At any rate, if you are under 18, please do not continue to read.
And if you don't like reading about gay (and straight) high school students
learning about love, then what are you doing under the high school section
of Nifty anyway?
And now on with....
By Joey E
"Ryan!" I heard a voice yell to me somewhere in the large hallway of the school. I looked around, trying to find the voice.
"Ryan! Wait up!" I heard it again. I knew it had to be Brett. It was the end of the day and it was one of our days we didn't have any classes together. I smiled when I saw his face. But, there was a new feeling inside of me, a feeling of guilt and cheapness. And the smile disappeared from my face.
"What's up?" He said, noticing the change in attitude. "What's wrong?" He asked, finally catching up to me.
Well, I had a choice. I could tell him what I had done, and piss him off completely, or I could just act as though nothing had ever happened. I chose the latter.
"Ah, nothing, just had a rough day at school," I said, looking around, not wanting to make eye contact with him. He put his arm around me as started walking with me.
"Listen, I have practice after school, as you well know," he said. "But since it is Thursday, would you like to get together this evening?"
"Uh, well, I can't tonight, I gotta big Physics test tomorrow," I said, quickly.
"What? What the hell are you talking about?" he asked, laughing. "Dude, we don't have a test tomorrow in Physics."
SHIT!! Well, I fucked that up, I thought to myself. "Call me when you get home, Brett. I need to talk with you..."
"Ryan, what's wrong?" he said, stopping in his tracks. "Please tell me."
I looked up at his pleading eyes. I couldn't tell him now. It wasn't the place or the time. "Brett, call me, man. I can't tell you now, okay?"
"Aw, dude, come on.."
I started walking away from him, tears in my eyes. "Call me.." I said. I didn't want him to see me cry. It hurt me so much, I knew it was going to hurt him. But I knew if I didn't tell him, I would be miserable. But I couldn't do it then. I just couldn't. I walked to the car alone.
"FUCK!" I screamed out, as I got into my car and drove off. I just replayed the earlier events that happened that morning in the locker room. I couldn't believe that I had done that! What was I thinking? I mean, Brett was the perfect guy. And he wanted me! How could I have fucked that up? Sometimes, I don't believe I think be for acting. And I've often paid for it before. I never knew the price was going to be this high though.
I had gotten home to find my brother at home. I just said Hi to him and walked into my bedroom. I hadn't been home five minutes when the front doorbell rang.
"Steve," I called to my brother. "Answer the door!"
I heard Brett's voice. I closed my eyes and wished my bro would have t he since to say I wasn't home. But I knew that wasn't possible.
"RY! Brett's here," he said.
"Be right there," I answered, almost in reflex. I got up off my bed and slowly made my way downstairs.
"Brett, aren't you supposed to be at practice?" I asked him.
"Ryan, we're going for a long ride," he said, softly, looking angry and disturbed. I knew this was not a time to argue with him. I obliged and told my brother that I would be out for a while.
We were in his car, and traveling in silence. I wasn't going to be the first one to speak. There was no way out of this. No way. And I was going to be dumped tonight. I knew it.
"Ryan," he said, softly. I looked at his face, startled by his sudden word.
"What's going on?" he asked slowly.
I sighed. "What can't you tell me? I know something's bothering you, man. I can see it. You may be able to hide things from other people, but you're not good at hiding them from me," he said.
I had to hand it to him, he could read me like a book. A very dangerous thing to be able to do. Not many people had learned to do that to me. Not even my parents. Only my best friend from my old high school knew how to.
"Did you fool around on me?" he finally asked.
"WHAT?" I exclaimed.
"Did you cheat on me?"
How the fuck did he do that? The first real questions he asked hit it right on the nose. My silence must have answered the question.
"I knew it! You fuckin' bitch, Ryan...!" he said, slowly and evenly.
"Brett," I started to say but couldn't complete it.
"You screwed me over, man. I know it's only been one day, but damn! You fucking bastard! What the hell were you thinking?"
"I DON'T KNOW BRETT!" I yelled, releasing my tension that had been building all day. "I don't know. I don't know what I was thinking, I don't know why I did it."
Brett said nothing and continued looking at the road. I looked over at him, his eyes intent on the road. I hated silence especially in this situation. I didn't know exactly what he was thinking, and I didn't exactly want o know what he was thinking either. He turned on to my street back again and stopped in front of my house.
"Get out, Ryan. I don't want to talk to you right now," he said looking out in front of him.
