This is a work of total fiction, except that there are tidbits of truth taken from my real life. Many people would potentially find this story to be undesirable to read just because of its title, but I knew I had to put it out there because it was truly me and truly unique. Through writing this `book', I have been able to better understand the actual events from my life that have all led me to this point. And, this story has allowed me to take my thoughts and dreams on this subject into whole new directions. I'd like to thank one dear friend and my boyfriend who didn't tell me I was crazy when I told them about this whole thing. And now, many, many people will know about this. Whether people will truly understand it, is another thing.
One final note: The cover image says `chasing after a dream'. What we didn't tell you was that the dream is actually achieved, and in multiple ways. That achievement of the dream is what makes this whole story a work of fiction, and really, of fantasy. I could tell you what that dream is, but then I'd spoil the story!
There is no table of contents to this `book', since it is published in multiple files and pieces. The format of this `book' is as un-traditional as its content.
Standard disclaimer: This story is entirely a work of fiction and the events and characters exist in an alternate universe, similar to our own, but yet very different in many ways. Any references to events, places, things or persons living or dead, are purely coincidental.
The Early Years
This story is unique in that there are two main characters, Casey and Matt, and the story is told from both of their perspectives. The primary `voice' of the story will switch from time to time, so please try to keep up with us! The toilets themselves don't really get a voice or become characters until later. And, since this story is based partly on real-life events, I'm one of the characters!
I'm Casey. Matt is my beautiful and most incredible boyfriend. Really, he's my husband or some other term that sounds more long-term and committed. We love each other dearly and are still in love with each other. The twist to it all is that we are also incredibly bonded with certain common plumbing fixtures: toilets. How did we find each other and how is it that we both really dig toilets? Well, let me tell you a little story.
Matt and I grew up differently, but came from similar backgrounds. We both lived in the same town, went to the same high school and neither of us had brothers or sisters. My family was kind of a bit more strict than Matt's, but not too bad really. Matt's parents were mostly hands-off on raising him, just gave him the basics he needed to know in life and let him develop how he should. And he turned out just fine.
The other difference between us is how we got to be interested in toilets. You're probably asking yourself, "how the hell did that happen anyways?" and, even more importantly, "why did it happen?"
Let's talk about my upbringing. This is Matt. I love my other half dearly, but sometimes he just doesn't have the quite the imagination or `wild and craziness' thing that I have. Also, he got a late start on the whole toilet thing. My interest in toilets got started really, really early in my life. He told you that my parents were pretty hands-off. So hands-off that I just kinda raised myself. OK, not really. But they felt it best to let me explore the world at my own pace and not have too many rules put upon me. Just enough to keep me from harm and protect me a bit during my younger years. They definitely had a few strange ideas and I don't think they ever told anyone about them.
My parents had a crazy idea for bathing their newborn. And they figured it would be efficient and fun at the same time. They had an extra toilet installed in the house just before I was born. Specifically, it was installed in my room. And my room was at the far end of the house, remember that for later. Anyways, this toilet was never used for human waste purposes. It was obviously easier to keep clean and it was flushed once a day just to refresh its water. My parents thought it would be a cool idea to give me baths in this toilet. At least, it would work while I could still fit in the bowl. I was born in the mid 70s, so it was a great flushing toilet. It was way better than any toilets of today. My parents wanted me to have it when I moved out of the house, and I later took it with me. Little did they know just how much it would mean to me!
But, let's get back to the story. This bathing toilet had a mixing valve attached to it, so it could maintain a nice warm water temperature and never be too cold or too hot. It also had a heating element in the tank to keep the water at the right temp between flushes. Just a couple weeks after I was born was when they first bathed me in it. Before then, I think they had to just rinse me or something like that. I was circumcised somewhere around then, so that probably had to heal and everything. Most people don't really remember much of their very early childhood. But for whatever reason, I have pretty vivid memories of mine. They begin with my daily baths in the toilet. It was pretty simple really, they would put me in the toilet and wash what little hair I had and then rinse it off. And then, the toilet would flush the soapy water down. After that, they would wash the rest of me and let me splash around a bit and then flush the toilet again. I'd get one last chance to splash around and play in the bowl and then be picked up and dried off. What remaining soapy/dirty water left in the bowl would be swiftly sucked down by the toilet afterwards in a third flush.
