This is a story of friendship, commitment, love and trust. It is not a sex story. However, this story deals with love between male teenagers. If you are offended by stories involving love between two teenage boys, please do not read this story. There may be some sex scenes in this story; however, sex is not the main theme. If you are under age 18 or 21 or it is illegal to read this story where you live, don't read it. Reproducing this story for distribution without the owner's permission is a violation of that copyright.
Author's Comment: I appreciate your e-mails. Thanks to Ed for editing. My thanks especially to Drew for his help and guidance.
I think this will be the last chapter for a while. I'm not a good writer in my opinion - I write sort of off the cuff and haphazardly - sure sometimes I can tug at a heart string or cause a giggle - and yes I could continue writing haphazardy about these characters. In the course of writing this story I have done some research but not extensive. In the course of this story I have made a friend or two and that's probably the main reason I write but I don't think I would do the story justice to continue or you the reader - I think what I have here is a good foundation from which a good story can emerge. And it's a good point to end at no cliffs to be hanging off.
by Sam Lakes
I had resolved that I would wait until next week for Joe and Cyril to take me to Lingfield. Maybe I would not lose too many of my mobility skills and if I practiced at night after work I’d be ok. I knew that Cyril was right because traffic scares me and crossing the street terrifies me but disaster hit. I got a call late Thursday evening after dinner, the shooting schedule for the next four weeks would be from seven am until seven 7pm. I needed to be in Makeup and Wardrobe by five thirty every morning. We were behind production and would be making up the time on the weekends. I would be working all that time but I have to be 'on call' and ready to go.
That meant if I didn’t see Alex tomorrow I wouldn’t see him for a month…it meant I wimped out on my promise to give him my surprise. My only option was to ask Cyril or Joe to guide me to Lingfield. I hated imposing on them but it was the only way I could get there.
“Joe, I was wondering if you or Cyril could take me to Lingfield tomorrow?”
“Well, Cyril and I had something special we planned doing tomorrow. So, no, we can’t take you to Lingfield tomorrow.”
“Hawky, the answer is no, okay?”
“Yes, I understand.” I hung up the phone. I started crying, I felt so alone. I had a mother who hated me, my boyfriend who I was forbidden to see, my two new friends were tired of hanging out with me – Joe said Cyril and I, not us…I can hardly blame them, I guess I must be a pain in the butt, a 15 year old pain in the butt who should have been aborted.
I knew Cyril and Joe would go see John and Alex without me but my going there seemed to mean more not to me or even Alex but to John. He’ll see that I was…willing…to risk…all to prove my love of Alex. Alex knows I love him – John just thinks it a crush and it will pass…but it will never pass. He’ll see that Alex will be free to go and do things he wants to do and not be so dependent.
In my song to Alex I said I would give everything I own – if I were to really mean what I sang; if I was to demonstrate to John my love for Alex, then I didn’t see any other choice but to go to Lingfield. I called the front desk and asked for a six o’clock wake up.
Everything seemed to go fairly well until I got to Victoria Station underground. Somehow I ended up outside. The noise of traffic, people rushing by me in every direction, I was like a leaf that falls into a stream. I was being carried along with the flow of people. I had no idea where I was, confused and totally freaked. The mass of people thinned and then there were none. I could hear traffic moving, horns beeping, angry motorists yelling at me to get out of the middle of the road. I was in the middle of a road with lots of traffic. I had no idea which way to go. Do I go left, right, straight ahead? Was I facing the traffic or what? I had no sense of direction. I’ve never been so scared in my life.
I was about to take off my shades, knowing that it was bright daylight and I could possibly ruin my eyesight or something when I felt a hand on my shoulder. “Having a bit of trouble, lad?”
“Y-Yes sir, I’m trying to get to Victoria Street Station. I need to buy a ticket to Lingfield, Surrey.” I was relieved but very embarrassed and somewhat humiliated.
“Well, then take my arm and I’ll take you there.”
“Are you a police constable?” I asked as we move along.
“Yes. Police Constable Jennings," a short time passed and he said, "Ah! Here we are.”
