- I didn't go to school today.
I should start from the beginning, huh? No wait, that would be too...non-theatrical. Hehehe, why am I smiling so much tight now? I'm so stupid, I swear. Goofy and gullible at the same time, I'm sure. But...I don't know...this feeling inside? It tickles. It tickles soooo much. Hehehe! I feel like I've actually got an official 'best time of my life' memory for my death bed now. Is that weird? It sounds weird. Yeah...I think it's weird.
Oh...I sent Lee an email a few minutes ago.
I basically told him that it was kinda 'over' between us. To tell you the truth, I don't even really remember what I said to him in that email. I'm kind of ashamed that I took the coward's way out and did it by email in the first place. But it kinda had to be said. Especially now. He sent me a note tonight, and asked if he did something wrong this past weekend. I guess maybe he noticed my attitudes more than I thought he did. I would have waited until the weekend to break up with him, but I honestly didn't expect Lee to really think about me before then. He's always so wrapped up in his own stuff and ignoring the hell out of me at every given opportunity...I just didn't expect to hear from him again until the weekend. What can I say? He surprised me for a change. Too bad that it was too little, too late. My mind had already been made up a long time ago. He can't even give me a simple 'I love you' once in a while. For no other reason than it feels good to hear it from somebody you care about, you know? Either way, I wasn't angry about it when I said we should part ways. I just think he'd be awesome for somebody else who doesn't need the level of daily 'intimacy' that I do. That's all. Am I a jerk for that? I hope not.
I was kinda worried that he was gonna be online when I sent it, and he'd wanna 'talk' about it some more. Lucky for me, he wasn't. So I just kinda...sent him a straightforward message to let him know that I wasn't happy being pushed away at arm's length all the time...and that I was leaving to look for something more...mutually affectionate. I think that's how I put it.
God, I hope he isn't mad at me. I keep thinking back to it, and I just hope that I said everything right.
Yeah...emails are kinda cold and heartless. I should have talked to him on the phone. I mean, he at least deserved that much. I don't know how he's gonna react. I'll keep my fingers crossed for something positive, I suppose.
Hehehe...I can't wait anymore!
So...hehehe...like I said...I 'didn't go to school' today. :)
Ok, so it's like this...
When I woke up this morning, I was in a really weird mood. Mostly because I had some screwy dream about Bobby Jinette and that boy he's been hanging around with lately. Which was kinda creepy, because in the dream I was just watching them have sex. And I found myself really getting off on that. Watching this red head boy just pumping Bobby's ass for all he was worth. Made me SUPER horny when I woke up! Thank God for the pleasure and security of a morning shower. I wouldn't have made it a moment longer without stroking myself silly. Hehehe! But anyway, I got clean, I got dressed, I ate breakfast...and I was going to school.
Now, I had totally planned to skip Sam's house again this morning. Because...well, I don't know why. I just didn't want to address the issue at hand, I guess. But as I was walking past his house...I mean...he wasn't looking out of his window or anything this morning. I could have totally walked by and not said a word and I could have avoided him altogether. But then I got to thinking about his text last night, and the wave and smile outside of my bedroom window...so I just...I don't know...I got kinda drawn in by the whole concept of just making up and pretending like nothing ever happened. You know...like we always do.
So I turned around and rang his doorbell, and just hoped for the best. I wondered if I should even say anything about the little argument we had or not. When he opened the door...sighhh...I don't know. It was just one of those days when Sam was cuter than normal. He had just gotten out of the shower, and his light blond hair was all...damp and frizzy. He smelled good. Some days that boy just surprises me. And he doesn't even know it. Which makes him even hotter, in my opinion.
He invited me in and we went to his room. His desk was kinda messy with books and papers and stuff. It looked like he was trying to finish up some homework at the last minute before school. Typical Sam behavior. Hehehe! I sat on the foot of his bed while he sat at his desk, and he was trying to add some more sentences to his report to make it look a little bit more 'full'. Sam could be an expert at bullshitting his teachers sometimes, hehehe. He was smart enough to make the grade, I just think he liked putting his devious mind to work more often than his academic one.
