- I swear that this was the sunniest damn Sunday that I've ever had! I'm seriously grinning from ear to ear and beyond at this point! Ok, so I made....maybe...ONE little mistake! But it's the last time, I swear! I'm done with it all! I just...sighhhh....I saw Bobby again today. I didn't mean to make things any worse....I just...I dunno! I was craving him soooo bad today! And then he called and his parents were still gone and...
Let's just say that it was a very pleasurable mistake.
Anyway, I woke up feeling SO good this morning! I think I must have been dreaming about Bobby over and over again last night, because when I woke up, he was the first thing on my mind. And I was so damn hard that I thought it would literally turn to stone if I didn't touch it. It HURT, it was so stiff! So I just kinda laid in bed, feeling all tingly and good, thinking about my lips on Bobby's long pole, and his lips on mine...and the way he would whimper and wiggle his ass a few times when he was getting ready to cum in my mouth. God...it was so hot! I couldn't stop smiling. Not once all day.
Sam actually rang the doorbell while I was eating breakfast this morning, surprising my mom a little bit, since she figured we weren't friends any more. She never really talked to me about it, but I think she kinda missed Sam while we were at odds with each other. He must have fooled her into thinking he was a 'good influence' on me or something. Psh! Whatever! So, I got dressed, and we went out to the Hill, and we just sat there together...talking. Laughing. Connecting. I guess I always knew that I missed him deep down. But what I wasn't expecting was for him to actually miss ME in return. I figured....he had Joanna, and her group of friends from the mall, and his life kept going in the same direction for the most part. But, he missed me. He really did. He told me so. He told me a BUNCH of times, actually! Hehehe, I have to admit, it kinda made me feel all mushy and gay to hear that from him. It DID! Well...I always had the biggest crush on Sam, so it's not like it was just gonna go away. Especially when he's being all affectionate and shit. It kills me every time
So, I think we were out there for about two hours before it started to get a little windy and gray outside. We thought it might rain and didn't wanna get caught outside without any shelter, so we started to head back. But in those two hours...I felt completely and totally satisfied. With everything. Not to mention that my body was still trembling from yesterday's activities. Three times....wow...that's hot. I only wish I could have talked to Sam about it. Mmmmm...if only I could tell SOMEBODY about it! I wonder if Jimmy will listen. I mean, I listened to his stories about Lee, right? Or maybe I could even tell Lee. He might just write it off as me taking his example. Right? Nah, they've got their own problems to worry about right now. I guess I'll just hold it all in, like I usually do But this feeling would be SO much more awesome if I could just tell somebody else how it feels!
Sam and I sorta ditched the entire conflict thing and it felt like that messy issue might finally be behind us. Actually 'stricken from the record', once and for all. And that felt good. It really did.
So...I'm in the house, and I took a shower, and when I come out, my mom hands me the phone. I'm still just in my boxers with a towel on my shoulders. My heart started to pound all of the sudden, and my hands started to shake, and I realized that this might actually be Brandon on the phone with his answer. His ANSWER!!! It took me a second to calm down enough to speak...and I said hello. But it wasn't Brandon at all. It was Bobby again I know that I was majorly disappointed the last time that happened. But this time...it kinda turned me on. I shut my bedroom door, and lowered my voice, and I got rock hard instantly. Why can't I stop smiling???
He's all being nervous and stuff...like...he kinda wants to mention what happened yesterday between us...but he kinda doesn't want me to know that he wants to mention what happened yesterday between us. And it just...hehehe, it gives me the wiggles knowing that he was being so cute about it. Ugh, I have NO idea what I'm doing, or why! I just know that it feels good! It feels GREAT! And considering that I've been feeling like shit for a while now...this is such a major rush for me. You know?
He's like, "So....I don't suppose you have any time to 'play' today, huh?" Like...he's kinda trying to be cool about it. But he's shaking. I know he is, because I can hear it in his voice. And you wanna know something? I was kinda shaking too.
So I'm blushing and trying not to giggle, and I say, "Well...I might be able to come over or something...for a little while, I mean."
And he smiles, and he's like, "Ok...so, when do you wanna come over?"
And I'm like, "Can you have company right now?"
And he says, "Yeah. Um...so...are you leaving now?"
So I tell him, "Yep. Just let me get ready and stuff. K? I'll be there soon."
And he totally says, "Cool. Don't take too long, k? I really wanna see you again, Billy. Seriously. Hehehe!" Awww, I was swooning, dude! So I got on my bike and pedaled over there so damn fast that I was practically passing moving cars on the street! Hehehe, it was awesome!
I'm thinking that Bobby had it in his mind that there would be some kind of awkward build up to us just fucking like jack rabbits again. So I'm sure that I surprised him when I jumped off my bike, and practically pushed him back in the house while crushing my lips against his. I just couldn't wait any longer! He has been ALL I've been thinking about since our first fucking kiss! I was just so hungry to be wrapped up in him again today! So the second that I stepped in the door, we started it up all over again!
