work in the first thirty seconds, Billy. These things take time. They're delicate."
I said, "I don't wanna take my time, I want my boyfriend to come back before he goes off kissing somebody else."
Joanna rolled her eyes. "Jesus, do you boys have ANY patience at ALL??? Quit trying to 'jump' to the end of the story and just take in the details of what's going on right now." She scooted closer, and Sam took a backseat as he just tried to observe from afar. She's like, "You've gotta become a part of their routine, Billy. You can't just blindside them out of the blue with some awkward conversation and a couple of giggles. You've got to get comfortable with them. And they've got to get comfortable with you too."
I asked her, "How long is THAT gonna take?"
And she said, "What did I just say about PATIENCE??? It'll take as long as it takes. Just sit back and be glad that you have the opportunity to spend time with Brandon again." This plan didn't sound as promising as it did last week, but I kept listening anyway. She says, "Look, tomorrow...I want you to see if you can have lunch with them."
I'm like, "Great. Now she wants me to have lunch with them. Wonderful idea, Joanna."
Sam started to say something, but she put her hand over his mouth before he even got a single word out. Then she goes, "It doesn't seem like the best course of action NOW...but believe me, it's the best way to position yourself between them. You've got to find yourself a spot in their connection where you can find out what's going on. Find out what they have in common, and then find out what they DON'T have in common. You've gotta find a way to discover all the advantages you have at your disposal."
I raised an eyebrow, and said, "Advantages?"
She's like, "Yeah. Like...what do they disagree on? What do they argue about? What parts of their personality do they avoid in order to keep things all sweet and sappy? Listen in on their conversations, feel around, and start making a list. You'll be able to use those things against Stevie later. And while Brandon is getting comfortable with you again, and learning to put his trust in you, you can be simultaneously using what you know to push Stevie out of the picture until he's the third wheel at the table. You get it?"
Wow...ok Now THAT makes sense! I still don't like the whole 'lunch date from hell' idea...but I'm willing to give this kicking Stevie to the curb idea a shot! YES! My mom was right...girls really ARE devious when they wanna be! Me and Sam would have just jumped him in an alley and been done with it all. Ah well...this might work too.
So, lunch. Ok...I'm gonna try that. Sighhh...wish me luck. I'm gonna need it.
Note to self: Eat a colorful breakfast tomorrow morning....JUST in case!