Date: Thu, 16 Jun 2005 23:07:04 -0400 (EDT) From: Drew Subject: Brad- Part 22 You all have Justin G. to thank for this. I had no idea it had been December since my last posting until he emailed me to ask where it was. This has been on my hard drive in one form or another ever since. I've written another story in the mean time. I'm not sure where to post it yet, so if you liked this story, maybe you'll like the other one too. If you want, email me at drewseyboy24@excite.com and I'll let you know when I get it up and where on the nifty site it is. It's about two twenty somethings in a small southern town. There's not much sex, but it's a good story anyway- at least I like to think so. Thanks!! Hope you like the conclusion to the Brad stories. ~Drew. Chapter 22 Home was chaos- even more than usual. The big pickle of the day was that Matt had been released from the hospital. It wouldn't be so bad except that Matt and his mom had made peace, but apparently his dad was far from peaceful. So, Matt had been forbidden by his father to go home and so, I come home and there the bastard is sitting in my living room. Suddenly our house went from being a three ring circus to complete Bedlam. The problem was that the world was there. Both Matt's parents were there, both my parents were there, and my dear Grandma had bumbled into the situation on the pretense of one thing or another. She somehow had pity on Matt but was mad at him for cheating on me- she's got a serious sore spot for cheating husbands and boyfriends. All Matt wanted was to go home. My parents were convinced he wasn't staying in our house anymore and Judge McConnelly was convinced he wasn't going home with him either. I was crushed. No one wanted Matthew. I went in the dining room and sat at the head of the table. I had destroyed his life. Grandma noticed that I'd slipped off and came into the dining room. I was a little misty eyed. She sat down next to me. "What's the matter?" "Nothing." "What's the matter?" "Nobody wants him." "What do you mean?" "If I were him, I'd kill myself. I fucking blow off my own head." She was confused. "He can be so kind and sweet and romantic. He's talented and funny and intelligent and beautiful. Yet everyone is arguing over who gets stuck with him." She cast her eyes down. She was ashamed of herself and her son. "Andy, you're right." "What do you mean?" "I can't imagine what he must be going through right now. His parents are trying to pawn him off on other people who don't want him either. Nobody loves him. His own father doesn't give a shit about him and everyone else is trying to get rid of him too. Maybe you should go try to make up. At least that way he'll have you back." "That's not gonna happen." "Why not?" "Brad and I have made up and I've invited him over here this afternoon." "Are you insane? Call that boy back and tell him to steer clear of here for the time being. Let this blow over and then maybe. But Andy, I thought you and Matthew were a couple?" "We were until I caught him making out with a stranger in an alley." "That fast?" "Brad came over here looking for me. I realized that Matt had been a mistake. I corrected that. Brad is the better choice." She seemed puzzled. "Matt was a mistake?" "Yes. He's a vile, insecure prick. Even Pop thinks so." "With a family like that who wouldn't be? God it's a wonder he hasn't become an axe murder with all he's put up with. Besides, what does Scott know about it?" "It's a long story, but he knows how bad Matthew really is and says that I'm not safe being with Matt- that he might turn on me." "Really? He's always seemed pleasant enough to me. But then I guess he's got me fooled. What do you think? Do you agree with Scott?" "Yes. I know in my head that Matt's terrible and I have no business with him, but I still love him." "Ah, your head hates him but you're crying because he's hurting and you can't make it stop. Is that about the extent of it? There were tears streaming down my face and dripping onto my shirt and tie. I still hadn't changed from church. She continued, "So, what about Brad? I've never met him. What's your deal with him? Is he smart, sexy, and funny too" "You already know Brad." She was confused. "You attend Westover Hills Presbyterian don't you?" "Yeah. Fairly regularly. I used to teach Sunday school every now and then. I also volunteered with the youth a lot a couple of years ago." "Brad is their pastor's son." I thought Grandma's eyes would pop out of her head. "Andy- that's the Brad all this commotion's been about?" "Yeah. Why?" "You had sex with BRAD MORGAN?" It was my turn to be confused. "Yeah. Why?" "Oh, my God." She stood up and paced around the room. "Brad? Andy, he was one of the kids in the youth group. I taught his Sunday school class back when he was in middle school. You had sex with HIM? "So?" "I know Brad. Brad has been to my house. When I broke my hip last spring, he brought me soup from his mother. He used to sit at my dining room table and talk to me while I was housebound. He was one of our best skit writers in the