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Be sure to keep on reading "Billy Chase"...
...And I'll send you my surefire 'Sexual Hypnotism' book for your weekend camping trip with Brenton Thwaites!!!*
*(Previous Statement May Not Be True)
- My mom made a huge breakfast this morning. Like....the kind of breakfast that she would make on a Winter holiday. She really went all out this morning. And she was practically dancing around the kitchen while she was doing it.
Okaaaaay....so that was different. I'm starting to think my mom is about as schizophrenic as I am with her emotions these days. I received no less than SEVEN kisses today! On the head, the cheeks...everywhere. I honestly didn't expect her to be in that good a mood. But I guess she got a lot of poison out of her system last night. Stuff that she was bottling up for my benefit. Moms do that kinda thing from time to time.
But, good feelings aside, I was just happy to see her not be so 'bleak' for a change. I was seriously beginning to worry. My mom was starting to get that same dead look in her eyes that Jimmy LaPlane had that last day before not coming to school the next day.
Speaking of which, I got a bit worried when Sam didn't call me last night. Or this morning, for that matter. I was sure that he'd come home and tell me what was going on with Jimmy and how he felt about it. But he didn't. Not a word. And that caused me a lot of distress. Mostly because I had to wonder if Jimmy had told him things that would just...make me the most unforgivable, most merciless, most irredeemable piece of God forsaken 'filth' that ever walked the face of the planet for what I had done.
I knew that I wouldn't be able to make it through an entire day of work without knowing what the deal was, so I called Sam before leaving the house. Thankfully, he answered.
I asked him what happened and how things were going, and Sam sighed out loud. That didn't sound like it was going to be good news.
Sam was like, "Well...Jimmy's in a bad place right now. But that's to be expected. I mean, I think it's mostly shock and anger right now. I'll be honest, dude....he's a lot worse off than I ever expected him to be. I thought you guys were only together for a few short weeks?"
I told him, "We were. But I think Jimmy's been infatuated with me for a lot longer than that. I think things really mattered to him, you know? He sorta trashed my room. Did he tell you that?"
Sam was like, "He did? No. I didn't hear about that at all. Wow. I'm not surprised though. He cried so hard that I thought I was going to have to change shirts at some point. I'm kinda worried about him. It doesn't look good." Hearing Sam say that brought a sudden chill to me. Oh God...what the hell did I do? But Sam said, "I'm going to keep a close eye on him. Ok? Believe me. I talked to his mom a little bit too. So she'll be around whenever I'm not. I think he'll be ok, but things are a bit touchy at the moment."
I said, "Sam...dude...I've been avoiding him and being a jerk lately. I can talk to him if you want. I should make an effort to at least TRY to make him feel better..."
Sam was like, "No! Dude...honestly, any other time, I'd tell you to do exactly what you just said. But in this case, I'd advise you to just hang back for a while." I was surprised that he said that. Really surprised. When I asked why, he said, "Billy...I won't go into details about it...but I think hearing your voice alone could potentially push Jimmy over the edge right now. He just...he's not dealing with this well at all. Just give me some time to talk to him first. Ok? Let me be there for him and try to keep him from being so unstable. Because he really wants to...he just..."
Hearing the pause in conversation, I asked, "He really wants to WHAT??? Sam? Please, talk to me..."
He just said, "Let somebody else worry about that for now. Ok? Jimmy promised me....no stupid little accidents this time around. So he's safe. He just needs some time. Look, I know you've gotta work today. If I get a chance, I'll call you later and let you know what happens. Just hang in there."
Right...like THAT'S going to help me relax today!
I found myself misty eyed on the bus today. I fought it with every ounce of energy that I couldmuster, but I thought about Jimmy being so 'broken' inside, and as someone that I've grown to care about so much over time...I just wish that I could be there to hold him. To talk to him. To comfort him. I don't know...maybe Sam was right. Maybe I should back off. It just felt so wrong to me. I created this mess, why can't I be a part of fixing it up?
All doom and gloom aside, it was actually an awesome day today. I should have known that something cool was going to happen to me when I got to work and walked over to punch in for my shift. I was just starting, and that boy, Garrett, was getting ready to go home for the day. Calleigh and Terrell were both back there in the office with manager Scott, and Garrett was being his usual quiet self so nobody really paid him much attention.
I heard him punch out, but then...he was like, "Hi, Billy..." And he smiled before walking out.
Everybody in the office was completely shocked! Calleigh looked at me like I had performed some great feat of magic right in front of her eyes. Even Scott was caught off guard. Calleigh asked me, "Dude...what the heck did you do to inspire that???"
I'm like..."I don't know. Talked to him I guess?" That's all I can really remember doing. Nothing special. I just made an effort to notice him every once in a while. And...not only did he say hello to me, but it was totally unsolicited. That was cool! Hehehe!