I remember the very first flush like it was just yesterday. The toilet and I bonded during that first flush. I was an impressionable young human and it was a fairly `young' toilet, having been created less than a year earlier. Years later I would remember the flush a bit more exactly, and be able to connect all the dots to what it meant for my life and why I would shudder while thinking about it. But, that very first flush was like being so gently caressed and bathed by something that was truly awesome. And I experienced it with the toilet being way bigger than I was. Of course, I was too big to get flushed down the toilet, but I got to feel the "rush of the flush" and it left a very strong memory from that first day.
The main things that I remember from the first flush are how the first spray of water came down on me from the holes in the toilet bowl's rim. The feeling of nearly drowning (until my parents stepped in) as the water in the bowl kept rising. The total rush of the water in the bowl spinning around like a vortex and trying to take me down with it. Feeling my body get pulled toward the toilet's `mouth' as it started sucking everything out of the bowl. And finally, the massive deep `gurgle' that all siphon toilets make at the end of their flush: it was like the toilet was speaking to me in a way. Strange, I know, but that is what it felt like. Years later, I figured out that it was a form of communication indeed.
That first flush also left something in my mind and spirit that I wouldn't figure out for a few years, a burning desire to understand the toilet firsthand. To experience the toilet like no one else ever had. And years later, I'd get... well, that's for later!
Yeah, well, had it been me, I might have freaked out and not done anything about it. Part of me still envies Matt and his upbringing. My connection to toilets is strong, but his was basically from birth and he's connected to them so well that its almost like he is a toilet. OK, not really. When we finally met, we equaled out in many of those ways as we became bonded together in our relationship. And really, we are now one with toilets and they are one with us. But let's not give away any more surprises here.
I had a different connection with toilets initially. I was always curious about them. I guess I was always a curious child. Taking things apart and somehow putting them back together. Reading books. Viewing art. Asking questions. Lots of questions.
But, I didn't have `my own' toilet like Matt did. So, I had to be curious about the toilet in my bathroom at home, and of course, other toilets outside the house too. I didn't get a lot of time to explore them and learn about them like Matt. But I loved the way the water would go up and then down and the toilet would make a gulping or gurgling sound at the end of the flush. So I took every opportunity I could to watch a toilet flush. Of course, I wasn't bathed in a toilet, so I never got the initial connection like Matt did. But our curiosity about them was nearly the same.
There was a cartoon book that I read when I was young, and it was a book that I have always remembered. Something on one of the pages would constantly trigger a strange emotion and feeling inside me. It was a book of riddles and rhymes. About this guy who always was going somewhere or had to suddenly leave a place. One method for leaving was to get put into a contraption similar to a circus cannon. But it was a little bit different than a circus cannon, it was curved and bent in all kinds of wacky ways. There was a little door marked `IN' at the base, and at the other end, a hole marked `OUT'. Looking at this picture, it always piqued my curiosity on what it would be like to `leave' through this thing. My whole body would shiver just a bit at the mere thought of it. It was only years later that I connected that strange `shiver' and its feeling to mean an erotic, sexual feeling. Very strange for a five year old! So I guess I can say I've been horny for a long time!
So my connection to toilets was more of a keen interest and it was also tied to this strange erotic and sexual feeling of being shot out of or sucked into something. Whereas Matt's developed as a closeness to toilets and also a sexual thing at the same time.
As I grew up, my initial closeness with toilets grew, but very slowly. As I got a bit older, I definitely remember more and more of my toilet baths. Also, it seemed that I developed sexually earlier than most boys my age, but nothing really `worked' until a few years later. This was good, as I definitely had sexual impulses every time I was given a bath in my bedroom toilet and it would have been embarrassing to get a hard-on in front of my parents! The sexual impulses seemed to come from the closeness of the whole flushing experience and the rushing of the water around my tiny naked self. Everyday I couldn't wait for my bath, and for the three flushes that I'd get to experience during it. Again, these experiences were extremely odd for a baby boy in his first year, even first six months, of life.
After a few months, it didn't make any more sense to bathe me in my bedroom's toilet since I couldn't barely fit half of my body into it. So, it was to the regular bathtub with very shallow baths that I went. I still wanted to play with my bedroom toilet, but needed help since I wasn't big enough or strong enough to climb up and into the bowl myself. My parents were happy to oblige anything that would make me happy, and so I still got to experience a flush in the toilet everyday. Like I said, my parents were a bit different.
