- Ok, I'm convinced that Bobby's succulent ass is magic. It's like, hypnotic or something. I didn't want this feeling to haunt me forever! You know? So today....I decided to just get it over with and get it out of my system. The more I tried to restrain myself from looking at it, the more I wanted to see it. So I just figured, what the hell? I might as well look, right? I mean, I'm just gonna keep thinking about it nonstop until I do! I'll go plum CRAZY if I don't. So, I make sure that nobody is watching, and take a second to breathe, and then I stare directly at it. Hoping and praying that it would just be a really nice ass that I could absorb all at once and get it out of my head. I saw it from the side, and it was...really REALLY nice! I looked away, then I peeked back again. THIS time I saw it from the back...and...wow. It jiggles just a little bit I think. Or am I just making that up in my head? Who knows? It's really round, and really smooth...and it's creamy white...like vanilla ice cream. Just...the way it 'hangs', you know? It's like...sticking right out there, making you want to push into it and feel the tightness grab you around the dick and never let go. Wow. I really mean that...wow. I don't know if he saw me looking or not, but he was extra friendly to me while we were swimming laps today. Extra friendly. But, whatever the case...there...I looked. So now I can stop thinking about it so much. Well, except for when I jack off. But that's when you're supposed to think of a boy's really hot ass, not during gym class.

There, I'm done. No more ass fantasies about Bobby Jinette. I'm finished. I swear.

I actually saw Sam today at school. Like...visibly 'saw' him. So, after a slight hesitation, I decided to walk over and just...I dunno...make some kind of 'comment' or something to him. Hell, I don't know why! But I was compelled to say something to him. Whatever. So I'm like, "Hey." And he's like 'hey back', and neither one of us really wants to be the first to say anything major, but just looking at him made me cringe a little bit. His eye still had some purple around it, and a little bit of green from the looks of it. He must have taken a nice little pounding a few days ago, and I didn't know what to say to comfort him. So I just said, "Sorry about your eye. Does it hurt?" Dumb question. Of COURSE it hurt. At least it did when he got it.

"Nah, not so much any more. I just wish it would go away already so people would stop asking me about it." He said.

So I'm like, "I'm sorry."

And he says, "Well, not YOU...but...you know...other people."

I probably shouldn't have asked, but it was bugging me. So after fidgeting around the issue for a minute or two, I asked him, "Listen...did you tell Kyle to apologize to me in gym class?" There really wasn't any way to be subtle or secretive about it. I had to just come right out and ask him He didn't answer at first, but then he just nodded his head. "Dude, you didn't have to do that..."

"You're my best friend. What was I gonna do? Just let him make your life miserable? To hell with him and his rumors. He was going around telling people you were gay. So I told him to knock it off. And when you got suspended...I just kinda...I made sure he wouldn't bother you and Bobby anymore." That's what he said. Can you believe that? Then he goes, "I know you hate me now, but that doesn't mean that I'm gonna let any ass backwards blockhead put his hands on you."

It made me smile a little bit. I didn't want to, but I did. "Kinda like Barry in the park, right?" I said.

And he's like, "Barry? Barry who?"

And I sat down next to him and said, "You remember my cousin Barry. We were in the park, and he was picking on us?"

And then Sam grinned and said, "Oh yeah! I remember! And he was calling me names, and then he sat on your chest, and he was making you eat dirt!" And we laughed about it. It had been a long while since we shared a chuckle together. I had almost forgotten what it was like to hear him laugh. You know how you have that particular laugh that you can only share with one other person on the planet. The kinda laugh that only works when you two are together. It's like this...harmony or something that makes it special and unique to that one person alone. It was kinda cool to hear it again. He said, "Damn, I almost forgot about that."

And I said, "Nah, I could never forget about that."

That's when he looked at me, and he got kinda sad all of the sudden. Then I saw Joanna walking towards us and knew that it was about time for me to be going. She was his better half after all, and it was one half that I didn't feel like dealing with at the moment. "Well, I gotta go. I'll see ya 'round." I told him, and his head drooped a little. He said goodbye, and I told him, "I hope your eye gets better." And that was pretty much it. Party over.

Go ahead and sink your claws back into him, 'Yoko'! I'm outta here.

Oh! At lunch today, I told Brandon abut going to Jamie's house for an interview yesterday! I might have been babbling a bit much, which comes from being so damn comfortable with Brandon that I don't hold much back except for the obvious sexual desire I've had for that boy since forever! So I'm going on and on about how cool it was and how I really enjoyed spending time with him, and you know what? Brandon acted like he was kinda jealous! I'm NOT making this up! He smiled a little bit, but it wasn't as pretty and bright as his real smile. His real smile is, like, blinding! Believe me! So while I'm talking, he's kinda nodding his head but not really paying attention, and he's using his fork to play with his food. Which is really strange because we had pizza today. So he's pushing this single meatball across his cheese, and I'm wondering if this is making him jealous, and it totally was! I think I blushed a little bit, but I can't remember. It was just so cool to think that he might actually be jealous about another boy spending time with me, you know? I wonder if I can use this to my advantage. Like...maybe get him to speak up and tell me how he feels or something. I mean we talk and laugh all the time, he calls me up for no reason at all, we rubbed FEET for crying out loud! He's GOTTA like me! If I could just get him to SAY it, we'd be in business. I've just gotta find a way to get him desperate enough to do that. That's all.

Yes, doctor, I believe a 'plan' is forming.