Anyway, I see Scott holding a handful of envelopes, held together by a rubber band. He's flipping through them, whispering, "Chase...Chase...Chase...ah! Here we go. Billy Chase. Congrats, man."
I was still a bit weak from the 'Garrett Moment', so my heart began to flutter all out of control when he handed me an envelope with my name on it. I think my hand was shaking when I reached for it. I got the biggest smile on my face! My very first paycheck. Like...ever! I heard the others giggle at my reaction, but it didn't matter. There was an actual check in here. With MY name on it. And it's not from Gramma!
I was like, "Can I open this?"
Scott chuckled, like, "You're asking me if you can open your own paycheck?"
Yeah, so I'm a novice at this, but I was too overjoyed to care one way or another. I ripped it open like it was Christmas morning and unfolded it with excited eyes. I couldn't believe what I was seeing! Was all this money really MINE??? Just for hanging out in the store with the coolest people on Earth and listening to music all day? That's AWESOME!!!
I started grinning to myself, and Scott said, "Wow...you really are 15, aren't you?"
Terrell patted me on the back and said, "You may think that's a lot of cash right now, but trust me, the novelty wears off pretty quick. Enjoy it while you can."
Then I unfolded another part of the check, and I started seeing little 'minuses' everywhere. I told Scott, "Wait...I think they made a mistake. What is this? I didn't buy this."
He looked at my check, and he laughed. He said, "That's for your taxes, kid."
I looked again. "They took all of THAT??? I could buy a VIDEO GAME with that money! Why so much?"
Calleigh asked me, "How much did you think they were going to take?"
Feeling a bit embarrassed, I said, "I dunno. I mean...if I buy a dollar soda, it's like 15 cents extra for tax. I mean...right?"
They had a good laugh over that one. Terrell said, "That's not how this works, dude. The company does all the hiring, YOU do all the work, and then a faceless burglar who had nothing to do with the either transaction whatsoever reaches into your pocket and takes his cut. Because...'reasons'." Then he grinned and said, "Welcome to the work world, youngster."
So...I mean, getting my check was cool. It would have been a lot cooler if I hadn't be mugged for a percentage of it before I even got to open the envelope, but I've still got plenty left over to have fun with. So, yeah...coolness.
Robin came in around 4 PM today. I guess he was closing. I was hoping that we were still on good terms, him and me. He didn't seem to be holding any grudges or anything. In fact, he seemed rather happy today. It was a relief at first...but things changed a bit later on. And I hope that didn't have anything to do with me.
I was reaching the middle of my shift, and I was going to go on break as soon as Calleigh came back. But...about ten minutes before that...
...Brandon cam into the store.
Heh...if I could get a nickel for every time I wrote down the details of having him surprise me like that feels...I doubt I'd ever have a need for another paycheck ever again. He was wearing these shorts...and those smooth long legs...no visible hair on them at all...they were just on display. You know? And a new sprint green shirt that caused those hazel eyes of his to glow with a brilliance that I had never seen before. Honestly...the sight of him took my breath away. I had to remind myself how to speak as he walked towards me with a smile. It was hard to keep from falling apart right there on the spot.
I'd say that I wish I had some warning...but I doubt that it would have done any good.
He's like, "I hope you don't mind me coming by. I was actually kinda bored today."
Catching my breath, I asked, "You're here with your mom?"
But with the cutest smile, he shook his head. And he says, "Nope. I took the bus. I guess I just...wanted to see you."
A nervous giggle pushed the remaining air right out of me, and a tingly sensation caused me to lean back against one of the shelves for balance. How could my body feel so weak and so electrified at the same time. I was like, "Oh...ok. Hehehe, that's...that's cool."
He's like, "Yeah..." And he smiled as he looked down at his shoelaces. I think he was trying to stall for a few seconds until he figured out what to say next. I was hoping to beat him to the punch.
I said, "I'm going to lunch soon. Do you wanna come eat with me?" I know my voice was trembling a little bit, but that may even work in my favor if he thinks it's cute. Hehehe, that's one thing I remember about being with Brandon...he always thought that everything I did was cute.
He said, "Well, sure. Yeah. That would be cool."
I smiled and pulled the folded envelope out of my pocket. I was like, "It's my treat. I got paid today! So all the cash I have in my pocket, I can blow it on whatever I want." He told me that it wasn't necessary but I insisted. I said, "I don't mind spending a little extra. You know...for the 'company'." It was a comment that caused us both to blush slightly and look away from each other to stare off into space.
There it is. That feeling. That subtle tremor that exists all over your body, just under the skin. God, it tickles soooooo MUCH sometimes! Hehehe!
I wish that I could say that Brandon and I had the most interesting, most erotic, half hour lunch break together ever had by anybody on the planet. I wish I could say that we traded flirtatious comments and kisses and that everything we had been through together was put behind us so that we could start our love anew. To be honest, I wish I could say that we secretly crept into one of the mall bathrooms and fucked each other SILLY, promising to never EVER fight again!!! Hehehe, that's my favorite scenario...for obvious reasons!