I don't know how many times we did it tonight. I just know that every time I got hard, he took care of me. And every time he got hard, I took care of him. And we just kept going until it was so late that I thought my mom might be worried about me still being out, so I had to go home. God....I feel so tingly right now! He can really move...and kiss....and suck...and just...EVERYTHING! It's soooooo good! How can Bobby not have a boyfriend yet??? With a body like that! And with 'moves' like that! And that ASS!!! Jesus! I seriously wanted to fuck him silly tonight! But I chickened out! How do you ask somebody to do that, exactly? I didn't wanna just suddenly stop having mind-blowing sex with this hottie to say, "Hey, would you mind if I sink as deep as I can into that extremely delicious ass of yours, Bobby?" Although, I probably could have...he was really into it. I probably could've gotten him to do almost ANYTHING! I was just worried that I might....I dunno...ruin the mood or something. But GOD, he's a hottie! I never thought I'd be calling Bobby Jinette a fucking HOTTIE, but I am now! I am saying it loud and clear, and writing it down in this book in case I'm ever stupid enough to forget how amazing he is at sex!
Ok, I know. I'm screwing up big time. But it was only TWICE! That's it! I mean, his parents were already out of town, he had the house to himself..I might as well take advantage of our last day alone together. That's all I was doing. I was given an opportunity, and I took it. So...there. I'm completely satisfied. I'm over it. It's done. I had my multiple orgasms, and I got it all out of my system now. But....awwww...it was so damn good!
Ok, I've gotta jack off right now! I'm thinking about him again! I'll write more later! Promise!
Ps- Still no call from Brandon. Sighhhh....I suppose that sometimes...NO answer...IS an answer. For now, I'll just pretend that it doesn't hurt that much.
But between you and me....it does.
- I don't get it....
I mean...well...maybe I just don't WANT to get it.
Maybe I'm just being a fucking idiot, and I'm refusing to take the hint. You know?
Life was so cool yesterday. Everything was coming up daisies, and I was walking on air. But now I just....I just...
Listen, I went back to school today. I actually woke up smiling today. I just spent an entire weekend having the sex of my life with a boy who was WAY above average in the cute department, and off the fucking charts in the ASS department! I had my best friend back in my life after a long absence. Life was good. But that carpet got pulled right from under me when I saw Brandon in the halls after first period today.
He was actually here. Here in town. Here in school. Here in my LIFE again It had only been a week, but it seemed like an eternity to me. I just remember that our eyes connected from down the hall. It was just for a second, and it filled me with this sense of hope that just made me want to run to him and hug him as tightly as I could. But...
I guess he didn't feel the same way.
Because he actually pretended not to see me there. Can you imagine that? He literally just kinda....turned around and...walked away. I think that was the single most hurtful thing that Brandon has ever done to me. I mean, like...ever. I spent the next three periods just trying not to tear up over it. How could he do that to me? I mean...we were destined to be together. How can we not share the same feelings for each other? HOW? Do you know how broken I felt inside all morning over those few seconds of silent interaction? I'd throw myself off the roof of the school if I thought it was high up enough to do more than break my legs and leave me even more miserable than I was before.
It was so weird...seeing him again. Sighhh...what did I expect? I mean, I told a totally straight boy that I was in 'love' with him. That I think about him all the time. That I wanted to actually 'be' with him. I practically accuse him of being a homo, and I expect phone calls and flowers? I don't know why I even told him. I should have kept my fucking mouth shut, at least then I could have kept him as a friend and just enjoyed the opportunity to stare longingly at him while he sipped lemonade at my lunch table.
How did I misread all of the signs? He was so...cute, and cuddly, and he said the sweetest things to me. He was like this bolt of lightning from God Himself. The 'prettiest' boy in the whole school...placed right here on Earth, just for me. How could I have possibly gotten this wrong?
God....I don't want to write about this any more.
Not only that, but I saw Bobby in gym today...and you know what? It was like...this whole weekend was a dream or something. I mean...I saw him, he smiled, he did all of the extremely cute things that he had done before we started rolling around naked together. But...I found myself wanting to get away from him again. It's like...I could look into his eyes, or look at his lips, or just take a peek at the shape of his slim hips and slender thighs...and my mind would switch over to some kind of hot sexual fantasy that would make me want him more than ever. And then he'd talk. He'd say something to me, or giggle at one of his own jokes...and I'd suddenly remember...this is Bobby Jinette. Since when has Bobby Jinette been more than an extra face in the background to me? Since when have we been so 'buddy buddy' that we'd want to spend that much time together outside of school? Never. So why is it that I get so turned on when he does something cute like shrug his shoulder in a girly way? It's like this big horny fever washes over me, and I have to fight the urge to push him against the lockers and shove my tongue in his mouth. I wanted to push my face into his ass, and lick up and down his chest, and suck him until my TEETH hurt!
But....something wasn't entirely...'right' about it. I don't know what it was. After all of the incredible sex we had, all the kisses, all the blowjobs and 69's and humping we did this weekend...he was still just....Bobby.
And I was starting to remember why that wasn't enough.
Anyway, I just don't know what to do with what I'm feeling right now. It's times like this that I wish I didn't feel anything at all. You'd think after Simon, I would have learned my lesson. I would have left Brandon alone and just...not gone for something that was so obviously too good to be true. He didn't go to the library, he didn't come to lunch...he's totally avoiding me. I don't even know why. Is loving him so awful that he's willing to hate my guts for it the rest of my life? I don't know. I just wanna curl up in a ball and 'not exist' for a while.
Shit...I dropped a tear on the page. And wiping it off leaves a weird smudge on the paper. Great...now the waterworks start. I'm closing this up before I shower the whole stupid diary entry. I'm out of here. I don't wanna think about this right now anyway.