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Be sure to keep on reading "Billy Chase"...
...Because the honey badger just don't give a SHIT!!!*
*(Previous Statement May Not Be True)
- You know...I feel really giddy right now. I don't even know if I have a reason to be all giggly and sweet like this right now, but I don't think I need one. It's like...I just feel good for the sake of feeling good. I guess Trace just helped to start my day off right.
I woke up this morning...and Trace was laying next to me on the floor. I remember being a bit confused by that at first, because I distinctly remember him falling asleep on the couch last night. Which meant that, at some point, he had to have woken up, slid down to the floor where I was, and covered up again. I keep trying to imagine it in the back of my mind. What it would look like...Trace being all sleepy and warm, looking down at me and wanting to be, you know...closer.
Hehehe, I know. That's really wishful thinking on my part. But, I don't know...it's kinda hot to me for some reason. I like it.
Anyway, we were both under this giant comforter thingy that was unfortunately big enough where we didn't have to snuggle up in order to share it. Too bad. I have to admit, I was contemplating the old 'sleepover' move. The one where you get really really close to the other person, and reach a hand over to touch them or lay on them in some sexy way, and then pretend to be asleep while you feel them up. Oh God...I can't believe I just wrote that. I'm such a pervert. Anyway, so yeah...I thought about. Lucky for me, Trace woke up before I got the nerve. I'd hate to be caught with my hand in the 'cookie jar', if you know what I mean.
Trace is really cute in the morning. I can't believe that he just wakes up like that every day. He saw me looking at him and he smiled lazily at me. He's like, "Are you mad dogging me while I sleep, dude?"
I'm like, "No, not really. I just...I was awake. I mean, like...I wasn't staring or anything..."
He said, "Whatever. Save it, playboy. Just know that I don't kiss anybody until they brush their teeth first." I can never really tell if Trace is kidding or not. His poker face is pretty flawless most of the time. But he didn't make any 'moves' or anything, so I just assumed he was kidding. At least I hope so. Or....maybe I don't hope so. Or...whatever. He confuses me sometimes. I keep thinking that I'm going to have to just come right out and ask him if he's interested or not. Because the more time I spend with him, the more I like him. Like...I could see myself actually being his boyfriend. But I don't want to waste my time or set myself up for a big let down. I guess I just kinda want to figure him out. Plus I've got this on and off thing with Sam that I can hardly call a 'relationship' at all. And then there's Brandon, but...let's be honest, Brandon's not showing me any real interest in getting back together. It would be awesome if we were at least friends again, but I don't feel like he...thinks about me like that anymore. He used to, but now I think we're just...really good 'buddies'. I love him. I really do. But I've got plenty of 'buddies'. I want a boyfriend. And Trace seems to be the kind of boy who would be really hot when it came to being with someone. He has a way of getting me to feel good with a smile alone. Like he'd give me his whole heart if only I asked him to. I think my crush is getting worse these days.
I saw him roll over onto his back, and we both just kinda stared at the ceiling for a few minutes. Side by side. He smells good in the morning too. Seriously. Like a freshly baked glazed doughnut. Hehehe, it's weird, but true. I was like, "I didn't make it to the end of the marathon, but I definitely made it longer than you did."
He said, "This is true. Blame it on the alcohol. I don't even remember when I passed out."
I told him, "I think it was somewhere in the middle of 'The Human Centipede'."
Trace snickered to himself. He was like, "I wasn't passed out. I was just closing my eyes before that gross ass movie gave me nightmares!"
I laughed, "I thought you were completely desensitized when it came to horror flicks?"
He's like, "Everybody has a line that you just don't cross, dude. And that movie did an Olympic pole vault right over it." We both giggled about it, and Trace was shaking his fists, saying, "FEED her! FEED her! Hahahaha! That shit is over the top, man!"
You SEE??? Just laying on the floor, sharing a few laughs with him...it turns me on. Something about him just makes me smile. There are a lot of cute boys out there...but they don't have that extra little 'something' about them that makes them really beautiful. I think Trace and Brandon are both made from a very rare stock indeed. I stopped giggling, and found my eyes looked on his. I shouldn't have been that close to him when I was entertaining thoughts like that. Another few seconds of silence, and I might have tried something. I seriously would have at least kissed him or something.
God, how long has it been since I had sex? Sam, right? I think so. Or was it Lee? Before we broke up. No...I'm sure it was Sam. Whatever, I'm horny now. Being horny makes everything a temptation. Thank God I'm single, or I'd be cheating all over again the first chance I got.
Then, Trace really surprised me by asking, "Hey, you want some breakfast?"
I'm like, "What?"
