- It took FOREVER to get a hold of Jimmy tonight! Arrrgh! I must have called a billion times before he actually picked up the damn phone! I kinda wanted to know what happened with him and Lee, but I kinda didn't want to know either...but...ARRRGHHH!!!!....I *HAD* to know! I'd never be able to sleep again if he didn't tell me! Whatever. Anyway, so here's the scoop...
Jimmy says that Lee came over and asked about me. Like, he actually asked about me! He wanted to know if I was coming over. Now...I have a bad habit of letting wishful thinking take me over and completely fuck up my sense of logic. Should I even suggest the turn back of a few pages to relive the 'Simon' tragedy? But...it's driving me crazy to think that Lee would ask for me like that in this particular situation. That he wants me to come over so bad. It could be that he just wants to be in a friendly group of people. It could be that he just hasn't actually seen me in a few weeks and wants to hook back up. But...what if he wants me there to keep Jimmy off of him or something? Or even better...what if he wants me to 'join in'? It's that last one that keeps me trembling. I mean, think about it...he let Jimmy kiss him and suck him off...and he knows that he can get more of the same anytime he wants it. It would be like me going back over to AJ's house in the middle of the night. It's not like I'm going to play a game of 'Uno' or anything. So, if he's asking ME to come over now...maybe he wants to make out with me too. Or maybe BOTH of us! Wow! That sounds...um...somewhat credible, right? Dude! I would SO make out with Lee if he asked me to! I'd suck on his tongue until he begged me to stop! Shit! Great, now I've got THAT stuck in my head!
Sorry, lost my train of thought...
So Lee asks about me, and Jimmy says I'm not coming over. But Lee is wearing his cute little black gangster hat thing, hehehe, just like he said he would. I wish I could have seen it. It's adorable on him. So Lee and Jimmy start up another video, and things go pretty much like normal at first. Some snacks, some jokes, nothing special. Jimmy was like, "I was soooo nervous. Because I really wanted to get my mouth on him again, but I didn't know how to ask him or anything. I didn't want him to get weird about it."
So I'm like, "What the hell happened already???" But I'm trying not to sound too anxious, you know?
He tells me, "Well, I think he wanted to just watch he movie at first. Or maybe he was playing 'hard to get' or something. I don't know. He was, like, not into holding me like before. Whenever I scooted over to get close to him, he'd get all giggly and squirm away from me. Like it was just a game or something. To be honest, I was kinda hurt by the whole thing, because he was looking extra cute tonight!" You SEE??? He thought I was coming, and he came dressed extra cute tonight! Am I making this all up? "So after a while, I just kinda gave up on trying to score with him. I'm thinking that it must have been some stupid freak occurrence that I'll never get to experience again." YES!!! I KNEW Lee was straight! I'm still jealous that Jimmy got to suck on him, but at least they're not, like, 'together', you know? At least...that's what I was thinking before Jimmy said..."But THEN...when the movie was over, we were just sitting on the couch together, and not saying anything. And it looked like he was thinking, or spacing out or something. So I kinda pushed him a little with my sock feet to wake him up, and he laughed a little and pulled one of my socks off. So I got up to reach for it, and he held it back while I was practically on top of him trying to get my sock back." I didn't like the turn this story is taking. "And when I looked down, he was just..there, you know? And his lips were all kissable and yummy looking, and his eyes were shining...he's soooo cute Billy. He NEVER stops being cute! So I just leaned in really quick and kissed him on the lips. He didn't say anything, and he kinda looked away from me, but I couldn't help myself, so I kissed him again, and I could kinda feel him getting hard, you know? And he sighed a little bit when I started humping him, and then he reached back and turned off the light! And then I knew that he was into it again!"
ARRGH!!! "Really? That's...that's great, Jimmy."
"But wait, it gets better! See, this time, we were kissing like crazy, and he's grabbing my ass and we're all over each other...and when I reach down and grab him through his pants, he opens them up for me, and I only get to suck on it for a few seconds before he whispers to me. He's like, 'Wait a sec. Come on.' Even his whisper is sexy, Billy!" Jimmy like...squealed or something, and then wiggled around a bit before he kept going. "So Lee pushes me back and stands up with his meat sticking straight out, all 'bouncy' and stuff. And he takes me by the hand all soft and sweet like. And he takes me back to my room and turns off all the lights, but we can still kinda see from the street light outside my window. And he takes his shoes and his pants all the way off! All the way!!! I've never seen Lee's ass before! Omigod, it was so HOT! And it has these cute little 'dimples' in the side, without him even flexing his cheeks or anything! It's really pale white and smooth too. He's so freakin' SEXY all over!" Sighhhh...I can imagine. "So he lays back on my bed and pulls his shirt up to his chin, and he's all spread out and just...waiting for me. And I got to suck him in deep and hold and lick his balls and everything! I made him WHIMPER, Billy! I swear to God, it was sooooo soft and quiet, but I heard it! And this time, when he was close...I sucked really hard, and he let loose in my mouth! Which was kinda yucky, actually. But it was hot because it was Lee, you know?" I truly could not believe that I was hearing this. "Then, about a half hour later, Lee had to go. So we went to the front door, and I kissed him goodbye, and I kissed him some more, and more, and we just stood there and tongue kissed for a while. I knew he had to go, but I just wanted to taste him just ONE more time, you know? He's so mouthwatering, dude. So I was rubbing him, and he was getting hard again, and I kneeled down to unzip his pants and just get a few more long sucks on it. I was totally gonna put it back in his pants and let him go, but he got worked up and took my hand to lead me back to the bedroom, and he let me do it to him AGAIN! Even though he had to go! And I swallowed again, but it wasn't as much this time. That stuff is really warm, you know? I didn't think it would be that warm. It's a bit slimy too. But good, I guess." I could hear Jimmy moving around on his bedroom floor, and I was too speechless to really offer much in the way of a normal response. "Billy...I swear dude, I'm so in love right now! I think maybe we could be boyfriends I mean...I never thought someone like me could get somebody like Lee...but...he's, like, the best thing to ever happen to me. And it's all thanks to you, Billy."
