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- One of the first things I saw when I woke up this morning was a return email from Brandon. It came at like 2 o'clock in the morning though, so he must have been up awfully late last night. Who knows what he was thinking? The strange thing though was the overall feel of the message. The way he was writing....I don't know. The 'tone' was off, you know? It didn't sound like him at all. It was...like...sad.
It's hard to explain, but anytime I hear anything from Brandon, even just online...there's, like...this feeling that I get inside. Even when he's ANGRY at me, the feeling is still there. There has always been this weird...passion that exists between us whether we're happy or unhappy. And all of a sudden...that extra little something seemed muffled, if not suffocated out of his email altogether. I don't know, maybe I was just reading too much into it, but the vibe felt weird. It's not like him to feel so distant from me.
He was just sending me a short answer to my email about Stevie being ok, and he was basically like, "Yeah...Stevie's fine. He's just going through a hard time with a couple of boys picking on him. Calling him a fag and pushing him around and stuff. Why do assholes DO that kind of thing? What do they get out of it? It's so stupid. Anyway, I don't think they know that he's gay for sure, but you know how it goes. All it takes is one 'scapegoat related comment' and things just seem to keep getting worse from there." And then Brandon added, "I'll be sure to tell him you asked about him. I'm sure he'll appreciate it. Thanks, Billy." Then there was a sad face following the sentence....and the email was just...over. Like I said, it's not like Brandon to be so lifeless. Even when it's just some text on a computer screen.
You know, I never really thought of Stevie as someone who would be so sensitive to teasing. Well...I mean, I guess anybody would be hurt by teasing to a degree. It *IS* high school. Reputation is pretty much everything. Reputation and grades are the only real forms of social currency we've got in that place. Still...Stevie's got his nasty side too. I know because I've seen it, first hand. It just strikes me as odd that he could go from talking about how much he enjoyed fucking my boyfriend....to suddenly breaking down into full blown sobs and sniffles over a few stupid comments. Especially from guys that I doubt he gives two shits about.
It just seems weird to me. But, whatever. If he's ok, then he's ok. I can officially stop thinking about him now. Him and Brandon seemed all sweet and cozy again at school today, so I guess his crisis is temporarily over.
By the way, when I say they were 'cozy', I don't mean like...they were holding hands or kissing in the hallway or anything like that. Trust me, it's not that easy. But when I see them together, knowing what's really going on behind the big homo-curtain, I can just tell they're together. I doubt anybody else even notices as they pass them in the hallway. They don't see the slightly extended eye contact, or the secretive touches, or the flirtatious tilt of a particular smile. I doubt they even pay attention to the fact that they're together more often than most 'just friends' relationships between two boys would ever require. But I do. I see it clear as day. I wonder if I looked around the school at the other typical 'bromances' in this place, I could find even more boys like me. Boys who are probably just as confused and just as awkward about things as I am. Going through the same ups and downs, having the same crushes, suffering through the same break ups. Basically just living the same life as me, but in a totally unique way. If that makes any sense at all.
It boggles the mind. Hehehe!
Speaking of other gay boy possibilities, I definitely made a detour on the way to my English class to stop by and see Jimmy LaPlane at his locker. He blushed the second that he saw me, and kinda gave me a smile to make it seem like everything was ok, but I could tell from the way he was hiding his eyes from me that he was still a bit ashamed about the things he said to me before. They weren't THAT bad, but I guess it made him feel guilty. And even though I didn't mention it outright, I made sure that he wasn't keeping any bottled up feelings about it. No need for any of that. The faster he forgets about it, the faster I can forget about it. Period.
Geez, is that weird or what? Before now, only Sam had that kind of forgiveness clause with me. I wonder how Jimmy managed to get into our little VIP club. I have no idea whatsoever...but...he's kinda welcome. Hehehe!
I asked him what he was doing this weekend, and Jimmy was like, "The same thing I do most weekends nowadays, Billy....sit at home and wish I had something to do."
