And be sure to keep on reading "Billy Chase"...
...Because if you do, Kodi Smit McPhee has agreed to let you vampire bite him on the nape of his neck for an entire hour straight! While being recorded, no less!!!*
*(Previous Statement May Not Be True)
- You know what? I think I'd make one heck of a big brother if I had to! Hehehe, I mean, I know it sounds strange for me to write that out of the blue like that...but it's true. I'm like...still grinning. Hehehe!
Ok, I should explain...
I was actually caught a little off guard when I saw Trace this morning. Pleasantly so. He was wearing this really cute black shirt that was tie-dyed all these different colors, and his hair was looking all sweet and perfect...it's weird how much I can just instantly fall for him over and over again. I don't know, there's just something soooo attractive about him. He's so...'nice'. And I mean, you wouldn't expect that just by looking at him. He seems like he would be the brooding bad boy type...but I think a lot of people probably misunderstand him. I like being one of the few people on Earth who gets to see who he really is, you know? It's like...I've gotten this really rare privilege, this magic VIP backstage pass, to spend some time with a boy who's just....really sweet at heart.
I know. I'm probably gushing like I always do. But...I don't know...something about his smile just really rubbed me the right way today.
Anyway, he seemed a little stressed out. He didn't even notice me at first, which was odd, because he almost always approaches me first. His mind was really wrapped around something else. When I said hello, he gave me a smile, but it wasn't the same smile that I was used to. So I asked him what was wrong. He was like, "Oh...dude, don't worry about it. I'm just getting screwed again, that's all. Decisions, decisions, you know?" I wasn't quite sure what he was talking about, but he said, "Billy...dude..." He seemed like he felt guilty for even asking me, but he was like, "...This Simon Becker kid is your friend, right?"
I'm like, "Yeah. Why?"
And Trace says, "Can you maybe...'talk' to him for me? I mean, I'm totally serious about the tutoring thing, and I know that we could both get into trouble...butdo you think he can just sorta lie and say that I was at my session today? JUST for today, until I can figure something out?"
I asked him, "Well...what happened? I mean..."
Trace frowned up, and he said, "My dad told me that he's driving to Minneapolis today and he won't be home until tomorrow night. He JUST told me that this morning, the asshole!"
I said, "I thought you liked it when he was gone?"
And he was like, "Trust me, I don't give a shit about him being gone. But he's not gonna be around to pick Mikey up from school today. I mean, his school already lets out almost 30 minutes before our high school does...but now I have to spend an 'extra' hour with Simon to keep my grades up. And if I don't show up, then I'm pretty much written off as some kinda loser and the school scratches me off their pretty little 'achievement list' for good. I mean...I kinda want to do better...but I can't just leave Mikey out there by himself. Who knows WHAT could happen to him in an hour and a half. He'll be all by himself. I just...I'm gonna have to ditch Simon and take care of him. What else can I do?"
I felt kinda bad for him, because he seemed so trapped in his situation. How can a father be so...careless? You know? So I told Trace, "Well...I mean, if you don't have any problems with it, I could go and get Mikey after school."
Trace was like, "Wait, what?"
And I'm like, "Sure. I mean, I could take the bus, go grab him from school, maybe get him a little something to snack on, and then bring him back here to the high school. By then, you'll be done with your tutoring session and you can take him home."
I don't think I've ever seen Trace's eyes open wide in surprise before. He was like, "Dude...are you being serious right now? You would do that for me???"
I said, "Hehehe, sure. Why not? I mean, I've got nothing else to do today. He won't have to wait long to get picked up. And it's not like I'm a 'stranger'. Mikey knows me. It'll be fun."
Then Trace did something totally unexpected. He practically lunged forward, and he gave me a hug around the neck. He's like, "Omigod! Billy...you fucking ROCK, man! THANK YOU!!! Oh man, I owe you BIG time!!!"
I have to admit...having Trace hug me sent me into a fit of nervous jitters and helpless giggles right away. Do you have any idea how soft and sweet and warm Trace's body is? Especially when it's all wrapped around me like that. And he smelled good. Nothing artificial. No body spray or lotion or fragrant soap from his morning shower. It was just...'Trace'. I inhaled deeply, and it made me so hard that I had to cut our embrace short before he felt it digging into his leg. Wow...hehehe if I knew that getting Trace in my arms was that easy, I would have offered to pick Mikey up a long time ago.
He was like, "Ok...um...you know where to go? You know where his preschool is and stuff?"
I'm like, "Yeah. I remember where it is. I went there myself when I was little. I just take the number 30 bus and it'll practically take me right to the front door. So it's no biggie."
Trace gave me a smile of true gratitude. It really made me feel good inside. Nothing on this planet worries Trace except for the well being of his little brother. So I was glad to help Besides, that might just give me some bonus points for when I get to sink his long sexy inches into my mouth and make him cum hard down my throat! Hehehe! Yeah...I said it. What of it?
Anyway, after hanging Stevie out to dry like I did yesterday without offering any help...I kinda felt like my karma needed some serious repair.
I still feel kinda guilty about that, but seeing Stevie and Brandon today at lunch...I don't know...it passes. They seemed happy. I know that Stevie was going through a hard time, and that Brandon was having issues with his relationship..but sometimes I see them smiling together on a 'good' day...and it sucks. As much as I hate to admit it to myself, I long to see the day when they're so miserable with one another that I can just squeeze in and take Stevie's place. I don't know how he won Brandon's heart in the first place. It should have been mine. We should have been the happy couple. Whatever. I can't force it. Sometimes...things just don't work out. The sooner I can let go of Brandon, the sooner I can move on and maybe give Trace a shot. I'll always miss him. A part of my heart will always be his. But...that isn't enough to sustain me for the rest of my life. I can only give back the energy that's given to me first. And sometimes...the exchange isn't as strong as we want it to be.