I was close to tears. I reached for the door handle and started to get out of the SUV. "I'm sorry, Brett..."
He pulled away as soon as I closed the front passenger door and peeled out. He was mad. I knew it. And there was no reason why he should be. I walked in the house and went straight to my room, laid down on the bed, and cried. I cried into the pillow, punching it as I sobbed. Life was so good, and then I had go and FUCK it all up. I feel to sleep, crying.
I woke up the next morning with the alarm, feeling miserable and dirty. Today was no better than it was yesterday. I knew Brett was mad at me. Practically my only friend that I had in the new high school I had screwed over. Life didn't seem worth living. But I got up anyway, went through the motions and got ready for school. My mom knew something was up. She tried to ask, but I wouldn't answer. I ate breakfast, hopped in the car and drove to school.
It figures that I would run into Brett in the student parking lot as I pulled in. We made eye contact and then turned away quickly. I saw that Eric was with him. Shit!
I got out of the car, and attempted to make a run for it.
"Hey Ryan!" I heard Eric's voice shout.
I turned around and looked at him. "I can't stay, I gotta go in early to do something," I said, making up an excuse so I could avoid both of them. I continued my trek to school, hoping to make it there without seeing anyone. No such luck.
"There goes the faggot," I heard someone say to the side. I looked over in the direction it was coming from and saw the two assholes with two other kids. They were laughing.
"Fuck you!" I said, in no mood to take their shit today.
"What was that?" asked the one named Miller. He started walking towards me. I didn't stop, and kept walking.
"You little butt fucker, why don't you blow me?" He asked. His little group of friends were all laughing.
"Why don't you fuck yourself?" I asked, stopping in my tracks, glaring at him.
"What did you just say to me, asshole?" he said, walking up to me.
I got right in his face, as well as I could for being 5'2" and him being 5'10". "Leave me the fuck alone," I said. This wasn't like me at all. I knew I was losing my mind.
"What are you gonna do about it?" he asked, lifting me up by my back pack.
I just kept staring at him in the face.
"Put me down, you fuckin' homo," I said.
"Who you callin' a homo?" he asked, now looking very fierce and angry. Next thing I knew he went and punched me right in the stomach.
"Don't ever mess with me again, man," he said, dropping me down and walking away. I was in pain, bawled over and on my knees now as I clenched my stomach in pain.
"No, Miller. Don't you ever mess with him again," said a voice that I knew had to be Brett's.
I looked up, and saw Brett coming up to me, Eric stayed behind.
"Leave him the fuck alone," I heard Eric say.
"You okay, Ry?" he asked, in a concerned tone, stroking my hair, looking into my eyes.
I looked up at him. I was trying to catch my breath. I nodded that I was okay. He got up and walked over to the other guys. "Miller, if I ever catch you harassing his ass again, your ass is mine!" he said, loudly.
"What the hell, Brett? He's a fuckin' faggot. What the hell do you care?"
Brett grabbed Miller by his shirt, and lifted him up, pinning him to the school building wall. "Don't ever call him a faggot again. You got that?"
For once, Miller seemed to be fighting back. He fought off Brett's grip and was soon on his own two feet again.
"Brett, what the fuck man? Are you a faggot too?" he exclaimed.
Brett stared at Miller and then back at me. He had this frightened look on his face I had never seen before. I slowly got up and walked over to his side.
"Are you?" Miller repeated.
Brett looked back at him and then back at me. He then tore off and started running away from the school. Eric came over to me.
"Come on, Ry, let's go," He said, taking me by the arm and walking towards the school entrance. I didn't fight him, still in shock over Brett's reaction. We got inside and then I looked at Eric.
"Eric, I gotta go find Brett. He's not okay," I said, worried.
"Dude, it's clear to me that you and him are together. I can see it in your eyes now. I'm so sorry that I may have caused trouble between you two."
"Thanks, but that's not important right now. I gotta go find Brett," I said, walking back out the door.
I ran as soon as I was out the door, past Miller and his stupid gang of homophobes. I ran back to the parking lot where Brett was just about to pull out of his parking space. I ran over to his door. He looked at me briefly and then turned away. I screamed at him, to let me in, and he wouldn't respond. I could hear him put the car in reverse. And I panicked and opened the door before he could have a chance to do anything.
"What?" He screamed at me.
"Where the hell do you think you're going?"
"To drive off the bridge! I don't know!" he screamed. "Get the fuck out of here!"
