"Billy Chase #213"


- You know...I think I was about twenty minutes away from throwing my little 'Kiss Mystery' list away. I was thinking about it, and...I mean...I should just get rid of it, right? It doesn't even matter anymore, you know? I can stop stressing myself out about it and just...enjoy being back in someone's arms again. Do you know that I actually went BACK to Lee's house today! Can you believe it? He was like, "Dude...um...my mom is going grocery shopping in, like, 25 minutes. So....like...you wanna come over? Like...for a little bit." Hehehe, awwww, it was so CUTE, the way he said it! It was all bashful and sweet! And he was saying it softly over the phone, so it was obviously done so she wouldn't hear him talking. He's sooooo adorable sometimes! Hehehe!

So yeah, I went back over there today...hoping to get more of what I got yesterday. And, sure enough...the second I walked in the door, he kissed me passionately on the lips...tongue and all! He's SUCH a great kisser! Seriously! And then, with a smile, he took me by the hand to lead me back to his bedroom for more SUPER hot sex! Hehehe! THREE more times before his mom got home! Thank God for grocery stores with long lines and hard to find parking on the weekends! How many times is that now, that Lee and I have had hot naked sex with each other? I forget now! But I think I beat Jimmy LaPlane's record! Hehehe! I don't know what happened between them, but Lee doesn't seem too straight to ME! In fact, he seems to be really REALLY eager and excited about having sex with me! I guess I should be supremely flattered, huh? This is still so surreal! Like...I'm totally lost in a dream right now. Parts of my mind and body still feel like they won't ACCEPT the fact that Lee is, like, on top of me with his tongue wrapped around mine, and his sexy penis leaking on my stomach. It's just, like....too much! Hehehe! But ohhhhh so good!

I have to admit, it felt good to be loved. It really did. I think I needed that this weekend. It was one of the only things that could take my mind off of Brandon and Stevie. If anything, I worked harder to make sure that the sex me and Lee were having was gonna top ANYTHING that they could possibly be doing with one another. So...you know...I'm just trying really hard not to care anymore. If I can be replaced...then he can be replaced. So be it.

Oh...did you know that Lee stays hard even after he cums??? Like, even after the SECOND time he cums! It goes down a little bit, but it's still, like, 'stiff'. You have no idea how HOT that is! And no matter what, he always tastes soooooo good! Like a vanilla lollipop or something...but warmer. He tastes just as good as he looks, trust me! And he really likes to kiss. Slow, tongue filled, erotic, kissing. With a lot of grinding and just....wow. Lee is everything I expected him to be sexually. And then some. We haven't done 'everything' yet, but it's mostly because I usually end up having an orgasm just from kissing and rolling around naked with him alone. I can't explain it, but...there's something soooo sensual about the way he moves. It's like....wow. His skin is the softest skin I've ever felt. And that's just his arms, legs, and chest! It' even SOFTER when you get to the parts he keeps hidden. I placed my cheek on the inside of his thigh while I was licking his balls today...and it was like...I could falls asleep right there, feeling that heat and sucking on his balls, and enjoying the smoothness of his thigh on my face. And his balls have the CUTEST little pink wrinkles on them too! And soft little hairs, but only on the sides. They're cute!

Anyway, we still haven't had much time to really talk about how this is all going to work out from now on, 'relationship wise'. I mean, obviously...Joanna can't know about this. Her and Lee have been friends for a long time, and I think that I'm sort of...um...the 'enemy' at the moment. And Sam can't know either. If they were at each other's throats, and then found out that their two best friends were dating, that might make for a nasty situation later. But, you know, I assume we'll just work on all that stuff later. We didn't wanna waste our short time together discussing that weirdness when we had more 'pressing' matters on our mind. Hehehe! It's hard to talk with our mouths full anyway.

I really wish I had more of a chance to lay there with him naked though. Like...really comfortable and quiet...without worrying about getting caught. Lee had his eyes closed, and his lips slightly parted, and I was snuggled up beside him, enjoying that magic skin of his. And I wish I could have just stayed there like that for the rest of the day. But when he looked at the clock, he was like, "We've gotta get dressed. My mom might come back soon." And I hated to get up, but once we both got dressed, he laid back down on his bed and wiggled his sock feet with a grin.

I'm like, "Hehehe, what?"

And he was soooooo CUTE! He's like, "I said we had to get dressed. I didn't say you could leave me here all cold and lonely. Hehehe, come back." And he gave me this gorgeous little pouty face. And he says, "I miss you already." So I climbed back on the bed, and started getting hard again right away as he reached out for me, gave me a kiss and held me close for like another ten minutes. It was the most comforting thing in the world, you know?

I really think something like this could work out. Hehehe, especially if he keeps giving me regular sex like this! He'll NEVER hear a complaint out of me.

