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Be sure to keep on reading "Billy Chase"...
...And I'll arrange it so you get to soap up 'Young Superman', Dylan Sprayberry in the shower every day for a MONTH!!!*
*(Previous Statement May Not Be True)
- I started thinking about AJ from the moment I woke up this morning. I was entertaining one of the stiffest morning hardons ever...and I know that I usually try to keep myself thinking clearly about this kind of thing, but I doubt I had enough blood in my head to even work that out today.
I'm always trying to sway my thoughts one way or another, pretending that I was 'confused' or 'hesitant' about whether or not I was going over there for more meaningless sex. But this morning, I figured, "Why bother with the pretense anymore?" You know? I knew I was going. And I knew why. It feels good. Really, really good. And it was either that or homework and a bologna sandwich. Come to think of it...I don't even think we have anymore bologna. I think I just tried to pretend that I had some kind of guilty conflict in my heart to maintain some kind of illusion of a conscience when it came to free sex.
I figured that I'd end up going over there, I'd have multiple orgasms with AJ and his new boy on the side, and then come home feeling dirty afterward. But a part of me kinda wanted to break the 'feeling dirty' part of the chain this time. I mean...AJ was right...we were just fucking. Some boys go to the park after school and play tackle football...we get naked and screw each other's brains out. Same difference.
I was focusing all of my attention on Robin before, thinking that he was more than what he had presented to me so far. But I never thought about the fact that AJ was involved in all this too. I was having sex with him too (technically), and I had no emotional connection to him whatsoever. I didn't seem to let that bother me too much. So why not? I need to stop being so emotional anyway and just have fun once in a while.
I just...I don't think I was really ready for AJ's little surprise today. That's all.
Anyway, let me get through the rest of this first...
I saw Stevie today. He looked...'different'. Well, I mean, he always looked different from most of the other boys around him. But today he looked...like he had conformed to the masses somehow. He wasn't as emo as he usually was. I think it made me realize how much his old look fit him better. He was nice looking either way, but his emo style was more...self expressive, I guess. He almost seemed out of character by dressing like the rest of us.
I said hello and told him that I hadn't seen him in a while. It may have been a surprise to the both of us, but I kinda missed him. Stevie was like, "Yeah...I've been sort of ducking under the radar lately." He was so soft spoken about it. It was weird. A far cry from the boy who stood up on that stage and told the whole school that he was gay. I thought he was relieved. Maybe even happy.
A bit concerned, I asked, "Why would you need to hide? I thought you were the school hero these days? I was beginning to think that you had gotten yourself an undercover sweetie pie and didn't want to be seen around with him. Hehehe!"
Stevie smiled, but he didn't really respond.
I said, "Dude? What's wrong?"
Stevie almost looked like he didn't want to burden me with it, but he eventually told me, "Those boys that put me in the hospital? They're getting probation."
I was confused. I asked him, "Probation? What does that mean? I don't get it."
Stevie's bottom lip quivered a bit as he said, "That means that they'll be back in school by Monday. Maybe even by Friday. And something tells me that they're not going to be too happy with me for filing official charges against them." He seemed to be shaking, and he's like, "This is going to be bad, Billy. I've got a feeling that it's going to be really bad here for me when they see me again." Then he's like, "Just goes to show...speaking up about bullying doesn't do a whole hell of a lot. Does it?"
I was horrified! I'm like, "Wait! I don't understand! They HURT you, Stevie! They put you in the HOSPITAL! That's assault!"
He's like, "I know, Billy..."
So I'm like, "Well, what's the problem??? I mean...they ATTACKED you! And they did it just because you were gay! Isn't that, like...a hate crime or something? How the hell did they get off with probation?"
Stevie said, "I don't know. Maybe their parents have money. Maybe they found a loophole in the system. I don't know. All I know is that the parents of the assholes who beat me up are doing everything that they can to get this whole case thrown out of court and keep their kids' records clean." He looked soooo sad when he said it. I wish I had some kind of solution to give him...but I've never even been confronted with this kind of thing before. Stevie was like, "They tell me that I can't technically prove that they knew I was gay before the whole thing happened. I can't even prove that they actually pushed me down the steps. I've got no witnesses. I don't have anyone to say that we weren't just fooling around and that I didn't fall on my own."
