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Be sure to keep on reading "Billy Chase"...
...And you can win a vintage 1999 Taylor Hanson 7 hour sex tape!!!*
*(Previous Statement May Not Be True)
- I don't know HOW Trace can constantly talk me into drinking alcohol! I don't even drink! Hehehe! What the hell is it about him that breaks down every last bit of my self control every time he smiles at me? It's like a comic book 'super power' or something, I swear!
Anyway, I'm just gonna try to giggle my way through this and hope that I don't wake up with a headache tomorrow. I already had to practically run past my mom with my head down and my hand over my mouth so she wouldn't smell the liquor on my breath. I kinda just said hello really quick and kept walking. She asked me if I got my dad a birthday card...and I didn't. But...I've got time. My biggest concern at the moment was just trying to walk straight so she didn't suspect anything.
You know, I hate to admit it, but I'm starting to kinda like this feeling, you know that? I mean, don't get me wrong...it's bad for me, I know. But Trace is always watching me. He, like...tells me when to stop. Or at least slow down. It doesn't suck like it did the night of my party. I'm not sick and dizzy and totally spiraling out of control. I'm just sorta...'happy'. Hehehe! Oh God, I'm becoming an alcoholic, aren't I? I'm just a few steps away from carrying a flask to school just to make it through lunch. UGH! Ok...this is the LAST time! I promise! No more! I'll just keep telling him no until he gets the message.
But...hehehe, I did kinda kiss him goodnight tonight. Hehehe...I can't believe I really did that. I mean...ok, so it wasn't like a MAJOR kiss or anything. It was like this...weird, sloppy, surprise kiss on the cheek thing. But you have NO idea how exciting it was for me to actually, purposefully, press my lips up against the softness of his skin. It was like...EROTIC to me, you know? Playful and kinda bashful, yeah...but erotic nonetheless. I actually felt myself getting hard from it. Who knew that such a little thing would excite me so much?
Anyway, Let me get through the rest of my day, and then I'll get back to my little 'date' with a cutie at the local bowling lanes....
Still thinking about yesterday with Sam at lunch, I was sort of worried that I was going to do or say something stupid tonight to ruin everything. I couldn't help it. I didn't know if I should wait for Trace to tell me how he feels, or if I should say something first, or if this whole thing was just some wacky adventure that I made up in my head to deal with my growing horniness. And believe me...my horniness is reaching an all time high these days! I don't think I can jack off ENOUGH, to be honest! Three, four, five, even SIX times in a single day....and I STILL find myself too horny to sleep some nights. I don't know if it's a phase of the moon or what, but if I had sex with Sam and Trace as many times as I jacked off about it this week...they'd both run away screaming every time they saw me in the halls. I'm weird like that, I guess. Just more juice than I know what to do with.
I can't believe I'm describing my masturbation habits in such detail right now. One thing about alcohol, it's makes you obscenely 'honest'.
Anyway...I talked to Bobby today to find out what he was so happy about. Because he was HAPPY! Hehehe! I mean...Bobby is really REALLY cute when he's this happy! I've always liked his smile, but today it was 'radiant'. He could barely keep from jumping up and down. And I don't mean that as an exaggeration. He was actually bouncing on his heels. Between his 'happy feet' and his weak knees, I half expected him to tell me that Ian made out with him on a mattress covered in rose petals.
No such luck.
Bobby was like, "He wrote back! Like...to EVERY word! I know, because I went back, and I read what I said to him, and when I read his answer again...he was like...really paying attention. I know it sounds weird, but...it felt so cool to be engaged in a sweet conversation with him like that. I was nervous reading it, but I couldn't stop smiling. Hehehe!" Then he said, "I still can't stop smiling. Hehehe!"
I was like, "Dude! What did I tell ya? That's GREAT!" Then I made the big mistake of asking him, "So what did you say back to him?"
Yeah.....from the look on his face, I don't think that ever crossed his mind.
I'm like, "Um....you DID write him back, right? Or, like...call him? Maybe see him earlier this morning?"
Bobby got this pained look on his face, and he shamefully shook his head. Then he's like, "Is that bad?"
Arrrrgh!!!! I'm like, "Bobby! Dude...you're doing it AGAIN!"
He's all like, "Doing WHAT?"
And I'm like, "IGNORING him! Why?"
Bobby said, "I did what you told me to do. I read every email, I answered every question..."
