Also, check out my new eBook versions at the
...Justin Bieber says it's his all time FAVORITE out of all my stories!!!*
*(Previous Statement May Not Be True)
Ok, so....a part of me is really ashamed to even write this here right now. A small part of me. Well...my 'brain', actually. But my heart and body don't seem to have any regrets whatsoever. It's like they're telling my overworked mind to chill the hell out and just enjoy it. I dunno...should I feel bad about this. I think...I think maybe I should. God...I'm such a pig.
Ok so.....I ummmm....
I was....'late' to school today.
ONLY like 25 minutes late! I swear! But I kinda...um...ok, so I was leaving my house, and I was going to school...
And I felt bad about fighting with Sam so much and not speaking for the whole weekend. So I just...I went over and rang his doorbell. Like I always said, Sam and I don't really need the whole act of this theatrical apology or anything close to it. Sam knows I can't live without him. And I don't know for sure, but I'm pretty confident that he feels the same way about me. So...when he invited me in this morning, nothing was said about our little scuffle last Monday. And then...
Ok, so...you know that I think Sam is really cute, right? I mean, there's nothing wrong with that. I was seriously beginning to know the difference between lusting after Sam and loving him. You know...as just my 'partner in crime'. I mean, it would be AWESOME if we were boyfriends...but we're not. I know that. I can handle just....letting him go. But....
OK! Wait! I can EXPLAIN, ok???
Sam was fully dressed this time when I came over! I swear he was! But....there's just something so....so SEXY about the way he teases his blond hair in the mirror. I mean, I have blond hair too, but it's nothing like his. He just...he has this really seductive way of moving and talking and just...
OK!!! OK!!! Fuck! I gave in! Ok? I'm sure that I'm gonna look back at this some day and totally HATE myself for what I did! But if the 'future me' has any real memory at all....you'll *KNOW* that you didn't have any choice in the matter!!! I don't care how old you are right now, Future Billy Chase....you know GODDAMN WELL that you'd still make the same exact choice right NOW if you had the opportunity!!! And if not....then slap yourself! Because I've obviously become some stupid, stuck up, adult douche bag, with a complete and total DENIAL of his childhood desires! This is my middle finger to YOU...future self! Deal with it! And get a life already!
Suppression is for monks and robots! Get rid of it!
Anyway, so we were kind...'talking'.....and that turned into giggling...
And sometimes Sam has this way of just...looking at me. He's ALWAYS had that!!! It's like...cute, but unspecific, and yet...inviting. You know? It's hard to explain, but he KEPT looking at me like that. And then he's like....he's like...
"Billy...dude, I really didn't mean to be an ass to you on Monday. Ok? You know...we were just going down a road that we probably shouldn't have. But...the truth is, I don't want to lose you. Not over something like...that."
I mean, Sam has always been a sweet guy. It's easy to see that he has a real heart, even if he gets kinda macho about letting other people see it sometimes. But...this morning it was especially cute. I was like, "Yeah. You're right. I guess I was getting a little too wrapped up in the idea that...you know..." I stopped and blushed a little bit, and it made him smile.
He's like, "What? Tell me."
I probably shouldn't have said anything, but I was like, "Well...come on, dude. I'm sure you know." So he's staring at me with this big grin on his face, and I'm like, "Dude...I always a bit of a crush on you. It's NOT why we became friends or anything. I just...well, for a little while I thought that maybe we'd end up doing stuff more. Like...a lot more."
Now it was Sam's turn to blush. We both looked at each other, and then we broke out laughing. It was this really timid moment, but I felt really close to him. It was like...we totally connected again. And then...
Sam kinda stopped giggling, and we had an awkward silence. I think he was thinking about it again. I could feel the air getting thick, so I looked away from him. I started getting hard instantly. I couldn't even 'will' it to go down. Sam says something like, "It's not like I didn't....enjoy it, or whatever. Because I did, you know? It was neat."
I smiled at him again, and I'm like, "It was 'neat'?"
He says, "Yeah. Hehehehe, what? It was neat. What was I supposed to say?"
I told him, "Well, not 'neat'. Neat is like...finding a prize in a cereal box."
He laughed. "Well, I didn't mean it like that. I just...you know...I thought it was...like...hot." We had another awkward silence. I looked back at him, expecting us to just laugh it off again. But after a giggle or two...we were back to silence.
I was like, "You know...we should go..." But before I finished, Sam leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. A lingering kiss. He looked my eyes for a moment, and I TRIED to have some common sense about this...but it all happened too fast for anything other than my raw emotions to take hold of me. Sam leaned in again, and before I knew it, we were making out again.
When he gently leaned me back on his bed and got between my legs....I mean...it crossed my mind that this was probably just another horny moment and that Sam might just be using me to get off. But the truth is, that didn't bother me in the least. I had a sexy blond boy on top of me with his tongue in my mouth. I could hardly see a downside in that at all. He was grinding on me, and we were both so hard and breathless for each other...I had to break the kiss and told him that I had to take my pants off before I made a mess. He gave me a really cute grin, and he got up to take his pants off too. So we just had our t-shirts on, and Sam was sticking out obscenely as he approached the bed again. He looked sooooo hard. Yikes, it almost looked like it hurt. But, God, did my mouth water for it. Sam came back to get on top of me, but I put my hands on his waist...and gave his hardness a long lick. I heard him moan for a moment, and then I took him into my mouth. I swear, his knees almost buckled from the pleasure of it.