I took the opportunity to just...look at him. And not all at once, like a whole person. It was more like...I'd look at the cure of his neck for a few seconds...and then his shoulder...and then I'd notice how soft his fingers looked when wrapped around his pen. I looked at his butt a few times, and his legs, and the little soft peach fuzz on the back of his neck where his blond hair stopped and kinda faded out as it traveled downward. I found myself licking my lips at the very idea of being that close to him. Whenever he looked up from his paper, I'd have to force myself to snap out of it. I'd just see this shocking glare of his crystal blue eyes as they flashed at me, and it would make my heart race. It was intimidating. And it was nearly impossible to have a friendly conversation with him.
As to be expected, Sam was talking and joking around as if nothing had happened between us. Everything was normal again. I didn't want to ruin everything, so I kept my mouth shut. But the more I stared at him, piece by piece...the harder it got to bite my tongue. A part of me just wanted him to admit that he kissed me. Just ONCE! I think that, alone, would keep me smiling for the rest of the year. Maybe then I could leave it alone, you know?
But the really hard part came when he finished his paper and started gathering all of his stuff together. He put it all in his notebooks and folders, shoved them into his backpack, and zipped it closed. Then he stood up in front of the mirror and started teasing his hair with his fingers to get it to look just right. I don't know WHY it turned me on so much at that moment, but just seeing him play with those golden locks like that...it was so fucking ADORABLE!!! I honestly had to restrain myself from leaping across the room and tackling him down to the carpet! I had to stop him. I was like, "Sam, geez!"
He's like, "What?"
I said, "Leave it alone already. Your hair looks fine."
He's like, "You sure? It still looks kinda blitzed to me."
I told him, "Yes, of course I'm sure. Your hair looks awesome. Your hair always looks awesome."
Sam was like, "Yeah, whatever. You're just saying that because you think I'm 'pretty'."
Normally, my instant reaction would be to ignore or play off a comment like that one. But this time...I don't know. I just...didn't. I said, "Yeah. I guess I do." I don't know what made me say it. I just remember feeling naughty about it the second the words escaped my lips. I looked down at the floor and giggled bashfully at my own weirdness. It was like...wow....I have no words to describe that feeling. But what a rush!
Sam looked at me in the reflection of the mirror for a few seconds. He had the SEXIEST little smirk on his lips. Then he turned around, and narrowed his eyes in the cutest way. He's like, "Oh really? So you think I'm hot now? Is that what's going on?"
I was like, "Hehehe, now? I always thought you were....hot." Another big rush of naughtiness ran through me. It was like...being extremely nervous, but all the jitters were happy ones. Does that make sense. I guess it was just the first time that I ever let some of that 'secret crush' leak out. It wrecks havoc on the emotions, you know?
Sam gasped. He's like, "Is that the only reason you hang out with me? Because you wanna jump me?"
I said, "Hehehe, NO! I hang out with you because you're really cool."
He says "First you think I'm hot, now you think I'm cool? Which one is it, Billy?" He was being all cute and silly, and that only made the jitters worse.
But I just kinda smiled and said, "You're both. You kinda make me...'happy' for some reason. You're...you know....you're, like...my best friend."
Sam was quiet for a second, and then he said, "Correction. I'm your HOT best friend."
And I sighed, "My hot STRAIGHT best friend."
He turned back to the mirror and grinned. Like, "Yeah well...rocks to be me. Sucks to be you." Hehehe, jerk! Then, he like...pushes his keys off of the desk, and he says, "Oops. Oh my. I 'accidentally' dropped my house keys." And he bends all the way over, wiggling his sweet little butt in the air on purpose. It made me burst out laughing. Then he's like using this gay voice, like, "Oh look...I dropped them AGAIN! I am such a butterfingers today!"