I'm like, "And it WORKED, right?" He nodded. And I said, "Well....??? you don't just do it once and then STOP. Keep going! He's all excited and waiting to hear more. It's gonna hurt TWICE as bad if you just drop him and start avoiding him now!" The look of utter horror on Bobby's face was priceless. Hehehe, did he really think that two emails was going to magically solve the whole problem? you know, I used to ask myself how a boy THAT cute, with an ass so round and unbelievably fuckable could POSSIBLY be single. And every day I get another piece of the answer. He asked me what to do, and I told him, "What you do is...you FIND Ian! Walk with him to class. Talk to him. Even if it makes you giggly and weird and uncomfortable...just 'talk'. Make plans for this weekend. Doesn't matter what they are, just make sure that you don't let things cool off for the next two and a half days." He looked like he was shaking in his sneakers, and I told him, "Bobby...you're awesome. you have no idea how truly awesome you are. I know it. Ian knows it too. Just 'share' it with him. Whatever it is that you're thinking in your head...SHARE it with him. If he writes you an email and he says that he likes a certain movie...instead of just 'thinking' about your answer and keeping it a secret...TELL him! 'Hey, I like that movie too.' Don't just think it and hit delete. He can't read your mind. Have some fun. K? Keep practicing. You'll get it."
Bobby was like, "So...I'm not gonna sound weird or anything if I...?"
I said, "Nope! Definitely not weird. Just talk. When you're afraid to talk to him...talk anyway. You've gotta quit living just in your head, Bobby. He's right there. He's offering you his companionship. Just take it. Don't make him guess. K? You'll be fine. you'll be great. Go find him. Be late for class, whatever. Fuck it! Just GO!" Bobby giggled a little bit, and said he'd look for him next period. But at least he's trying, I guess. You know...I don't know how Jimmy feels about it, but I should get Bobby to hang out with us one of these weekends. Just to...I don't know...get him used to being around friends and stuff. Talking. Being social. He hides too much. It's gotten to the point where he has to talk to somebody face to face and he freezes. I know it's difficult sometimes, but it shouldn't lead to full blown social *PARALYSIS*! Jesus!
Oh...and I kinda saw Brandon in the hall today.
I didn't make it a point to see him, or to talk to him for that matter. But his locker is kinda on the way to one of my afternoon classes. He looked up and said hi. After all this time, his smile still stops my heart dead. His eyes were extra pretty today. They were a perfect match for the sprite green shirt he was wearing. I have to admit feeling a few jitters in my stomach, just from seeing him look so pretty. I miss the times when I used to be able to just find a quiet place and kiss those lips without hesitation. What can I say...he was the greatest love I've ever had.
Emphasis on 'had'....
I'm like, "Hey...." But the whole time I was looking out for Stevie. I didn't want to get caught. There'd be no explanation for being around his boyfriend again. None that he would accept anyway.
Brandon was being a bit more friendly than usual, and that only made me more nervous than I was before. He's like, "Are you ok? I'm not making you late, am I?" He was kinda joking, I think. But I used it as an escape anyway.
I said, "Well...yeah, you know...I should actually get going. I can't really...talk...." Ugh! I HATED to say it. The look on his face...awwww, I'm an asshole.
He said, "Oh...." Please please PLEASE, Brandon...it's not me! I SWEAR it's not me! He was like, "I guess I'll let you go then."
He actually looked disappointed. I mean...did I completely RUIN everything that we were building up as friends again? I didn't want him to think that I was ditching him, but...well....
I think that...just thinking about the look on his face is causing my little alcohol buzz to wear off. It's depressing. I'd rather not think about that too much right now. Despite it all, I really DID have a good time tonight. I just wish...I just....
Sighhh...will there EVER come a day when I don't miss my Brandon? Like...ever?
I should be so over him by now.
ANYWAY...moving on to boy number two! Trace was being really cute tonight! As to be expected. The more I talked to him, the more I considered the whole 'date' idea as being a believable possibility. I mean, he actually wanted me to come home with him right after school. Like...not go home at ALL. Hehehe, and I almost went, but I held out until I at least let my mom see my face home from school, dressed up a little nicer, and got some food in my stomach before running out.
Trace told me to come to his house first, instead of meeting him at the bowling alley. I didn't know why until he answered the door and instantly handed me a glass of 'Coke'. Hehehe! It only took one whiff to notice that he had spiked it something awful. As usual, I said no. And as usual, Trace softened me up to the idea. Before I knew it, the glass was half gone, and he was bringing the bottle to sit it on the table between us for when I finished. His brother, Mikey, was at a birthday party that night, and Trace's dad was upstairs typing away on his laptop...so involved in his work that Trace didn't even bother to say goodbye when he left the house. Weird.
Anyway, I wasn't aware of the plan to get liquored up before we went out. But I guess we couldn't legally drink at the bowling alley, so that made sense. I don't know how much I had. Trace kept making my drinks for me. All I know is that the guy at the bowling alley had this weird looking moustache, and I could NOT stop snickering! It wasn't THAT funny, but I couldn't look at it. My balance was already off, and laughing only made it worse.
We got our shoes, and Trace was smiling at me...staring me right in the eye. He was like, "Are you alright? Hehehe, you're not gonna fall over on me, are you?" I told him I wasn't, and he said, "Good! Now let's our BOWL on, bitch!"
He picked the name 'Sergeant 69' and put it on the screen for his score. So I put 'Mr. Moist-hole' up for mine, and it made Trace laugh. He has the cutest laugh. He has a cute....everything. Sighhh...
