- Suspension. I mean, who the hell invented it, anyway? Out of all the times that I actually didn't wanna go to school, they pick THIS one to tell me, "Hey Kid! Get the fuck out!" What do you DO when you're suspended? It's pretty obvious that if you did something to get suspended, then you did something to get punished by your parents. So with the double sentence working against me, I'm stuck here in a room all by myself for 24 hours with nothing but my 'homework' to keep me occupied. I was so bored I actually thought about reading ahead in all of my textbooks!
Overachievement...a fate worse than death.
Well, according to the rules of my warden (aka 'Mom'), I get no TV, no video games, no phone, no hanging out with friends, no nothing, until next Friday. She has GOT to be kidding, right? Exactly what am I supposed to do for the next seven days without any entertainment whatsoever? It's like being locked down in solitary confinement. She's even got her computer at work connected to mine at home to see whether or not I try to get online. It's not fair. He started it!
Which brings me to another part of my dilemma. Naturally, when my mother found out that I was in a fight, she asked what the hell my problem was. If anything, she was probably just as shocked as everybody else that I would even be IN a fight with someone else. It's not really something I'm known for. But....you see, I'm sorta 'trapped' when it comes to explaining what happened here. It's like...if I tell her that I hit Kyle, then she asks why. So I'd have to tell her that he was pushing me up against Bobby Jinette in the boys locker room, and she asks why. THEN...I'd have to try to successfully dance around the subject of him teasing me about being gay and me and Bobby being homo-lovers. That, of course, leads into rumors and ditching class and a big ball of trouble that skates just a LITTLE bit too close to my 'secret life' than I want her to know about. So, a very vague, "Kyle was just pissing me off." was all that I could really give her in the way of an excuse. Needless to say, it wasn't really an effective way of avoiding more trouble.
So now I'm suffering in silence with my mind full of all this other useless stuff swimming around at the speed of light. Now that I'm not actually in school....school is all I can think about. I'm wondering what Brandon is doing, what Sam is doing, what Simon is doing, or Jimmy. I even wonder if that kid from my English class actually did the required reading for the class discussion today, or if he's just gonna try to fake it like he usually does. I wonder what they're serving for lunch in the cafeteria. Probably those nasty fish patty things that they served up last week. Yeah...probably fish patties. What if I'm not there, and Jamie Cross just randomly decides to run through the halls naked or something??? And I MISS it!!! Shit!!! I'll just bet you he's big! Big and juicy and all 'swingy' and stuff. I'll bet his ass is sooooo hot when it's naked! He better not run around naked today. I swear, I'll kill myself if I miss it. I'm never missing another day of school again.
I have these weird visions of what happened yesterday replaying in my head. I can seriously still feel myself punching Kyle in the face. I could feel my knuckles scrape across the front of his teeth. That kind of instant aggression doesn't even give you enough time to really 'enjoy' it until later. When you're sitting in your room, on suspension, laying back on your bed and wondering how it must have looked to everybody else when I dropped him like a rock in the boy's locker room. I'll bet you that someone else was on suspension yesterday...and when he got to school today, someone was like, "Did you hear? Aw, you MISSED it! Billy Chase punched Kyle in the mouth!" Hehehe, that would be so cool. Now THAT'S a rumor I could live with.
I have a confession to make. I might as well, because there is NO real reason to hide it, because it doesn't mean anything. But...you know...whatever. So...I was kinda jacking off today (What else is there to play with, except for myself, right?), and I kinda...thought about Bobby for a little bit. Well, ok, for the whole thing! But like I said, it doesn't mean ANYTHING! I was just horny and he...'came up'....or whatever. You know, seriously, I can't stop thinking about Bobby's ass. I really can't. It's like this strange obsession that caught me by surprise and refuses to leave my thoughts. It was just a few seconds of being pushed up against it, but I just could NOT believe how soft and spongy it was. I've grabbed AJ's ass a lot while we were together, and it wasn't anywhere near that sexy and smooth. Bobby's ass was just, like, perfect. Every time I think about it, I get hard all over again. I don't think I've ever seen a butt so firm and snug and round on a boy before. A few 'girls' come close, but even they have got to be jealous of it. I'm still not 'infatuated' with him or anything, but I have been thinking about that sensual moment of contact in the locker room nonstop since it happened. Does that make me weird?
Anyway, I wanted to like....just rest my head on it. Or kiss it. Yeah, press my lips against it and just suck on it for a bit. Maybe even lick it out, you know? Seriously. It makes me hard to think of those super soft cheeks resting against my face and my nose...feeling him wiggle and squirm and moan while I grab two hands full of it and move them back and forth, letting them open and close around my lips. I almost wanted to bite into it softly just to feel the squishy flesh in my mouth! God! Sighhh...I don't know what my problem is. I thought about fingering him too for a while. I never really had a desire to finger somebody before. I never saw what anybody would get out of that. But I would finger Bobby Jinette. I would finger him so deep! It just turns me on to think about having his tight hole...like...sucking at my long middle finger. All warm and wet like. I bet he'd like it if I did it to him, he seems like the type who would like it. Weird. Is it possible to be in love with just somebody's ass and not the rest of them? I wonder if Brandon ever thought about Bobby's butt too. He better not have. That would suck! Because my ass is nowhere near that 'full' and 'tight', I'd be NO competition. Arrgh! Why am I still writing about this anyway? I guess it's because being bored and being horny are a deadly mixture for a teenage boy.
