Date: Mon, 20 Aug 2012 15:12:53 -0700 (PDT) From: Phillip Emmans Subject: Breaking Free 1 (Gay Male) I close my eyes and fly through the air and land on the bed, sinking into the matress. My headache deepens as I try to remember what had happened. But I can't. Everything is blurry. Except for my sore face. I remember looking in the mirror, my face red with his handprint on my left cheek. I felt it and sighed. Then I had washed it with water, trying to rid his touch from me. I push harder into my mind. I delve for how it began and the thought surges by. I hold on to it and begin to remember. My father hit me. I had told him to go to Hell. He had been talking about my uncle. He hates my uncle. And I hate my father. My father was acting as if my Uncle didn't deserve all the money he made. I was sick and tired of hiding my savored revenge words. And right then and there I said it. "I hope you go to Hell." He stopped talking and stared at me. Then he said, "Wow." He started doing his damned fake laugh that drives me insane. Then he said, "Someone's angry." I was tired of replying. But I replied anyway. "Fuck you." He immidiately stood up and seemed to get the message. I smiled. "What did you just say?" he seethed. "Fuck. You." "You asshole!" he screamed at me. He walked over and slapped my face as hard as he was able. The he began yelling and I stood up and walked away. I closed the bathroom door. All my tears had been lost to my grandmother's death. The only person who I had loved as much as she had loved me, and she had been taken from me. Bu years ago I had decided he would no longer spend my tears. So I did not cry for I did not love him. I come back to the bed. I stand up. My calendar mocks me, all the days I have been waiting to turn eighteen, and now it's only a month away. Yet it still feels like I'm trapped. *** I close the front door and begin my jog down the street. I pull my grey beanie down over my soft brown hair. I always wanted to dye my hair and change its color to auburn but I never got around to it. I begin running faster down the street. When I reach the end, I turn and begin running down the sidewalk. I pass by Mrs. Reen's House. She is in her yard shoveling her driveway. "Hi Mrs. Reen!" I call out, and stop. She looks up. "Oh! Hi Reed!" I walk over to her and give her a hug. She is my favorite neighbor. She's seventy-four, but she could pass as my grandma. And that's how I treat her. She helped me through the pain of losing my real grandma and we've been friends ever since. I tell her almost everything. She's always positive and she's beautiful for her age. She's got wrinkles at her eyes from smiling, but her skin's still smooth and hairless. She reminds me of my grandma. "How are you doing?" I ask. "I'm doing great honey. Are you doing okay?" She squints at me and asks, " What happened to your face? Are you surpressing your feelings again?" she says and looks at me with scorn. "No. I got in a fight with my dad." "Are you alright? Does it hurt?" "No. It's just sore, but it should heal soon." "Do you feel like talking about it?" she asks quietly. I think about it. "No. Usually I would but I'm just...I'm tired. Maybe tommorow." "Alright then. Let's talk about... Wait! I remember! Haha!" she says. "You're turning eighteen in a month. So... how are your plans going?" She raises her eyebrows and smiles. "They are going great." I say laughing, and she winks at me. I hear her phone ringing from the house. "Awe crap!" she says. "That's probably Brenda. She better not be calling for me to babysit. I've got work to do!" she says angrily. "Well, I'll catch you later dearie! Come by tommorow if you can! Or drop a letter in my mailbox!" "Ok! Bye Mrs. Reen! Thanks for talking!" I say. I hug her and then I leave. I hear her mumbling complaints behind me and surpress a laugh. *** I begin to slow as my legs get tired. I turn the last corner and walk the rest of the way to the coffee shop. It's called Hazel's Bakery. It's comfy. I walk inside and go to the back of the shop and grab my apron. "Hi Reed!" Alison calls from supply closet. "Hey Alison! Can I help with you anything?" "Yeah! I just finished filling the muffin tray with banana muffins. Can you bake them in the oven?" "Sure. Anything else?" "Just man the counter after that. For once I got here early and everything's all ready." "Ok. Thanks Alison. Just call me when you need help." She comes out from the closet. "Ok. And Reed? Thanks for accepting the job. I know you