I was like, "Get outta here. Screw that. You know what? You and me? Were going to the mall tomorrow. It's Saturday morning, all the cuties are out, and if nothing else, we're gonna chow down on some junk food and drool over every sexy pair of boy cheeks that swishes past our table. What do you say?"
Jimmy giggled in the cutest way at first, but I think he thought I was kidding. I kept smiling at him, and then he was like, "Wait...are you serious?"
I said, "Hell yeah, I'm serious! Why not? C'mon, let's go. We'll make a day of it."
Jimmy giggled again, "Billy...! Hehehe, what are we gonna do together for a whole day at the mall?"
I'm like, "I just TOLD you what we're gonna do. Come on." His blush deepened, and I leaned closer and lowered my voice a bit. I told him, "Look, your last boyfriend was a jerk, my last boyfriend didn't quite work out...we're totally unattached. This is the PERFECT opportunity for us to go out and enjoy the many various wet dreams in the flesh that God put on this Earth...JUST for boys like you and me. So...you're coming. End of story. No excuses." I'll admit that I was totally stealing a few strategies from Trace's playbook, but hey...if it works, it works, right?
Jimmy was like, "Sighhh...so you're telling me that you're totally being serious about hanging out tomorrow?" I nodded with a smirk, and Jimmy rolled his eyes. "Alright. Fine. But you're buying me a strawberry mango smoothie for lunch!" Hehehe, what do ya know? It worked! Thanks Trace!
I said, "Deal! Anything you want. You wanna get together around noon then?"
Jimmy kept looking at me, kinda wrinkling up his forehead in disbelief. He really didn't think that I'd really just hang out with him on a Saturday? Why not? It's not like I've never done it before? He's being weird.
Finally, he says, "Um...ok. Like...around noon then. Are you gonna, like...call me or something.....?"
I said, "I'll call you before I leave the house. Cool. See you then." And I made sure to leave before he had a chance to question me any further about it. Hehehe! You know, I'm kinda looking forward to this now. It's like...gonna be fun. I'd invite Sam along too if I thought he wouldn't be freaked out by us doing some heavy 'boy watching'. Nah, I think this is more of a gay boy's day out. Which is a lot different from what I'm used to, because I don't think I've ever had a gay friend that I wasn't dating or sleeping with before. Is it even possible? I think it is. Why shouldn't it be? Just imagine it....me and Jimmy LaPlane talking about boys together over fruit smoothies. Hahaha! Who could have seen THAT coming?
Yeah, that's all new territory to me. Maybe to him too. It should be fun. A lot of fun. Especially without all that sexual tension and frustration hanging around in the air. I've dealt with that so much that it's just liberating to get away from it for a little while.
Oooh! I wonder if I could get Bobby to hang out with us too! Or maybe Randall! Hehehe, we could be like...the 'X-Men' of looking at hot boys! Hahaha! How cool is that?
Anyway, I've gotta run! My mom is obviously in a bad mood tonight. She grumbled the whole time that she was cooking dinner, and then for forty minutes afterwards. You know, like I was forcing her to slave over a hot stove for me. If I had the money, I would have gladly ordered us a pizza. Sighhh...whatever. She's always like this for a day or two after talking to my dad. So it's not really a surprise. I just try to stay out of the way as best as I can. Which included me staying cooped up in this bedroom until she goes to sleep so I can grab myself a snack from the kitchen. I swear...sometimes, that simple activity is like trying to steal gold from a fire breathing DRAGON sometimes! Ugh!!! So I'll write more later. Then get some sleep. I've got a mall date tomorrow! Hehehe! Who knows? Maybe me and Jimmy will both come home with boys who wanna get freaky with us! I could seriously go for some right now!
Hey! Just being honest! I'd hate to see the day when I think about sex and purposely push it out of my mind! Psh! To hell with that!!! Bring on my sexy concubines! I'm ready!!!
Also, be sure to look for my new ebook stories at the