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Be sure to keep on reading "Billy Chase"...
...And I'll personally sell you a seat on the US Senate....cheap! I've got this thing, and it's freakin' 'GOLDEN', man!!!*
*(Previous Statement May Not Be True)
- Trace called to check up on me this morning. Hehehe...I don't know why, but I think that's so cute! He's not, like...worried about me or anything. At least, not that he let on, anyway. But he just...kinda...cares, you know? I guess it's just cool to know that he wakes up on a Saturday morning and 'thinks' about me. Makes me feel all gooey inside. Hehehe!
Anyway, I let him know that everything was fine and that it wasn't that bad, me getting home. It's not like I had THAT much to drink. He wouldn't have let me drink too much anyway. Unlike Sam, who's usually further gone than I am, Trace is quick to cut me off if I seem, in any way, out of character. So I guess I've just learned to trust him in that particular area. The funny thing is, he told me not to make any plans for next Friday either. It made me giggle like crazy. I was like, "What are we gonna do next Friday?"
And Trace goes, "We'll figure that out five minutes before we go out and do it. And not a single minute more of planning will be needed. So leave your mind and your schedule open, because we're gonna go do fun stuff again. Ok?"
What could I do but say 'yes'? Hehehe, if nothing else, I was extremely curious about whatever spontaneous activity his twisted mind would come up with at a moment's notice. I don't know...I kinda like Trace's spontaneity. I don't think I've ever experienced anything like it with anyone else that I know. It was refreshing. And...you know...adorable. God, I can't believe I kissed him on the cheek. I'm such a DORK!
Anyway...as cute as that was with Trace this morning, that wasn't the BIG news of the day! Not by any means! Hehehe...Um....so, I should probably be ashamed of myself or something...but I'm really not. Maybe it'll hit me tomorrow. Whatever. I couldn't help it. I was too horny to say no. I'd be an IDIOT to say no. See....the whole afternoon kinda went down like this...
I was over at Sam's house today. Just to hang out. And also because...sighhhh....well, Brandon called me earlier. A part of me was really excited that he wanted to talk to me...but another part of me was warning me to stay away. At least until this weird and friendly infatuation of ours faded back into obscurity again. I mean, why torture ourselves, right? And end up torturing Stevie on top of it. It's silly. I thought it would be best that we move back into being friends slowly, before we start reviving old feelings and making a big mess of things like we did the first time.
Wow...did I just think that?
Yeah....yeah, I guess I did. What the hell is wrong with me? Maturity sucks. It's just another way of saying, "I've got to find more educated reasons to suck all of the FUN out of my life". There's no way in hell that I would've thought this way a year ago. It's high school, man. that hell house changes people, dude!
I guess....I just didn't need the temptation to be naughty when I knew that I couldn't have what I wanted. I know what would have happened. Brandon would have been all cute and sexy, and I would have said something flirtatious or sexy...and that would end up being a big mistake. Then he'd shoot me down, and I'd feel like the whole world SUCKS...but I can't just stop talking to him, because he'll think that I hate him for not being sexy and sweet like before...so I'd end up swallowing my pride and trying to keep up a smile for the next two weeks while I find a way to never ever ever think of having sex with Brandon ever again. Which...sighhh...you know...isn't easy.
I mean...it's BRANDON! The prettiest boy in school. Not just in looks, but in every way that I could possibly deem valuable. I don't just talk to him and think about how much I enjoy being his 'friend'. Because...deep down...I don't. I mean...well...ugh, I DO!!! But...I'm not a six year old and Brandon's not a PUPPY! He's my ex-boyfriend. I want him, you know? I don't want to sound like a perv, but being teased with him being friendly and nothing else over and over again is just frustrating. Not to mention a big waste of time.
Geez, am I...like, the KING of getting off topic, or what?
Anyway, we didn't talk long. And even that was uncomfortable. When I told him that I had to go, he could instantly tell that something was wrong. In fact, he even asked me, "Billy...is there a reason you've been avoiding me lately?"
I was like, "No. I mean, I'm not. I've just been dealing with some other things lately. I...have a lot on my mind." The more vague I was about it, the further away I was from having to say 'your boyfriend told me to stay away'.
Brandon asked, "Did you want to talk about it?"
I was quick to tell him, "No. I can't. Really, I have to go, ok?" I just wanted to hang up the phone. I was getting that feeling again. And I didn't need that feeling. I should be concentrating on Trace right now. I could conceivably chase Brandon the rest of my life and not get so much as a kiss on the cheek. It's best that I find somebody who wants what I want. I can do without the mind games.
He sounded sad, but he said, "Oh....ok. Well, can we talk later?" I told him I might call him back later, but I knew right away that I was lying. Whatever. Who cares?
So this afternoon, I was at Sam's and thoughts of Brandon were lingering in my mind. They were kinda bringing me down, to be honest. I was glad that Sam was in a better mood and willing to distract me with a few laughs for the day.
THEN....um...ok, so this was out of the blue, and I didn't know whether to take offense or anything at the time, but Sam actually asked me (while we were playing video games together), "Billy...you're 100% gay, right? I mean...not bisexual or anything like that? Girls are kinda...off limits to you?"
Now...mind you, Sam doesn't ask ANY question like that without there being some kind of 'agenda' behind knowing the answer. I mean...I was trying to figure out what the heck he even meant by that, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. If I had known then what I know now, I might have changed my answer.
