As you probably aware, Collision is undergoing some major changes in the plot line. Once again, I would like to thank all those who have responded. I would like to give a special thanks to Jazz for helping me come up with some ideas for this section. I would also like to thank Will, Wes, and two Ryans for letting me bounce story ideas to them. As usual, my thanks also go out to BJ, Neuman, and Matt.
Again, this is a work of fiction. Any similarities to real life is strictly coincidental. Joey E, the author, holds all rights to this work. No unauthorized duplication or copying is permitted without the consent of the author. If you are under 18 (or 21 in some areas), please do not read this series (not my rules people). If you are offended of gay/bi high school and college boys learning about life and love, then this isn't your cup of tea and go elsewhere. Thank you.
Collision, Part XXI
"Ryan Flying Solo"
By Joey E
As I was weeping like a fuckin' baby in Miller's arms, I thought to myself, which I do when I cry for some strange reason, Thank God Miller is here. I wondered why he was being so supportive of me. But it didn't matter. I just hung on to his body for dear life as he held me. He gently led me over to the couch in his apartment living room. We both sat down and I sat next to him, his arm around me , and my head on his chest.
"Ryan, buddy, this ain't your style," he finally said after I quieted down.
I smiled faintly through my tears. "I know. I hate cryin' man. I hate showing emotions."
"So do I, bud, so do I."
"But when Brett said what he said," I started to say, my voice rising.
"Ssshh," he said. "It's all right, man. Don't get all upset again."
I nodded. We sat there for some time until Miller finally spoke up.
"So, was it Brett who gave you that mark, bud?"
I looked up at his face with frightened eyes. I didn't want to get B in trouble, even though he hurt me. I couldn't do it to him. I felt almost protective of him still.
"You answered it for me," Miller said, looking away.
"No!" I cried out.
"That fuckin' piece of shit! How could he do that to you?"
"He didn't mean to, Paul….he didn't…" I started to say.
"Stop making excuses for him. No one has the right to inflict pain on an innocent person, Ryan. No one," said Paul, with fire in his eyes. It was similar to the fire I had seen before when he picked on me, but somehow it was different as well.
I felt exhausted and tired of fighting, so I just stopped arguing. Even though, I knew Brett didn't mean to. So I thought.
"So, what was it all about?"
"it's okay, Ry. I understand."
"No, I'll tell you. Brett seems to think we have crabs…"
"Crabs?" Paul asked.
"Yeah, crabs. He says they're little lice and they make you itch," I said, still not knowing exactly what they were.
"Yeah, I've heard of them."
"So, he thought I was cheating on him. No, he accused me of cheating on him!" I said, suddenly feeling angry again.
"I gave him several chances to take it back, but he didn't. So I got up and left."
"Wait…did you cheat on him?"
"NO!" I yelled in frustation. "Why doesn't anyone believe me?"
"I believe you," Paul said, in a low tone.
I looked up at his face, smiled, and said, "Thank you."
"And so he went ballistic, I was pissed off, so I left. Only he wouldn't let me leave. He grabbed me by the arm. I was scared. He wasn't like the Brett I knew."
"Shit, bud, that must've been scary. I sort of have experience in the domestic abuse and I know what it feels like…"
"Shit," I said, after hearing that.
"Man," I said, taking his hand in mine. "I'm sorry. I didn't know."
"Yeah, well, it happens. Fortunately, my dad left mom and I two years ago. It was quite scary though. It's better that he's gone though."
"But, never mind about me. I dealt with it and got over it. What about you, bud?"
"I don't know, man. I know Brett still loves me. I know I still love him. Maybe it'll take time."
"Aw, fuck him, Ryan. He's an asshole for doing that to you!"
"Please, let's not talk about him that way…." I said, not wanting to hear anything bad said about my man.
"Whatever dude," Paul said, coldly. He then turned to me and said softly, "I'm here for you, bud. Remember that."
"Thanks," I said again.
I couldn't believe my enemy that I once hated was now here for me and ready to fight for me. It seemed like a very strange turnaround and I found myself doubting it. We made small talk from then on, and I soon drifted asleep to the sound of Paul's voice.
"Hey, Ryan," I heard. I opened my eyes and sat up. I was still in Miller's apartment. I looked at him, sitting next to me.
"Woah, what time is it?"
"About ten, why?"
"Damn, I slept for two hours?" I asked.
"Yeah, I did some homework while you were out," he said, softly.
"Thanks, man. I had no where else to go."
"Anytime, bro, any time. And if your man gives you any more trouble, you come to me, okay?"
I shook my head yes. I stretched out and got up. My mind started to wander about Miller again. I sat back down next to him. He looked over at me.
"Miller, why were you so mean to me before?"
"Huh?" he asked.
"Why did you used to pick on me?"