I reached out my foot to gently push his butt forward, and I said, "QUIT it!"
He stood up again, and he looked at me, and he giggled, "LOOK at you! You're totally red in the face right now!"
I said, "So are you!" And he was. He was blushing a little bit too.
He said, "I am? Hehehe...shit." He was fanning his face with both hands in this really cute way, and he's like, "Ahh, stop it. Hehehe!"
It was just...a moment when my smile kinda went away for a second, and I was so enchanted by Sam's adorability factor that I just...I knew if I didn't do this right now, I was never gonna get another chance. I needed to ask right then, before the spell wore off. I just...I asked him, "Sam...you kissed me the night at my birthday party...didn't you?"
I think his breath got caught in his throat. I think he tried to hide his shock from me, but there was no way that he would have caught it in time. Instead, he fidgeted for a second, and he was like, "Heh...what? Psh! What...are you talking about?"
I said, "Sam...I know. Ok? I just...I know."
Sam turned around and looked in the mirror again to play with his hair some more. He was like, "You know, it was so long ago...I hardly even remember what happened that night.
Sam is better at bullshitting his teachers than he is his best friend.
I was like, "I thought it was...really awesome. In case you were wondering. Maybe one of the best kisses I've ever had in my life."
Sam refused to even look at me in the reflection. I could see his walls going up. Trying to deflect the situation as best as he could. He said, "It was...dark. And that night was kinda crazy so..." He paused, and then he repeated, "Like I said...I hardly remember anything about that night."
I said. "I remember."
He started squirming and looking for more distractions. He said, "You were wasted that night. Hehehe, I don't know how you could remember anything. We should get going soon."
I said, "We've got time." And then I asked him, "You know...earlier that night...I think that I kinda 'touched' you in a way that might have made you feel weird. I didn't really know what I was doing at the time, but...ummm..."
Finally, Sam's eyes connected to mine in the mirror. He was like, "But what?"
I came right out and said, "Did you ever think about it? I mean...just for a second?"
Sam turned around. He said, "Are you trying to make me uncomfortable? Hehehe, come on, quit fooling around."
I said, "Just tell me. I wanna know. I mean...did you ever, like, think about...what it would be like?" I don't know why I was pressing so hard, but I just...I had come this far...
Sam was like, "Um...no. Hehehe!" But his blush gave him away. I raised an eyebrow in silence and he was like, "WHAT?" His blush got deeper, and his grin got wider. I think he was getting those happy jitters too. He kinda ran his fingers delicately through his hair, and he was like, "Billy...dude, I'm not gay." He was really cool about it when he said it. Still smiling too.
I'm like, "You don't have to be gay, I'm just...you know...I mean...haven't you ever been curious? Just a little bit?"
He's like, "No."
And I said, "Never?" And raised my eyebrow again. It made him giggle in this really adorable way. I'm like, "Sam...?"
Finally, after looking at me for a few seconds, he sighed and rolled his eyes. He said, "Ok. Maybe that ONE night. Hehehe, are you happy now?" Then he bashfully bit the corner of his lip and then added, "BUT...you were drunk. We were both drunk. So, you know...whatever. It doesn't mean anything."
I told him, "I didn't say it meant anything. I just...you know...I wanted to know." Then I went into EXTREMELY naughty territory when I asked him, "So what did you think about?"
Sam's jaw dropped. "Hahahaha!!! Billy..."
I'm like, "Hehehe, what?"
He says, "Let's not go there."
I could have asked why not. But instead I said, "I think it's hot...that you thought about me. I think about you sometimes." Sam leaned back against his desk, and he just had this...I don't know...this really sexy gaze in his eyes. He was still grinning a bit. More of a nervous reaction than anything else. And I asked, "Do you wanna know what I think about...when I think about you?"