Oh yeah, one last thing before I go. I kinda talked to Lee online tonight He wanted to talk on the phone, but I told him that my mom was waiting on a phone call. So we chatted instead. It was probably one of the most stressful conversations I ever had with him. I mean, Lee is one of the easiest people on the Earth to talk to. About anything. But just seeing his name on my screen brought out thoughts of him and Jimmy in the dark...'doing it'. It's like I couldn't get over it. Every time he said something cute (Which, with Lee, was like every five seconds), I was pouting. Literally 'pouting'. How could he not tell me that he liked guys? Huh? How could he just let that important piece of information 'slip his mind' while I was secretly drooling all over myself just being in his presence. I wanna give Lee a blowjob. I don't see why Jimmy gets to have him all to himself. God, he's hot! He actually sent me a message that said, "So are you coming over on Friday night? I'll do a special dance for ya if you come! I'll even wear my hat!" You see? Cute! I had no idea what he was talking about, but it was just....sighhh...cute.

Of COURSE I wanted to come over tomorrow and hang out! But I remembered what Jimmy said, and I had to lie and tell Lee that I was busy again. I don't see why I can't just come over and hang out for a little while and then just leave or something so they can have...more sex. Ugh! Does this mean that Jimmy LaPlane kinda, sorta, lost his virginity to a hotter boy than the one I had? (At least in his lips) That shit is so damn backwards! Anyway, I really wanted to ask him what happened. I really wanted to ask Lee to tell me his side of the story or something. But I couldn't. I couldn't talk to him about it at all, because I'm not supposed to even know. And if I'm not supposed to know, then that means that Lee isn't gonna just tell me all the stuff that I wanna know but can't ask for because I'm not supposed to know about it when he tells me! Arrrrgh! Whatever! All I know is that if Jimmy can get a taste of Lee, then I want somebody totally unexpected to have sex with too. I don't care if it's selfish, I WANT one!

Ok, I'm getting myself all weird now. I'm going to bed before I write something stupid in here. Later.

-Billy

- Dumb old jealousy. It's eating me alive inside, you know that? Right now, Jimmy and Lee are probably at his house with the lights off, sucking each other off and making out with their tongues wagging and doing God knows what in that big house all by themselves. I'll bet you Lee isn't all forceful and demanding like AJ was. Lee is probably the most gentle lover in the whole world. I can imagine the two of them just smiling at each other, and Lee cracking little jokes between kisses, and doing his little dance for Jimmy without any clothes on. I swear...I have been rolling back and forth on this mattress for over an hour just trying to not be so hurt by the hot seductive lovemaking that must be going on at Jimmy's house. Don't think that it didn't occur to me to call over there just to have the ringing phone break up whatever they were doing. Lee has gotta be gay. I'm SURE of it! A straight boy might let you suck him off with some liquor, some persistent whining, and a few really hot suggestions...but they wouldn't let you kiss them on the mouth. And they wouldn't come BACK the next week either. Hell, I doubt that they would ever cuddle on the couch with a gay guy in the first place. So...yeah, I don't think Lee is as straight as he pretended to be. At least I don't think so. Jesus...why am I thinking about this so much?!?!

Anyway, I tried to talk about Jamie Cross a lot at lunch again today, just to see how Brandon would respond to it. I wanted to make sure that he was interested. I even made up a few things, like, "Ooh, Jamie said I could come over to his house any time I wanted to." And "I don't remember him ever having a girlfriend. I wonder why that is." And "He looks so different in nothing but sweatpants and a t-shirt. He's all 'soft' looking, you know?" I couldn't really tell if I was breaking through or not, but it was kinda fun to try. It got to the point where I was actually starting to believe some of my own bullshit, and spaced out to fantasize about Jamie Cross taking me in his arms and kissing me deeply. Telling me that he always loved me, ever since he first saw me. Sighhh....is there no limit to how awesome that would be?

ANYWAY...so I'm laying it on pretty thick and hoping that Brandon will get the hint. And then...in the middle of everything, guess who comes to sit down next to us??? Fucking Bobby Jinette! Bobby doesn't eat lunch with us! Ever! He eats some place else entirely! Somewhere where I never ever have to lay eyes on him at all. But today, he decides to sit at our table and say hello. Except this time, instead of being all annoying and cuddly with Brandon, he's doing it to ME! And just when I was getting some kind of visible reaction from the love of my life, Bobby comes right out and asks me if I wanna hang out this weekend. What the hell did I do wrong to deserve THIS??? Can't he see I'm trying to work magic on my favorite boy here? He asks me if I wanted to go to a movie! Right there in front of Brandon! Jesus!

I told him no, I couldn't go. I was...um...plucking chickens at the state fair or something. Whatever. But he just smiled and started eating his lunch. So no more 'cozy' talk for me and the prettiest boy in school. Just Bobby, and his magnificent ass...planted in the seat right next to me and 'cock blocking' the whole damn operation. To say that I'm slightly perturbed would be an understatement.

Shit...Mom's calling me to dinner. Great. I think she burned it. I know she burned something whenever she turns that kitchen fan on and opens the windows in the living room. So dinner is pretty much toast. Ah well, I'm hungry. I'll eat anything. Especially Lee's sugary sweet, long, hard, throbbing....mmmmm, I've gotta put that out of my mind! Shit! I'm going! No more fantasizing. Maybe it won't happen again. Maybe it was a one time thing. Yeah...that's probably it. A one time thing. I can live with that.

I'm off, see ya!

-Billy