He rapped on the window of the ticket office, “Sorry to jump the queue but the young lad here needs a ticket to Lingfield, Surrey. Both ways.”
I took out my wallet and got out a twenty-pound note. My hand trembling, I handed the money to PC Jennings.
“Still a bit shook up, are you?”
“Yes sir. I’m really sorry to be such a nuisance. I was totally freaked. I’m really sorry.”
“Ah, don’t worry about it, lad, by the way, what’s your name?”
“Hawken Sugarstone, people call me Hawk or Hawky.”
“Hmm. Hawk or Hawky…Hawky’s better. You don’t look like a hawk,” he touched my nose, “Your beak’s too small,” he laughed. And his laugh and comment got a laugh out of me.
He handed me my change and the ticket. I stuffed the change in my pocket. He took me to get a cup of tea, his treat. I told him I was going to see my best friend as a surprise. By the time I finished my tea my shakes had stopped so I guess the tea worked.
PC Jennings led to me to my platform. “Now your train will be on the right side, should leave in about half and hour. Just go straight ahead.”
“Thank you, PC Jennings. You’re a very nice person.”
“Well, the pleasure has been all mine, Hawky. You have a good time with your friend.”
“I will, sir, bye!”
I turned and walked down the platform a ways and then found a door to go in. The compartment that I had entered seem fairly empty but I wasn't sure until a gentleman told me that he was the only other occupant. I took a seat and then I heard a few more people enter the compartment.
I was excited and was daydreaming about meeting Alex and that John wouldn’t hate me when the train started to move. It didn’t seem like half an hour, more like five minutes but I didn’t care I was soon going to be seeing my Alex. I went back to my daydreaming and I must have dozed off because the next thing was someone was shaking me.
I reached in my pocket and pulled out my ticket and held it up for the man to take.
“Oh dear, you’re on the wrong train,” he said.
“No! PC Jennings told me my train was on the right, platform 8.”
“Well, he was right. I believe your train comes into that platform five minutes after we leave. You’re on the Brighton train. We should be arriving in Brighton in five minutes. Look lad, it’s not your fault. You wait here and when we arrive in Brighton I’ll get you on a train to South Croydon. I’m pretty sure your Lingfield train will be on the platform but going the opposite direction. Okay, then?”
“Yes sir, thank you, sir,” I said dejectedly.
He returned after we stopped, helped me off the train and led me to some stairs – “Here’s your pass to South Croydon. Do you need me to take you up and over to the other side?
“No sir, I can manage. Thank you very much, sir”
“All right then, next train. 14 stops. Same platform going the opposite direction, okay?”
“Yes sir, next train. 14 stops. Same platform going the opposite direction.”
“Right, off you go then.”
I successfully navigated myself up, over and down to the other side and walked along the platform when “Wham!!” I was on my butt I felt the warm trickle of blood running from my nose. I thought for a second that I had broken my nose and I prayed that it wasn’t. And of course I was sitting in a puddle of water.
“Oh dear! Let me help you, lovie,” said a woman’s voice, “Here hold this to your nose and I’ll help you get up, you’re sitting in a dirty mud puddle. You must have walked straight into that scaffolding. I don’t know why they didn’t put a cone there to warn you.”
I could hear the train coming, “I have to get on this train.”
“Me too, lovie. Don’t worry, I’ll help you?”
“Thank you, I really appreciate it.”
Her name was Margret Thornton, she was on her way to visit her sister in St. John’s Woods. When we got to South Croydon she helped me off the train and on to the train to Lingfield, checking twice that this train went to Lingfield.
My spirits lifted, as I knew soon I would be with my Alex. My love. Of course that was not to be the case…the person who said “Oh yes, definitely he heard them announce that this train went to Lingfield, he was only going as far as Thornton Heath, but he definitely ‘eard it.” Unfortunately, he didn’t hear the part where they said the first two carriages went to Lingfield where I wasn’t. No, I was in the last three carriages, which went to Tunbridge Wells.
Still I was getting closer. I wasn’t going to let it get me down and an hour later I was on the train. I got off at East Grinstead and waited for the train to Lingfield. As I sat on a bench waiting for the train to Lingfield I remembered John had dropped us off here and it hadn’t seemed like that long a ride. I heard someone sweeping near me.
