- You know...every time I think I have a certain grasp on who might have kissed me at my party...something comes along and screws up the whole investigation.
I'm seriously starting to think that I'm going to have to start just coming right out and interrogating people. At least the ones that I'm 'out' to. I don't know about the ones who still don't know. But at least I'll be able to narrow my list down a bit more.
Anyway, BIG turn of events today! It was something that I kinda considered before, but I had really just added him to the list as a minor possibility. Actually, it was more just wishful thinking on my part. But now....I'm not so sure.
See, I was in the halls before school because I had gotten there a little bit early, and I was surprised to see Trace there too. As much time as he spends in detention, I'd think he'd avoid this building like the PLAGUE when he didn't have to be here. I said hello, and he instantly smiled at me. It's really breathtaking to see Trace smile, you know? I mean...seriously. There's something so unbelievably warm and inviting about it. You don't get to see it often. I mean...it's not that he's 'grumpy' or anything...he's just usually really nonchalant about a lot of things. So he only really smiles when he means it. Which...I dunno...makes it more precious, I guess.
He's like, "Yeah, I had to get up and take Mikey to school this morning. It's not that far of a walk, but his school starts crazy early. So I figured, since there's nothing even remotely interesting about the world at this time of morning, and most of the stores aren't even opened yet...I might as well just come on in to school. It's practically my second home anyway."
I said, "Hehehe, maybe you should try staying out of detention."
He's like, "I'd like to think of it as 'working overtime'." Then he smiled a bit as his little dreads moved forward, and he said, "Besides, I refuse to take life lessons from a 'boozer' like you, buddy!"
It made me giggle, and I said, "I'm NOT a boozer! It was ONE time! Geez!"
To which he replied, "No...it was the FIRST time! And I'm sure it won't be the last. Somehow, I find it hard to believe that you're gonna be a total monk for the rest of your life. So don't even bullshit me with that." He was grinning, those pearly white teeth showing...and those big, bright, shiny eyes...it's really HARD to look at him sometimes. I have such a weird little puppy love infatuation with him. He's so CUTE!
I said, "It was an accident. Heh....really, things happened that I kinda...regret, so..." I didn't expect much of a reaction, but Trace's expression changed a little bit. Not in a BAD way, it was just different. Or...I don't know, maybe I'm making it up in my head.
He asked me, "Regret, huh? Like...what, exactly?" He was still smiling, but...I got this weird feeling from him all of a sudden. Then he said, "You know what? It doesn't matter. I'm sure it'll work itself out for the best. Whatever it is. Just...take it easy next time. K?"
I felt this, like, tension suddenly wrapping itself around my chest and squeezing it like a boa constrictor. I instantly told him, "You know...when I say 'regret'...I don't mean, like...everything. I mean some parts of the party were good." Then I added, "Some parts were...you know...VERY good. Like...especially at the 'end' of the night." Did that sound too creepy? Now that I read that back, that looks kinda creepy. That's probably why he just kinda dodged that comment altogether.
Then he said something that really perked my ears up. He's like, "Well, you've gotta take it easy, Billy. I mean it. I don't want one of the few friends I've got ending up a vegetable in a hospital somewhere from alcohol poisoning. There's tricks you've gotta learn first before you go around 'guzzling the gold' like that." Then he added, "I really feel bad for not telling you to stop when I first saw you getting liquored up. I should have known you were overdoing it.If it's one thing I know, it's drinking within reason. Hehehe..."
I said, "Well, it wasn't your job to stop me. Technically, that was supposed to be my job. So...you're kinda off the hook."
Trace smiled and patted me lightly on the back. "No such thing as 'off the hook' between friends, Billy. But don't worry, I've got your back from now on, k? I'll take care of you." Did you HEAR that? He'll 'take care' of me! He was watching me drink! He knows that I was getting drunk! So...it makes sense that he would be the one to keep an eye on me and help me to lay down that night, right? I mean...RIGHT??? I vaguely remember talking to him about how tipsy I was getting. And I also remember staring openly at his crotch for half the time we were talking. And...if I'm not mistaken...I think I remember a quiet moment when he and I just stared into each other's eyes without saying anything at all. I mean...whether I meant to do it or not, I had certainly given him enough 'hints' for him to take that as a green light to come and get me. I mean, wow...if I actually kissed those soft puffy lips of his...if I got to touch that hard piece of meat and suck on his tongue...I mean...IMAGINE how hot that would be! Me and Trace, like...kissing in the dark! My body would fall all to pieces if I got to snuggle up to a hottie like that every afternoon after school. Well...once he got out of detention, that is. Hell...I'd wait for him. Right outside the door, with my heart in my hands to offer it to him every time he walked out of the door.