I didn't dare look up into his eyes while I was sucking him. A part of me was afraid he'd ask me to stop. I didn't want that. Sam's balls are so soft, you know that? I was holding them and just noticing how soft they were. Cute little wrinkles. Silky little hairs. And he tasted so warm. How can someone 'taste warm'? I guess you had to be there. But he did. Like warm vanilla pudding. And the cute little ridge of his head...every time it hit the tip of my tongue, he shivered with sensitivity. He started with his hands on my shoulders, but then took control and put his hands on my head instead. He started rolling his hips and pushing himself into my face faster, and I reached around to squeeze the supple cheeks of his ass. Jesus, Sam was hot! How did I end up with such a hot best friend. There's gotta be a closeted gay boy law against this somewhere.
It happened all too soon. Sam rose up on his toes, and he whimpered a bit, and I felt him pulse between my lips. Warm splashes of his seed came out in long, heated, squirts. It was a LOT! I guess he really WAS horny! I kept sucking the whole time, swallowing in an attempt to keep up and rubbing his ass at the same time. Sam could barely stand still. I'm sure Joanna never gave him the treatment that I was at that moment. Hehehe, who knows, maybe I can 'convert' him to my team.
Sam pulled himself out of my lips, but he was still hard. He grabbed both sides of my face and kissed me deeply on the lips. As he leaned me back, I tried to quickly swallow down what was left in my mouth. I didn't want him to kiss me and maybe like...'taste' it and be grossed out or anything. I don't know. I was kinda thinking on autopilot at the time.
So he climbs back on top of me, and he's grinding on me even harder than before. And those magic lips of his were driving me CRAZY! I could only take another three minutes of that before I wrapped my legs tightly behind his back and held on for dear life as I came hardall over my belly and his. I think Sam kinda got off on that, because he was moving around and smearing it all over our bodies. To be honest, I kinda got off on that too. Sighhhh....Sam.
There was a moment that I think we were both kinda scared of getting up from the bed. Like....while we were all heated and in the middle of a passionate embrace, that was different. But now that we were thinking clearly, I think we were trying to avoid having to acknowledge what we just did. Again.
But, as we were already gonna be late for school, Sam finally got off of me and said, "Um...we can...get cleaned up in here. We should get going."
I was like, "Yeah. Ok. Um...right. Where are my underwear?"
He's like, "Here they are." And gave them back to me. It was so sudden. I remember hearing Sam running the water to get clean, and feeling like...like I really shouldn't have fallen into that trap again. Stupid. I should be smarter than this. Next time....next time I'll just say no. He's my best friend. We're gonna ruin everything if we keep this up.
But uhhh.....just between me and the book here....it was *HOT*!!!!!!
I felt kinda...guilty about it all day today. I didn't talk to anybody much. Just kinda kept my head down. I kept thinking about the sex. I was like...haunted by it. Why did I like it sooooo much? Probably because I know I can't have Sam for my very own. I mean, seriously, how long is it gonna be before Sam finds himself another girlfriend. Working with his looks and sexy, kissable, lips...it won't be long. Once he gets his fix elsewhere, good ol Billy Chase is gonna have to go back to staring at his ass from a distance. Ugh! Stupid! I need to stop this before I fall for him all over again. And fast!
Jimmy clung to me a bit more than usual today, which was cool. If a bit out of the ordinary. Nothing bad about it, but it kinda surprised me.
Bobby seemed to be down in the dumps today. I asked him if everything was ok, and he just kinda shrugged. I was like, "Did you get a chance to talk to Ian, or not?"
Bobby was like, "Yeah. I called him last night."
I said, "So, what happened?"
He's like, "Nothing. That's what happened. We talked about video games and school stuff. And that was it. It's like...I dunno, Billy. I'm up against a brick wall here. I don't know how to be...'intimate', or whatever."
I gave him a weird look. I was like, "Yes, you DO! Hehehe! You did it to me all the time."
He's like, "That was different."
I said, "How is that different?"
Bobby blushed a little and grinned to himself. He's like, "Because...I already knew that you wanted me." My mouth dropped open and he laughed at me. "Well, I did. You tried to hide it, but I knew. I just had to get you to admit it to me so I could get you naked. This is different."
I'm like, "Well thanks a lot! Hehehe!"
He said, "Hey, you asked."
We didn't get long to talk, but I think Bobby is getting closer and closer to just going for it. I doubt he needs much of a push. He's just warming up, that's all. I can understand that.
Oh....I passed Stevie in the halls after lunch today. We didn't speak. I glared at him, but I made sure to bite my tongue. The last thing I need is to give that asshole some ammunition to use against me when talking to Brandon. He had already won the prize...but he just HAD to push it. Fine. Let him work it out on his own. If I know anything about Brandon...it's that he doesn't tolerate lies. Not lies like that. And that means that emo boy's time is almost up. Good for him. He deserves to get dumped.
I've gotta run. Homework to do. Besides, I'm gonna call Trace and talk to him for a while. I kinda miss him when he's not around. He just keeps to himself, then all of a sudden he jumps out of the shadows like the boogey man. Weird.
Anyway...I'll write more later.
Ps- Still thinking about Sam. Still hard for him too. I wish that I could keep doing this and shield my heart at the same time, but I know that's not gonna happen. I'm just going to get wrapped up in the fantasy all over again. I know it. It doesn't take much to get my 'body' all worked up, and once the body is hot and bothered..it doesn't take the mind long to follow. And once the body and mind team up on me, the heart gets bullied into going along for the ride no matter HOW bad it's gonna get torn up in the end. Grrr! I need a CAT scan or something.