So anyway, we started bowling. I don't remember if I won or lost. Hahaha, to be honest, except for putting our names up on the scoreboard, I hardly looked up at it at all. It was all about laughing and fun and...occasionally staring at Trace's tight little ass when it was his turn. He has the kind of ass that makes you wanna stick a finger in him, you know? Hehehe! Seriously. I could like...see myself kissing it all over.
I made sure to keep talking all night. Kept looking for opportunities to maybe...change things over from a friendly hang out to something a bit more 'intimate'. But those moments were few and far between. Not to mention that my slightly drunken haze had screwed up my timing something awful. Hehehe, at one point, I threw an embarrassing gutter ball, and Trace almost fell out of his chair laughing at me. It was soooo contagious. I fell flat on my face, and just kept laughing right along with him. He had to drag me off the lane so he could take his turn. The whole NIGHT was awesome! And then...as we were turning in our shoes again, for NO reason at all, Trace reached up and stole the can of spray off of the counter. And he hands it to ME!
I'm like, "Hehehe, dude, what are you doing???"
And he's like, "SHHH!! Just take it! Take it! Here! Hehehe!" Then he straightens up, pays the man for the rental and our games, and he lightly pushes me away from the counter, still holding the can under my shirt.
I don't even know why it was so funny, but we could barely walk, we were laughing so hard. Then I asked him, "Trace...why the fuck did you take his SPRAY??? What am I supposed to do with this thing? Hahaha!"
He's like, "You can do whatever the hell you WANT to do with it. It's ours now! We 'adopted' it. It's our baby!" He giggled and cradled it in his arms. He asked me, "What should we name it?"
I laughed and said, "How about...SlutMouth BonerBitch?" Which had us both doubled over with laughter!
He said, "So be it! FLY baby! FLY!" And the next thing I knew, Trace was throwing it across the street as hard as he could! It landed on the roof of a McDonald's and rolled into the gutter! "Stick it to the man, baby!" then all of a sudden, Trace took off running. And unsure of what was going on...my instincts told me to run after him! For the next few blocks, we ran and suddenly ducked into an alley. It was pretty dark, but there was enough illumination from the streetlight to make out the expression on trace's face. A half crooked smile, as he panted and wheezed for air. Hehehe, much the same way that I was.
We didn't speak for a few moments. Just trying to catch our breath. Our eyes met. Our chests were still heaving. Both of us still grinning from what we had just done. And then...a 'pull'. A true attraction. At least it was for me. I found it literally impossible to control myself. Trace was getting ready to say something, and I leaned in and....I kissed him on the cheek.
Yeah...on the cheek. :(
I mean...my adrenaline was on high! I was SCARED! I started to actually go in for a kiss on the lips, but halfway there, I chickened out and redirected my lips to some strange no-man's land between the side of his lips and his ear. I just...I panicked! I didn't have the guts to go all the way. But hey...I took a CHANCE, right?
Trace gave me the most confused look at first, giggling to himself. I didn't know if that meant he liked it or if he thought I was just being...you know...'half drunk'. But he took a hold of my hand, and he said, "Come on. Let's get outta here."
Was that it? Was that supposed to be a hint or something? As many times as I go over it in my mind, I still can't figure that boy out.
BUT...I might know somebody else who can!
Trace waited at the bus stop with me when it came time for me to go home. I was still reeling from the fun night that we had together, and Trace was talking about catching up on some of his work at school starting next week. It's funny, but I think that's the first time that I had ever seen him worried about falling behind. He never let it bother him before.
Anyway, we were talking about it, and he's like, "Yeah, my counselor says my best bet is to get myself a student tutor for biology. Which is the same shit as detention, except I get to do it in the library. It sucks, big time." And he's like, "I've gotta see this kid on Monday. Simon...Beeker, or Brocker..."
My eyes widened instantly. "Simon Becker??? Dude, get the fuck outta here! He's a close friend of mine!"
Trace was like, "Really?"
I said, "YES! Omigod! I've known him forever! He tutored me too once. He's good."
Trace said, "Let's hope so."
But the only thing on my mind at that point was...Trace was going to be spending his afternoons with SIMON! I mean...Simon figured ME out, right? And he figured out Brandon too! He's one of the smartest kids I know! Where Jimmy might not have enough 'access' to Trace to provide me with any good intel on his sexuality...maybe Simon will have a better shot at it. I've GOT to talk to him! He's gotta do some serious spying for me! Because if Trace is even REMOTELY gay, he's not just getting a kiss on the cheek next time. He's getting a full fledged tongue kiss between those SEXY lips of his! Not to mention a hand in the pants and a thorough ball licking, if he'll let me!
Hehehe! Ok...ok, I'm gonna stop writing now! Besides I have another boner and a thick load to disperse into yet another bundle of tissues. So I'm gonna go! I'll write more soon!
Maybe next time...I'll have a sexy Trace story to tell! I'm sooooo close! I can just FEEL it! :)