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Be sure to keep on reading "Billy Chase"...
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*(Previous Statement May Not Be True)
- I had the strangest thing ever happen to me tonight. My mom and I went out and bought some take out Philly cheese steak sandwiches for dinner tonight, practically stuffing ourselves, and then I kinda passed out for a little hour long nap in front of the television. But while I was out...I had a dream that Stevie and I were kissing! Like...totally making out under the bleachers by the high school football field! Is that not CRAZY???
The worst part is...I think I kinda liked it. Stevie had his arms draped over my shoulders, kinda hanging behind my neck, you know? And he would kiss me with these really delicate tongue movements, and his chest was fluttering against mine...and sometimes, we would stop for a moment to lightly rub our noses together and smile. Then we'd get right back into it. It was the most intimate and erotic lip session that I could possibly imagine.
Thank God that I actually did just imagine it. I've been giving that boy waaaaay too much credit these days. This is what got me into trouble in the first place. Open myself up, and then have the audacity to cry when someone stabs me in the back with my own foolishness.
Nice try, Stevie. But I'll be keeping an eye on you. Even in my dreams, buddy!
Anyway, you'll NEVER guess what happened today!!!
Let me start by reporting on what happened after school! :)
So, I'm leaving school, right? And I run into Ian, who seems to be sorta watching me from a distance. I mean, he's like...practically hiding behind the lockers, as though he's scared to even 'talk' to me. So I made sure to say hello first and make myself a bit more...'approachable', I guess.
He hurries over and says hi and all, but he can barely look me in the eye. I don't think that I've seen Ian acting so strange before. I asked him, "Are you ok, dude? You seem a little skittish today. What's up?"
I could actually hear his breathing change, and he began trembling lightly as he attempted to find the words to explain himself. Finally, he's like, "Billy? You...I mean...you don't, like...have a bus to catch or anything, do you?"
I wrinkled my forehead for a moment, but I said, "Well, I usually catch the bus out front, but I can just as easily hike it home. It's not really that far. How come?"
Even more nervous, Ian was like, "I don't want to be a bother or anything, but...but..." He was really struggling with something. He said, "Billy...I think...I think I need to talk to somebody. And you might be the only one who gets me enough to understand."
My eyes widened a bit, but I tried not to let on. Was this it? Was this the 'coming out' speech? Whoah! I sure as hell wasn't going to miss this! Not for anything in the world! I was like, "Yeah. Sure. Just let me grab a few things and we can get outta here."
I thought that Ian was going to stay there with me, but he was so shaken that after just a few seconds, he mumbled, "Hey...I'll just wait for you outside. Ok?" I barely had time to agree before he was bolting out of the front door. I couldn't help but smile to myself. I mean...is he really gonna do it? How will he say it? What words will he use? I can't IMAGINE what's going through his head right now! Hehehe! Poor bastard! I was wondering if he thought I was going to be one of those jerks who reacts badly and stops talking to him just because he's gay. You know? It made me move faster to grab my homework and textbooks for the weekend so he didn't have to sweat it out for too long. Awwww, cute little red haired Ian! Don't worry, dude! I don't bite! :P
So I go outside and we started walking. Ian kept his head down. He hardly said two words to me until we began walking down a few side streets to get away from the big student 'exodus' that happens every weekday at 3:30 in the afternoon. Occasionally, he would tug on my arm to lead me down a quit alley or something, looking around to make sure that nobody followed us. It was adorable, to be honest.
Then I'm like, "Dude, talk to me. What is this all about?"
I think that my blunt question put him into a gentle state of panic. It's funny, but sometimes, when he's nervous or uncomfortable saying what's on his mind...his nose wiggles! Hahaha! I'm serious! It's like...he twists his lips a bit while he's thinking, and moves them back and forth, and it makes his cute little nose wiggle. I could seriously watch that all day.
He's like, "Well...you know....it's the weekend, so...." He trailed off. He kinda looked at me as though I was supposed decipher that to have some kind of greater meaning than that. Lucky for me, he was like, "Well...I mean...last weekend..." He stopped for a second, took a big swallow, and he said, "Well, last weekend...I went to the movies...." He peeked at my eyes again. I'm telling you, it was the cutest thing ever!
I was like, "Yeah....?"
And he was like, "I was at the movies..with Bobby..."
And I was like, "Yeah...?
And he says, "Bobby Jinette....?"
I laughed, like, "Hehehe, yes! I know which Bobby you're talking about."
He got a bit frustrated with himself, but he seemed determined to get this out. So I was rooting for him. I wasn't sure if I should jump in or ruin his game plan or anything. So I just tried to be patient and let him do it his way.
He blushed a bit, but was too worried to work up a smile. Still, he pushed forward. He said, "I...I was thinking about Stevie's assembly thing the other day..." I raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything. He continued with, "It just made me realize that...I mean...I got to thinking, and...and I uhhh..." I actually started to get excited. It's like...he was actually about to tell me. ME! Was I going to be his first? That would be SUCH an honor! Seriously. Ian's nose wiggled a few more times, and his voice quivered as he said, "I think I like spending time....with Bobby. I mean...I like him a lot, Billy. Like....like a LOT. You know? Maybe more than...well...see, the thing is..." He just couldn't seem to find the right words, but I gave him time. I honestly was curious to see what he came up with. I might need to use that same tactic myself someday. Ian finally said, "Do you have any idea what I'm talking about, right now?"