"Don't really know, bud. Can't say I'm exactly proud of it. I thought about that after the time in the locker room, which by the way, I've never forgotten. I think it was because I felt very insecure around you and I didn't know how to deal with it. You were out and cool and confident…and to be honest with you, you were so fuckin' cute, man. I couldn't deal with it. I didn't know how to deal with it. I did what I do best. Cause trouble. And I apologize for it. I was so stupid," he said shaking his head.
I took his hand in mine and said, "I think you made up for all of those times tonight. I thank you," I said, leaning over to give him a kiss on the cheek. He pulled away from me, but yet, he smiled at me too.
"Shit, Ry, you can't do that to me…"
"Why not? It was just a show of gratification. Nothing more."
"Yeah, but it's so gay!"
"Oh god," I said. "Here we go again."
"I can't help it, Ryan. That's why I need you around me. You're so gay and yet you're not. You're not afraid of who you are. I'm ready to accept me for who I am finally, but I can't."
"Dude, I don't need this tonight," I said.
"I know. I'm just throwing it out on the table."
"For the life of me, I cannot figure out why Brett reacted the way he did!"
"Well, I'll try to talk to him tomorrow…but I doubt he'll talk to me."
"Yeah, that's for sure, bro. Maybe I'll call Eric when I get home and ask him to call him. It wasn't like him, Paul. It wasn't like him at all!"
"Ryan, why don't you sleep on it ? Maybe in the morning, it'll make more sense. Maybe Brett is holding something back from you that drove him over the edge."
I thought about that. I noticed I was thinking more rationally than before and it seemed that Miller did too.
"Brett isn't the violent type , really,"
Miller said. "He doesn't use force unless he absolutely needs to. Never
had a fight in school, unlike me…"
"Yeah," I said, chuckling.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Miller asked with a smile on his face.
"Nothin'," I said smiling back. I couldn't believe that Paul was actually making me smile.
"Well, get your ass out of here. You sure you're okay?"
I got up and started to talk towards the door. "Yeah, for the time being."
He walked me out. I drove home in a daze. Exhausted, I said little to my parents before heading up to my room and crashing for the night.
"Ryan, wake up," I heard my Dad's voice.
"Com' on Dad, it's Saturday…." I mummbled.
"Ryan, wake up!" he said as he pulled the covers off me.
"Why? What's up?" I asked, looking up at him. He didn't look too happy actually.
"We got a call this morning from Brett's parents. I don't know how to tell you this, son…." He stopped talking.
"What is it Dad? Is Brett all right?" I asked, sitting up in bed.
"No, son, he's not. He died in his sleep last night…"
"WHAT?" I yelled.
"Brett died last night, Ry," he said, sitting down next to me on my bed.
I was shocked, to say the least. I didn't understand. I knew my dad wasn't kidding. But yet, I found it hard to believe as anyone would in this situation. The world began to spin. I felt dizzy.
"Ry, you all right?"
"Uh, yeah," I said, suddenly feeling sweaty. "How?"
"Cerebral aneurysm. An artery in his
"Shit," I said, not believing one word I heard. "Dad! He was healthy!"
"I know, Ry, I know. We got the call from his Dad this morning. He woke up with a splitting headache, passed out, and died before they could do anything."
I didn't know what to do. Just then, someone appeared at my bedroom doorway.
"How you doin', Ry?" asked the big 6'5" guy.
"Uh, don't know."
"I ran over hear as soon as I heard the news. Fuck, I can't believe it!"
"I just told him, Eric. He just woke up," Ry's father explained. "I'll be down stairs if you need me, son."
"Okay, Dad," I answered. I got up out of bed and put some pants on. Eric stayed there with me.
I didn't know exactly how to react. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to cry or what? I couldn't feel anything. I was numb. I began thinking about what took place yesterday and suddenly it made sense why he had the change in personality.
"Shit, I should've known!" I said out loud.
"Buddy, there was no way…"
"There was too, man. He was totally not himself last night. He even grabbed me and wouldn't let me go after we had an argument. God, I should've known something was wrong! I could've saved his life…"
"It ain't your fault, Ryan. How were you to have known?"
"I shouldve been there."
Eric sighed. "Well, I wanted to make sure you were all right…I can't stay man. Do you need anything?"
I shook my head no and got up off the bed. I had to take a wicked piss and started towards the bathroom. "Eric, there is one thing you can do for me, man."
"Yeah, what's that?" he asked softly.
All I could think of was Miller for some reason. "Call Miller for me, and tell him to come over. You know his number, I don't have it anymore."
"Sure, buddy, he said, taking me in his arms. "I'm so sorry, Ryan."
I was still in shock over the whole thing. I couldn't cry. I wanted to, but I couldn't. It was weird, like I was in a haze. I felt like my world was turning around me. I went into the bathroom and took a piss. I came out and went downstairs. I ate breakfast without thinking and then took a shower. I thought the running water would wake me up. I didn't want to face the fact that he was dead.
