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*(Previous Statement May Not Be True)
- Do I feel good tonight? This Friday night? You know something? Yeah....yeah, I do. I feel REALLY good, in fact! My whole body is so relaxed right now. Hehehe! I had almost forgotten what it feels like to be this calm and stress free.
Yeah, I had sex with Lee tonight. and it was damn GOOD too! Here I was, all tensed up and trying to deal with other people's little bullshit and hang ups, holding my sexuality in for their sake and suppressing my feelings...afraid to say anything...and all I needed was a really good fucking! Hehehe! Well....me and Lee didn't really get that far into it...but you get the point. I could have played these stupid little mind games with Brandon forever without so much as getting a kiss on the cheek from him. But while he's being stingy with his affection, Lee was more than happy to slide right in and take his place.And I don't feel one ounce of guilt about it. Because when I offered myself to Brandon, he couldn't be bothered. I'm going to make it a point to stop being frustrated by one person from now on. If one boy doesn't want to play ball, I'll just go get myself another one. Easy. And while Brandon is sitting at home all alone with his emotional conflicts, I'll be getting it on with someone who's there when I call to be satisfied. I think that's fair.
I mean, if I was at the grocery store, and the line I was standing was so long that it was going to take FOREVER for me to get 'service'...I'd move to the next register. Right? Well, Brandon's got a lot of things that come before me in terms of us being together...and Lee just opened up the express lane. Why wait?
Anyway, I only mention Brandon because I saw him today just before lunch. He looked a bit grumpy, but he obviously wanted to talk. I could tell. That's me. Good ol Billy Chase. The dumping ground for everybody's problems. They love me JUST enough to get what they want out of me, and no more. God forbid if I asked him to do something that would require any effort on his part. But, you know? I'm kinda stuck in the habit of giving a damn, so I invite him to let me know what's bothering him. And I guess he did it. He actually did it.
Brandon has officially broken up with Stevie. The nightmare is over, and they are no more.
I don't know whether I felt bad for Stevie or not, but I certainly didn't want to. So fuck him. He deserves it for being an annoying little prick. Brandon's never been the kind of boy that I would classify as being 'high maintenance'. I mean, you really don't have to do much to impress him, he doesn't demand that you be anything other than what you already are, and he's one of the most easy going people in the world when it comes to conflict. So if Stevie was such a brat that he couldn't keep a gem like Brandon happy..then he's an idiot. So yeah, my sympathy for him is as close to zero as my heart will allow.
The question now is...how long do I have to wait before I can snatch Brandon back and get him naked again. Hehehe! I honestly think I flirted with him a little bit today. It made me horny to think that I could have those long les wrapped around me again. Kissing those lips. Crushing myself against his slender body and enjoying the warmth and softness of his skin. He seemed a bit too gloomy about things today though. He just kept saying things like, "I wanted out, Billy...but I didn't want to hurt him like that. I don't know if I should have broken up with him when I was angry." Blah blah blah....who cares? Stevie was a weasel. Hurt his feelings. Let him cry about it. There were times when I cared about his feelings too...but it didn't get me anywhere. What was *I* getting out of it? Nothing. So fuck him. The new Billy doesn't care anymore.
In fact, after a few minutes of Brandon's incessant whining, I kinda wanted to distance myself from him too. I love him, I really do...but I don't have time to care about anybody else right now. The only thing on my mind was going to Lee's tonight and sucking that boy with everything I had to give.
You know, the whole day went by soooo much faster and it was so much better once I knew that I was getting laid tonight. It's like...I didn't have to care about anything else. It was all just a preamble to having sex. I did my duty for the day. I was a good little mindless soldier, I did my homework, I at my dinner at the table with my mom...now it's time for me to have my own kind of fun. Period.
Even this morning, I was at Sam's bright and early today...and I gave Sam every smile and hint and little flirtatious touch that I could to get him interested in me. If he wanted a blowjob, today would have been the time to ask for one. I'm sure he knew exactly what I was doing. There was even a time or two when I caught him blushing and giggling about it. Then he'd stumble for words for a few seconds and try to think about something else. But hey, even that didn't bother me today. You wanna know why? Because I was getting LAID tonight! By LEE! Sam wants to play games and be all coy about it? That's cool. Next contestant! He's not the only boy in town with a sexy piece of meat in his pants. You snooze, you lose. Loser! Hehehe!
Not that I'm not gonna try again this weekend to get in Sam's pants again. There's something about his meat in particular that I have a craving for right now. So I'm not giving up on that. I wonder if I can get him to penetrate me before Monday morning comes around? I should make that, like...a challenge or something. Might make for a nice little weekend project or something. Hehehe!