youth group. You had sex with BRAD? But that means...Brad had sex with YOU!!! Oh God!!" She flopped back down in her chair, exasperated. "What should I do?" She just furrowed her brow. "I have no earthly idea. It disgusts me beyond words the thought of you and Brad having sex. It disgusts me what Matt has done to you. It disgusts me what you did to Matt. So, I don't know what you should do. What are you going to do?" "Hell if I know." She just pursed her lips and scowled in confusion. She was seriously bent out of shape, but knew that it was ultimately my decision. She just sat there looking out the window waiting for me to make up my mind. "Well, I can't answer the question for you." She stood up and walked back into the living room. I remained in the dining room. A few minutes after Grandma had left, Matt opened the door. "Can I come in?" "Yeah." He limped in. Apparently, I had given him a deep tissue bruise on his left leg when I landed on him and crushed him into the sidewalk. I felt sorry for him because this was entirely my fault. Matt had been freaked out and panicked. I almost killed him. His parents rejected him. My parents refused to take him back. The poor guy had nothing. He was supposed to be perfect, but he had been stripped bare of all earthly relationships and possessions. I was sitting pretty. My family was intact, I had Brad. I had someone who cared about me enough to let me go. I still couldn't get our conversation at his house yesterday out of my head. Brad loved me enough to let me go. Matt was the other guy in the alley. He didn't say anything, he just sat at the table staring at the artificial flowers in the center. He looked completely defeated. His face scrunched up and flushed. He just cried. I stood up and pulled him to his feet. He cried harder. This was no little puddle cry with just a few tears on the cheek. This was great heaving sobs into my shoulder. The poor guy had been abandoned by everybody he believed cared about him. I just patted him on the back. He just cried harder. Matt needed me right now. I have never been more certain of any fact in existence. Matt needed someone to care about him right now. Not in a sexual or physical way. Matt needed me to care about him in my heart and in my head. He needed me- not just my body. I wasn't ready to give that over to him, but I didn't feel I had a choice. I loved him too much to see him suffer like that and do nothing. But Brad was going to be here soon. I needed an explanation for him as to why Matt was here and that I needed Brad's understanding more than anything. Matt just grabbed my shoulder blades and buried his face into my shoulder as deeply as he could. His knees gave way and I caught him. I lowered him to the floor so that he wouldn't be injured even more. I sat down on the floor with him and cradled his weeping form. Neither of us had said anything since he came into the room. After a while, he began to calm down a little and relax. "You need some sleep." I said. I helped him up onto his feet then out into the living room and to the couch. I laid him out on the couch and covered him with a navy blue fleece blanket. I stood back up. My mother walked up behind me and put her hands on my shoulders. Then she turned and walked away. Matt's parents had left. Apparently, my parents had conceded and Matt was staying with us. His chest was rising and falling rhythmically and I could tell that if he wasn't asleep, he would be soon. Dad walked up beside me. "Son, there's someone here to see you." I turned and walked toward the door. Brad was waiting beneath the carport. "Brad, we need to talk." "Yes, we do. What's going on?" "Matt was discharged from the hospital today. He doesn't have anywhere else to go. My parents didn't want him to stay here- his dad won't take him back, so he's staying with us." "Does that mean that we can't see each other?" "Matt needs me right now. It's totally my fault he's like this in the first place." "No, Drew, it isn't." "Matt needs me right now. He doesn't have anybody who cares about him. He needs me to be there for him. You can understand that." "Why? But I don't want to give you up. I'm not going to give you up again." "Please, Brad, Matt needs me. You have tons to people to care about you and who love you. Matt hasn't got anybody. He needs me to be there for him to show him that I still care- even after all the shit he's put me through. He needs that." Brad was clearly displeased with my solution to the situation. He wanted me all to himself. At that moment, I would have chosen Brad hands down to be my partner in this world, but Brad didn't need me to be there for him. Brad would be just fine on his own. In fact, he'd probably be better off without me to disrupt his life. Matt desperately needed someone to be there for him. That someone was going to be me- I was convinced of that. Brad was just going to have to understand that. "Drew, go to hell." He turned and walked away. That hurt. I was just trying to do the right thing. "Brad!" "Fuck off. Shut-up, how can you be so