Anyway, I'm definitely putting a big star next to Trace's name, because...if those sweet succulent lips have any chance of being pressed up against mine ever again, I definitely wanna know about it! The funny thing is, as cute as Trace is, he never really struck me as being gay. I mean, other boys have, like...'traits', you know? Brandon did, Bobby did, Lee does...hell, even SIMON has some traits, and he's not even gay! But if Trace has any, he hides them well. He'd be like...the perfect secret boyfriend. Seriously! Which is kinda hot! Hehehe!
Ok, I've gotta stop thinking about him. I'm getting...'weird' now.
Oh...so I had a very brief run in with Joanna today. And she's turning really bitchy all of a sudden. Like, she rolled her eyes the second she saw me even walking in her direction. Don't know what the hell *I* did to deserve that. I mean, what is she so angry about? I thought Sam was supposed to be the perfect boyfriend for her. Somebody who was willing to worship the ground she walks on 24 hours a day and give up his whole life just to be a part of hers. And now she wants so little to do with him that the very presence of his best friend, like...disgusts her.
I barely opened my mouth to say hi before she was like, "You know what, Billy...if this is about Sam, I don't want to hear it. As far as I'm concerned, he said everything he needed to say to me a your party. I didn't even want to go to that thing, but now that I think about it, I'm really glad that I did. It really opened my eyes."
I asked her, "What did he do that was SO awful, Joanna? I mean...can't you see that he really REALLY loves you? He's done nothing but ache and moan and hold back tears since you broke up with him."
She says, "If you ask me, he broke up with me first. His actions showed me that he's not going to be someone that I can trust with anything more than a few tongue kisses and a little fun between the sheets. I was counting on him, Billy. He...he let me down."
I said, "I know that...things went weird between you guys, but...can't you just give him one more chance? I mean, he's really suffering."
You know what she told me? She told me, "That's really not my problem anymore. I've moved on."
She was looking away from me when she said it. Almost like she was ashamed to say it and didn't want me to know about it. I'm like, "Moved on? What do you mean, moved on?"
And she shut her locker, an almost 'hurtful' look in her eyes, and she said, "If Sam asks...tell him I found someone else." And then she left. She literally just...left. How the fuck can she just 'find' someone else??? What is she talking about???
I was so fucking MAD when she said that!!!! This is my best friend that she's talking about!!! I mean, what the hell? Just when I was really ready to give this bitch some fucking credit, she turns around and tears Sam's heart in half! That's low. It's just plain low.
Anyway, I'm gonna put a star next to Trace's name. I tried to call him tonight, but didn't get an answer. I thought he might wanna talk some more about what happened at the party, but no such luck. I also chatted with Lee for about 20 minutes online. My dad only wants me to chat in the living room on the computer, where I have NO privacy whatsoever. So no dirty jokes, no swear words, no flirting, no private info between us....it was the most 'sterile' conversation Lee and I have ever had.
Sighhhhhh.....did I mention that I fucking *HATE* it here???
I'm sure I did. But let me just say it again....
I *HATE* IT HERE!!!!
Anyway, Lee told me something strange.He was like, "You know, Randall asked about you. Twice, as a matter of fact. What are you two up to?"
Now...I hardly know Randall at ALL. I mean, I talked to him at my party a bit, but it was hardly enough to say that we 'know' one another. So I'm like, "Well....just let him know that I'm ok and I'm not sick anymore." But Lee said that he didn't even ask if I was still sick. He just asked about me and said he liked me and wanted to know how I was doing. Lee didn't say anything, but he seemed really curious as to why Randall would even be talking about me. But...whatever.
Even more twisted, was that Lee almost started to, like...compete for my attention right afterwards. And he's all, "So you're still coming over on Friday, right? Don't go all funny on me, Billy, because I'm gonna seriously mark it off as an official holiday on my 'cool calendar', k? I wanna be...well...let's just get together and see what happens, k?" Like I could ever say no to Lee. Ever! Even online. My fingers purposely avoid the 'n' and 'o' keys entirely when I'm chatting with him. Then he's like, "Take care, Billy. K?" And he signed it with 'XOXOXOXOX' and a little '<3' thingy too. Which is really cute, you know? I just...I can't shake the feeling that Lee is too good to be true.
Still, he's at the top of my list. So we'll see what comes of all that. In the meantime...I'm still searching for clues. So wish me luck.
|The "Kiss Mystery" List|