But you will not know my name – ch3
My eyes were closed and feeling his lips on mine was electric, this was not my first time kissing another guy but it was the first time that I had felt like this.
I had my eyes closed and I could still feel the tears drip slowly down my cheek, I thought to myself that I need to stop this, not the kiss, the crying, what would this guy think of this big muscled freak crying in front of him as he caressed his tongue against mine. The earth felt like it was spinning, I was walking on air, or so it felt.
I began to open my eyes and all of a sudden I was back at school with Trey and the rest of my friends, they were all just staring at me as I was at them, what was that, it could not have been a dream, please do not let it be just a dream.
“You OK?” Trey said getting in my face.
“Am fine just spaced out there for a second?”
We all walked into the school, Trey continued looking at my with concern on his face, I could not look into his eyes, I could tell he knew something was up, but what could I say to him, I did not even know myself what the problem was, it all felt so real, I was upset because I so wanted it to be real.
The rest of the day was like any other classes followed by lunch, followed by classes, it was so mundane, but I knew the importance of it all, if I was ever to be my own man, I needed to pay attention to what was real and force myself just to get through it all and get away from this existence.
When the day was over, I was still very much thinking about the guy in my day dream, he was so real, he was so hot, his lips were on mine, his arms were holding me, but it was not to be the truth, I had to get a grip of myself.
As I was walking to my car, Trey caught up with me and asked if it was OK if he could hang at my place for a bit. I did not really want to spend time with anyone but I could never say no to him, he was my oldest and best friend, he always seem to know when I needed someone even when I did not want it.
I nodded, and he jumped in the car and we just drove back to my place, music turned to full volume, and the both of us just laughing away at my bad singing at what ever came onto the stereo.
There was a moment when I caught Trey just staring at me, it was only for a split second but I knew he was looking at me, but when I tried to look at him he averted his eyes. That just felt strange.
We got out the car and walked into my house.
“Parents not home?”
“Are they ever home? Do you think they even remember they have a son?”
Trey looked at me, not knowing what to say to me, he knew I hated that my parents were never a round. I know most kids would love it, but seriously everyone needed someone and well I needed them.
“So what do you wanna do? he said changing the subject.
“Lets just put on a film and chill, I could really do with zoning out.”
“You've been zoned out all day”.
I looked at him as if to say just let it drop I am fine, and he picked up on it and immediately went to pick up a film.
I do not even know, what film he put on, I just wanted to be in my own thoughts.
Trey sat next to me,a little closer than normal, but we were friends and to be honest I could do with some sort of human contact.
An hour or so must have drifted by and I had fallen a sleep. As I came round I saw Trey still watching the film but he had his arm a round me, it felt so nice to be like that but so wrong at the same time.
I quickly removed myself from that position and looked right at him, he seemed annoyed by he fact that I moved.
“What were you doing Trey?”
“um...I... dunno” he said all flustered.
“What is wrong spit it out?”
“I just wanted to do that, I thought it would help.”
“Help, what do you mean? You were laying the moves on me. Weren't you?”
“And if I were?”
Did he just admit to trying it with me? My best friend was admitting that he was attracted to me.
“I think you should leave.”
“I am sorry if I upset you, I just wanted for you to feel safe” he was upset.
I looked down at him and I felt myself letting my guard down something I would never do. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, my blood was pumping at high speed a round my body, I just wanted him gone.
All of a sudden I felt and saw everything around me contort, the walls were bending in on themselves. I looked into Treys eyes, but then I seemed to look deeper and could see in to his soul, he was afraid, I could feel he was afraid, but what I felt most is that he was afraid of losing me.
“Why are you afraid of losing me?” I demanded.
He moved to wards me and put a hand out, trying to calm me down. “I am not afraid of losing you, I know who you are and I know who I am, I am afraid of not ever being apart of you.”
He loves me, my best friend is in love with me, and still he came closer, he put his hand on my face, caressing my cheek and placed his mouth on mine. There was that electricity again, the same I had felt earlier when I day dreamed of the beautiful stranger, but this I knew was real, this I knew was something I did not want, well not from my best friend, but the feeling was just out of this world.
He pushed his tongue into my mouth and I reciprocated the action, still not sure of what was going on.
I opened my eyes and looked directly into his and there was a blue light radiating from them. I pushed him away, what I saw had scared me, but as I pushed him away he went hurdling to the other side of the room crashing into the wall. His body crashed to the floor and he did not move. I could see blood coming from his head.