But he was dead serious. He said, "Breakfast. You like French toast?" I was a bit confused, but nodded my head. He was like, "Cool. I'll make us some." He'll make us some? Did I hear that wrong? Trace tossed back the covers and sat up. Then you know what he says to me??? He says, "Don't look now, but I've got a morning chubby. So avert your eyes unless you're looking to get your insecurities slammed. Hehehe!" WHAT??? And then he stands up from the floor. I thought he slept in his clothes, but he was just in a t-shirt and a pair of plaid boxers. Sure enough, there was a nice little tent in the front of him. Not fully hard or anything, but proudly sticking out enough in front of him to give me a sexy little show this morning. I had to fight really HARD to keep from gasping as I watched him open up a closet door and put a robe on. That whole time, he was laying next to me with a hard on! And I didn't look! STUPID!!! Arrrgh!!! GOD, that boy knows how to turn me on!
I had to lay on his floor for a while longer while he washed up and started breakfast. I was so hard that I thought I'd have to find a sneaky way of jacking off just to get rid of it. I was starting to wonder if he'd notice me walking around with one sock on for the rest of the morning. Luckily for me, it went down by itself. Slowwwwwwwwly.
Trace actually made one hell of a good breakfast. I was...um...impressed. Golden French toast, with more scrambled eggs, and a few link sausages. Only my mom could have done it better. I think Trace saw me giving him the weirdest look, and he was like, "Hehehe, what?"
I said, "I just....I didn't expect this. You strike me as more of a cold cereal and pop tart kinda guy."
Trace blushed a little bit, but it was hardly visible. Or maybe the brightness of his smile just outshined it by so much that it was hard to notice. He was like, "Oh no. Dun dun dun. Will wonders never cease? Trace isn't a total burnout after all."
I told him, "Well, I didn't mean it like that."
He said, "I know. Just...eat. Enjoy. Mikey's not around, so I'm making it my mission to take care of you today instead." He smiled at me, and sprinkled some powdered sugar over my toast, before fixing himself a plate and sitting across the table from me.
I was taking peeks at him, watching him eat, and with a sigh, I was like..."It's really good, Trace. Thanks."
He's like, "I'm glad. If you want more, just let me know. K?"
I waited another few minutes with a nervous jitter in my stomach. For some reason, I didn't want to 'bother' him or come off as weird. But I just...I wanted to hear him talk to me more. He's cute when he's talking to me...
Then I was like, "So you cook for Mikey too, huh?" It was the only thing that I could think to say to him other than, 'God, I think I'm falling in love with you!'
Trace was like, "Yeah well, I figured I'd better teach myself something useful. My parents are pretty much a joke in that area. My dad can barely order a pizza. Besides, I'm one of the only people in this house who isn't totally obsessed with himself. Hehehe, Mikey included. It's no biggie though. I'm used to it." I don't know how somebody could be used to something like that, but I think I was to infatuated to question it at the moment.
By the time it was time for me to go, I was literally trembling with infatuation. It was getting harder to speak to him or look him in the eye by the second. I figured a short goodbye and a speedy exit was best. Besides, Trace gave me a hug today, and I was getting hard so fast that I had to pry myself away from him and turn in the other direction. I have really got to get my emotions under control before he starts thinking that I'm some kind of psycho. But yeah....he's...he's like...wow.
Shit. I forgot to write an email back to Bobby tonight. I just thought about that. He sent me an email with a frowny face in the subject line. I take that to mean that he chickened out with Ian again. Sighhh...I'll try to write him tomorrow. I'm sure he just needs another little boost of confidence and he'll be fine. Ian will love him. Who wouldn't?
Oh, and I called Jimmy tonight too, but my mom was in the house. Which means that I had to be all quiet and careful of what I say. It sucks To be honest, this was one of those times when it would have really been cool to have a gay friend to talk to about stuff. I really wanted to tell Jimmy about Trace and see what he thought about it all. If I could at least joke about it a little bit, it would be better than nothing. Hehehe, of course, when he picked up the phone, one of the FIRST words out of Jimmy's mouth was, "Soooo...how was your sexy sleepover with Trace last night?"
I was like, "Hahaha! Dude, don't. I told you, we were just watching movies and stuff."
He asked, "Does he look hot naked?"
Arrrgh! I wish I could have answered that question with the 'morning chubby' moment....but like I said, the 'warden' was home. So I couldn't.
Anyway, the feeling of needing to talk to somebody was nagging me, and Jimmy was being funny and cool on the phone, so I was like, "Hey...are you guys still going to the mall tomorrow?"
He was like, "Yep. Probably around noon or so. How come?"
I said, "You mind if I come along?" He was surprised that I changed my mind, but he didn't hesitate to say yes. I'm sure that I won't be able to say much around Stacy and stuff...but if I can get a few minutes alone with Jimmy, I'll totally overflow with details!
Besides, Jimmy's gaydar is much much better than mine. If anybody can give me a well educated guess on Trace's sexuality...Jimmy would be the one. Between him and Simon, I could probably make myself a spy list of every gay boy in school. Hehehe, wow...what a concept.
Anyway, I've gotta run! I'll write more soon. I think I'm gonna lay down...think about Trace's smile and those warm blankets....and finish what I started this morning. It's all I've been thinking about since I woke up. Laters!