WARNING:

This is a story of friendship, commitment, love and trust. It is not a sex story. However, this story deals with love between male teenagers. If you are offended by stories involving love between two teenage boys, please do not read this story. There may be some sex scenes in this story; however, sex is not the main theme. If you are under age 18 or 21 or it is illegal to read this story where you live, don't read it. Reproducing this story for distribution without the owner's permission is a violation of that copyright.

Author's Message: Author's Comment: I appreciate your e-mails. When I started writing this story I had no idea where it would go - there were two boys one called Hawken the othe Alex. It went no where for over a year then as I sometimes do I read over this fragment of a story I wrote six chapters then stopped I only posted five. Why? Because I realized I knew nothing about being blind or blindness but thanks to the help from my friend Drew I decided to actually find out more about blindness and as a result of that have amended chapters 1 through 6. My research including talking with and emailing some gay blind guys have definitely given me more insight and understanding if the character Alex Ambrose. The story continues and my hope is that chapters 7, 8 and onwards you the reader gain a better understanding of blindness and prehaps more compassion for those individuals who are visually impaired be they gay straight or bi.

Sam (sam_lakes@hotmail.com)

Blind Love

by Sam Lakes

Chapter 4

"Gotcha!" he laughed and got off of me.

It was good that he hadn't seen my face because he would have known the
truth. I laughed and said as I got up, "Asshole, faggot! You almost scared
me there for a minute," I laughed.

"Hey! I'm not the one that was popping a boner!" He laughed.

We got ready for bed and about 3:30am I turned of the light. It was only
9:30 New York time. I lay there thinking about the day and mostly about
Alex. I wished we'd had one bed we had to share.
After about fifteen minutes Alex spoke, "Hawk, are you awake?"

"Yeah."

"I just wanted to thank you."

"For what?"

"The best day of my life. Good night."

"Good night."

I lay there for another fifteen minutes and as I started to drift of to
sleep, I whispered quietly, "Alex?" No response. "Alex, I love you." Having
said it I relaxed and let sleep take over.

The next day I woke at 9:30. Alex was still sleeping in his bed. I watched
him for half an hour as he sleep. I wanted so much to go over and get into
bed with him and just cuddle up. I wondered how soundly he slept. I got up
and stood by his bed looking down at him. He mumbled something and smiled.
"What? Say again," I said softly but he didn't reply so I left and went to
take my shower.

I recorder the script on tape while Alex took his shower. He'd listen to
the script then he coached me through my parts. We must have worked solidly
for three or four hours.

"Hawk, I would do that part like your doing it. It sounds to artificial."

"How would you do it? Come on show me."

"I'm not an actor."

"You could be."

"You think so, me being blind and all?"

"Yeah. I do. So, come on then, give it a go, mate."

So, he did. You know I really, really wanted this part because it was a
part that would give me a bit of a spotlight and I'd become a known
commodity. When Alex finished. I knew this part was not my part. Even the
most amateurish actor could recognize the difference. Alex had brought to
life the character I had been trying to awaken in me for days.
For a few moments after he finished I said nothing...I couldn't it was an
overwhelming performance.

"Hawk? You okay?" Hawk?"

"I'm fine Alex. Give me a few minutes I'll be right back." I left and went
to the common room where my Mom was busy watching television.

"Honey. What's up?"

"I'm just trying to figure some things out. Feelings and stuff and what's
the right thing to do."

"In regards to Alex?"

"Yes, no, yes...maybe."

"Well, that's a decisive answer," she mused.

I sighed. "I really wanted that part. I know I could get it! It would be
the thing that makes me known."

"I do believe I heard that before. Like from you and Jack."

"Yeah, I know."

"And so?"

"It's not my part the part belongs to Alex."

"Alex?"

"Yes, he brings it to life, Mom. Wait!"

I after a little persuasion I had Alex repeat his performance. Mom was
crying at the end.

"Hawk, you're not thinking what I think you are thinking?"

"I finkso, Alex but where are we going to find a duck and a hose at this
hour?" Alex looked at me funny. "Obviously you have never listened to
Animainiacs." I laughed.

"Hawk, I can't."

"Yes, you can! This part is yours! I could practice from now until the end
of time and never be as good as you. Mom, tell him!"

"Alex you were fantastic. I'm a little disappointed that Hawk isn't going
to even try for the part but he's right this is your part.
Alex finally gave in and agreed to take my place. Mom said she'd call Jack
Campbell my agent. I knew Jack would do his best and that was all I could
hope for.

The rest of the day I spent coaching Alex then after dinner I persuaded him
to go swimming with me we had great fun and by 10pm we were both as he put
it 'knackered'. I was so keyed up I found it hard falling asleep until I
said to him as he slept, "I love you Alex Ambrose. With all my heart and
soul I love you. Good night my love."

Funny how just telling him how much I loved him made me relax.
Sunday morning was beautiful. It was almost seven and I felt like having a
good run.

"Alex wake up."

"Huh? What?" he asked groggily.

"Let go for a run. It's a beautiful day."

"You'll have to guide me."

"Cool," I said as I tugged on his arm.

"I don't have any running shorts," he complained.

