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- Entry number one...starting all over from scratch with a brand new book.

Brandon's book.

I kinda like this. The pages are all thick and crispy. Hehehe, I dunno...I think I was so mad and hurt that I kinda took his book and his teddy bear and just kinda threw it in a bag in the closet. I never forgot about it though. I don't think I could have, even if I tried. Like I said before, a piece of my heart is forever his whether he wants it or not. Otherwise, I would have had the courage to throw it out and get rid of it altogether. Weird.

I saw him today and made sure that I thanked him for being so sweet and getting me a gift at all. It made him blush to know that I was actually using it now. He's still really pretty when he blushes. Then again, he's pretty when he isn't. I guess...I was being kinda rude about the whole thing. The funny thing is, I had already walked up and said thank you before realizing that even mentioning the events of my birthday party might stir up trouble and bad memories. But he didn't seem to even flinch. He was just like, "Well...I'm glad you're getting some use of it. I'm sure you've got quite a few interesting tidbits to put in there by now." Ha! If only he knew!

I didn't stay too long though. I kinda....well...I noticed Brandon's eyes sorta darting around the hall when I was talking to him at his locker. Not like he was just avoiding me or anything, but...he was clearly 'distracted', you know? And I know what that means. It's his silent way of thinking, 'I hope Stevie doesn't see me talking to my ex again or there's gonna be hell to pay.' Something about that kinda bugged me. In fact, it hurt a little bit. Can't explain why. It's not like I didn't expect it. But instead of being the enemy in this whole situation again, I just told him, "Well, you know...I've gotta run. But I wanted to just say thanks for the book again. I'll be sure to treat it right."

And he gave me the sweetest smile, like, "Cool. Make sure I get a mention or two in there. All good stuff."

I said, "You're always 'good stuff', Brandon."

He rolled his eyes and said, "Heh...yeah, right. You're still a terrible liar, you know that?" Then he looked over my shoulder again to make sure the coast was clear, so...I forced myself to disconnect.

Times like this...I really miss him. You know? Not just sex and kisses...but the little things.


SO...when I woke up this morning and saw the sunlight coming through the curtains, I literally smiled to myself and hopped out of bed with a spring in my step. I'll be totally honest...I was SERIOUSLY prepared to miss a whole other day of school if it meant rolling around naked with my best friend again. My whole body still has this really cool, ticklish, sensation running all over it from the last time. I was in this dreamlike state all last night. I couldn't even do my homework. I kept, like...staring off into space with this goofy smile on my face. Just thinking about the taste of him. The feel of his arms holding me. The flexing of his muscles as he was grinding his athletic hips against me. And that kiss...that AWESOME kiss! Wow...I never would have known that Sam could be such a sexual dynamo. Hehehe! It makes me blush to think about it, but I was kinda proud of him. He definitely gets a standing ovation in my book. Mmmmm...oh man, I'm giggling again.

Anyway, I showered really good and tried to look my best for him, just in case. And I went over to his house before school, much earlier than usual. I even saw his mom leaving for work this time. She's almost always gone by the time I get there, but I waved and said hello anyway. I hope she didn't notice my grin and goose bumps. She might think I was up to come kind of mischief. Hehehe!

Sam let me in and we went back up to his room. I love walking up a flight of stairs behind that boy. Sam's butt was made for squeezing. He's not quite in Bobby Jinette's category (Who is?), but it fits him perfectly. I was already making plans to pay it extra attention today if anything happened. didn't. At least not today.

When we got to his room, instead of just plopping down on his bed like I usually did, I kinda...walked up really close to him. He turned around to see me moving in for a good morning kiss, and he leaned away from my lips. He giggled a little bit, and so did I...and I kinda put my hands on his hips. There was this really awkward moment where I was kinda looking to suck on those delicious lips for a few minutes, and he was just sorta looking to politely put a little distance between us without making me feel like a total reject. So it ended up just being this clumsy friendly/not-so-friendly hug that lasted only a few seconds before he let me go again.

