WARNING:

This is a story of friendship, commitment, love and trust. It is not a sex story. However, this story deals with love between male teenagers. If you are offended by stories involving love between two teenage boys, please do not read this story. There may be some sex scenes in this story; however, sex is not the main theme. If you are under age 18 or 21 or it is illegal to read this story where you live, don't read it. Reproducing this story for distribution without the owner's permission is a violation of that copyright.

Author's Message: Author's Comment: I appreciate your e-mails. When I started writing this story I had no idea where it would go - there were two boys one called Hawken the othe Alex. It went no where for over a year then as I sometimes do I read over this fragment of a story I wrote six chapters then stopped I only posted five. Why? Because I realized I knew nothing about being blind or blindness but thanks to the help from my friend Drew I decided to actually find out more about blindness and as a result of that have amended chapters 1 through 6. My research including talking with and emailing some gay blind guys have definitely given me more insight and understanding if the character Alex Ambrose. The story continues and my hope is that chapters 7, 8 and onwards you the reader gain a better understanding of blindness and prehaps more compassion for those individuals who are visually impaired be they gay straight or bi.

Sam (sam_lakes@hotmail.com)

Blind Love

by Sam Lakes

"Jocelyn Sugarloaf. I'm please to meet you Mr. Ambrose. Hawk, this is
wonderful! Mr. Ambrose my son was just telling me..."

"Please call me John. You were saying?"

"Well, Hawk was just saying his teachers were getting on him about
improving his reading. Hawk? Don't you have something to say?"

I have never experienced stage fright in my whole short acting career, but
I was getting a good dose of it right now. It seemed like hours passed
before I spoke, "I-I can't! I can't find my cane." Oh great adlibbing, NOT!
"You, you don't understand..."

"Hawk, I do understand. My son is blind," he said so gently and sincerely,
"He needs a friend, he needs someone around his own age. He needs someone
like you. Now come along, you don't need your cane. I'll lead you back to
my seat. Alex really wants to help." He guided me back into coach before I
even knew what was happening. Somehow I was thinking that his son would be
some little annoying twelve-year old, but when we stop I found myself
staring at the most beautiful boy I had ever seen. I froze. I couldn't
speak. What sort of horrible creature was I to play this foolish game? I
felt ashamed, embarrassed and would have given my life not to be standing
there and yet.

I couldn't bring myself to stop this play-acting. Maybe that seems cruel,
but I in some insane way I thought could get away with it. That it would be
easier - that it would be less embarrassing to him and less painful to him
if I just played along, after all in a few hours we'd probably never see
each other again (no pun intended).

In a few moments I was sitting next to him. I closed my eyes. I had too if
I was to be convincing and besides if I didn't I'd be lost in his beauty
and fuck everything up including my great act of being straight. All right,
you know now! I'm gay I don't want to be this way but I am. No one knows I
am so if I can act straight which is something I'm not, then I can act
blind. I'll just keep my eyes closed.

"You have a neat name," he said. His voice was so smooth not like an angel
just nice and soothing to my ears; maybe it was his accent. " You want to
get started?"

"Started?"

"Yeah, learnin' to read Braille. I'm pretty good at it. It takes a bit of
time but you'll get the hang of it. Give me your hand," I gave him my
hand. A slight smile appeared on his face. I closed my eyes. "Relax! We're
not engaged, he giggled. "I'm just showing you how to read."

He held my hand gently palm up. "Braille is a tactile code made up of
raised dots. Six dot positions comprise each character, called a braille
cell, with a total of 64 possible dot combinations. Braille cells
represent the alphabet, numbers and punctuation. The six dots of the
Braille cell are arranged and numbered like this: 1,2,3 in a vertical
line..." I felt him touch my palm three times in a vertical line.
For the next hour he taught me Braille. I didn't have it down too well but
I could remember a few things.

We started talking about things in general. I managed to keep my eyes
closed the whole time but not because I was playing a part. It was because
I loved hearing his voice. I loved his accent and I noticed I was beginning
to copy his accent.

"So what kind of music do you like?" Alex asked.

"Uh. Hmmm." Dare I say Aaron Carter or the Back Street Boys. What the heck!

"You promise not to laugh."

"Promise."

"Blink182" I said chickening out.

"Why would anyone laugh at you for saying Blink182? They're pretty cool."

"Uh, yeah, they're cool..."

"So?"

"So, what?"

"Who did you think of and not say?"

"No one, really!" I said slightly agitated.

"All right, ya don't have to tell me. I mean it's not like were best mates
or anything."

"Have you got a best friend?"

"You talking to me? Yeah right! Who'd want the likes of me as a best
friend? I'm a boring person. In case you haven't noticed I'm blind," he replied
in a sad but slightly angry tone.

"Back Street Boys."

"Back Street Boys?"

"That's who I thought of and didn't say. I'm just embarrassed - you know
it's not macho, hard rock rap crap. But I like their music and Aaron Carter
and the Mommas and the Papas, Blink182, Red Hot Chili Peppers, even Russell
Watson. I guess you can laugh if you want." I felt like shit!

"If I laughed at you I might as well laugh at myself. I like them too. But
I do like some Rap but not Emienem - he's too full of hate."

"Yeah...I'd be your friend if you want."

I could hear the smile in his voice as he said, "Yes! I want." I was so
wrapped up in his response that I didn't see Mr. Ambrose.

"So, how's the acting going, Hawk?" he said in a stern and pointed fashion.

Hey if you like Sci-fi I have a story going on over there too. ;-) Sam.