have a lot on your hands with getting your driver's license this month and your plans for moving out... But I really need the money to keep my college going. I would have gone bankrupt without you. So whenever you need something... you let me know." She gives me a big hug and backs up to look at me. "What happened to your face? Did something happen at school? Did Jack do thi-" "Alison! I'm fine! My dad hit me. I haven't even come out yet to the kids at school. You know I told you Jack only wants revenge because I beat him in the hundred meter in track." "I know, I'm just worried about you. You've been looking down these days. Do you want to talk about your dad?" she asks. "I told him to go to hell. He was going on about my uncle again." "Oh." she says. She gives me another quick hug and I grin. "Ok, enough gossip time, people will be coming in soon, so get those muffins ready!" she says and winks at me then walks away. I stand at the counter and wait. Harold walks in. He's a normal customer but today he's late. "Hey Harold. How are you doing? You're not usually his late." "Yeah. I woke up late." he says. He looks tired. "What can I get you? Your regular or something else?" "My regular please." he replies. I go to the hot chocolate machine and brew him a cup and then I get a fresh slice of pumpkin bread from under the counter. "Here." He hands me a ten. "Keep the change. Thanks." He leaves then. I can tell he is tired. He always asks for his change. Alison walks up behind me while sipping some coffee and asks, "Was that Harold? He looked super tired." "Yeah. He said he woke up late. I don't buy it though." "He's probably just hungover." Alison says. "He's never hungover. He doesn't drink Alison." "Whatever. I don't undertstand him. Now are you going to bake those muffins or not? They won't bake themselves. Get to it!" I laugh and go to bake the muffins. *** "Hey Alison!" I call out while I wash the dishes. "Yeah?" "I need to leave now. I need to be home by six to finish up some homework." "Ok. You go on ahead. I'll close up." "Oh, and Alison?" "Yeah?" "I'm really sorry about this but I forgot to tell you ahead of time... I'm going on vacation next week..." It takes a minute for her to reply. "Ok... Alright. Thanks for telling me. I'll ask Bernie to come help out. I'm sure he'll be up to it. Go have some fun kiddo. You really need it." "Ok. Thanks a bunch Alison." I go back and give her a quick hug and then leave. *** I jog past Mrs. Reen's home but her car isn't in the driveway. I stop at the icecream shop and grab a milkshake, then hurry home. It's already getting dark. My cheeks are cold from the snowflakes and chilly air. I reach my hoome's driveway and stop to take a deep breath. Then I walk up the driveway. I unlock the door and quickly take off my boots and hurry up the stairs. My mom must be in the bathroom because she always says hi when I come home. I shut my door and lock it, then go to the window by my bed and pull down the shade. I set my boots in the closet. Then I turn on my light, and go over to my desk and begin to finish my homework. *** Once I'm finished, I set my laptop on my bed and begin to finish my plans for moving out. It's been my dream since I found out I was gay. I just couldn't tell my parents. Everyone knows coming out is usually brutal. It was my hopeless dream to escape the clutches of my parents without them finding out. Except now it's not hopeless. Everything is ready. I just need to pack and cross the border and I'm home free. *** Today is November 21st. December 8th I turn eighteen. I plan leaving the day after my birthday. I've told no one in my family. Not my mom or dad, and not my brother and two sisters. But I have all the legal papers ready anyway. I've acquired my parent's signatures and forged them onto the papers. There is no possible way my parent's will be able to regain possession of me or find me. The moving truck is coming December 9th at 1:00 A.M. I asked if they could come exactly on time and they said they could. So so far I have run into no problems. I have enough money saved up to rent an apartment in Canada for 5 months and to move there. We live in Maine so I won't have to drive far. And once I'm there I plan on dumping the car and license plate somewhere else. I'll use my bike to get around to local places until I can buy a new car. It sounds pretty hopeless. But it's not. It's not foolproof. But it's going to be worth it. I just have to escape without anyone seeing. ***