I got dressed and went downstairs. My parents were both concerned about me. My dad finally asked me to go with him for a ride. Having nothing better to do, I agreed. He started the conversation not too long after we left the driveway.
"Son..." he started. Oh great, I thought, one of these talks. He always started his serious talks with "Son".
"I'm so sorry for having to tell that news to you..."
"It's okay, Dad, someone had to do it. And to be honest, I'm glad it came from you," I said, honestly.
He took my hand in his and looked at me briefly. "I know what Brett meant to you, Ryan..."
Oh God, I thought. What is this about now? He kept holding my hand as he drove.
"Do you?" I asked, without thinking.
"I think so, Ry. You're mom and I have been on to your tricks for quite some time now..."
"Don't worry, son, it's all right.."
"But, wait...how?" I asked, thoroughly confused.
"We know more about your life than you think we do, Ryan. We're your parents..."
"Yeah, I know, Dad. But what....how..." I asked stumbling to try to find the right words.
"It was actually I who came across it first. I saw you kissing Brett in the car one night."
"Oh," I said.
"But, don't worry, Ryan, it's okay. It was a shock at first, but your mom talked some sense into me later...."
"But, how are you doing today?"
"I don't know, Dad. I feel ... I feel ... lost..."
"I can't even imagine what you're feeling right now. I just want you to know that we are here for you..."
Hearing my Dad's soothing voice lowered my fence that I had put up. I looked at him and he looked at me. A face that I knew I could turn to when I was younger and he'd always listen. The man, when I was little, that would hold me in his lap and tell me or read me stories. Now, I needed him more than ever.
I started weeping like a baby, looking at him. He grasped my hand harder as I started to cry. He made a swift turn and I knew we were headed back home.
"Why Dad?" I kept asking him. "Why did he have to die? Why?"
I felt so overcome with emotion that I couldn't think straight anymore. I couldn't see straight. I almost felt like I was going to pass out. He pulled into the driveway. I didn't move. I was still crying. He opened up my door and picked me up and carried me into the house like he did when I was younger. He set me down on the couch and wrapped his arms around me. It felt so good to be in my dad's arms again. I cried on his shoulder. All the while, he was consoling me and telling me that it would be all right. My mom came in the room shortly after and she took over the emotional support for a little.
I stopped crying after a while and looked at my parents on each side of me. "I loved him, with all my heart...."
My younger bro started down the steps, looking like he just got out of bed. A look of surprise came to his face as he saw mom and dad with me in between on the couch.
"What's wrong?" my bro, Steve asked.
I looked at my dad with pleading eyes to come up with something fast.
"Ryan's friend died last night in his sleep," he said.
"Huh?" he asked.
"Brett died in his sleep last night," I said.
"Oh, man, dude..." he said, coming over to where we were. "You okay?" he asked.
He does have his nice points when he's not being the usual pain-in-the-ass brother he usually is.
"I think so," I said, sniffling a bit.
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. My dad got up to get it. I knew who it was from the sound of his voice. My suspicions were right when I saw a familiar face formerly known as my tormentor enter the room.
"You okay, Ryan?" he asked, looking at me in concern.
I got up and pulled him into an embrace, not caring if my parents and brother were there or not.
"No, I'm not," I answered truthfully.
"I got a call from Neuman. I came over as soon as I heard the news."
"Thanks, man," I said, smiling at him. "You wanna go for a walk?"
With that, we walked out the door and started a long walk.
"You all right, little buddy?" he asked, looking at me.
"No, to be honest with you, I'm not."
"Neither am I," he said. "He was the best damn quarterback this school had ever seen, you know. Any sport he played, he was the best..."
"So I gathered," I answered, still in that haze.
"I've known Brett since elementary school, Ry. Even though we didn't get along well, I held enormous respect for his talent...I want you to know that."
"Yeah, he never seemed to care for you either, but it could have been because of what you were saying to his boyfriend at the time..."
Miller chuckled at that one. "I can't believe he's dead..."
At that moment I realized, the last thought I had of him when he was alive was that he was an asshole. That shocked the hell out of me and made me feel totally shitty.
"Oh fuck," I exclaimed out loud.
"You know the last thought I had of Brett when he was alive was that he was an asshole. I never even told him I loved him one more time." I was starting to get that feeling again and started to tear up again. God I'm never this emotional I thought.
"Oh, god," I cried. Miller put his arm around me and took me into his embrace.
"It's okay, Ryan. Here, come on, I know of a place we can go."
Where he led me, I don't know, but we got there not too long after. It was a wooded area with a big rock in the middle of it. He gently moved me along and we sat on the rock together. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tight as more thoughts of my dead boyfriend came into my head. How will I ever survive this, I wondered to myself?
Well, as you can see, Collision is changing directions. If you would like to see it go in a particular direction, please let me know at SNJBoy76@aol.com