I said, "That's BULLSHIT!!! What the fuck are they talking about??? It's OBVIOUS that they were bullying you! What do they expect people to believe? That you voluntarily THREW yourself down the stairs???"
He said, "I don't know. I don't know anything. By the time everyone started throwing all of these big words and random scenarios at me, it turns out that it's basically my word against theirs. Who are they going to believe? The quiet little gay boy fresh out of the closet, or the star athletes of the high school's championship winning teams and the crowd of friends, fans, teachers, coaches, and family, standing behind them?"
I wanted to shake him. I really did. He had come sooooo far! I was almost angry to see him shrinking back into obscurity now. I actually admired him for his guts! What the heck is he doing now?
I was like, "No. Fuck that. They need to pay for what they did. I don't care how many people they've got on their side, they have to go down for this."
Stevie says, "Billy...I just want it to be over with. A couple more weeks until Summer break...and I can just stay out of their way for a couple of months. I'll be ok..."
I said, "So that's it? They get away with a slap on the wrist, and you have to be careful not to be spotted on the street for the whole Summer? IF you make it to Summer?" I was hoping that Stevie was going to be stronger than this, but he was visibly shaken this time around. And I couldn't give him a strong enough reason not to be. I told him, "You've got a million witnesses now, Stevie. All of us are watching. And those block headed assholes aren't gonna do shit! Hear me?"
Despite the trembling, Stevie gave me the sweetest little smile. He's like, "That's awfully 'friendly' of you, Billy. Are you softening up on me?"
I said, "No. But...if anybody is gonna put you in a friggin' coma, I want it to be me."
He's like, "Yeah. That's what I thought." Then, Stevie straightened his back, puffed his chest out a bit, and tried to look as courageous as he could. Then he said, "Thanks, Billy."
I hesitated a bit, but I said, "Don't mention it."
Stevie walked past me and was like, "Don't worry. I won't."
Seriously though, if there are any guardian angels out there with a few extra minutes of free time, I hope they look out for Stevie. I really do.
What? We don't have to be best friends for me to be concerned for the welfare of another human being. I just...don't want him to get hurt. Whatever.
Anyway, my entire school day was just an obstacle to get past while I waited to show up at AJ's house. I wasn't sure what to expect at all...but I was thinking that if this other boy is anything like Robin...then I am going to have one HELL of a good time today! If there's one good thing that I can say about AJ, it's that he has damn good taste when it comes to cute gay boys. That's unquestionable.
Without that guilty feeling in my stomach, I found myself getting excited on the bus ride over there. What would this boy look like? How would he move? How would he moan? Would he be as hot and sexy as Robin was? Or would he be even better? Imagine if he had an ass like Bobby Jinette? THAT would be amazing!
There was even a moment when I wished that it would be Jamie Cross showing up at AJ's door. Hehehe, I'd prolly cum twice before he even got his shirt off and have to lay down for a nap....
AJ greeted me with that aggravating smile when he answered the door. Yeah, he corrupted me. I get it. Why does he have to gloat about it so much all the time.
He's like, "Come on in, Tasty Boy. I'm glad you got here a bit early. I was getting a bit anxious."
I'm like, "Oh. Ok..." And I just kind of followed him as he led me to his bedroom. Wow...I hadn't been in that room for what seemed like years. Brought back memories. Some good, some bad. One of the major ones was the fact that this was the first time I ever snuck out of my house at night. I remember how exciting that was at the time. Creeping out late, crawling around in the dark, AJ and I talking to each other with gentle whispers as we took our clothes off. I have to admit...it was kinda hot.
AJ had me sitting on his bed, and he says, "You want some juice or something from the fridge? Better hydrate now, hehehe!"
I said, "No. No thanks." He shrugged his shoulders and walked around the bed to sit down next to me. I tightened up a little as he smiled at me again and told me how glad he was that I was there. There was an awkward silence between us. I almost missed having Robin just answer the door naked and get things started as soon as he could get his tongue in my mouth. Trying to have much more to do with AJ was just plain uncomfortable. So I asked, "So...is this other boy...umm...is he coming later, or...?"
AJ says, "Calm down. He'll be here soon enough. He was doing a little something for school, that's all. He's coming. He'll be worth the wait too. He can be a really wild fuck once you get him going." Then his smile got this wicked little tilt to it, and he said, "I think we're going to have some real fun in here today. All three of us."