I was hard as a rock by this time. I thought I was actually gonna cum just from having this very intense conversation. Sam was quiet for a few seconds, then he cleared his throat and said, "Ummm...I don't know. I don't think...umm...hehehe..." He couldn't get it out at first. Then he said, "Maybe I shouldn't know...about stuff like that."
We looked in each other's eyes for a few seconds, and there was like...this sensation of 'sex' in the very air between us. I could feel it. Like the heat in a sauna, where it's almost hard to breathe. My heart was pounding so loudly that it was ringing in my ears. I said, "Well...I think about it sometimes. So...you know...like, I think you're cute. So..."
I trailed off, and he said, "Hehehe, why are you telling me this?" But he had this really sexy roll in his voice when he said it.
I was like, "Um...I dunno." I shrugged my shoulder a bit, and he was leaning against his desk...and when I looked down, he had an obvious erection in his pants. Now, there have been times when I THOUGH I saw Sam with a boner, but it was never this 'out in the open' before. It got me soooooo excited! Like...omigod omigod omigod!!! What do I DO??? I couldn't believe that this was actually happening.
Sam looked down for a second, then back up at me. But he didn't really make any quick moves to hide it. It was the sexiest thing ever! Then he was like, "Hehehe, don't stare at it. It's all your fault. You're talking all...'different' today." He turned around again and looked in the mirror while he reached in his pants and adjusted himself so it was pointing upright.
I took a HUGE chance and said, "You know...you can't go outside like that. I mean...I can wait in here if you wanna, like...'take care' of that. Hehehe..." I saw Sam bite his bottom lip, and brush his hair out of his eyes again. And I said, "Or...you know...I could...ummm...help."
Sam's eyes narrowed a bit more, but he still had a hint of a smirk on his face. The threat of rejection nearly caused me to pass out from the anxiety. But as the silence got longer and longer between us...I noticed that he just MIGHT be considering it! I mean...not in an 'I love you' kinda way...but in a 'maybe I'll let him do it to me' kinda way. So, I nervously stood up on my feet, not hiding my erection either, and I walked over to where he was leaning on the desk.
Sam giggled softly as he saw the big tent in my pants, then he seemed to be trembling a little bit as I got closer. I was standing right in front of him. I didn't know what to do really. He giggled a bit more, and I giggled back. It was such an erotically awkward experience...to look into the eyes of this boy that I've known my whole life, and suddenly see him in a whole new way. I leaned forward and rubbed my nose lightly against his. I heard him sigh. A long...soft...sigh. And I took the hand that he used to adjust himself, and brought it up to my lips. I opened up, and sucked his middle finger in all the way to the knuckle. And I let my tongue squirm underneath it for a few seconds before pulling it slowly out of my mouth again. Sam moaned a bit, but he still didn't say anything. I don't think he really wanted to willingly give his consent for any of this...but he didn't want me to stop either. And that was soooo hot. I put my hand on the waistband of his pants, and I just kinda let it hang there for a second. Then I leaned in...and I lightly kissed him on the side of his mouth. Not quite his cheek...but not the lips. Everything was going soooo well, I didn't wanna scare him off.
Sam and I stared at each other...and I couldn't hold it anymore. I leaned forward...and I kissed my best friend on the lips. Deeply. Passionately. Oh God...that was it. THAT was the kiss! That mind-blowing...heart bursting...spell binding, kiss! When his tongue met mine, I thought I was gonna faint. Now that I'm completely coherent...Sam's ability to kiss was experienced in ALL it's glory! And it was even more explosive than before!
I don't know how long we made out like that, but I could feel his hardness jumping in his pants. It was practically fighting to be free. So I broke the kiss, and we both looked down at it for a moment. We giggled for a second, and he was so cute that I had to kiss him again before reaching for his belt.
There was a moment of discomfort for him, and at first, he moved his hand to kinda stop me from undoing his belt. He was like, "Billy...wait...."