I'm telling you, I was hard as IRON at that moment! But I didn't push him into anything. I sat down on his bed and leaned back on my elbows, clearly displaying my arousal for him to see...but you know, not really saying anything about it.

Sam looked down and he giggled at me. He was like, "Dude, you're like a super freak right now. Put that thing away. I can't miss another day."

I said, "Awww, are you sure? Maybe we can just miss the first couple of periods."

Sam playfully threw one of his shirts in my face and said, "Unh unh! Get it out of your mind, hornball. I've already gotta come up with a sufficient 24 hour illness that I can use to excuse myself for yesterday." Then he smiled back at me and blushed slightly. I think he sighed a little bit too, and he turned around to fix his hair in the mirror. He drives me CRAZY when he does that.

Sam was trying to talk to me, but I wasn't really paying much attention. He seemed normal enough, which was a GOOD thing, because it relieved all the tension I had building up over whether or not he'd be weird about yesterday. But for me...I don't know. It was really hard to look at him now. Well, I mean it was EASY to mentally grope him with my eyes, but...there wasn't anything normal about it. Even fully clothed, all I could do was think about how sexy he looked naked. The sounds he made with that amazing voice of his...and the way his hands were strong, and yet held me so tenderly in his embrace. I was looking directly at his butt when he looked up and grinned at me in the reflection again.

He's like, "Billy...? Hehehe, no!"

I said, "What??? I didn't say anything!"

He said, "How could you, with your tongue wagging like that?"

I said, "Can I have a kiss? Just one?"

He was like, "Hmmm, let me think about" It was slightly frustrating, as I would have loved to do nothing more than roll over and hump his mattress to the point of orgasm. And yet, he was so adorably playful about it all...that I couldn't help but smile back at him. It was like...this really cool game, you know? But there were a few times this morning when I saw him trying to secretly 'adjust himself'. I could tell he was thinking about it again. And I was soooo tempted to try and seduce him again.

Now...before I go all haywire here and start making any boyish claims of my undying love for Sam, I'm making it perfectly clear that I'm keeping a level head this time. HONESTLY! I mean...I want him, sure....GOD, DO I WANT HIM!!!!! But...I'm not expecting flowers and marriage proposals from him. For all I know, he could just be fooling around. So I'm gonna keep that in mind before my emotions get all out of whack like they usually do. But...deep down, I'm seriously doing this little boy dance and spinning around in circles, like, 'I got to HAVE him! I got to HAVE him! Lalalala!' Hehehehe! I'm positively GIDDY with excitement!He's so HOT! Hehehe! And I can see him whenever I want because we've known each other for most of our whole lives! I can't wait until next time! I can't wait! I can't WAIT! Ugh!!!

I'm so addicted now!

I've gotta run now, but...umm...well...

I kinda got an email from Lee tonight.

A very short one, but...sighhhh...

Basically, it was just this really sad pouty face emoticon, and it said, "But...what did I do wrong? Billy, can we talk about this?"

I don't know what it is about Lee's emoticons, but for some reason they carry more emotion in them than anybody else using exactly the same key strokes. Great...he wants to talk about it now.

I mean, what did I expect? To just send Lee a break up letter and have him respond like, "Ah well, fun while it lasted. Later."? I pretended that I wasn't home when he sent it, but how long am I gonna be able to avoid this conversation? I probably should have talked to him tonight. I'm trying to avoid being a coward here...but my nerves weren't really with me tonight. I don't know what to say to him. I mean, first he acts like he doesn't want me around or doesn't really care...and the second I move away from him, he wants to pull me close again. Why can't he just make up his mind already?

I don't know...I'll handle it. Somehow. one in Brandon's new book. So far, so good. Let's hope the days to come go as smoothly as this one did.


- Billy (Still thinking of Sam! I'm totally gonna jack off now! Hehehe! I know, I know....TMI!)

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