"I have an extra pair. Don't argue with me dude resistance is futile!" I
laughed. He gave in.

We walked to the park with Alex bitching and whining the whole way. He is
definitely not a morning person like me.

"You ready?"

"I suppose," he replied. I took both his hands up and placed them on my
face.

"This is a face you can trust. I'm not going to let you fall or do anything
that will harm you. You got that?"

He blushed and muttered yes. I took his left and in my right.

"We can't do it like that. I'll hold you here," he said as he took hold of
my arm right above my elbow.

It took only a minute or so for us to get used to each other. We were doing
really well when some idiot passed us and said loud enough for us to hear,

"Faggots." I abruptly stopped and had to catch Alex to keep him from
falling. "Hey you! Asshole! What did you say?" I yelled.

"Hawk, forget it."

"No, he has no right to say that to us! Just wait here."

I ran up and grabbed the back of the guy shirt, "You! Asshole, homophobe!
You owe my friend and apology!"

"I don't owe you pooftas anything."

"He ain't a poofta, he's blind. We have to run like that so he does go
running into some tree. You know what, just fuck off!" I turned and trotted
back to Alex. Right behind me was the guy and he apologized.

Alex and I continued on our run. We ran on in silence. I hate guys like
that idiot I think I try to pretend that it doesn't bother me - I am what I
am and the only reason I challenged him for calling Alex a poofta. But the
truth is it hurt me and makes me feel like I'm dirt. I know I love Alex. I
knew the second I saw him. I looked at Alex as we ran and it seemed he was
deep in thought.

"How are you doing?" I asked.

"Good. I-I can't believe this. It's been a while - most people I
know...aren't into running."

"You want to take a breather yet?"

"Yeah, I'm getting a bit knackered."

We stopped and sat down for a bit neither talking. I guess for once I kept
quiet as he looked like he was deep in thought.

"Hawk?"

"Yeah."

"I would have never had the balls to do what you did earlier with that
bloke."

"It sort of pissed me off him making that assumption. I hate people like
that...I hate people that say things just to make others feel bad. It's
rude."

"Bloody rude! I mean even if someone is gay, it's not right."

"Yeah."

We sat in silence for a few moments.

"Alex?"

"Yeah?"

"You haven't always been blind have you?"

"Yeah."

His hands reached towards my face and he gently felt my face, his fingers
traced my lips. I wanted to kiss him so bad, but it was the wrong place,
wrong time and that would definitely end the friendship. So, I bit his
finger and giggled, "Come on let's run," I said standing up and then
pulling him up to his feet.

We were in good spirits when we got back to the hotel. Mom said that Jack
had called and everything was set for the audition and Mr. Ambrose had
called and invited us down we could stay the night and he'd drive us all to
Pinewood for the audition on Monday. We only had an hour to get ready and
get to Victoria Station to catch the next train. Alex took his shower first
then I took mine. When I came out he was just finishing packing his
suitcase.

My emotions got the better of me and the tears started rolling down my
cheeks.

"Hawk? Are you there?"
I couldn't speak I fought to regain control of my emotions.

"Hawk, I know you're there. Please tell me what's wrong."
What I wanted to say was 'I love you and I don't ever want to leave you'
but what came out was, "I got some soap in my eyes and it really stings."

He gave me a 'yeah right!' look but didn't say anything.

The trip to Lingfield I was my old self, meaning I was back to joking
around but silently dying on the inside. I was all show and mom knew. I had
to do stuff to keep my thoughts busy and not think about the inevitable.
Mom went to call Mr. Ambrose and Alex and I sat on a bench in silence.

"You've changed," said Alex.

"Oh, yes and you should see me when zee moon ist full," I joked.

Mom came back and we went quite. Mr. Ambrose arrived and drove us to their
home. We had dinner around six and Alex and I washed the dishes in silence.
He seemed moody and I wasn't any better. Their house was a pretty nice
three bedroom semi-detached in a quiet cul-du-sac. I would be sharing
Alex's room and Mom would be sleeping in the guest room. Mr. Ambrose
offered me a sleeping bag to bunk down in or I could share Alex's bed. I
saw a bit of a surprised look on Alex's face. I chose the sleeping bag.
After the dishes were done I told Mom I needed to go for a walk and left by
myself.

I was getting so depressed thinking about the inevitable that I really
didn't pay too much attention what route I took and before you knew it I
was like totally lost. I finally arrived back around nine. Alex was already
in bed said Mr. Ambrose.

Alex was sitting on his bed in his boxers and a t-shirt as I walked in. I
started getting undress and spreading out the bedroll.

"You hate me, don't you? You figured it out and now you hate me," he said
sadly.

"What? No! No!" I said as I saw tears pouring from his eyes. I rushed to
the bed, sat down next to him and wrapped my arms around him as he
proceeded to sob. "Alex don't cry, I could never hate you..."

"But you haven't really talked to be since the park. And then...Why?"
I didn't say anything. I knew that it was show time or time to be truthful
and tell him that I was gay and in love with him. Which though?

"Hawk, talk to me."

I was crying too hard to speak.

Hey if you like Sci-fi I have a story going on over there too. ;-) Sam.