And I said, "Shhhh, it's ok. Really." And I moved in to kiss him on the side of the neck...sucking on the soft warm flesh while my hands worked on his button and zipper.
I felt his erection strain and jump again, and I rubbed it through his boxers with my palm and fingers. You can't imagine how good it felt to have Sam run his fingers through my hair and hold my head closer to his neck. I heard his pants drop to the floor...and got weak in the knees. Is this it? Is this really gonna happen right now? Is this gonna be my dream come true???
I didn't want to wait another second. I couldn't control myself. So I dropped down to my knees and found myself face to face with the front of his boxers. I could feel the heat radiating from him on my face. The material was already damp from his excitement, and as I leaned in to rub my face on it...it jumped eagerly at my touch. Sam's hands went behind him to balance himself against the desk, and he closed his eyes as I slowly pulled his boxers down to his ankles. There it was. The piece of Sam that I had been dreaming about for YEARS...was right here, just inches from my lips. My God...he was sooooo beautiful. Not much hair, just wisps of dark blond silk in a neat little patch at the base of his shaft. A sculpted helmet at the tip, balls that were blushed a deep shade of pink...and this really sexy 'pulse' running through it with every beat of his heart.
I could have cried. Honestly. And when I spread my lips over the head and began sinking that long succulent meat into my mouth...Sam practically melted in my arms. Neither one of us woke up this morning expecting this to happen...but WOW...some surprises are worth getting out of bed for.
I sucked him with everything I had to give! He had to move back and actually sit on his desktop because I was making his legs so weak. Mmmmm, the TASTE of him! The heat! The lust! I never thought I'd ever get to have him. And now that I had a hold of him, I didn't want to let him go! I was leaking sooo much in my pants that I thought I might have blasted off prematurely. My underwear were sticky enough to be uncomfortable. And Sam took a hold of both of my cheeks and brought my face up to his for a deep sensual kiss. And he hopped down from the desk, and took his shirt off. I couldn't WAIT to kick off my shoes and tear my shirt over my head! Omigod! Yes yes yes!!! We could barely stop kissing long enough to get naked...but once we were...Sam pushed me back on his bed and got on top of me.
I was SO wrapped up in the moment! I mean....Sam's arms were strong. They held me so tight. I felt so secure. As he was humping me, I wrapped my arms and legs around his back and just held on tight as our bodies grinded together. He nibbled on my neck, and I reached down to grab two handfuls of his ass, which made him moan even louder. I felt like...I don't know...like he was taking the lead in all this. Taking control. It was really hot. And that kiss....when his lips connected to mine again...I couldn't hold it any longer. I exploded! My orgasm was so emotionally motivated that I was almost SORE from the intensity of it! Jesus! I gripped Sam's lean body so tight....just trying to keep my climax from practically ripping me apart. It was hard not to scream! Honestly!
We wrestled with one another for a few moments, our lips kissing hard, as if we had been waiting our whole lives for this. After not having sex with Lee, and Sam not having Joanna around...a shared sexual experience like this was almost too much for us to handle. I remember Sam's humping getting almost frantic against me, and I wanted to switch positions so I could swallow it all. I REALLY wanted it! But by the time I found an opportunity to do so, it was too late. Sam spurted his seed hard against my belly and groin area. And he came a LOT! Wow...he must have REALLY needed that!!!
I think...when we had both gotten over the extremely 'horny' part of it all, and our senses returned to us...I got a bit worried that Sam would feel weird about what just happened. I mean...is this a deal breaker between friends? Sam laid on top of me, breathlessly waiting for his body to stop shivering. He jumped every time I kissed him. I liked having his weight on top of me. I loved the feel of his body heat. I loved the fragrance of his shampoo as his angelic blond hair hung over my shoulder. We twitched and spasmed for a few minutes more...and then Sam rolled off of me to lay beside me. I missed his connection immediately. So I rolled to the side and tossed my leg over him, hugging him close, and delivering more gentle kisses to his neck, cheek, and shoulder.