AJ's hand moved to my thigh, and gave it a few light squeezes as it traveled up to the growing lump in my pants. I think I stiffened up even tighter, and AJ gave me a soft kiss on the cheek.
He's like, "Relax. Hehehe...c'mon." He leaned forward again to suck tenderly at the side of my neck, and it did feel really good. I just...I don't know. Me and AJ in this room again, all by ourselves...it made me feel really guarded for some reason. AJ asked, "Why don't we get a little warmed up? Hmmm? You wanna? Just like old times...back when I broke you in. Hehehe..." He put my hand on his crotch, and I instinctively began to rub my palm back and forth across it. Then AJ pulled away from my neck, and he pulled his shirt off. I figured that this was really happening, and my juices were already going, my body already in a rush to feel its first release. I told myself not to feel bad. Not to feel dirty. I wanted this. It was why I was there.
AJ's pants came off, and he was already poking out of the hole in his navy blue patterned boxer shorts. He slid into bed beside me again, and he reached for my hand to put it right where he wanted it. The tip was already slickened with sticky liquid. Enough where slowly stroking it was easy. This time, AJ kissed me on the lips, and I just let myself go with it. I slid my tongue against his, and I felt his arms go around my neck as he slid even closer, pushing his hips out to thrust in and out of my grip.
Soon, he stopped the kiss and whispered, "You wanna give it a kiss? Hmmm? Give it a kiss for me. I know you want to. C'mon..." His voice was hypnotic. This had been practiced by him a million times, I'm sure. But I found myself allured to obey his breathless suggestions. It didn't take me long to scoot down and take him into my mouth. His whole body went rigid as I curled my tongue around the tip of his shaft, tasting the bittersweet nectar that was waiting there for me. "Mmmmm, shit, Billy! Yeah...that's what I remember. Mmmm, that's what I miss." I got into it. I did. AJ's toes curled, and his legs wiggled, and his butt cheeks clenched as he put both hands on the back of my head and pushed upwards in time with my bobbing lips. He was enjoying it so much the he was biting his bottom lip, his head leaning back against his headboard while stroking my back. He said, "Damn....I may have to give you my first load of the day, baby..."
But the doorbell rang.
He didn't really want me to stop, and I don't think I wanted to either. But then he told me to wait a second and pulled out of my mouth with a slurping sound.
I wiped my mouth on the back of my hand as he hopped up from the bed and went to go answer the door. Saying, "Get naked, Billy! Hehehe, you're gonna love this!" as he hurried out of the room.
I was laying there on AJ's bed, a billion thoughts going through my head. Wondering what I was doing. Wondering what I was about to do. Wondering if I was thinking too much, or thinking too little. And yet, I found myself standing up to pull my pants and underwear down to my ankles anyway. As I heard AJ greeting someone and exchanging a few kisses at the door, an excited little thrill went through me. A new gay teen to play with. It was like unwrapping the biggest resent under the Christmas tree.
As AJ approached the room, I heard him say, "Nope. It's not Scott this time. It's a surprise. You'll LOVE it! Trust me."
Then...I heard a familiar voice say, "You and your secrets. Geez, Alex...just tell me already."
I was frozen. And it took me too long to get over the shock to remember that I was standing there completely NAKED except for my socks...
As JIMMY walked into the bedroom!!!
Then Jimmy gasped!
Then I gasped again!
Then Jimmy gasped again!
Then Jimmy looked down to see me naked and hard and pulsing all over with sexual anticipation.
Then I used both of my hands to cover myself up, and shuffle back to the bed where I quickly pulled a pillow over my lap!
I honestly think that my stomach imploded to the size of a dime when I saw Jimmy LaPlane walk through that door! What the fuck was AJ THINKING??? He knows damn well that Jimmy is my FRIEND!!! Oh God! Oh God! And there I was, all exposed and fucking his ex boyfriend! Jimmy turned beet red and used a hand to put his blinder on as he turned to look away. He was breathing hard, nervously trembling over what he just saw.
Jimmy was like, "Alex...omigod, dude..."
AJ says, "What? C'mon, I thought you two would be into it. You already know each other, you're already close...both you and Billy are definitely considered the feeling type...it's a perfect fit. Don't ya think? Hehehe!" Jimmy and I couldn't bear to look at each other. I was...I don't know. Angry? Confused? Ashamed? Why would he pull something like this on me? Why?
