"Billy Chase #217"

- Oh WOW!!! That is EXACTLY what I needed today! I mean...it's like my whole BODY feels 100 times more relaxed than it has all week! All of that tightened up muscle and emotional tension....sighhhh....gone in just a few hours.

I got to 'hang out' with Lee again today, and despite my previous worries about whether or not he wanted to be serious about us being together...we had some really *HOT* sex today! I mean...like...HOT! Omigod, he's soooooo GOOD at making me feel satisfied! His every touch is just sweet and gentle and JUST right! You know how you have a back itch or something...and somebody comes along and scratches it for you...and they find JUST the right spot, every time? A spot that you yourself can't even find? And the second the scratch it....it's like...like....ahhhhhhh....THANK YOU!!!

Well, Lee's sexual talents are just like that. He knows just how to kiss, and just how to stroke, and just how to moan...and it drives me CRAZY, because he's like...sooooo freaking SEXY that it's hard to hold on to my orgasm for more than a few minutes before I'm erupting hot cream all over the place!

I mean...I felt kinda weird about going over at first. I just...I went to his house like I said I would. But I didn't know what to expect. Lee is kinda 'off' and 'on' sometimes, and it felt like he was going back to just wanting to be friends again. Not only THAT...but when I went over there, RANDALL was there too! So I thought that this was an even more OBVIOUS attempt to just get me to back off and not try anything even remotely 'sexual' with Lee today. I was certain that he had brought him along as a 'barricade' from any intimate questions or sensual actions on my part. And don't think that it didn't cross my mind that Lee and Randall might already have a little 'something' going on behind closed doors. Because that's been something that I've kinda been trying to figure out for a few weeks now.

The really strange part of it all was that Randall seems to be sooooo 'interested' in me. And this was the first time that I had even seen him since that morning that I was throwing up into a mop bucket in his kitchen. I mean, he was 'cool' and all...but the way he looks at me sometimes...it's like...'invasive', you know? More so than Bobby Jinette sneaking peeks at my junk in the boy's locker room. This is like...full on staring, with a smirk and a hard on. Hehehe, well...not REALLY! But it feels like that sometimes. Plus...it's like, he was practically flirting with me every time Lee left the room. Or even turned his BACK for more than a few seconds. It was so obvious too. I felt a bit awkward about trying to deal with it. Lee didn't even seem all that bothered by it. Maybe he didn't notice. But I did.

One time, Lee left the room to make himself a sandwich, and Randall was like, "You never answered my email, Billy. I've been trying to get in touch with you. What gives?"

I mean, I wasn't quite sure how to answer that, you know? I mean, I don't wanna sound like I'm being harsh, but me and Randall aren't really 'friends', you know? I think he's cute and all, but that's as far as it goes. I don't know anything else about outside of the face that he's friends with Lee, and that he throws parties at his house sometimes. I had to give him the very vague excuse that, "Sorry...I was just busy with stuff." It really felt awkward, to be honest. Like...he was practically batting his eyes at me the whole time.

He's like, "You don't mind me maybe writing you every now and then do you? Just...you know, we should keep in touch. I mean, we had fun, right?"

Fun? What kind of fun? I said, "Sure thing. I'll...write and stuff."

He's all like, "Cool. I'll send you something tonight, k? Do you have an IM account? Hold on, I'll write down all my stuff for you. Ooh, do you have a Facebook or anything? I'll write that down too." What the hell was going ON here? I couldn't WAIT for Lee to come back into the room again.

You know, I totally tripped over Brandon's love by accident, I got cheap feels on Simon, I flirted with AJ, I surrendered to Bobby Jinette, and just kinda scratched the surface with Jimmy LaPlane. Hell, even the Lee situation was more an act of 'dumb luck' than strategy. But I don't think that I've ever actually been HIT ON before. It was...weird. Randall is a bit too girly and pretty to be straight. He's not over the top, but he's not what I would consider 'in the closet' either. In fact, I was pretty sure that if I came right out and asked him, he'd tell me without so much as a blink. Still though...having him sorta 'piece of meat' me like that was an alien experience to me.

I did kind of give Randall all of my online info and stuff. I mean, what was I gonna say? 'No, I don't know you'? He let me have my birthday party at his HOUSE for crying out loud. And it's not like he was being TOO creepy, I just...wasn't used to that kind of attention. That's all. And then he asked me, "So...what are you doing next weekend? Maybe we can catch a movie or something?"

Why is it that I never have a good excuse when I need one. I'm like, "Ummm...yeah, I don't know. Maybe. I'm...uhhh...sorta living with my dad at the moment, so...never know what kind of weirdness he's got planned for me."

And he sorta ran his fingers through his hair and gaze at me, saying, "Divorced parents, huh? Bummer. Well....let me know, k?" There's something about the way he said 'k' that was...I dunno...softer than every other word in that sentence. Intimate. And it kinda gave me a shiver. A 'good' kind of shiver...but a slightly unexpected one.

You know...there's something about opening yourself up to the idea of sex that let's you notice things that you never noticed before. Seriously...where were all of these sexy opportunities when I was a virgin and still horny as HELL! I remember a time when I thought I was the only gay boy on the PLANET...trying to get peeks at Sam's ass in his snug little white briefs whenever we had sleepovers. Now I'm actually in a position to turn sex DOWN every now and then. That's just fucking CRAZY!