I caught sight of Trace at one point today in the halls. Made eye contact. Didn't speak to him. The funny thing is, I think he was actually expecting me to come up to him and try to get him to talk to me again after how he treated me yesterday. He was probably already thinking up excuses to run off somewhere, or building up the energy to blow me off. But you know what? I didn't give him the satisfaction today. I saw him, and I walked right past. Fuck him too. Like I've got nothing better to do than try to 'beg' him for his attention. No. I'm not playing that game anymore. If he wants to play mind games and make it difficult to spend time with him...then adios. Fuck off. He's not showing me any love of affection, we're not having sex, he's not even really trying to entertain me anymore. Fine. He's easily replaced with someone else who's willing to do ALL of the things he won't. And I don't have to dig through a mountain of drama, confusion, and insecurities to get it from them.
Trace wants to be by himself, then there you go. Poof! I'm gone. I won't bug him anymore. Got my own ways of having fun, thank you very much.
Trace could have been a part of that, but...whatever. He cheated himself by being a tool.
I have to admit, I kinda like living like this. I don't have to worry about being hurt when I don't care. It's like...armor, you know? I don't have to 'feel'. I don't have to expose myself emotionally. I can stay in this protective little shell of mine forever and be just fine. I can still have friends, have sex, get good grades....I can have everything that I have already. The only trade off is, it's much more disposable now. No feelings, no risks. No risks, no pain. No heartache. No self doubt, no worry, no vulnerability. I don't know why I didn't think of this before!
Anyway, school was a breeze today, to say the least, and I sent an email to Lee last night to ensure my little visit tonight. I know his mom is always away on Friday nights, and he's always looking for something to do. It was the perfect opening. I ate dinner, showered up, sprayed on some good smelling stuff, and hurried right on over.
Things went pretty much as I planned them too. It took the foreplay of pretending that I wanted to watch a movie with him. So I had to sit next to him on the couch for a while and just smile and talk for about 40 minutes or so. I didn't want to attack him right away. But let's be honest...if he wasn't going to get naked for me tonight, then I basically would have been wasting my time. I probably would have left and found myself someone a little more 'sexy' to spend my time with. Lee and I have had enough idle chit chat to last us the rest of our lives. Now STRIP before I get bored! Hehehe!
I remember Lee having to lean back on the arm of the couch to keep me from kissing him for a minute, and he's like, "I have to admit, Billy...I didn't think you'd be so...er...happy to see me."
I was like, "Of course I am. I missed you, Lee. I miss spending time with you."
He says, "Really? I mean...when we broke up, I kinda thought..."
But I stopped him. He was thinking too much. I said, "You know what? Why don't we forget about that for now. I want you." I smiled. Anything to get him out of those pants. I was hard and leaking and ready to explode. I lifted his shirt up, revealing that super cute, smooth chest of his, and I licked a long trail from his navel to his nipples. God, I had forgotten how GOOD Lee tasted. By the time I got his pants open, he was at my mercy. It felt too good for him to tell me to stop. I slid those long succulent inches across my tongue as it entered my mouth, tightened my lips around his shaft, and sucked him for all I was worth. I really let myself get into it this time. Moaning and breathing hard, cradling his balls while I laid my hand flat on his stomach and rubbed it in small circles. I gave him the full service tonight! At one point, he was wiggling so much on the couch that he had to stop me and come down on the floor with me to spread his legs wider for me. When he came in my mouth, it was like pure honey. I swear, it was soooo sweet! I definitely made Lee's toes curl tonight. And he was all to happy to return the favor.
I only stayed for a few hours, but in that time, we had sex over and over again until it almost hurt to try to push out any more ejaculate. Now THAT'S what I call a Friday night!
When I left, I was surprised that Lee kissed me at the door. I don't know...I just didn't expect that from him. Hehehe, maybe I was an even better lover than I thought tonight. He even blushed a little bit. It was so cute! But I had to go. I got what I wanted. I'm sure that's much more 'entertaining' than what I've been doing with my life over the last few weeks.
So I'm home now. And I feel awesome. I'm smiling from ear to ear now. Lee wrote me an email to say that he was glad I came over tonight. He said we should get together to do it again some time. I'm totally down for more of the good stuff if he wants it. Whatever him and Randall talked about must have worked wonders. Because, unless I'm mistaken, Lee is actually making an attempt to tell me how he feels for once. Awww, that's sweet. But I'm not getting wrapped up in that again. You can only play me for a sucker a few times before I learn my lesson and adapt. So I'll suck Lee off anytime he wants it for as long as he's in a 'feeling' mood. And then, when he inevitably switches back to ignoring me again, I won't be hurt. I'll already have another boy waiting to take up his slack. Maybe Sam can fill in a few holes in my schedule too. Pun intended. If I can find myself a third, then I'll pretty much NEVER have to be without sex. I can just alternate between them until I find one who isn't into playing games.
Seems like the easiest thing in the world to me. I'm going to bed. Who knows? Maybe tomorrow I can give Jamie Cross a call and see if I can get him naked too! Hehehe, what have I got to lose, right?
- The 'New' Billy Chase
Ps- Geez...Lee just wrote me AGAIN! Hehehe! What's got HIM feeling so goofy all of a sudden? Weirdo!