stupid?" His voice went all squeaky at the end. "Brad?" I wasn't accustomed to the angry Brad. I realized that I'd rarely seen Brad royally pissed off. "You just don't get it, do you?" "Get what?" "Matt is using you. He doesn't give a shit about you. He only wants you because you are a conquest." "You're lying." "No, I'm not." He had a tone of pleading desperation. He was deathly serious. "Matt isn't in love with you, don't you see? I AM. I LOVE YOU, DAMN IT. Why can't you see that? I would go anywhere to be with you. Why are you so stupid?" He was still squeaking. I was in a state of both shock and horror. What if he was right, what if true love is staring me right in the face and its very antithesis is sleeping on my couch. "Don't talk about Matt like that." I growled. Brad was treading on thin ice. "ARGH! Drew, what else can I do? I don't understand. I know I can't compete with Matt. I know that. I was just hoping you could see me for me. I was hoping that you could overlook that fact that I'm not hot, that I'm not cool, that I'm not rich, and see me for just being me and that you'd be happy with that. That's all I want is for you to be happy when you look at me. I want my face to be the one that makes you light up. Why?" I didn't have an answer. "Brad...I" "Just shut-up, Drew." He started pacing a little. "Just shut the fuck up." For once, I did what I was told. I just stared at the ground. This was a big moment for me- it could determine the course of my actions for a long time to come. My heart was breaking. I knew that deep down in my crusty old heart, I loved Brad. I had loved Brad in one way or another since the day I met him. Matt was fun and exciting, but now he needed me. I wanted to be there for him. I really didn't want to run out on him, despite my natural inclinations, but I also didn't want to be with him because I feel sorry for him. He had just as much to do with putting himself where he is right now as I had. Brad would never admit it, but he is a fighter. He may go down with the ship, but he'll stick it out to the very end. He was waiting for me to answer. "I can't do this." He said finally. "I know." "I tried. I fought for your love, but I lost. I can live with that." "Brad, you didn't..." "Yes. I lost. Matt won. Hooray for you. You're pretty brilliant you know." I looked confused. "Drew, you set this whole thing up didn't you? There was no way for you to lose was there? Regardless of the outcome, you'd have been with somebody and one of us would be out in the cold. That's a shitty deal for me." "You think I wanted things to work out like this?" "Why not? Either you get to fuck one of your oldest friends, or you got to fuck one of the hottest guys at school. Not a bad deal for you." "That's not how I..." "Drew, just shut-up. I'm sick and tired of hearing you bitch about how hard this all is for you. Well fuck you and I'm sorry. But I can't do this. I can't fight forever and I'm not going to. Because I know that you will only be with me when Matt isn't an option. I'm your consolation prize. I am now and always will be second place to you." "That's not true." "Don't lie to me. I've known you too long. I'm not going to be anyone's consolation prize. Because I'm better than that." I had nothing to say. There was nothing I could say. "I don't want to lose you." I gurgled through the phlegm. "Too late. I've been trying to win your affection for too long already. I give up. I wasn't ready to be a loser. But I guess I'll have to get used to it." He hung his head and walked away. So this is what breaking up feels like. God I hope Matt is forever because I don't think I can ever stand breaking up again. I watched him walk down the driveway in the spring of 1998. In my heart I have only love for Brad. I wish Brad only the best this world has to offer because he deserves nothing less. We managed to be civil the last couple of lab sessions. Then we graduated and I have not seen nor heard from him since. The Morgan family relocated about a year later somewhere out west. I think Gladys said she thought they moved to Oregon, but she wasn't sure. Seven years later and 25 years old, Matt and I are happily married and living in Washington, DC. Both alums of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. I guess I was a Tarheel born- just out of state. Oh well, there are worse fates in life I suppose. Occasionally, I stop, put down the briefcase and power tie, the think about our turbulent beginning and all the almost were's that could have been. Matt has learned Arabic, works for a US Senator and does research on US Foreign Policy as it relates to human rights abuses and I work for an investment firm and am doing an MBA in financial management and accountancy. We do cut loose and have wild nights still, but for the most part, we are probably the most boring gay couple in history. So, that day I watched Brad walk away. He turned and went out of sight. I turned back toward the house. I opened the door and went in. My baby needed me. My baby loves me just the way that I am. THE END.