The other thing that I started doing earlier than most kids was toilet training. I seemed to be smarter and more aware of things at an earlier age, so it made sense to try it. Granted, this training was done on the `regular' toilet in my bathroom and not the bathing toilet in my bedroom. Once we tried it out a few times, it wasn't as easy as they, or I, thought it would be. And so the approach to it was slowed down. The training eventually was stopped, and it was re-started a few months later into my life.
Hey! What about me?! It's me Casey again. Matt loves to get all of the attention, well, back to me for a while. I didn't have the luxury of such flexible parents, my own bathing toilet or keen skills like Matt did. Granted, I was still fairly intelligent and, of course, curious. I don't remember much of my initial months or years like Matt does, so I could skip that whole section of my life and just say that I remember blurry images and faint voices. Kind of like an image from a dream or something. I wish I could remember more, but I can't. Whatever feelings and thoughts they are, they are generally warm and happy though. Also, I never really explored on my own or got to see a toilet in action until I started my own toilet training. Quite unlike my other half whom I'm so jealous of!
So, toilet training. It's described as being taught how to use a toilet instead of having to wear diapers. Well, that's the generic definition anyways. Well, unlike Matt, I got it right from nearly the start. OK, I wasn't perfect, and I won't bore you with the details. And one thing that I `got' to do, I guess most kids `get' to do it, was to flush the toilet after I did my business successfully. And hmm, that was pretty interesting. For a curious boy, it was amazing to watch water go up, waste spin around and then it all disappear in less than 20 seconds. And at the end, a magical sucking/gurgling sound made it seem as though the toilet had been happy to do its task for me. And just like with Matt, that first flush stuck with me for years. I'll let you guess what kind of toilet it was. Yep, the exact same one that Matt started with. We'll talk more about brand names and models later.
So, like I said, it wasn't perfect, my training. It still took a few weeks. But since I am definitely one for doing things `by the book' (even back then!), I eventually picked it up and learned to do it all myself. Of course, I was gently rewarded by my parents, but even better rewarded by my toilet. Yeah, as time started to go on and I got to go to the bathroom by myself more often, it became my toilet. I really liked to watch it, but not get too close because I was still a little un-sure of it. So I'd kind of just stand a few inches from it and watch everything go up, around and then down. Really amazing. Well, astonishing. OK, incredible. Alright, no more adjectives!
How about we switch back to Matt? How's that toilet training going there? Hmm, not so good, eh? I can just imagine him slapping me across the head for a comment like that. We have such an awesome and, sometimes brutally, honest relationship. I just love it...and him.
As my parents were a bit wacky and liberal, my toilet training was kind of just, well, liberal. There was no real hurry to do it by them or any real reason. They just thought it would be a good idea. Well, duh! They tried to have me do some practice exercises that they read in some book, but they didn't go quite well. So, even thought I wasn't as intelligent as perhaps, Casey was, I eventually had to figure out how to do it all myself.
The main part that helped me out was my continuing growing interest in the toilet and toilets in general. And, to make my parents think that everything was always working great, I'd just flush the toilet a few times. If I had an, er, accident, while trying to `do my business', I'd clean it up real quick and toss it in. Ah, those were the days that toilets could flush nearly anything down! And, with at least 4-inch pipes and 5 gallons of water gettin' flushed down, there were no troubles! Once or twice, I think I actually had put my diaper into the bowl, pulled the handle down and then thought "uh oh!". Did I mention that I learned to talk a bit earlier? Anyways, continuing... The toilet definitely had an interesting time `swallowing' it, but all the water cleared and it happily flushed and gurgled it down. And again, I would just be astounded, which is not terribly surprising for a really young boy, by that act of the toilet. Also, after a flush, a strange impulse (similar to Casey's) that I couldn't identify with, would race through my body, centering itself in my groin area. It would leave me kinda freaked out, and disappointed because I didn't know what these sensations were or what they meant. They never seemed to be a real problem or cause me any pain, so I didn't tell anyone about them.