“Excuse me but is there some place I could get a taxi to Lingfield from here?”
“Right outside the station, young man. Would you like me to help you to a taxi?” said a woman’s voice.
“Yes please, I’ve be ever so grateful.”
“’ello, then whot can I do for you?”
“I need to go to 23 Fern Lane in Lingfield, please.”
“Right you are. My name’s Charlie, if you need anyfing.”
Off we went. I was starving – I’d skipped breakfast and all I’ve had was a cuppa.
“Charlie, is there anyplace along the way that has something to eat?”
“There’s a bakery right up the road 'ere. Gots some great jelly donuts.”
“Great, could you buy us four donuts? I’ll pay. I’m starving”
I scarfed down my two donuts and soon enough the car stopped.
“’ere we are den. Number twenty-free Fern Lane.”
I paid Charlie and got out. I’d made it.
“Hawky!” cried Joe.
“Joe? Joe, I made it! I made it on my own! Where’s Alex?”
“Here at the station waiting for you with his dad. I think Cyril’s calling him on his cellphone to let him know you’re here.”
Joe wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly. “You gave me such a fright! I love you, Hawky, just don’t ever do a stupid thing like that again.” He let go and held me at arm’s length. “You look a little worse for wear.”
“A little worse for wear! I get to London – no problem – pretty cocky I am until I get to Victoria Station. I end up in the middle of the street all alone with cars zooming about, people yelling at me to get out of the middle of the road! I was scared shitless! Then Thank god PC Jennings came along – if he hadn’t come along I’d still be there or worse, dead!”
“PC Jennings helps buy a ticket, buys me a cuppa, and takes me to the platform, says my train is on the right and should be leaving in half an hour. What he doesn’t tell me is my train doesn’t arrive for another ten minutes. I get in the train on the right and end up in Brighton. Okay, back to South Croydon, one minor problem. In Brighton they have the scaffolding with a ruddy big sign on it says “Don’t move this scaffolding as it’s here so Hawken Sugarstone can run into this bar with his little beak!” Course I don’t see it so the next thing I know is I’m on my ass in a dirty mud puddle. Anyway one more wrong train and I took a taxi here. I did make it a little worse for wear but I'm here!.”
“Why the FUCK did you do it, Hawken?" I heard Cyril's voice," Do you know you put my job and Joe’s job on the line! If you had been killed or maimed, you think your mother wouldn’t have sued everybody she could? I am so pissed. I told you, you weren’t ready. You’ve put me through hell, all of us including Alex and John. It’s been a living hell not knowing if you’d make or were you in some hospital somewhere…Hawken, I love you dearly, if something had happened I couldn’t live with myself. Why Hawken? Why did you do it?”
“Last night, I was given the new schedule, I had to be on call for the next four weeks…I called you last night. I thought – I thought that maybe you would guide me here but you said no…” I sobbed, “You said no way, that you and he had something special planned…I knew you used up your whole vacation to train me – I just figured that you wanted one day away from me – I know I’m a nuisance…but I didn’t have a choice, I had to come here. I had to prove to John that I love Alex, that I care about him, that I’m not a bad person…I thought if I showed John I’d risk everything, even my life, for Alex he might love me a little and trust me…I just want somebody older than me to say I’m not a bad person, to say I’m good and that I’m worth more than the twenty percent that I make…”
Two hands from behind me were placed on my shoulders and they turned me around. John took me in his arms and said quietly, “Will you ever forgive an old fool’s stupidity? I am so ashamed for not trusting you and not believing you and not believing my own son. I love you, Hawken, and I do trust you. I think you and Alex deserve a good life together.”
Alex came over and hugged me and I gave him a kiss, which he returned. Next Cyril and Joe came over and, giving me a kiss each on the cheek, joined the hug.
“John, is the house dark inside?” I asked after a few moments.
“If we pull the curtain closed it’s very dim.”
“Can you make the house dim because I want to take off my shades and the first face I want to see is Alex’s face.”
“Can I be second?” asked Joe.
