Monday

- Monday mornings are never a fun experience for me. Maybe it's the academic habit of having to get up and go to school on Mondays after a fun weekend away from that horrible place...but there's something about that first break of sunshine over the horizon on a Monday morning that brings nothing but frustration and a sense of loathing to the very concept of the week beginning on such a down note. Arrrgh!

Needless to say, I had a hard time getting up this morning. I really did. My mom had to practically snatch the sheets off of me in order to get me agitated to the point of getting out of bed.

I don't know...I didn't sleep well, I suppose. Whatever. I caught a short nap on the bus ride to work, so I figured I'd be able to manage a decent morning shift as long as I didn't pout too much about it.

The first few hours were a bit on the groggy side. We always had to reset and restore the shelves every morning, cleaning everything up, wiping down shelves and racks, Making room for whatever new product we were going to have coming out tomorrow. All while our manager stayed in the back all morning, doing his weekly paperwork and taking group meetings over the phone. Mondays could be kinda 'blah' most of the time. But I have to admit that I had some entertainment today near the back of the store.

The more I see Garrett and Taylor interact with one another, the more it surprises me. It surprises ALL of us, actually. When Garrett first started working here, he was so painfully shy that he could barely lift his head up long enough to make eye contact with the rest of us. He barely ever spoke above a whisper...and that's when he muscled up the courage to speak at all. Nowadays, that boy walks into work with his eyes scanning the floor to see if Taylor is working before any of the rest of us get so much as a nod. How in the heck did that happen? Why Taylor?

I mean, don't get me wrong...it's not that Taylor is a bad guy. He just...his attitude can be a little abrasive at times. I was always super nice to Garrett, and he still says hello, but...I don't know, maybe he's 'interested' in Taylor. You know...in that kinda way. That's gotta be it, right? If Garrett came out of the closet tomorrow, I can't say that I'd be shocked at all. Bashful, soft spoken, slim, super clean and tidy, with a love of mellow emo rock and retro clothing...stereotypically, he fits the bill to a tee. But Taylor? Not so much.

Taylor's cute, for sure...but he's hardly the kind of guy who takes kindly to being liked by another boy. Maybe he's oblivious to Garrett's affections for him right now...but if he starts to suspect that Garrett is into him for more than just his musical tastes and some work-related conversation...he just might flip out on him. That would NOT be a good thing.

I've been there myself when I first started 'boy hunting'. The worst feeling in the world is the idea that somebody you really like might totally reject you and your advances if you ever tell him how you feel inside. Talk about terrifying consequences.

Ollie was working the counter today, and he obviously noticed how closely Garrett seemed to be following behind Taylor like a puppy just rescued from a shelter somewhere. He was like, "God, Billy...this is almost painful to watch. Should we say something to him?"

I'm like, "Say something like what?"

Ollie says, "Something like...shit, I don't know! Taylor's not known for his subtlety in situations like this. I just don't want him to be too mean to the poor kid, that's all."

I was all like, "Yeah, me either. But...what can we do? I mean, Garrett looks like he's pretty wrapped up in that whole Taylor situation. Shouldn't we just...leave him alone and let things happen on their own? Why break his heart when he's enjoying the fantasy?"

Ollie was like, "Because WE know how to do it delicately. Taylor's more likely to smash it to pieces with a claw hammer and then walk away to leave him to bleed out all over the heavy metal section!"

Ollie had a point. But...awww, Garrett looked so happy at the moment. I don't know if I'd have the heart to do that to him. Snatch away the one thing at work that made him feel...ummm...'social'. Maybe even normal.

But the drama doesn't stop there...

I think it was about lunch time today...or...early lunch, for us morning people. I guess it was just 'break', technically. And Robin was coming in to work his shift today. I didn't really notice him at first, as Ollie was talking to his boyfriend, Greg, on the phone at the time, and practically falling all over himself with laughter. I swear...those two deserve each other. Hehehe! But then I caught sight of Robin through the window of the store.

He wasn't alone.

I, honestly, think that my stomach tightened up to the point where I was worried that my intestines would snap from the frustration! Robin was actually walking, side by side...with fucking AJ!!! Why the FUCK would he be walking with AJ in the mall??? What the hell is WRONG with him???

Even Ollie stopped talking when he saw what was going on out there. He's like, "Oooooh...oh wow. Please tell me that you slipped something in my bottled water, Billy."

When I saw them smile at one another and AJ kissed Robin on the cheek before letting go of his hand...I felt like I was going to be SICK! Like...physically ill! What the fuck was he doing???