He was looking over his shoulder and mine, and I wasn't quite sure if I should just tell him or not. Then again, thinking back to the time when Jimmy LaPlane told me that he knew I was gay all along, I remember how I felt like such an IDIOT for masquerading around him for so long. And that kinda sucked.
So I let Ian off the hook by saying, "So...are you and Bobby gonna start dating now, or what?"
I said it with a giggle and a wink...but I suddenly saw Ian go white right in front of my eyes. Every last droplet of blood was drained from his face, and he almost looked faint from being hit by a surprise comment like that.
I was afraid that I had made a HUGE mistake by letting on that I knew what the real deal was. He fidgeted and squirmed and said, "Why did you say that? I mean...why did you SAY that? I didn't say that! Did I say that? What makes you think I'd say something like that? Because I didn't. What are you saying? Are you calling me some kind of...some kind of a...whatever. I didn't say that, ok?"
I'm like, "Whoah...dude, I didn't mean for that to sound like I was accusing you of anything. I just...I see you and Bobby together. You look as though you..." How did I say it? "...'Enjoy each other's company'. That's all." Was that the right thing to do? Did I screw this up?
Ian gave me an extremely paranoid look for a moment, a stressed out scowl on his pretty little lips. Then he was like, "I just...I mean, yeah. Yeah, we do. We have...fun. Together, I mean." He stopped for another moment, looking for another safe way to say what he had to say. Then he's like, "I just thought...maybe this weekend, if I was lucky...I could do what we did last weekend. Like...again. You know? Because...I had fun."
I nodded with a smile. "That's a good thing."
Did he notice me teasing him? Hehehe! He looked back at me, and he said, "Maybe...we could even make a habit out of it. Me and Bobby. I would...like to be around him more. A lot more. I just...I hope he knows that. Or...or at least figures that out." Ian was squirming again, uncomfortable in his own skin and about to wiggle right out of his clothes! But, here's the killer! Ian says to me, "I mean I wouldn't want anybody else to TELL him that or anything. Because that sounds...umm, weird. But...I just hope he knows." That was it! Right there! Clever. Very clever. Make me the gay hitman for Bobby Jinette's untamed heart. Hehehe, I never would have thought of that myself.
He peeked up into my eyes a few more times, looking to see if I got the not-so-subtle message he was giving me. And I told him, "I'm sure he knows. I'm sure he wouldn't want anybody to tell you either...you know, if he felt exactly the same way about you." I gave him a cheeky grin, and while he may have been a bit squeamish about it at first, he smiled back and his blush deepened until the color of his face nearly matched his hair.
But yeah...I mean, Ian didn't technically come out to me. Not in the sincerest form of the phrase. But despite being a bit sneaky and vague, he told me everything that I needed to know. Wow..if only he could have told Bobby that same thing!
Then again, Bobby is so timid about Ian's feelings, he might have taken off running at the first sign of affection! Hahaha! Yeah, those two are going to be just fine.
So yeah! That was my big report for the day! A random Friday in a high school boy's life...and somebody outed themselves to me. I think that's freakin' AMAZING, myself! :)
I also caught sight of Simon in the hall today. He was looking more brittle and worn out than before. I said hello to him, but I don't think he heard me. I began to wonder if maybe...well...
Nah! That would be weird.
But as I looked into those weary eyes, and saw the weakness in Simon's expression...I began to wonder if, maybe, he wanted to hang out with Trace and me tomorrow night. I mean, Trace wouldn't mind. And Simon could sure use a little spontaneity right now. I don't know...maybe I'll ask him. I've got his phone number. He needs to forget about all of this academic stuff for just ONE weekend and actually have some fun. I mean, he's been tutoring Trace for weeks. It's not like they don't know each other. Besides, he might get to know Trace even better than before, and then he'll be able to tell me if Trace likes boys or not. Hehehe!
Yeah, I know...Simon basically told me that Trace wasn't gay and that I should be careful...but he could always change his mind, right? Maybe he's missing a few clues here and there. Who knows?
I think I'll talk to Trace about it tomorrow. I doubt he'll mind. Besides, he's the undisputed KING of spontaneity and unplanned plans. So he might get a kick out of it.
I also...um...wrote to Randall tonight. I don't know what made me do it. With Lee being pissed at me, and possibly even heartbroken...I'm pretty sure that it was in bad taste to write to his best friend and say 'hello'. But I did it anyway. If for no other reason than to let him know that I was still kinda interested. Not for a full on relationship or anything. I just..hehehe...I really wanna FUCK him, actually!
Yeah, that's crass. But it's true. I want that boy, body and soul. Just a few times. It's not like we're going to ride off into the sunset together. But I'm up for having a little fun.
He hasn't answered me back yet, and it's getting kinda late. So...maybe I'll hear from him tomorrow. Right? It's the weekend. Anything can happen.
I've gotta go. I was so sleepy that my little one hour nap cut into my studying time. I'll be busy with Trace tomorrow night, and I don't want to be thinking about homework while we're doing...whatever the hell we end up doing. Hehehe!
I'll write more later!
And, hopefully, it won't involve any more freaky dreams about me and 'you know who' kissing! Ugh! I hope tonight's dreams involve me guzzling with bleach to get the taste of him off of my dream lips!