- Ok! So something actually 'happened' to me today! Something AWESOME! I'm feeling really giddy right now, and I keep finding myself staring out into nothingness with this goofy ass smile on my face! I don't think I've ever felt anything this HUGE before! Am I in love? WOW! I don't know! Maybe I am! Hehehe! Ok...wait....let me explain! Ok, so here's the story!
Me and Joanna went out to the mall today, as we usually do on weekends. I think she's a shop-a-holic, honestly. But if it puts me in the same building with a ton of cute boys, then I can be the loyal 'boyfriend' type for a little while. Hehehe! And of course Lee and Ted were there too, which is always an added bonus. Especially Lee, he's really 'dreamy', you know that? Anyway, so we're having fun and all, but the whole time I'm kind looking out for AJ in the mall! Because after the last time, I was pretty SURE that I was gonna get to talk to him again and maybe make some kind of 'pass' at him or something. Or at least not come off as some kind of brainless dork this time. I was really prepared to not only talk normally, but maybe even flirt a little. I was seriously considering the option of making him my permanent boyfriend. I mean he's SERIOUSLY gorgeous, he seems really sweet, he's gay, he's available, he's.....sighhh.....he's nearby. He's a dream come TRUE for a boy like me! You have no idea how cool it feels to have a possible candidate for a 'boy toy' on the edge of creation! A super sexy one at that! He's the first boy that I ever thought that I could really 'have', you know? Not like Simon, who I was hoping to just sleep with and satisfy these virgin longings of mine. And not like Jamie Cross, who I fantasize about licking sexually from head to toe fifteen times a day without shame....but never actually expect to get the chance to DO it. (Even if I REALLY wish I could!!!) Nope...AJ is actually gay, and he's super cute, and we've met, AND...he seems to actually like me! So this is a whole new ballgame for Billy Chase, believe me! Hehehe!
We walked around for a while, and I didn't see him. I was honestly starting to get really down about the fact that he wasn't there. But when Lee and I went into the arcade....there he was!!! Looking hotter than ever! Oh man...he was gorgeous! And as soon as I got some space from Lee, I went over to say hi while he was playing one of those sit down racing games. He was really happy to see me! And not only that, but he said he had been waiting to see if I'd show up in the arcade again!!!
WOW!!! Do you hear that??? He was waiting for ME??? That was soooo cool! So he gets up and asks me if I remember his name. And of COURSE I did! So he smiles and asked me if I wanted to get a pretzel or something from the food court.
Naturally, I said yes. I wouldn't have left Lee all by himself if I didn't have to, but this was important. The most important thing in the world!
We actually got a chance to talk to each other, and we were sitting in the food court together. JUST the two of us. GOD, was I nervous!!! But he smiled a lot, and when I was too shy to say anything, he would always ask me a cool question or something to keep me talking! AJ was awesome! And then...he actually said...(GET THIS!!!)..."Um...you know...I'm gay, right?" I think my jaw almost hit the floor when he said that! And it was so cute, because it was like, he was nervous to say it or something. Me being a stranger and all. And he kinda fidgeted a little bit, and he had the most ADORABLE blush in his cheeks! Ahhhhhhh! I wanted to DIE! I think I sprung the hardest boner of my LIFE right there under the table! I didn't know what to say at first, so I just kinda nodded, and then I blushed REALLY bad in front of him with a grin. And he says, "Ok. Just wanted to make sure, because that kinda thing freaks people out sometimes." I was terrified, because I didn't know if he wanted me to say something or tell him I'm gay too or WHAT! But I didn't say anything. Just started giggling like some idiot. And that's when he said, "You're cute. You know that? I mean...like, REALLY cute." And when I didn't freak out, he took a bite out of his pretzel and gave me a look that made me weak in the knees. He could tell. I didn't even have to say anything. He just knew! And I got even harder, almost ready to EXPLODE! At that point, I could have jumped over that table and covered him with kisses! If he had asked me to suck him off in the bathroom, I would have been on my knees in a heartbeat! My hormones were going WILD, and I couldn't believe that I was sitting across from this gorgeous gay boy who acually thought I was cute! Isn't that incredible? Well...for ME it's unprecedented!
So we finished our pretzels, and AJ had to get back to his friends. So he says, "Gimmee your hand." And I do, and he writes his phone number down for me on the back of my hand. Then he writes his name, AJ, inside of a little heart!!! And he's like, "Call me, ok? I mean it. Don't make me wait too long." Omigod! He wants me to call him! Luckily, I was wearing sleeves that were a bit long on me and were able to cover it up a little bit in front of Joanna and the others. But I was gonna cherish that number forever if I could. And he said, "Later cutie pie!" When he left! Sighhhh....I nearly fell over right there! I was SO, like.....melting inside! And I could NOT stop smiling! It was awful, hahahaha!
Anyway, I was able to hide the number for the rest of the afternoon. And by the time Joanna was done and we were all leaving...every inch of my body felt like it was on fire! I actually took a picture of my arm in the mirror tonight before writing AJ's number down and washing it off before my parents or anyone else saw the heart drawn around the name. Right now...I don't know what to do with myself! I'm literally shaking as I write this! I have to go...do...SOMETHING! I don't know what, exactly, but I can't sit still. Not now! I'll write more later!
- Billy (Finally Sitting Proud On Cloud 9!!!)
- Ahhh! I'm still totally reeling from yesterday! I must have stared at that phone number for half the day! Not really for any particular reason, and not because I was wondering if I should call or not. But just to look at it. Just to see another gay boy's number in my possession, and let that wonderful 'ticklish' feeling envelop me completely! I wasn't even thinking about sex yet, but I'd get hard when he crossed my mind anyway. It was like sex was just knowing he was out there somewhere, right at this very moment, possibly thinking about me. It made my whole body shiver. There's nothing like it in the WORLD!