That...is quite possibly...the worst thing Jimmy could have possibly said to me. "Me?"
"You're the one that got me to talk to him. You're the one that got us together. If you hadn't pushed me into saying something, we wouldn't have become such good friends. And then none of this would have ever happened. Thanks Billy. I owe you everything!" Noooooo! Don't thank me! I'll feel like an even BIGGER idiot! Ugh, what the heck do I say to that?
"You're welcome, I suppose." I told him. And before Jimmy could go off on some other sexy detail about the cutest mall boy on Earth, I said, "I've gotta go. I'll talk to you later, k?" I just...I couldn't listen to him gloat anymore. I wish I was getting some.
I wish Brandon was a bit more sexual when he came over here. I wish I could get the guts to just kiss him on the mouth and see what happens. I wish he would at least cuddle with me on the couch, or make out with me, or do SOMETHING to show that he likes me! Instead, all I do is go back and forth between being in love and being confused. From one awkward conversation to another. He barely even touches me anymore. He didn't even call me ONCE today to see what I was doing. I just....I want something to make me smile the way Jimmy's smiling right now. I miss that. If AJ wasn't such a fucked up mistake, he'd be awesome to have as a boyfriend. There weren't all these problems and questions. Actually...it wasn't so bad when I think about it. I mean, at least it was some sex and affection in my life. I'm not saying I 'miss' him or anything, I just...I dunno. Maybe I do miss him. But just a little bit.
I've gotta go. For some reason I feel like pouting right now. I'll write more later, I suppose. Later.
- You know what...I'm seriously thinking about redefining my whole view of boys in general. At least the ones in my life, anyway. Every time I try to figure them out, they do something completely backwards to destroy everything I knew to be real in the first place.
So, I was thinking about how I wanted Brandon to call me yesterday, and talking to Jimmy really made me lonely for his voice, you know? I don't know why, but I just really wanted to submerge myself in that fantasy again for a while. Just to feel good. So I decided to call him up when my mom went out to the grocery store. Anyway, he sounded kinda surprised to hear from me. Not 'happy' so much, just surprised. I don't know, there was something in his voice that was kinda off. I'm talking to him for a few seconds, and then he's like, "Can I call you back in a few minutes? I've got Bobby on the other line."
So I'm like, "Bobby? Bobby Jinette?"
And he's like, "Yeah."
Ok...I'm trying to remain calm here....BUT WHY THE *FUCK* IS MY BRANDON TALKING TO BOBBY JINETTE ON THE PHONE ON A FUCKING SUNDAY AFTERNOON?!?!?! Why? Huh? WHY??? I literally have to bite my tongue to keep from screaming out loud at this point. So I'm like, "Um....k..."
I think Brandon must have known that something was wrong. And he asked me, "Are you ok? I mean...I can stay if you want."
And I just say, "Nope. I'm fine. See ya." And I hang up really quick before I fucking burst. I swear, Brandon is the ultimate Jedi master when it comes to the art of unintentional abuse.
Why is Brandon on the phone with Bobby? He's not supposed to be talking to Bobby Jinette, he's supposed to be calling ME! Now I feel even lower than I did before. And to make things worse, Brandon calls me back two minutes later. I pick up the phone, and he's like, "Hey, Bobby says he wants to talk to you. Can I give him your number?" He WHAT??? What the hell was I supposed to say? I couldn't just say 'no'. I mean, Bobby's obviously waiting for my answer. I wasn't trying to be a dick to him or anything, I just...arrgh...where did THIS come from???
So I'm like, "I guess so. Sure." I should have said no. No, that would have been mean. But...I don't know what else to do.
Brandon's like, "You really want me to give it to him?"
And I'm like, "Yeah. I guess."
And Brandon doesn't say anything for a second, and then he's like, "Fine. He'll call you in a minute." And then he hangs up on me. Did I piss him off? I hope I didn't do that wrong.
So Bobby calls, and it's just plain weird to talk to him on the phone. It was only for a couple of minutes, and most of that was spent with us trying to find something intelligent to talk about. He was being weird. Not to mention that all I could think about was Bobby's round tight ass throughout the entire conversation. So even while he's being friendly and cheerful, I'm picturing this big beautiful talking ass the whole time, and it's not helping matters any.
So finally, he asks me, "So...is it ok if I call you here some time? I mean, just to talk again or something?" He has my number. He wants to talk some more. Isn't this how those freaky obsessed stalker stories usually start out? All harmless and sweet and shit until I have him sitting in a tree outside my window with binoculars. I tell him it's ok, and I can really hear him smile. And he giggles and says, "Cool! Ok. Well...um...g'night Billy Chase." Which is weird for him to say goodnight, because it's like 4:30 in the afternoon. And even more weird because he says my first AND last name. But whatever.
So now, I'm officially convinced that Brandon, Bobby, Jimmy, Lee, Sam, and my Dad, have all gone completely crazy. Between the sex and the adultery and the spontaneous fist fights and the stalker thing, I'm afraid to blink for fear that I'll miss something important. Weirdos, all of them.
I'm going out for a while. Just to lose myself in my thoughts for a bit. I'll write more tomorrow. Later.
Ps- Brandon never called me back. Why didn't he call? What did I do now? Sighhhh...this is so stupid.