I just casually reached over and turned the key and turned the engine off. He now had tears in his eyes. I gently reached for his hand, and put it in mind, holding on to it with both of my hands.
"Brett, please. I don't want to see you hurt. Please," I said, softly.
"It's your fault you know," he said, looking at me. "Things were normal until you came into my life."
Oh, he was going play this game. "Brett, it ain't my fault!"
"I know, I was just kidding," he said, smiling. "It's okay. It just took me a while to digest. Man," he said laughing.
"I wasn't prepared for that. No way in hell was I prepared for that," he said, shaking his head looking forward.
"I'm sorry," I said softly. "Maybe it would be better if we did break up."
He glared at me. "I mean, look, man, you've got everything going for you. You've got friends, you've got talent, you've got everything! I don't want to bring you down, I don'' want to see you destroy everything you have!"
"You won't destroy anything. Yeah, I'm happy at the top, I like it. But I'm not as happy as I am when I'm around you."
"But look what happened today, man. I'm bringing you down!"
"Doesn't matter. Well, it didn't matter until yesterday. You pissed me off!"
He let out a small chuckle. "You know, Ryan, you're an ass for doing that to me."
"Yeah, I'm sorry too," he said, looking at me.
"What do you mean?"
"For falling so fast for you."
"I'm sorry," I said, softly, again.
"Are you really?" he asked getting out of his truck, closing his door. "How can I trust you again?"
"I don't blame you if you want to end it," I said, softly. "If I were in your shoes, I would break up with me in a moment. I couldn't take it that my boyfriend cheated on me."
"We never even fooled around, Ryan! And then you go and fool around with another guy?"
"I know. I'm sorry," was all I could say.
"Dude, I don't know what to do now. I'm this close to saying, get the hell out of my life," he said, holding up his thumb and index finger with little space between it.
I thought about that and was deeply hurt. Why did I do what I did? It seemed so ridiculous and pointless now. I mean, Brett was everything to me and I never meant to hurt him.
He let out a big sigh as he leaned against the rear door of his truck. He looked at me, right in the eye.
"I hate cheaters, man. I hate liars, too," he said. "And you're both, and yet I can't hate you."
Boy, he had a way with words. They dug right into my bone. I looked down to the ground. There was no way out of this. I was at his mercy. I knew anything I said wouldn't make any difference. It was up to him.
"Damn it!" he exclaimed, throwing his head up at the sky. "But then when I saw you getting picked on, saw how vulnerable you were, I felt so bad for you. I couldn't stand seeing you be picked on and abused like that. I care a helluva lot about you, Ryan. I worry about you, I wonder how you are, I want to take care of you. I can't get that out of my head, as much as I try to be mad at you."
"Brett..." I said, softly.
He looked down at me again. "I can't trust you anymore, Ryan. What's more, if I didn't bring it up, you would've never told me."
"Please, give me another chance.."
"I think I am saying that already. Come here," he said, opening his arms up to me. I ran into his embrace and hugged him back so hard and forcefully with all my strength.
"Look," he said, still hugging me. "You're the most beautiful person I ever met. However, it's gonna take sometime for you to get my trust back. And if I seem a little more curious about what goes on in your life when I'm there, there is a reason for that!"
"I know," I said, still hugging him.
"But, I can't face this world without you. I need your strength and drive as well," he said, looking down at me. "I think I need you as much as you need me, but you just don't know it yet," he said kissing me on my forehead.
Wow, I thought. "Really?" I asked him.
"Yeah," he said smiling down at me. I smiled back up at him.
"We'd better get to school so we don't miss any classes. And tonight, babe, after practice, you're all mine," He said, letting me go.
"Oh really?" I asked, playfully.
"Oh yeah. My parents aren't going to be home until 11PM tonight. And I plan to have quite an evening with you," he said smiling at me.
I got hard at the thought of that. He noticed too.
"Now don't get all excited yet. We still got about 12 hours to go," he said, laughing.
I blushed. But looking down at his pants, they seemed a bit tight too.
The school dragged on for hours, or what seemed like days. I saw Brett at lunch time. He was venting to me about how he was scared to go to football practice, with possibly Miller knowing our little secret. Brett still didn't know that Eric was the one I had cheated with. I didn't want to tell Brett, and he didn't ask, so we let that go. Because Eric and Brett were pretty close friends, and I didn't want to come between them.
"Ryan, I'm afraid..'