Oh, before I forget...Bobby Jinette officially introduced me to Ian today after gym class! You know what? I can totally see what Bobby sees in him now! Don't get me wrong, I thought he was cute the first time I saw him, but he has this really cool 'aura' about him when you meet him face to face. Like...I don't know, his eyes and his smile...from a distance, they're awesome. But when they're directed at you personally...it's a whole other experience entirely.
Bobby introduced me like, "Ian? This is Billy Chase. The one I told you about." Which was weird, because I wasn't sure what 'told you about' entailed exactly. Still, I smiled and said 'what's up'.
Ian has these really bright eyes. You don't notice them at first, but when you look closer, they're almost like liquid. You have to fight not to stare at them. But it's CUTE! Anyway, I said hi, and we all talked for a few minutes. I'm pretty sure that Bobby hasn't come out to him yet, but...Bobby's been a little weird lately. Well, not weird. Just...he's a little more flashy than he was just a few days ago. I thought maybe yesterday was just a fluke, but no...Bobby's a bit more relaxed than I thought he would be this soon. If Ian had any doubts about Bobby's sexuality before, I'm sure that they would be confirmed soon if Bobby didn't...um..'butch up' again some time soon. Hehehe!
I'm being a jerk, aren't I? I shouldn't say that. Sorry, Bobby.
Anyway, so the last bell rang for the day, and I was leaving my classroom when I saw Trace waiting for me across the hall. He's like, "Dude...you're still going to get Mikey, right? Please tell me you are!"
Hehehe, did he really think I'd forget??? My GOD...he really WAS concerned!
I said "Trace, don't WORRY so much! Hehehe, I'm going right now. Can I go to my locker first?" It brought him some relief, but I guess it would be out of character for him to not worry just a little bit. I think that was cute too. But...I don't think Trace can help being sweet. Sighhh....
I'm honestly getting all goofy over him again right now. I've gotta stop this. At least until I'm closer to losing the deal, you know?
So anyway, I got on the bus, and I went to Mikey's preschool where he was sitting on the front steps, poking a bug with a stick. Hahaha! Seriously! It was classic 'Mikey' behavior. He wasn't being mean or anything. Just waiting for this little beetle thing to start walking, so he could push it over onto his back, and watch as it tried to turn right side up again. Mikey wasn't even smiling or anything, just concentrating on the whole process and marveling at how it was done.
I walked up and said hello, and he gave me the biggest smile ever. He's like, "Hi, Billy!!! Yay!!!" He had only been waiting there for a half hour, but in 'little boy' time, that's an eternity. There were some adults out there watching over everything to make sure no perverts were wandering up to the school grounds to pick up any stray children without their parents' consent. I did get a few suspicious looks, but Mikey was so affectionate and excited to see me that they didn't really give me much of a problem.
I took Mikey by the hand and made sure that he had his little backpack and stuff so I could take him back with me. He loved to skip and jump and make noises for no reason at all, but he never let go of my hand. There's something about having another human being, no matter how young, depend on you soooo much, and just trust you with his whole heart...it puts so many things in perspective, you know? It made me feel important. Like...super cool big brother. Hehehe!
That little boy could TALK I didn't know he had enough breath in him to talk that much! But it was awesome. I never had to think of what to say. He had a billion conversations going on in his head at all times, with or without my involvement. And QUESTIONS!!!!! More questions than I could ever possibly HOPE to answer in a lifetime!!!!! I had to keep changing the subject just to keep him from badgering me to death like a cop in an old detective movie. Hehehe, but it was ADORABLE nonetheless!
I took Mikey to get some ice cream from a convenience store not far from the school. I didn't mind spending the money. I'd do anything to see that kid smile the way he did when he saw the freezer full of treats and I asked him to pick one. I mean...once you tell him he can have anything he wants, how can you go back on your word? It would have broken my heart to have disappointed him at that point. I think I could see why Trace made such a big deal over taking care of him. I had only spent a short time alone with him...and already I'd do ANYTHING to keep him happy and protect him from harm. It's the first time I really felt like that for somebody. It was kinda cool.
Anyway, I got him back to the high school, and....I know this sounds weird....but I was kinda sad when it came to turning Mikey over to his big brother again. I mean, just one look at Trace, and Mikey went running over to jump into his arms and shower him with all the attention he had just been giving to me just minutes earlier. It's silly, but I felt kinda...abandoned. Hehehe! Yeah...I don't know. I'm just...ugh! I can't believe I miss him this much.
Trace thanked me and gave me another hug with Mikey in his arms, and Mikey gave me a sweet little wave goodbye before they went home. But yeah, for a little while, I was in charge of that little munchkin. And he enjoyed it. It kinda brightened up my whole day.
It got me to think about...well...how Trace's dad didn't feel the same way. Ho could he not totally adore his kids? How can he possibly bear to leave them behind?
And that only made me wonder.....
How could MY dad leave me behind?
But, since I had a good time today, and don't want to end on such a somber note, I'll just say that things are looking up. And I can appreciate the good times while they're happening. So I'll keep my fingers crossed, and I'll pray for the good times to last. Wish me luck.