Oh yeah...once Randall left, and Lee and I were all alone, we had a short little talk about stuff. I didn't want to complain or seem like a big whiner or anything...but not knowing whether or not he was serious about us was driving me BONKERS! I tried to hold i in and just be...friendly. You know, just an afternoon of the 'Billy and Lee' dynamic duo, hanging out for a few laughs. But Lee looked sooooooo good! Something about being around that soft, slim, body of his and having to fight the urge to grab a handful of his ass every six minutes, is too much for my 15 year old hormones to handle. I just...I want him to be my boyfriend so BADLY!!! I really do! So...I kinda told him that I was a bit hurt about him not calling over the last few days. And how I was waiting by the phone. And how I knew that he played video games with Sam the other day, but couldn't bother to just...reach out and let me know that he cared about me. I just felt like he had lost interest in me completely. And when he finally DID right back with this totally 'sterile' email, asking me to come over and hang out like we were just a couple of strangers that had just struck up a conversation on a local bus or something...well, I felt like the fantasy was over.

The look on Lee's face was soooo heartbreaking. He was seriously pained by the idea. And for some selfish reason...that was the most uplifting expression in the WORLD to me!

Lee was like, "I'm soooo sorry, Billy. Really. Honestly, the main reason that I've been hiding away is because Joanna has been coming over and talking about...ummm...something. So...I mean....you understand, I didn't tell her about you and me hanging out or anything."

I was like, "Something? Something like what?"

And Lee sighed about, and he said, "Well...I mean, I like Sam a lot and I think he's a great guy, but...." He didn't want to say it. Which meant that he didn't know that I knew already.

I'm like, "She's got somebody else already. Yeah, she told me."

He's like, "She TOLD you?" And I nodded, and he's like, "Oh thank GOD! I really did NOT want to have that conversation with you. Hehehe!" I could literally see his shoulders sink a bit and lose some of that tension. "Yeah, some new guy she's dating. She's all super lovey dovey over this guy. I guess he's a year older and super cute. I still think she's got a bit of an aching for Sam though. It's like she's trying too hard, you know?"

And I asked him, "Is he cuter than YOU are?" Maybe I just needed the attention, or maybe my hormones pushed me to do it, but I said it, and I made SURE to give him a look that let him know that I meant it.

We were all alone in the house, right? So why not?

Lee grinned in the cutest way, and he moved closer to put his hands on my hips. Then he rolled his eyes and he said, "Well...not as cute as *ME*...but I guess he's aiiiiiight..." He grinned. Then, without me even pushing him at all, he leaned forward and gave me the SWEETEST most LOVABLE kiss on the lips EVER!!! A 'Lee Kiss' is something that you have to experience for yourself to really know how amazing it feels. The slightest touch of your lips against his is practically a sexual experience. The he holds me close, and he says, "I'm sorry if I made you feel like I was uninterested, ok, Billy? Seriously. I got wrapped up in Joanna's boyfriend issues and all, but even though I didn't get the chance to tell you...I've been thinking about you every minute since. This last weekend was...beyond words. And it meant a lot to me. Ok?"

Ahhhhhhh!!! Omigod! Lee's so fucking ADORABLE! I nearly slipped right out of his embrace and fell back on the floor right then and there! Maybe he DOES love me! Maybe this can work out after all, and it'll be better than ever before. Maybe this time, I'll get it right. Hehehe! Omigod...that makes me SO very happy! I'm gonna buckle down and get myself straight and make this relationship work! No matter WHAT happens! I swear!

Oh...by the way...did I mention that right after that kiss, we stripped naked and had *LOTS* of sex after that! LOL! We did! Oh yeah, I guess I said that already, huh? But I just...GOD....I needed that! I had been holding it in for fucking EVER!!! I was so hungry to get my mouth on that hot, hard, tube of succulent sex meat that I nearly tore the pants right off of him and pushed him back on the bed! I could have sucked the freakin' SKIN off of that thing today! Lee could dry hump me and make me cum three times in a row with not so much as a tongue kiss! GOD he's hot! FUCK YOU, Stevie!!! I've got my OWN sex-god in my arms right now!

I'm totally thinking about parading Lee around the two of them the way he parades Brandon around me. I can get a hot and sexy boyfriend too. WITHOUT Brandon's harsh judgments or hurtful bullshit. So THERE!

So I got my sex today, and I got my boyfriend back...I think. Hehehe...no, I'm sure. Arrgh! I should have asked him before I left if we were, like...'official' or whatever. But it doesn't really matter...Lee really knows how to 'satisfy' me. Hehehe, I never leave without a smile. He wants sex as bad and as often as I do. And that makes me feel SO much better than before. Because I was starting to worry that I'd have to like..'hold back' or something from now on. Hehehe!

I've gotta run! Both Randall and Bobby Jinette sent me emails tonight, but I'll read them in the morning. I'm kinda tired, and I wanna jack off again before I go to sleep. They can wait, right?

See ya soon!

- Billy

Ps- Still holding on to 'the list'. Not that it matters much anymore...but...there's a part of me that just HAS to know! I can't stand knowing that somebody is talking to me every day at school and harboring this dark little 'secret' between us, you know?

The "Kiss Mystery" List


~Bobby Jinette~



Jamie Cross


~Jimmy LaPlane~




Stevie (GRRRRR!!!)