I'm like, "I think...um....yeah. I think I'm mostly just...attracted to boys. Nothing else." It was wishful thinking, but I was hoping to swing that conversation around in a way that would have Sam declare his undying love for me and let us strip naked and enjoy the afternoon in the afterglow of shared multiple teenage orgasms!
And he asks, "Do they gross you out?"
I'm like, "Well...no. I wouldn't say that. I guess...that little 'spark' is just missing. That's all." Sam seemed a bit confused, like he didn't get it. So I said, "Ok...you know how you look at your mom?"
Sam giggled, "Dude, don't even go there!"
I laughed, but I was like, "No really. Think about it. You think you're mom is 'pretty'. You're not, like...disgusted by her or anything. But you don't look at her and think, 'Man, I wanna BANG that chick!'" Sam gave me a kick in the leg and made faces at the idea. "Well, that's how all girls look to me. I know a pretty girl when I see one. I'm just not interested for the same reasons other boys are. That's the only difference."
He thought about it for a second and decided that it made sense. Then he looked at me, and he said, "So...when you look at boys like me...you get all horny and stuff?" I remember him blushing a little when he said it, and I felt this 'pressure' building in my chest right away. Just seeing Sam blush makes me hard.
I made sure not to look at him directly when I answered him. I was a bit too shy to see whether his expression was gonna change or not. But I was like, "Hehehe, well yeah. I mean...when I look at you...it makes me feel good. I think you're really cute."
I thought I'd fall all to pieces after having said that out loud. But Sam was like, "Sighhh...Billy, I don't know what it is about you....but..." He stopped for a second, and he said, "...Dude, can I tell you something?"
I'm like, "Yeah. Sure." But inside I was screaming, 'TELL ME, TELL ME, TELL MEEEE!!!!!'
He seemed to take forever to find the courage to say it, but he finally told me, "I'm not into guys...but something about you makes me soooo hard sometimes. Is that weird?"
Omigod! I was breathless at first, and then looked down at his pants...and he WAS hard. REALLY hard. I was trembling like, "Umm...no. That's not weird."
He's like, "You don't think so?"
I said, "No. No way." I got even more nervous. I knew that I could say just the right thing and maybe get some sex out of it. Or...I could say the wrong thing and screw it all up. So I was being cautious when I said, "You know...the first night you kissed me, I mean...nobody's ever kissed me like that before. Heh...or since, for that matter. You really make me weak inside when you kiss me, Sam." Ok, so there it was. The suggestion was out there. As hard as Sam was, I just KNEW that if I could get him to kiss me, I could get some more. Maybe not everything, but definitely more.
And BINGO! Before long, Sam smiled at me with a deeper blush. Then he giggled to himself for a second. Then our eyes met again, and we both exchanged a smile. God, it was hard to breathe. Neither one of us wanted to move first. But luckily, Sam never minded being the one to make the moves once I gave him the green light. So Sam leaned towards me, and I laid back on his bed. He crawled on top of me with a grin and I spread my legs for him. Then that kiss. Wow...that amazing kiss. Am I going to have to give this up if Trace and I become an item? That'll be hard.
Sam's tongue moves in such a sexy way when it's in my mouth. I love the taste of it. It's, like...slow and erotic and it kinda caresses your own tongue in such a tender and loving way. I kinda wish that we could have gotten naked, but Sam was grinding into me pretty hard. I could feel little whimpers being pushed out of me as his body weight rested on top of me. I grabbed his ass with both hands as he humped me. He must have been hot and bothered for a while, because he was really into it today. He was kissing my neck and sucking on my ear lobes...whoah. I needed this. I needed it so bad. I couldn't hold it for long. I came all over myself. Buckets. My clothes actually felt flooded by the time I was finished quivering in Sam's arms.
He came a few seconds later, and then just rested on top of me. Breathing hard. Still giving me gentle kisses here and there. I know it was a temporary burst of horniness...but a part of me still wishes that I could lay there like that with Sam forever.
What kind of took me by surprise once Sam rolled off to the side, was when he asked me, "Billy? You don't think that I just use you to get off, do you?"
My first answer was, "No." But...to be honest, I didn't know what to think. Or if I had a problem with it either way.
He said, "I don't want you to think that I'm, like, taking advantage of you or anything. I just...sometimes I think about you and...it's not like thinking about my mom."
On any other occasion, hearing that from Sam would have had little jaybirds buzzing around my head, and cartoon hearts pulsing in my eyes as I floated right out of the room on a cushion of love. But...there was something about the way he said it. Something about the way his eyes were directed up at the ceiling...he seemed...so confused. It wasn't like an admission of love or affection. I think that he honestly didn't understand what he was feeling. What's worse, I couldn't tell if he even 'liked' what he was feeling.
And that made me wonder if maybe...*I* was the one who was being a user, in this situation.
Anyway, the GOOD news is that I got laid! Even if it was only tongue kissing and dry hump laid...it's still laid. The bad news? Ummm...I might have to find a way to at least ask Sam how he feels about us doing this. Like, maybe we can talk about it some time. Openly. Because if this is something that he's going to end up regretting later, or if it's going to put guilt on him to the point where it puts distance between us in any way...then I'd rather not do it. And I HATE to say that, because I really REALLY want to do it! But...Sam and I have survived being friends for years. And that was without the sex. I'd rather keep that part.
Sighhh...but ONLY if I can't have both! Because if I can have both, then I want both! Hehehe!
Alright, I've got to go. I'll write more later.
I'm gonna think about Sam's kiss some more before bed. Hehehe, how's that for an explicit 'hint', huh?