“I swear, Joe, sometimes you act like a two year old!”
I turned around to Joe, draped both of my arms around his neck and pulled him in and softly kissed his lips. I think he was a little surprised.
“Excuse me but did I just hear you kiss MY boyfriend?” asked Cyril.
“Yes,” I giggled, “I thought I’d kiss him before I took my shades off in case he’s ugly and I’m too revolted later.”
For some reason that struck Alex, John, and Cyril as really funny and they laughed.
We went into the living room
and I asked John to position Alex in front of me. He did and then he told
me that the room was dimly lighted. I reached up and started to remove
“Blimey! Get on with it!” exclaimed Joe.
I reached up and started to feel his face like I did the one time in the shower. But this time was so different. I could sense the hairs of each eyebrow, the few smaller hairs between his eyebrows, the shape, the size of each eyebrow, the slight difference between the left and the right. It was so fantastic. Before I had only felt his face with my fingers. Now it was like I was seeing his face through my fingers – it’s hard to explain, it was just so different.
“You’re so beautiful,” I said. I felt a slight difference in temperature. I giggled, “You blushed.”
“Yeah,” he replied.
I reached up to my shades, “I’m taking off my shades.” I took off my shades and waited for my eyes to adjust, slowly things came into focus and I was once again looking at the most beautiful boy in the world. “You’re still the most beautiful boy in the world.” I leant in and we kissed.
“Okay, okay, my turn,” said Joe.
I turned around and looked at Joe. He was nothing like what I had imagined, he was better. He had jet black hair and light blue eyes – he wasn’t slim but he wasn’t heavy and not muscular – he was smiling which showed up two cute dimples in his cheeks, he had a wide mouth but not unbecoming –all in all I thought he was a babe. If I had to guess his age I would have guessed he was 20, not 25.
I felt a smile grow as I thought of what I was going to say, then I giggled.
“What?” he said.
“Cyril, it’s a good thing you’re blind…” Joe’s mouth dropped and a hurt expression appeared on his face like he hadn’t expected me to say that. I giggled and started laughing, which immediately brought a smile to his face.
“You bastard!” he laughed.
“Well, Hawken, he’s beautiful enough for me. Even though I can’t see with my eyes,” Cyril said with just a hint of anger in his voice.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you. I was just joking.”
“Oh, so that’s what these last two weeks were, a joke!”
“No, it was never a joke. It was the worst time of my life and the best. It was the worst because I was away from Alex. I was the worst because John hated me. I was the worst because I realized my mom has never loved me – I was never anything but her pretty boy; I was her little whore that she could exhibit and sell to anyone who wanted to buy my cute face to sell their clothes, or their cereal. It was the worst because she made me feel like a cheap lowlife faggot that should have never been born. It was the worst because for the next two and a half years I have to do her bidding, I have to pretend to be something that I’m not. I can’t walk down the street holding hands with the boy that I love. I can’t stop and give him a gentle kiss when I feel like it – I can’t let him hold me in his arms or let him kiss me. It was the worst because I hate that I live in fear of what she might do to hurt Alex or John ”
I wiped my tears on my shirt.
“But it was the best two weeks of my life because Alex knows I love him, because John doesn’t hate me. It was the best two weeks because I got a wet mop in the face. It was the best two weeks because PC Jennings saved my life and because I walked into a scaffolding, and I got on the wrong train. It was the best two weeks because Alex will get O & M training. It was the best two weeks because I got to sing, not at the studio, at your flat with you and Joe and have fun with two friends. It was the best two weeks because I was a part of your life for a weekend to hear you talk in loving whispers, and kiss and giggle and laugh and argue and make up and it gave me hope that someday Alex and I could have a life like yours and Joe’s. But most of all the last two weeks was the best because of you, Cyril – you made all the good in my life happen.”
No one spoke for a few moments.
“Well, I guess that answered your question, Cyril,” Joe giggled.
“Yeah, I think so.” He shook his head and smiled.
“Well,” I said,
taking Alex’s hand, “If you all will excuse us. I came here
to be with Alex.” And that said, I left with Alex to his room.
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