Shit, I just thought of something! I can't go hang out with Lee and Jimmy tomorrow! Arrrgh! What the hell? Why did I have to get in trouble this week? I'll bet you that Jimmy and Lee are gonna cuddle up again and get all mushy and weird. I wonder if Lee would let ME do that to him if he came over here. Hmmm...interesting theory. I'll keep that in mind for later. It won't be sex, but a bit of sensual affection would sure feel good right about now.
Aww man...I'm hard again. I shouldn't have done all that thinking about Bobby's ass. I'm gonna go take care of this. Damn! I hope this sexual fantasy passes soon. I can't go around thinking about fingering cute boys all day, I'll be insane by Monday! Later!
- Thank God I got to go back to school today and be around people again. Since I can't have any more contact with the outside world once I get home, I am literally starving for some sort of interaction with other human beings at school. It's only been one day, and I already feel like I've been removed from the whole world for a decade.
Not to mention that the welcome I got when I walked in through the front door today was like...weird. I mean, the word had evidently spread about what happened in gym on Wednesday, and damn near everybody knew about it. Even the TEACHERS seemed to know. It was strange how other teenage males seem to reward you for such an aggressive display. And teenage females seem to find it incredibly sexy. Is there, like, an actual REASON for that? Or is it just some primal instinct where the dominant male struts around proudly, sinking his teeth into anything that steps into his domain. I doubt that any of those 'kings' were gay like me. Besides, it's not like I meant to do it. It just sorta 'happened'. Walking into school to such a warm welcome of high fives and grins...I began to wonder if I should be watching my back in the halls now. After all, if everybody heard the news, and Kyle was the one that took the fall...it's safe to say that he's getting teased twice as badly as I was getting praised. And NOTHING can instigate a high school physical attack easier than the feeling of being humiliated in front of your peers.
I saw Brandon at lunch today. It made me remember how much it sucks, staring at him helplessly while he tosses my emotions back and forth like a rag doll. I think he's aware of how I feel about him, and I'm starting to think that's the reason he's backing away from me. So I don't know what to do. I'm lost. He did ask about the fight, and I attempted to give him the same vague answer that I gave my mom yesterday. But...Brandon had a bit more 'inside info' than she did. He knows about the teasing, and he knows about what Kyle was saying about me and Bobby being all secretive and sweet on each other. Which at first...seemed like a completely random and utterly ridiculous assumption based on what little events that actually took place to make Kyle even THINK that. But today, as I witnessed Brandon being a bit more quiet than usual, barely even touching on the subject, I think it settled in a bit deeper than I wanted it to. In his mind at least. I swear, that boy confuses me. I can't even tell when I should be mad at him anymore.
Oh...and even though I was on punishment, my mom went out tonight to grab us some take out for dinner. So I called over to Jimmy's house a few hours ago. Just to see what was up. Lee actually picked up the phone, and said hello. So when I said hi, he's like, "Hiiii, Billy!" All sweet and stuff, and Jimmy takes the phone from him, all giggly. They MUST have been sitting awfully 'close' to one another at the time, because Jimmy was, like, right there to take the phone. Are they hugging again? I try not to picture it, but it's almost as erotic an image as Bobby's naked ass sticking out with my finger buried in it as far as it'll go (Which still makes me hard, by the way!) Anyway, Lee was in the background asking me when I was coming over, and Jimmy seemed to be having more fun without me. Keeping Lee all to himself. I shouldn't even care about this, but it stung a little bit. What does Jimmy think that he's doing anyway? I mean, come on...does he really think he has a chance with the coolest, most incredible, most delicious, sexiest, mall boy in town? Stupid, right?
Anyway, just from the way they were acting, it sounded like they were having a 'cuddly' good time, so why bother even mentioning it? I told them that I was on punishment and couldn't come over. Jimmy knew about it, but Lee didn't. Jimmy was all like, "Yeah, Billy punched somebody in the head on Wednesday. I heard he knocked him clear over the bench! He got suspended and everything. So now he's grounded for fighting. He's not even supposed to be on the phone right now." It was a bit of an exaggeration, but I like the way he told it better, anyway. Makes me sound like a real bruiser. Hehehe!
Lee sent me cheers for it, and told me to show him that punch some time. Then Jimmy's voice changed a bit, and he lowered it to a whisper. "I have to go, k? Lee was just about to take his pants off for me."
And Lee was like, "No, I wasn't! Don't believe him, Billy!" And they giggled, and there was tickling, and Jimmy dropped the phone on the floor. I basically listened to 20 seconds of them just laughing and rolling around on the couch together before he had the decency to pick up the phone again. And by then I was just sick of listening to this. Hearing other people have fun when you're not is just a painful experience sometimes. God, this weekend is gonna SUCK!
So I said, "Listen, I have to go. My Mom's coming home soon."
And all Jimmy said in response was, "Ok! Cool! I'll talk to ya later!" And then he hung up. I didn't even get to say anything else. Whatever. Who cares?
Anyway, I'd like to say that I had something else to do, but I really don't. Not while my mom is still angry at me, that's for sure. So I suppose I'll have a bunch of nothing to write about tomorrow too. Later.
- (A VERY bored) Billy