Saturday

 - Yeaaahhhhh...........

I really needed that. And by 'that', I mean Lee's hard dick in my mouth. You know, I can actually say that he tasted even better than Sam tonight as we made love. Or...you know....fucked each other senseless. Hehehe! Whatever. I kept my word. I wasn't really concerned with that whole charade of us just being friends and getting together on a Friday night to watch a movie. I don't know what he rented, but we didn't even put it in the DVD player. Who cares? Hahaha! He was too damn hot for me to keep my hands off of him tonight.

You wanna know something weird? Lee and I never did any kind of anal stuff before. And as I was kissing him and rolling on top of him to gyrate my hips into him....he seemed to be moving in that direction. Like...he was really squeezing my ass and pulling my cheeks apart to circle his long fingers around my hole...but it just....felt different. I mean, with SAM....I wanted him to do it. I was almost anxious for him to do it to me. But as cute and as cool as Lee was, as comfortable as I felt with the sex we were having....I just didn't trust him as much with that particular part of me. Is that weird? I kinda figured that being a 'top' or a 'bottom' would be a lot more simple to figure out. But it wasn't. I don't think I wanted Lee back there. The very thought of it gave me flashbacks to my experiences with AJ.....and I cringed at the thought.

I can't understand what Sam did to earn access to me in such an intimate way...but whatever it was...Lee hadn't gotten that license yet. It baffled me. But even though I shied away from his attempts to take things to another level...we had plenty of sexual pleasures to keep us entertained tonight. Hehehe!

Lee has a specific flavor to him that I've never had with any other boy that I've been with. There's a way that his sexy little hips move, and a way that his whimpers echo off of his bedroom walls, that really makes every visit with him something of a religious experience. God....I LOVE it! After all this time....Lee still really turns me on like you wouldn't believe! His body is everything a gay boy like me dreams about!

I'm just....you know...

...Not into giving him that part of me. Not yet, anyway.

Ugh! Oh God...there's a part of me that's really in love with Sam, isn't there. Jesus...I really did NOT want that! I can totally do without any hopeless and helpless attachments to my former best friend right now. I could be so much better off without having to worry about that.

Besides....sucking Lee off and having him cum soooo hard in my mouth was much more satisfying than having to argue with Sam over how we should 'schedule' our sessions so it doesn't intrude on his precious masculinity.

Sighhh....I guess I'm just...bothered by the fact that I saw Sam being so 'friendly' with Jimmy's friend, Stacy, today. Maybe that's where this jealous rant is really coming from. I don't know.

After having to live through him abandoning my feelings and chasing Joanna into some stupid hetero relationship like a good little 'robot'....I'd think he would have learned his lesson. I don't know. Maybe I was wrong. Fine. I don't care. Let him spend his time with some dumb GIRL. But when he was with me...he LIKED it! He was happy when he was with me. He keeps saying he's straight but...but....he liked being with me, didn't he? :(

He's lying to himself. It's so stupid. Whatever. I don't care. He's just pretending. He's hiding from who he really is. Just face it...Sam's gay. He belongs with me. Not Stacy. Not ANY girl, for that matter. He can pout all he wants, but when he's done trying to prove something...I'm gonna be right here to cushion him when he fall from grace.

He wants me. He DOES.

:(

Oh...and you wanna know what happened today? Ha!!!!

Ok, so I'm going to class...and Bobby Jinette comes up to me in the hallway. He's like...distressed, or whatever, and he asks me, "Why did you give Ian your phone number, Billy?"

I laugh a little bit, and say, "What are you talking about? Why shouldn't I?"

Bobby's like, "I ASKED you to stay away from him. Billy...please don't do this, ok? Please?"

I'm like, "What am I doing, exactly, Bobby? You're not interested in him. It's not like he's your boyfriend or anything." Bobby gave me this really hurt expression, and I said, "Look...I TOLD you what to do to keep his attention. I told you to talk to him and to pay him some attention. But you're too scared to tell him how you feel. So how am I a jerk for taking advantage of the opportunities that you're too chicken to approach? Either make a move or do without. You're lucky I waited THIS long! Ian's a good guy...."