AJ took a hold of Jimmy's wrist to pull his hand down from his eyes and pulled him towards the bed. Jimmy pulled back, but AJ held on. Jimmy was like, "Alex...don't..."
But before he could finish, he sat Jimmy down next to me on the bed. And he's giggling like, "LOOK at you two! Hahaha! This is adorable!" But Jimmy and I had our heads turned in completely different directions, staring at completely different walls. AJ kneeled down in front of us and put a hand on both of our legs. He says, "Now don't be shy, boys. Hehehe! Billy...? You and I have a history together, right? And Jimmy? You and I definitely have had some fun times together. So, technically, through me...you guys have already had sex before. You just didn't get a chance to enjoy it. Now...you do. To be honest, I think it would be hot to just sit back andwatch you two go at it! I know there's gonna be some real heat between you. I can just feel it."
I heard Jimmy sadly mumble, "I can't believe that you did this."
I felt so hurt to be in this situation. I couldn't even get up and walk out of the room, because I didn't have a shred of clothing on me. I couldn't find the words to even begin to apologize to Jimmy for even being here. I just...I was so lost...
AJ tried to snake his hand up under the pillow in my lap, while simultaneously reaching for Jimmy's goodies as well. We both pushed his hands away, and AJ sighed with a little smirk on his face as he sat back on his haunches. He was like, "This afternoon can be REALLY hot, you guys. Billy...what's with the pillow? Huh? Why don't you let Jimmy get a peek at it? Let him see how sexy you are?" I tried to hide my face by looking as far away from him as I could. So AJ turned to Jimmy and said, "Come on, Jimmy. Hehehe, I mean, you can't deny that I'm bringing you one HELL of a gift here today! He's your DREAM boy, remember? He's right here, all warm and ready for you. Don't you want to see? Hmmm? Do you want to hold it? Billy's got a proud piece of meat waiting under that pillow. Don't you wanna suck on it? He was just sucking on mine when you rang the doorbell."
I shot AJ a nasty look, and it only seemed to broaden his evil grin. What's worse, I didn't know what I could say that wouldn't come off as...I dunno...'rude' to Jimmy. He was sitting right there, and I was wondering...is he thinking about it? I know he didn't plan on this, and that he's probably just as angry with AJ as I was for putting this together....but still...
...Is he thinking about it?
AJ was like, "You know what Jimmy told me back when we first started going out? He told me...that you were his very FIRST kiss. Hehehe, and I think that is soooo sweet. Honestly. It's heartwarming on every level. Maybe...if you just just give each other a little kissy kiss on the lips, maybe you can spark up a bit of that old puppy love magic? Huh? Just try it. Make out a little bit for me. Jimmy? Billy? Go ahead. A little tongue goes a long way." When neither one of us responded, AJ said, "Hey, Billy? Did you know that Jimmy is an amazing bottom? He ma be the one boy I've met who loves it even more than Robin does! This boy is an ARTIST when he's on all fours!"
Jimmy was disgusted, and frowned up to say, "Jesus, Alex!!!!"
I took the momentary distraction to quickly grab my clothes and take the pillow out of the room with me to get dressed in the hallway. AJ called out, "Awwwww! C'mon, Tasty Boy! Don't be a spoiled sport! We're all here already. Let's just take it slow and get things warmed up and see what happens."
I had nothing to say to him. I couldn't get my pants up fast enough. I was afraid to look back in the room to see what Jimmy and AJ were whispering about, but Jimmy clearly wasn't happy about this. Not at all.
Without saying another word, I stomped my way through AJ's house, feeling totally humiliated, and slammed the front door on the way out.
The strange thing is...by the time I got to the end of his driveway...I felt tears coming to my eyes. A weakness in the knees. And then...I just swayed for a few seconds before sitting down right there on the curb. I curled up into a ball, put my arms on my knees, and lowered my head, as if to hide my face from God Himself. I never felt so low. And I can't even really understand why. I didn't know where to find the cause for this growing cancer inside of me. I just knew that it had to stop. This had to be the last time. I was an idiot, thinking that AJ could bring me anything but pain and embarrassment.
Once again, he offered me a table full sweets. And once again, I dove right in...knowing in my heart that he probably poisoned every last one of them.
I must have been sniffling like a baby for longer than I thought, because I soon heard soft footsteps walking up behind me, and I looked up to see Jimmy standing over me. I felt more upset than ever, and buried my face back in my arms again.
