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Be sure to keep on reading "Billy Chase"...
...And I will personally send you a kick ass GATLING GUN when I sponsor you in next year's Hunger Games!!!*
*(Previous Statement May Not Be True)
- You know what confuses me most about Brandon?
The fact that he can just be so....so....ARRRGH!!!!
It's like, he can be SO annoying to me sometimes! But....but but...it's like just cute and sweet enough where I can't actually STAY mad at him! I mean, it's like he's doing something to really piss me off...but he makes it so subtle that I can't really define what it is. And that just makes it worse. Because now I'm walking around hurt and angry all day, and if somebody were to ask me why...I couldn't even give them an answer.
Ugh! It's like some weird form of black magic or something.
So, I see him today, right? I was on my way to the library, and I just kind of figured that he was on his way there too. I mean...it's where I discovered him in the first place. I know his routine by now.
I'm like, "Hey...." I wasn't sure how much or how little I should say at that particular moment. I never know when Brandon is going to tempt me or reject me these days.
He was like, "Billy? What's up? I'm sorry that I haven't talked to you in a while. This end of the year homework and all is killing me."
I said, "Yeah. I know. Me too. They're really piling it on. But Summer is only a month and a half away, right?"
He's like, "Omigod, YES! And I can't wait! I need to get out of this madhouse before it drives me crazy." But even though Brandon and I shared a smile about it...there was this really awkward pause that followed, where neither one of us knew what else to say. And yet....I don't think Brandon ever looked prettier to me.
Sometimes I think I'd rather share a few moments of awkward silence with Brandon than hours of hardcore sex in Robin's basement like I did yesterday.
Even if the very thought of it makes me DIAMOND hard in the pants! God...it's like I can still taste them!
So anyway, we get to the library, and I'm expecting Brandon to naturally follow me in, but he stops at the door. And he's like, "I guess, I should get going. I've got stuff to finish up, and I was going to do it in my study hall. Sooooo...."
He trails off, and I'm like, "You can do it in the library, can't you?" I think about it for a second, and I add, "It would be cool to share a table with you again, dude. It's been a long time."
Brandon really did smile at me. One of those sweet and addictive smiles that I had come to miss so much from our interactions as a couple. But then he's like, "Yeah...that would be great, Billy. But I really think that I need to work in my study hall instead. Just for today. You know?"
Absentmindedly, I asked, "Why?"
He said, "I just think it would be better that way. But...maybe some other time. K? Seriously. I just need to concentrate today."
Great. It was another one of his 'some other time' blow-off promises. What was I doing to push him away from me? Or...get him to push me away from him? I just...I want him to trust me. At LEAST trust me enough to talk to me like a fucking person once in a while. How long is he going to hold the Bobby Jinette thing against me? :(
Am I NEVER going to see my sweet and sexy Brandon ever again? Like...EVER?
I wish he would talk to me on a deep enough level to a least tell me so. That way, I could move on.
Who am I kidding?
I'm never going to move on from the love I have for Brandon.
As much as I enjoyed myself yesterday, and look forward to doing it again....a LOT....both AJ and Robin together aren't my Brandon. I think seeing him and talking to him today made me realize that more than ever. Which created a serious feeling of emptiness in me. Which only made me want to call AJ again and fill that void with more temporary gratification. Anything to take that hollow feeling away. At least for now.
God, how pathetic am I right now?
You know....I didn't see it myself, but I heard that Simon collapsed just outside of one of his classes today. Like....actually collapsed. I don't know what the hell THAT was about, but if he's pushing himself THAT hard...then he needs some major help. I mean, that's just not worth it. What the hell is he DOING to himself? Does he care that much about a few grades on his transcripts? Simon has always been a bit of an overachiever in my eyes, but I don't think I've never seen him do anything like this before. He's really stretching himself way too thin to even function anymore. If he keeps going like this, he's going to flat out kill himself. I need to talk to that boy, one on one. He's just doing way too much.
By the time finals come around, he will have put himself into a friggin' COMA!!!
And who will that benefit? Certainly not his parents....
Omigod....I got an email from Ian tonight, saying that he was nervous about hanging out with Bobby tonight!!! How CUTE is that??? LOL! I guess they decided to go to the movies after all. It was cool to see Ian being bashful though. If he's being weird and scary...then Bobby Jinette must be a total basket case right now!
I could have answered Ian's email, or even called him on the phone...but I didn't. Unh unh! Hehehe! I'm actually going to sit back this weekend and let the two of them work this out on their own. I've played my part. I think that I could only do more damage than good at this point. Besides, they'll be ok. They already get along. They're obviously attracted to one another. Why not just let whatever happens.....happen? You know?
So...I guess it's just a matter of waiting to see where this goes. I'm not answering any phone calls or emails until they're forced to struggle through their feelings alone for a bit.
People gotta learn how to do this stuff. I did......sorta...
Something REALLY cool happened today though! I saw Sam as I was coming out of one of the stairwells today, and he was sort of giggling with Michelle by the doorway.
Naturally, it was good to see Sam smiling, but I just kinda lowered my head and attempted to sneak by like I hadn't seen him. I wasn't looking forward to embarrass myself by talking to him and having him roll his eyes at me and walk away. Funny thing is...he spoke to me.
He was like, "....Hey, Billy." I was kinda caught off guard by that.
I said, "Hey..." But I didn't know if I should stick around or....or if I should keep walking and let that be all that we said to each other. It was an uncomfortable moment, to say the least.
But Sam says, "Billy, this is Michelle. You guys kinda know each other, right?"
I'm like. "Yeah. A little. Hi, Michelle." She said hello, and this eternal silence passed between us, where I was to ashamed to look Sam in the eye. It got so hard to breathe that I decided to make a quick escape. So I said, "I've gotta go. But...maybe I'll see you around some time?"
And Sam said, "Yeah. Sure thing."
I think that was good. I mean, he introduced me to his girlfriend. That's like a crack in the door, you know? It might not be big enough for me to slide right back into his life again...but it's enough to get a peek every now and then. Much better than the padlocked door I had slammed in my face before. So there's still hope.
Anyway, I've actually taken AJ's number and written into the back of this book tonight. There was something severely naughty about what I did with him and Robin yesterday....but I'm actually really looking forward to doing it again. In fact, I almost called AJ tonight to see if they were getting together again anytime soon. The feel of Robin's lips on me....the thrill of pushing into those soft, warm, insides...I can't get it out of my head.
The only thing is...I keep having to go back for another fix. Like...that awesome feeling, it doesn't last very long. Lucky for me, they're just as horny and problem-free as I am. So...if I can have it, then why not have it? Right?
I thought I'd feel bad about it, but I don't. Wait, let me check....nope. No bad feelings here. If that changes, I'll stop. Until then, I could do with another few hundred blowjobs, thank you. And anybody who thinks there's something wrong with a blowjob obviously hasn't had one in a while.
If you ask me...more blowjobs could possibly be the key to world peace. Hehehe!
Alright...time for homework. I'll write more later. Thank God for the weekend!