I had to pretty much make up an excuse for being there when Lee's mom came back. And once we both helped her bring the groceries, I had to make another excuse to leave. But I swear, Lee gave me a look that was like...a 'kiss with his eyes', you know? I practically floated home after that. He's so beautiful. So SO beautiful! Sighhhh...

Oh yeah, I totally got lost there for a while. Hehehe! Sex is one HELL of a tangent to any conversation, isn't it?

Anyway....the list...

I was about to throw it away today, but I kinda got this 'call' from Bobby Jinette today. And I wasn't really sure what to expect, but...I don't know. He was acting really strange at first. He was literally squirming on the other side of the phone, and could hardly put two words together for the first five to ten minutes. So finally I asked him, "Dude, what's this all about?"

And he kinda froze up for a little bit, and he said, "Billy...ummm...I know that you might be going through a tough time right now, but I..." And he stopped, and took a deep breath, and he's like, "...I thought about what happened at the party. You know...with you and Brandon. And I just wanted you to know that I'm just...I'm so so sorry. I feel REALLY guilty about ALL of this, and I know that you should TOTALLY hate me for what I did!"

But I said, "I don't HATE you, Bobby. Honestly. It's in the past." Which wasn't entirely true, but the less Bobby thinks about it, the better.

And yet, he kept trying to find the right words, and he didn't want me to hang up without hearing what he had to say. It was really weird. Then he's like, "Billy...that night, I have to admit...I was...glad that it was over."

And I'm like, "What?"

And he's whimpering a bit, like, "I KNOW it's shitty of me to feel that way, and I'm trying really really hard to stop...having 'feelings' for you. And it felt so WRONG at the time, but when I saw Brandon and Stevie leave that party together...it was like my whole heart swelled up all over again. And I was hoping...I mean..." Then he spit it out. "...If you wanna take some time, I'll totally understand. But...do you think that...maybe you and I can, like...try again?"

Note to self...Bobby Jinette is definitely not someone I want to tell about Lee.

I stammered for a moment, and then I was like, "Bobby...I don't...I don't know what to say."

And he's like, "Don't say anything. Ok? Just...think about it? For me? JUST think about it. I mean...I can wait if you just need time to adjust or whatever. I'd wait forever for you, Billy. I miss you sooo much. I won't lie, I'm happy that Brandon's not in the picture anymore. I can't help it."

To be honest, it kinda stung to hear him say that. But I just kinda bit my tongue and didn't mention it. I said, "Bobby, this is all really sudden..."

He would hardly let me finish a sentence. It was like...now that he had come this far, he wanted to almost 'bully' me into it. He's all, "No no no...dude, that's cool! Just, think about us. You and me. We can go slow this time if you want. I'll...I'll totally be everything you want me to be. We can just, like, go get something to eat or something and just...start all over from scratch. Just PLEASE...give it some thought. Ok? Please?" Sighhh...ARRRGGHHH!!!

I did, actually tell him, "I will. No promises though, ok?" But I don't know why I said it. Maybe it was just an easy way to avoid the situation for the time being. I was just kinda blindsided by the whole thing. Bobby took that as an answer, and he seemed really anxious and happy about it all. Geez! You would have thought that I had accepted a marriage proposal or something the way he was bouncing around about it. So...once again, I'm stuck with delaying the inevitable heartbreak that's sure to come from this. Why is Bobby so...ugh! I really don't want to make the same mistake twice, getting his hopes all up and then having to shatter it all at the last minute. That would just be cruel. I know Bobby thinks he's in love with me...I just don't know how to get him to stop.

So...I looked back at the list again tonight, and I couldn't bring myself to crumple it up. I started to wonder if maybe...just maybe, it was Bobby that kissed me after all. It was highly unlikely though. Something was..I don't know...missing. Then again, watching Brandon and Stevie leave, and being 'happy' enough to jump on me the second he found an opportunity makes a weird kind of sense...it's not really like Bobby to do that and not talk to me about it right away. He would have giggled himself silly the next day, and he would have called me every day afterwards.

I didn't know for sure, one way or the other. So I looked down at the list...at all the names that were left. And as much as I wanted to just give up the search and try to live in the 'now'...I couldn't throw it out. I just couldn't. So....I'm keeping it for a bit longer.

I'm really happy about trying to build things with Lee! Don't get me wrong! I just...I wanna know who I kissed that night. Just for peace of mind, you know?

I guess the search continues, huh?

Shit...I've gotta run. My dad wants to check my homework. Grrr...the warden says jump...I say 'how high'? But I give him a dirty look when I do it, though.


- Billy

The "Kiss Mystery" List


Bobby Jinette



Jamie Cross*


~Jimmy LaPlane~