Jimmy didn't say anything at first. He just sat down on the curb next to me and let the silence sweep over us both for a few minutes. Then, he's like, "Well...my horoscope certainly didn't mention anything like this happening today."
Confused, I looked up at him to see if he was actually 'joking' about what just happened in there. He actually had a bit of a SMILE on his face, and that baffled me. I'm like, "You're actually ok with this?"
He said, "I'm not OK with it, not by any means. Alex was a jackass for even attempting something like this. That's the downside."
I'm like, "What's the UP side?"
He's like, "Well...I got to see Billy Chase naked today. Hehehe...so there's that..." Jimmy grinned, but I didn't want him to be cool about this. I wanted to hide away somewhere where even daylight couldn't find me. Jimmy leaned over to bump me with his shoulder, and he said, "You know...I'm kinda glad this happened. I really wanted to be done with this whole temporary 'feeling good' thing. But...finals are coming up, I was tense and worried, everybody at school is either busy or burned out...and Alex? Well, he knows exactly what buttons to push when he sees...you know...weakness in people. He only had to ask me twice. And next thing you know...I got sucked back into this weirdness all over again. My little stress reliever."
I told Jimmy, "I'm not gonna do this anymore. I'm through. I'm so through."
Jimmy agreed that we should both be through with it. But he also said, "Never say never." We were quiet for a second, then he snickered like, "You have a really REALLY cute butt, Billy. Just wanted to get that out while I still had a reason to bring it up."
I giggled out loud, even though I tried to hold it in. "You weren't supposed to peek! Hehehehe!"
He's like, "Oh, I didn't peek. I drank it ALL in. The second you got up from that bed, that was all I could think about. Hehehe! I'd say you bought yourself another five to ten years in my personal spank bank. I just hope you know that."
After another short pause, we both kinda looked back over our shoulders to see if AJ was looking out of his bedroom window at us or not.
Jimmy was still kinda blushing from everything that had happened. And I'm sure that I was too. But seeing the bashful glimmer in his eye, hearing a gentle sigh escape his lips, I told him, "You know...what happened up there...I mean, me walking out and all...you know that wasn't about you, right? I mean...you know that I didn't do it just because...umm...because it was you." Jimmy gave me a weird look, and I was like, "Well, I mean, it WAS because it was you. But not because...you know...it wasn't because I didn't...want to...you know...?"
It clicked for him, and Jimmy said, "Ahhhh. Oh, dude, pshhh, don't worry. I know. I don't feel rejected or anything. It's cool. I would have walked out too. Even if you said yes."
I said, "Really? You mean that?"
Jimmy was like, "HELL no! You're Billy 'fucking' Chase! Are you kidding me?"
Ok...so THAT time, Jimmy got a full laugh out of me. Even if it came with some sniffles. I asked him, "Listen...this isn't going to make things, like...weird for us from here on out, will it?"
Jimmy says, "AJ will have beaten both of us if it did."
I extended a hand, and Jimmy and I shook on it. I said, "We're both a couple of hypocrites, aren't we?"
He's like, "The biggest losers on this block, that's for sure."
I said, "But at least we were getting laid. Hehehe!"
Jimmy said, "For the first time, I can actually agree and say that I was. I'll be damned." We both stood up, and Jimmy said, "Let's get out of here before some other boy from Alex's phone list shows up to take our place. He's got more traffic then those 'To Catch A Predator' TV shows."
So we left. And it still feels really weird, but Jimmy and I said that we would get together for lunch and talk about anything BUT the events of this afternoon. I guess we decided it was best to put this whole thing behind us and not let it fester. Your mind plays tricks on you when too much time goes by, and you start getting paranoid about things that don't exist.
All in all...today was probably one of the most humiliating days of my life. But when you have a friend there to share it with you, and not tear you down for it...?
It doesn't seem al that bad....
Anyway, I've burned through even more pages in this journal than I expected. I'm almost out of room. I can't believe this book filed up as fast as it did. That's crazy.
I've gotta go. But I'll write more later.
Ps- I wonder if Jimmy is thinking of me right now. I mean...he really did catch an eyeful today. Remembering how excited he got over our very first peck on the lips together many many months ago...seeing what he saw today must have been a hardcore heart attack for him! Hehehe! Laters...