We were quiet for a while. At one point, I thought he had fallen asleep, but he was just thinking. I reached up a hand, and lightly tapped his nose and lips with a finger. He sighed, and gave me another kiss on the forehead. I wasn't sure what I had done or why...but...at that moment, I was just trying to keep from floating right up off of his mattress.
I remember asking him, "Umm...you don't feel...I mean...you're not feeling guilty or anything, are you?"
And he was like, "Well...?" I got nervous for a second. What was he gonna follow that up with? Did I royally screw up here??? Oh shit! What did I do??? But then, he said, "Actually...no." He sounded surprised.
I asked, "No? Really? So like...this is ok?"
He thought about it for another moment or two, and then said, "Yeah. Totally." Then he added, "You know...I thought it would be more...gross."
Hahaha! WHAT??? I pinched his nipple and watched him wince in pain. I'm like, "HEY!!!"
And he was like, "I said I THOUGHT it would be more gross! I didn't say that it was!" He laughed...and then he kissed me again! I didn't get it at all, but I wasn't about to complain. Or even ASK! I just...I wanted to lay there and be with him for a while.
And you wanna know what else??? When I asked him for more...he GAVE it to me! Like...a BUNCH of times today!!! Which is why school didn't happen for either one of us this morning. Honestly, it was mostly me doing all the sucking...but there was a few times when Sam gave it a try. Hehehe, was 'ok' at it, but he seemed to be not as much into it as I was. Understandable I guess. But the very fact that it was SAM with his mouth on me...it like...blew my mind! Hehehe!
After hours and hours of having sex more times than I can count, we got dressed again. We stayed naked for an entire DAY! Can you believe it? And Sam made us a frozen pizza for lunch...and we were in the kitchen naked. Hehehe, which is a really bizarre experience for some reason. Oh yeah, I sucked him off in there too! I got to taste soooo much of his juice today! The first time, he was totally SHOCKED by the fact that I swallowed! Hehehe, yeah...he wasn't getting the proper treatment from Joanna. Not at all. Yay! Go Billy!
God...he's soooooo CUTE!!!
But...ok, I'm not gonna get all outta control like I did with Lee this time! I'm gonna calm down. I mean...this might never happen again. But then again...hehehe, what if it does? What if it starts happening all the TIME? What if I have a hot blond boy just at the end of the street that I can have hot sex with whenever I want...and we can be BEST friends on top of it??? FUCK!!! I can't even imagine! My body is still tingling!
Hehehe...when it was time for me to go, I told Sam, "Well...I guess I've...kinda...gotta go. I've gotta make sure that the school computer didn't call my house to tell them I was absent today." I was nervous about how things would end after so much...umm...'activity'.
But Sam just kinda smiled shyly and said, "Ok. Cool." And we stood there for a second...and then he kissed me goodbye. I practically floated home.
I don't know how to feel right now. But...this was the BEST possible way for me to fill up the last pages of this journal. I'm almost at the end now, so I've gotta go. But...I've decided to start tomorrow in the journal that Brandon gave me. Why buy another one, you know? I've already got it. And besides...I have a feeling that my life is gonna take a total left turn after today. I just hope it's an easier road than the last one I was on.
Sighhh......Sam...I can still taste him. I wish I could sneak over and suck him in his sleep right now! Hehehe, yeah I know...I'm a total perv. But...Sam! MY Sam! Never in a million years did I think today would be possible! And now...well now I think anything is possible. I wonder if I should try the same method on Jamie Cross! Hehehe, imagine the possibilities!
Life is good! Life is soooo good!
I can't WAIT to see Sam tomorrow!!! Who knows? Maybe we'll skip another day! Mmmmm, maybe another WEEK! Hehehe!
I gotta run, but I'll seezya soon! Laters!
Annnnnnnd.....THIS is the last page of the book! Just enough room for my signature! :)
"My Life And Times"
To be continued...