"Oh, come on Brett. You know you're the quarterback and without you, the team is basically screwed. And you said yourself, no one really likes that Miller kid. Do you think they're gonna believe a schmuck like him?" I asked, opening my milk carton.
"Well, Ry, you never can tell. I mean, people go funny over that idea of someone being gay. Case in point, us!" he said laughing.
"Yeah I know what you mean. But I still think you've got nothing to worry about. Look will it make you feel better if I come to practice with you for a little? I could hang out on the practice field or something, just to keep an eye on you."
"You mean I can keep an eye on you, Mr. Cheater," he said, grinning.
I turned bright red. I lowered my eyes and replied, "Well, I guess I have that coming to me."
"You certainly do Ryan, you certainly do. And I'm not kidding," he said.
I looked up his face. "I'm sorry."
"It's gonna take some time, man," he said, eating away at his school pizza.
"I know," I replied. "So do you want me to drop by or what?"
"Sure, if you want to, just check to see that I'm not being bashed or anything," he said.
"That's a horrible thing to say!"
"I was just kidding, I hope."
So, the final bell rang and school was let out. I took my time going to my locker since I had to wait for Brett to change and go out to the practice field. I ran into Sara for the first time that day.
I turned around and saw her. "Hey, Sara! How are you?" I asked.
"Pretty good. How are you and Brett doing/" she asked, smiling.
"Well, we uh are okay. We've been better, but we're doing okay," I said, getting some books out of my locker.
"What? What happened?"
"Well, I sort of uh cheated on him," I said, not looking at her.
"YOU WHAT?" she screamed.
"Yeah, I was an asshole," I said looking at her. "But we've got some other issues. One of Brett's teammates accused him of being gay today. So, I'm sort of going to casually observe his practice today just to see how things go."
"Oh," she answered.
"If you got time, do you want to go along? I could use you for support," I said, smiling at her. "You could also kiss me in front of the team and we could put up a front."
She hit me, playfully. "I don't think so,' she answered.
"Why not?" I asked, laughing.
"Been there, done that," she exclaimed, laughing.
"Oh, Oh, I see how it is!" I said, closing my locker, walking away from her. "You can just forget about it girlfriend!"
She had this shocked look on her face. Then she bursted out laughing. I turned around and smiled.
"Ryan, what the hell was that?"
"God, I don't know. I've never acted that way before," I said, truthfully. "Somehow, it just slipped out."
"See that? You do have a feminine side to you, after all," she said, laughing.
"Sshh! Don't tell the world!" I said, walking back up to her.
"Oh, come on, Ryan, admit it. It was fun to let yourself go loose."
I stopped and thought about it. "Yeah, it was. But I'll be damned if I act that way daily. Now come on!" I said, grabbing her hand, and taking her out the door of the school.
Sara and I showed up at practice. We could see the players already out on the field, lining up, practicing their drills. Brett noticed us almost immediately. He went over to the coach and then came over to us.
"Hey Sara! How are you?" he asked.
"Pretty well, Brett. What's up?"
"Yeah, Brett, how thing's going?" I asked.
"Oh, things are fine. No one has said anything about it. So, I'm safe at least for now," he said.
Even in his sweaty uniform, he still looked cute. He looked even bigger with all his pads underneath his uniform, but I could tell he was still my Brett. God he looked handsome.
"We still on for tonight?" I asked him.
"Yeah! I'll call you when I get home."
"Okay. Oh, and one more thing, Brett," I said to him. "Don't shower until I get there." I flashed a big grin to him.
"HEY!! " Sara yelled out. "I didn't need to hear that!"
I laughed. "I was kidding. Please, shower before you invite me over!"
"Well, we'll see. I just might be in the shower when you get there," he said, grinning.
"Okay, guys, break it up!" she said, walking a few feet away from us.
"All right, man, you sure you're okay?" I asked.
"Yeah I'll be fine."
"Cool, I'll talk to you later then," I said walking backwards to where Sara was standing.
"Fine, Ry. See ya later," he said, in his sexy natural voice.
I never let my eyes off of him until I reached Sara. And even then,
I felt that his eyes were on my back as we were walking towards my car.
I looked back at him three times, each time meeting his eyes. We were both
grinning at each other. Maybe things would work out after all, I thought
Well, there you have it, folks! Part V is complete and I hope you've enjoyed it. Please feel free to make comments and judgements and send them to SNJBoy76@aol.com Thanks!