But it wasn't like that at all.
We 'talked'. And not about anything major or particularly mind-blowing. It was just the ease of conversation and companionship that took center stage today. A few laughs, a few enlightened ideas, a couple of personal tales that we shared to catch up on what we might have missed in each other's lives while we were apart. At one point, I just looked at him. Just...like...looked at him. And I thought to myself, 'My God...I'm really in love with this person. I'm just, completely, head over heels, in love with this boy. And I can't see myself with anybody else. Not in this life.' When did that happen? Was it just now? Because it feels like longer. A lot longer.
But whatever the case is...everything just felt right. For the first time in what seems like forever...everything felt as though it was in its proper place. And the comfort that came with the awareness of that fact was SO overwhelming. Billions upon billions of people on the planet...and I found the one and only boy that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. How random is that?
I felt a rush of anxiety building as my lunch period was coming to an end. I didn't want to say goodbye. I never wanted to say goodbye to Brandon. I could always feel the nervous energy bubbling up in the back of my throat, a honey sweet sense of hysteria causing me to shiver and quake with the threat of having to be away from him again. But, with a sudden pinch of boldness, I smiled at Brandon and said, "You know what? I was...invited to this 'party' thing tomorrow night. I have to work early in the morning, but the rest of the day is all mine."
He was like, "Oh, cool. I certainly hope you have fun."
But I was like, "Do you want to come with me?" He seemed almost surprised that I asked. I can't understand why. Because whatever it is that I'm feeling right now...I know he's feeling it too. I can see it in his smile. I said, "I'll come home in the early afternoon, clean up...we can make a day out of it. And then go to the party together later on in the evening. Just you and me."
With a grin, he's like, "Really? I mean...I'll go. Hell yeah. Let's do it. I'll be there."
There was a part of me that wanted to search more into this. That wanted to define whether or not this classified as an actual 'date', or if it was just two friends hanging out together. I didn't want to seem uninterested. But I didn't want to jump to any conclusions either. Maybe we should just get together and let the night take us where it takes us. I'm sure that'll be one hell of a ride either way.
Me and Brandon...back together again. Heh...there was a time when that sounded absolutely impossible. But judging by the few short minutes we spent making plans for tomorrow night...it just seemed inevitable.
So, I've got to get myself ready! This could be the first step in healing the scars we put on one another and making things all better again. This could be the night that sets things back on the right track...and leads to something better.
I saw the way he looked at Brandon when he walked into the store. I didn't introduce them or anything, seeing as the story Robin has on Brandon is a bit backwards at the moment. But I noticed the look on his face. Brandon was cute. 'Pretty' as always. And there was no way that Robin's watchful eye wasn't going to notice that. And then...once Brandon and I started talking, blushing, giggling...he knew. After seeing the sugary meetings between Ollie and his boyfriend up at the register every few days, Robin knew true love when he saw it. Even from a distance.
He seemed a bit sad when we left together to eat lunch. But that's not what bothered me.
When I got to the end of my shift and was ready to leave, I noticed Robin having a few little sessions in private, texting someone, and smiling with every response. I was hoping that I was wrong about what was going on...but I wasn't. I clearly saw AJ walk past the store and wave to get Robin's attention.
My heart sank immediately.
It really did. Even more so when AJ caught sight of me and gave me a sadistic wink as if to let me know he wasn't just going to fucking go away!
I didn't say anything this time. I kept my mouth shut. Robin had so much heart. So much lover to give to someone truly special. And he's just become a lonely target for boys like AJ to use and discard whenever they feel like it. He'll wait for Robin to get off from work, he'll tell him what he wants to hear, and as soon as they get somewhere private...they'll get off together and seal the deal with some lame artificial kiss.
So...why didn't I put a stop to this when I had the chance?
Because 'look' at him. Robin's....happy. If I had to compare the way he looked when Brandon and I went to lunch together to the way he looked when AJ flashed that killer smile in his direction...it was like night and day. What was I going to do? Tell Robin that he'd be better of spending his weekend alone...wishing he had what I had? That would be an act of cruelty on my part, wouldn't it?
Jimmy never listened to me about AJ, and we've known each other for years. How can I expect Robin to pay me any attention at all?
So yeah...I left. I didn't say a single word to AJ. What he does to goodhearted people like Robin is simply disgusting. He just preys on them for sexual satisfaction and if his bad karma was on its way back around to bite him in the ass, I wish it could be a little bit quicker about it.
Anyway, I'm gonna run. I've got a long day and night ahead of me for tomorrow. Hehehe! I showed my mom my check too!!! She said she's going to photocopy it at the convenience store tomorrow so we can savor this moment forever! Why didn't I think of that?
Alright, I'm off. I'll write more later.
I hope Jimmy is ok. I'll check back in with Sam again tomorrow. I'm not going to be a pest about it, just....ugh! I wish my hands weren't tied on this...