He says, "Billy.....PLEASE! Ok? I really REALLY like him...."

I said, "Well then STOP being a fucking coward and talk to him. Otherwise, either me or somebody else, is going to slide right into your place. You had his attention, and you fucked that up because you chose being 'scared' over saying what was in your heart. Ian offered himself to you...and instead of jumping on the opportunity...you decided to let fear win out and force you to be a nerdy little mute in the corner. Well, if you're not going to make an effort...someone else will. And to be totally honest, Ian's really cute. And that 'someone' might just be me." I told him, "You want him? Go GET him! Otherwise, leave me alone. You can sit there and stay scared all by yourself if you want to. Whatever. It's up to you."

Again, Bobby pleads, "C'mon, Billy! This isn't fair! Just leave him alone. Go after somebody else. You know I like him. Why are you doing this?"

I said, "I'm not doing ANYTHING. Honestly! He asked me to be in his movie this Summer. That's it." That made Bobby thrust his hands up into his hair and bang his head against the wall in frustration. "WHAT??? What did I do?"

He's like, "He asked you to be in his movie??? You CAN'T do that, Billy! You have to tell him no. Just...tell him you're too busy to help him out with his project and that you've got stuff going on right now...."

I scoffed at him, like, "Psh! Bobby,,,,,dude, I can't just back out on him now! I'd be a total JERK for that. I told him that I would help him out, and I'm gonna stand by my word. I can't just flake out on him because it makes you uncomfortable. He'll hate me."

Bobby's like, "That's the point!!! Let him hate you! I can't....I just can't....." He whined and wiggled for a moment. Then he said, "I can't compete with you, Billy. Ok? Just...back off, ok? Leave him alone."

It seemed like such a silly request. But I just shrugged my shoulders and said, "Fine. Whatever." But I made sure to add, "But I'm not going to ignore him the way you do. I'm not going to hurt him the way you do. Ian's a sweet and creative guy. And you completely disregard his creativity in the WORST way, Bobby! I'm willing to back off, but you'd better step up to the plate, or I'm going to take that as you giving up on the whole thing. You'd better stop being a fucking COWARD, or next time, I'm not easing up. You hear me?" I didn't even know what I was saying. It's not like I was really 'going for' Ian. But this was seriously Bobby's very last chance to stop treating him like some kind of foot fungus. I almost feel bad for agreeing to keep my distance. Ian was cute, he was cool, and he generally seemed to like me. But I'd be willing to put my hormones on hold for another few days. I'm ONLY doing this for Bobby, though! If he screws this up....if he turns chicken and refuses to fucking say....SOMETHING sexy to the boy he supposedly loves....then he's just going to lose out on a really great guy. Period. He's been scared and choked up for long enough. This is just getting stupid now. I'm taking him. That's all there is to it. Bobby can make a move, or he can sit there and cry all alone by himself. No more games.

Jesus....he's sooooo weak!

Hey, I got an email from Randall tonight! And he says that maybe he can hang out tomorrow! YES!!!! Sex with Lee tonight, and maybe sex with Randall tomorrow! I've already jacked off twice just thinking about the possibility of me and Randall fooling around. Nothing major, just some kissing, some nudity, some licking, some sucking....it'll be fun. We'll just get together and see how things turn out.

Mmmm, I can still taste Lee's sperm on the surface of my tongue. It's sooooo sweet. That boy must be on a diet of strawberry syrup and mango juice or something.

I wonder what Randall's will taste like.....

Anyway, I've gotta run. I kinda called Trace's house tonight. Don't know why, but I did. He didn't answer. I'm assuming he saw my number on the caller ID and just....ignored me. Whatever. Who needs him? Not me, obviously. But I had sex tonight. And I might have more sex tomorrow. Finally...other people are living on my time, instead of me being their genie in a bottle. And I'm going to enjoy this for as long as I can.

I'll write more later.

- Billy