"Billy Chase #220"

- Ok, so something about Bobby Jinette is really getting out of hand all of a sudden. Well....maybe not 'out of hand'...but I can definitely see it becoming a problem later on.

He called me today, just seconds before I called Lee up to see if I could come over today. I mean, I was literally all geared up for my big daily sex romp with my teen idol, and Bobby called me up and beat me to the punch.

He was like, "I really miss you, Billy. What's going on? I thought we were gonna hang out and maybe...you know...give 'us' a try." It was something that I was hoping that he'd forget about. This is one of those times when being brutally honest with him was definitely the way to go...but my heart just wouldn't let me do it. In fact, I'm finding out that since I made my big mistake with Brandon...my heart won't allow me to do a LOT of things these days. So when he said, "Do you wanna come over?" today, I kinda refused him. But I made up an excuse as to why.

I was like, "I miss you too, Bobby. I'm just...busy with other stuff at the moment, that's all. K? We'll get together soon though." What was I doing? Was it a stall tactic? A diversion from what I knew Bobby Jinette wanted from me? What the hell was I doing? I needed to just scratch him off my list and leave it alone like I had planned to from the very beginning. But....ARRRGHHH....Bobby loves me sooooo MUCH!!! If I tell him that I had moved away from Brandon and then moved on to Lee...completely just skipping him over as though he weren't even a possibility for a potential boyfriend, he's REALLY gonna break down this time. I mean...I didn't even really agree to start over and try again, he just kinda assumed that I would. And I have to admit to considering it before Lee came along. But...I HAVE somebody now. And the last thing I want is to get Bobby Jinette involved in it again, putting him into position to help me ruin yet ANOTHER perfect relationship.

I just...I HATE hurting people like this. Honestly, I do. Except maybe for Stevie. Him I don't give two shits about. And so help me, I better not catch him so much as smiling in Lee's direction...or I'm cutting his head off and dropping him right where he stands.

I called Lee later on, really just kind of expecting him to say that I could come over and that we could spend some more time together. I was anxious to get my mouth back on him and QUICK, you know? Hehehe! I have become soooo addicted to every sexy inch of him. A couple of choice inches specifically. But unfortunately he said that he couldn't hang out today. Which...you know, just kinda sucked. I mean, I was all excited to go over there and now I felt disappointed where it almost ruined my whole day. But at least I got to talk to him for a bit. Which gave me a bit of a wiggly feeling in my stomach. He can be SO cool sometimes.

He even SAID, "Hehehe, you sound like you're wiggling again." And then he's like, "You know...it's really cute when you do that. Even on the phone."

I'm like, "Yeah?"

And his breathing kinda changed. Then I heard some shuffling, and it made me wonder if he was, like...'touching' himself. I mean, he didn't let on or anything...but I could almost hear it in his voice. "Yeah." He said, more of a moan than anything else. And then he's like, "You know what...let me call you back, ok? I wanna see if um....if maybe I can see you today for a little bit. Don't go anywhere."

I hung up the phone and I was bouncing around on my bed, giggling to myself like an idiot. Just getting all horny and hot under the collar...UGH! My boner HURT, it was so hard! The next few minutes went by so slowly that I was nearly tearing my HAIR out by the time the phone rang again. I was like, "HELLO??? What happened???"

But...sighhh...Lee was like, "Sorry, Billy. Can't do it today. I'm kinda stuck. Which is SERIOUSLY bad timing because..." Then he lowered his voice to a whisper and said, "...I really want you right now. I can almost 'taste' you."

THAT little comment...made me slide right off of my be and down to the floor! It literally got my heart beating so fast that the adrenaline rush from it alone nearly made me cum right there on the spot. You don't understand...this wasn't just any regular boy saying this to me...it's LEE! I mean, I know I've said it a hundred times before, but his beauty is the kind that never loses its novelty. Like...ever.

He said he had to go a minute or two after that, leaving me in a state of arousal that practically had me humping the carpet. He was NOT making this 'waiting' thing easy. But I guess I was going to have to grin and bear it until I knew he was gonna able to have me over again. I wish I could invite him over HERE once or twice. Or back home with my mom. It would be hot, knowing that Lee's sleek, naked body, had touched my sheets. Sweat and jism and saliva and everything. Hehehe, God, he brings out the perv in me!

I got an email from Jimmy LaPlane tonight. And he doesn't sound all that happy. It was a very short few sentences that said...

"I think AJ and I might be breaking up soon. Something feels really different all of a sudden, and it feels like he's ignoring me more and more every day."

And then he finished it with...

"Why did I believe for one second that this wouldn't happen? If ever there was a time for you to say 'I told you so', Billy...it would be now."

Trust me, the LAST thing I wanted to ever do was slap Jimmy with the 'I told you so' routine. Despite what he may think, my trying to prevent his heart from getting broken wasn't about me trying to play the big hero. I just wanted to look out for somebody that I really cared about. And as soon as I finish this entry, I'm gonna get online and do everything I can to try to soothe his mind and make him feel better. I remember what it was like dealing with AJ when he was my 'boyfriend'. I remember the sudden distance, and the pain of seeing him with somebody else, and the lies he told me to my face to hide it. I know that Jimmy's about to go through the horror of being dismissed by someone that he truly trusted to be careful with his heart. And it's gonna hurt. God, is it gonna hurt.

I mean, at least Lee was sympathetic about how he treated Jimmy, and how that misunderstanding kinda took place...but AJ's not likely to be so kind. If you ask me, he should be nailed to a cross and hoisted up right next to Stevie in the fucking heartless criminal department. But...before their torture can become a priority...I've just gotta get Jimmy back to normal.

Shit...I just thought about the whole 'Lee' thing. It's best not to ever...ever ever ever ever EVER...let Jimmy know what's going on between me and Lee. That's not something any of us are really equipped to deal with right now. Arrrrgh...more secrets! Secrets from Bobby, secrets from Jimmy, secrets from Sam...I sometimes wonder if anybody else has to deal with this much garbage on their shoulders? Because it's getting to be a bit too heavy for me to handle.

Anyway...school tomorrow. I'd better get started. Jimmy might need a good hour or two of counseling at this point. It's not really official that they've broken up yet...but the storm is on the horizon. Best to brace ourselves for it now.


- Billy

The "Kiss Mystery" List


~Bobby Jinette~



~Jamie Cross~


~Jimmy LaPlane~




Stevie (GRRRRR!!!)