Not only did AJ kiss him on the cheek, but I could have sworn that he looked at me through that same window, and SMILE at me! That son of a bitch! No way! Unh unh! This can't happen! Not on our watch!

I know that Robin was aware of the fact that we had just seen commit the most blatant form of 'gay boy blasphemy' known to man when he passed the register to get to the back office and punch in for his shift. I know because he couldn't bare to look me or Ollie in the eye as he walked past. I mean...AJ??? Really? Robin was sooooo cute! What the hell has AJ done to his vulnerable heart to make him think he had to scrape the bottom of the barrel and settle for a lowlife LOSER like him? Are you kidding me?

Robin punched in on the time clock, and then thought he was just going to go to work on his section in the store like I was going to let that shit slide. I actually mumbled out loud to myself, "This is bullshit. Serious bullshit!"

And Ollie was quick to say, "GET HIM, Billy! Talk some sense into that boy's head. I wish Dizz was here. He'd smack the shit out of him for what we just saw a minute ago."

I was like, "I'm on it."

Ollie says, "Family first, right?"

And I replied, "Damn straight. Family first." I left the front counter and marched right over to Robin and gave him the most disappointed look that I could create. The kinda look your mom would give you when you wreck the car! Robin tried to shrug it off and move away from me, but I wasn't letting him off that easy.

Finally, Robin's all like, "What???"

I'm like, "You KNOW what? What was all that about? You go a week or two without a boyfriend and you go crawling back to AJ?"

Offended, he's like, "I didn't go crawling back to anybody. We had a conversation. That's all it was."

I said, "A 'conversation'? What could you possibly have to talk about? AJ is a total CREEP, Robin! You know that! What are you doing?" I wasn't trying to be too bossy about it all, but...goddammit! AJ is total CANCER! It took soooo much for Robin to finally get RID of him, and now he's being cordial to him again?

Robin was like, "It's not what you think, Billy, ok? We were just talking."

I said, "That's how it starts! That's how he feels you out and finds ways to get past your defenses..."

He's like, "You're just being ridiculous now. Leave it alone, ok? It's not even any of your business."

Trying to calm down, I said, "Robin...dude...you don't need him. Ok? You're so much better than this."

I was pleading with him, but it was clear that Robin wasn't listening to me. He's just like, "Dude...I could, very well, spend the rest of my life alone searching for something better than this. That doesn't, necessarily, sound like a winning game plan to me. So, like...back off. Alright?" Then he's like, "You've got your Prince Charming already. Don't lecture me on how to find mine."

Needless to say, those were the last civil words that Robin and I spoke to one another for the rest of my work shift. I was soooo angry! I couldn't believe that he was basically whoring himself out to a sleaze bag animal like AJ just for the sake of having a warm body to snuggle up with every now and then. Even though he was totally USING Robin for his own instant gratification and nothing else! It's so GROSS!!!

But what am I gonna do? Forbid Robin from talking to him? AJ is the kind of boy that a lot of gay boys dream about when they first come to terms with who they are. He's 'pretty', he's somewhat charming, and all he wants is sex and nothing else. What lonely closet boy could turn that down when presented with the opportunity? How can I fault him for falling for the sexy, blond, boy at the mall? Hell...*I* did!

It's just so screwed up. A part of me wants to leave it alone and let Robin learn for himself, once and for all, that AJ doesn't give a shit about him and probably never will!

But then...another part of me wants to spare him the hurt involved with getting twisted around AJ's little finger the way he is. It's that same yearning that wants to save Garrett from getting hurt when he figures out that Taylor might not be interested. Just...UGH!

People are right about me, aren't they? I really do try to 'save' everybody all the time. Shit. Do I suck for that? I'd think it would be an admirable quality in a human being. Whatever. Robin needs to get AWAY from that guy! I'm not going to give up on him until he sees the light.

Robin works with me tomorrow too. I'm going to talk to him some more about this. Maybe I'll have a strategy ready or something. Who knows? I'll meditate on it or something.

Anyway, I'm going to send Brandon a message to tell him I love him and wish him goodnight. I ummm...I kinda do that all the time now. He's always on my mind, and I always try to let him know when I'm thinking about him. I hope that doesn't sound too psychotic on my part. I'm just trying to be a loving boyfriend, ya know? I'm a romantic! So sue me! Hehehe!

Gotta run! But I'll write more tomorrow. (Of course)

Until then...peace.

- Billy