Ladies and Gentlemen...I think Billy Chase may have just fallen in love!
I wondered what I'd talk to him about when I finally got the guts to call him. Or if I should 'come out' to him, just to make sure he understands that I'm 'available'. I mean...he can't get upset or freaked out about it, right? Cause he's gay too. And he already told me that. So maybe........I can just tell him. Whoah. That's kinda scary to think about. I don't think I ever said the words outloud before. Not to anybody, not even to myself. But I'd do it. I'd do it for AJ if he wanted me to. It makes me extremely nervous to even consider exposing myself like that in front of another human being, but it's a GOOD nervousness. It's like that weird flutter you get in your chest when you're a kid, and you're waiting for those last few hours before Christmas morning so you can rip open presents. I am enjoying being so lost in this strange and unpredictable feeling. I'm so out of control right now!
Sam came knocking at the door today, and either he was in a better mood, or I was too happy to notice his attitude. I was floating on air, and much too weightless to battle with him over much of anything. So I welcomed him in, and we basically picked right up where we left off. Sam and I have always had that kind of friendship. No matter how old we get, we'll always be able to mend what ails our friendship in seconds like a couple of ten year olds on the playground. It doesn't even take words or apologies, just a smile and a nod. As crazy as that boy makes me sometimes...I gotta admit that I love him to death.
Anyway, while Sam was over, he pointed out something to me. The cds on my desk, the ones Jimmy had given me the other day? They caused Sam's eyes to bug out when he saw them. He asked me where the hell I got them, and I told him that Jimmy gave them to me. He asked why, and I said that maybe he was just getting rid of 'em. Well, evidently these cds are pretty rare. REALLY rare, in fact. Some of the tracks were unreleased, and others were rare demos and acoustic versions. I had been so wrapped up in AJ and the mall, that I hadn't even listened to them yet. According to Sam, these cds were going for almost 50 dollars each on Ebay! And that, while making Jimmy's act EXTREMELY generous, made me a bit uncomfortable. I mean...I didn't neccessarily do anything to deserve this. Why did he give me something so special? So expensive? I mean...this had to be some kind of a mistake. He must not have known what he had given me. So I figured I'd take them back to school with me tomorrow and make sure that he understood how valuable these songs were. Sam tried to convince me to keep them. Saying, "Hey, you snooze, you lose, dude!" But Jimmy was a good guy, and he's been through enough without me taking advantage of him like the other kids in school had. I'm not going to be an opportunist here. It's the only right thing to do, you know?
Anyway, my Sunday was amazing! And as I drift off to sleep tonight, I'm gonna be thinking about my sweet darling AJ! Hehehe! Geez! I wish I could stop smiling to myself! My cheeks are starting to hurt! Damn he's CUTE! I can't wait to kiss him for the first time! I'll probably turn to jelly right there in his arms! G'night!
- DAMMIT!!! Do you wanna know how this damn day STARTED??? With a fucking WET DREAM!!! Arrrgh!!! I was thinking so much about AJ before I went to sleep, that he found his way into my dream and I woke up sticky again. I can't remember as much of it as I'd like to, but there was LOTS of kissing involved. And I remember that my dad was there looking for me, for some reason. And me and AJ had to hide in a staircase next to the emergency exit. Well, we were both hiding in there, and peeking through the door to see if we could see my dad, and I remember that we were laughing and giggling to ourselves. And then he kissed me again. REALLY deep this time. And I laid him down on the steps, took off his pants....saw his stiff, really beautiful erection sticking straight up in the air....and he smiled at me...and then I leaned down...
Arrrrrrrrggggghhhhh!!! It was bad enough that I had to wake up at four o'clock in the morning to get out of bed and change my underwear and my sheets without waking up my parents! But it was even WORSE that I only got ONE good 'suck' in before letting go!
Evidently, even in my dreams, I'm in danger of blowing my load before I even get a chance to do anything fun. Fucking GREAT way to start the day! I was tired and groggy for the whole morning. NOT fun!
Anyway...that aside, I kept my 'self-made' promise, and brought Jimmy his cds back in school today. I didn't want to profit off of what might be a very big mistake on his part. I knew Jimmy was nice, but something that expensive? I hardly think that I did anything to warrant that kind of gift. But the strange thing is, when I tried to give them back, he refused to take them. I told him about how valuable they were and all, and asked him if he knew what he was doing. You know what he told me? He said, "Yeah, I know how much they're worth. I saw them on Ebay. But I don't care, I want you to have them." I was floored! Why was he doing this? I didn't know what to say, and felt soooo guilty for even thinking about taking those rare cds back home with me. But all Jimmy kept saying was, "Keep them. Really. They're for you." And when I kept resisting he asked me why I didn't want them. I tried to explain that it was really cool of him to give them to me and that they were some of my favorites. But before I could even finish, he interrupted me and took the cds out of my hand and put them back in my bag for me. And he said, "Good. Then keep them. Seriously. It would make me happy to know that you're getting some enjoyment out of them, and nobody else. K?" He says that to me, and then just walks away before I can try to change his mind. I must have stood in that hallway for another five minutes before my mind starting working right again. That Jimmy LaPlane is really special, you know? If the other kids would stop picking on him long enough...they'd realize that.
That's mostly all the news that I have for today. Except for the fact that Joanna seems to be holding me to my promise to take her to the dance on Friday.
Sighhh....I suppose it's my own fault though. I should have kept quiet. Or just ditched lunch altogether that day. It looks like this thing is actually gonna happen. So I've either gotta come up with some impressive dance moves, or a really good excuse, between now and Friday. Grrr! It's times like this that I wish I had a personal psychic to warm me ahead of time and keep me out trouble! Wish me luck! Later!