One day, a toilet in our house quit working. It wasn't mine, as I'd never want to do anything to it to harm it in any way. It was my parent's toilet in their bathroom. And, of course, being very procedural and careful as they were, they tried every technique to get it flushing again. And I learned that toilets weren't so incredibly perfect. Granted, they actually were perfect, unless you decided to be a moron and overuse them. It took all day long and into the night. And then, my dad decided to `snake' it. And about an hour after starting that procedure, I heard it. Strange that I could hear it from across the house in my room, but it was as clear as a bell. That awesome gurgling-sucking sound at the end of the flush. And for some strange reason, I'd never heard theirs before. And, of course, being the toilet-curious kid I was, I went running for it. My parents must have been delighted that I was curious about do-it-yourself home repair and improvement, a new concept at the time, but really I was just curious to see their toilet flush. And, they tested it a few times to make sure their hard work had paid off. I, of course, delighted in watching it flush, to myself anyways. Their toilet was identical to mine, and had a just slightly different flush. But once again, perfect in every way. Of course, I had little to compare these to, since I really had only used these toilets and not many others outside of our house.
What had caused the toilet to malfunction? What had taken all day to eliminate? Apparently that is going to remain a mystery forever. My parents never told me. They probably didn't think I would have cared. So, whatever!
And so, as time went on, I got to play more and more with my two toilets. One I had to be careful of, the other, was clean and beautiful always. As I entered school at age 4 or 5, I guess that would be kindergarten or something like that, I begun my journey to learning and exploring all that the world (or at least my hometown) had to offer me. Also, I experienced a new type of toilet on a nearly daily basis: one without a tank. These were pretty interesting. Made by the same company as my toilet at home, but they were simply mounted to the wall and had a large pipe connecting the water supply to them that had a nice shiny silver handle. Pushing that handle would release water into the bowl at a much faster rate than my toilets at home. And these toilets flushed for about 10 seconds or so, nearly overflowing the bowl with water. Then, the water would cutoff with a little sucking sound, and, with no more water coming into the bowl, the toilet was in pure suction mode. Anything and everything in the bowl would quickly find its way to the center and go down into the toilet's `mouth' and then disappear into the rear part of the bowl. At this time, I still didn't really know how toilets really worked. I had never seen the inside of one or run across a toilet that had its `throat' revealed.
It was difficult to not stay with the toilets forever, but I had to prevent people from thinking I was weird or something. I had more freedom at home than anywhere else and didn't want to alarm people, or worse, my parents. Even though they were cool, they were still parents and they could be difficult if they thought I was in some kind of danger or was turning out bizarre.
So anyways, Matt didn't turn out bizarre. Or at least, not to me anyways! My development continued at a more normal pace for a kid my age. After toilet training, I was able to be around toilets more often since I was using them all the time. OK, well not all the time, but you know what I mean. I was starting to develop a keen interest in them, but this interest wouldn't be cemented for still a little while. As I remember it, I would always want to be alone with the toilet for as long as possible before having to leave the bathroom. And, if there wasn't anyone at home or if I actually was able to use a public restroom without my parents, I would flush the toilet a few times to understand it better. But always, I was standing away from the toilet and never really touching it. I didn't get daring for a while. This essentially continued for the next several years as I grew up. And, I never really had many opportunities to really, really get to know my toilet or any others because I just wasn't old enough to be alone that often. And that sucked. I loved freedom, but didn't have huge amounts of it. Ah, the life of a kid growing up.
Again, you're probably asking yourself this question, "why was he even into toilets at all?" Well, here's my current-age answer that has stayed with me forever. I really find toilets to be amazing, incredible works of art and fantastic feats of engineering. I know that it sounds like a real oxymoron, since we put waste and ugly, smelly things in them. But, I think they are beautiful. And, if you think about it, so do the designers and engineers who create them! And the other part of this whole equation, toilets hold a strange sexual fetish/turn-on that I've never been able to 100% explain. That's part of why this was written, to better explain it to its fullest possible extent.
And so now that we've given you a brief overview of growing up and finding our initial interest in toilets. We're going to fast-forward past the boring events of our lives and get up to the point where the major events that totally changed us forever took place. And trust me, that is when it gets really interesting, at least for one of us. Casey takes a few more years to make a certain connection. And that connection is what binds us both together, and also led us to become the people we are today.
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