Date: Sat, 20 Jan 2001 20:01:43 -0500
From: Deron Dreem
Subject: Come Sail Away / Chapter 5

All the usual disclaimers apply to this story. I am not going to say this
is all fiction, but I have tried to be as vague as possible to protect
those who might not like to be known. The following story Involves sex
between two teen males. If that bothers you, then please don't read. Please
be at least 18 or within your Legal right to be able to read it in your
area. Thanks 8-)

I also would like to thank 2 very important people. First, Billy Joe Walker
Jr. You were always an inspiration to me. Your writing moved me more than
you will ever know.  Secondly, Dave I love you. Thanks for being my best
friend

			      Come Sail Away
				 Chapter 5

	At that moment I couldn't think of any other place I wanted to
be. The sun was setting.  The colors of a late fall sunset were shining in
his hair. I noticed again, for the first time.  How truly beautiful he
really was. My chest became tight. My mouth went dry.  I was nervous and
giddy at the same time. The thought of being with him made me happy. Not
just tonight, but forever.....

	You really could just sit there and stare out across Lake Michigan
and see for miles. Its sheer size seemed overpowering. Like life I guess,
sometimes it's overpowering. No matter how hard you try, you can never see
the distant shoreline. The sound of Gulls in the air made me realize where
I was. I had been drifting back and forth.  I stood and stretched. I think
it might be time to get something to eat. I glanced at my watch and seen
that it wasn't Noon yet. I was still hungry though. I passed a small store
on the way down here. So I headed to get something to eat. The gulls, or at
least they looked like Gulls, were landing and grabbing bits of food off of
the sidewalk. In a way they reminded me of the Raven, or at least
mine. Swooping down grabbing something and then flying away with it. Where
did he take it? Would he ever bring it back? I kept walking; I had to just
keep walking. Thoughts kept running through my mind.  Some of them came so
fast it was hard to make sense of them all. So I kept walking.

	As I walked, everything around me seemed a blur. I tuned out
everything, and everyone out. The thoughts were once again coming too
fast. I tried to slow them down. I tried to remember......

We stood there and watched the sunset. We settled in for another night of
great talk and probably a little horseplay. Brian built a fire in their
Hearth, and we kicked back and enjoyed the warmth. It was around 9:00 I
guess when Brian went to the Bathroom and said the house felt cold. I
walked over to the thermostat and nothing.  The furnace wasn't running. He
grabbed the phone and called his Dad. With a little instructions and minor
investigation, we found out that the Propane tank was empty. I got on the
phone and convinced his dad that we could keep a fire going and stay warm
enough, but would probably be home earlier on Sunday than we originally
planned.

	All said and done, we settled in for a night of roughing it. We
both sat and stared at the flames. Enjoying private thoughts, and in our
own little worlds.

"So Scott, what you thinking about?" I smiled and kind of laid down and
propped myself up on a pillow. I looked into those eyes, the eyes that
could control my ever emotion. If he only knew the power he was starting to
have over me, I would be in trouble.

I sighed. Content in every way.

"I was just thinking about much I am enjoying this. How great it is to be
here, and away from everyone else. Just you and me." He nodded his head in
agreement.

"Well", he stood up and stretched, I better find us some blankets and
pillows. I think we are going to need some more wood. Think you can handle
that?" I gave him, what he came to refer as -The Look- and took off to get
us wood. I came back in with my second handful and seen that he had laid
out blankets and pillows for us. Only I noticed that it was one big blanket
and two pillows next to each other. If I didn't know any better, it looked
like we were going to be sharing some very close quarters tonight.

	My mind was kind of in turmoil, I mean, oh to hell with it. I put
the wood in the crock next to the hearth, and I sat down. Brian turned the
lights off and came over and lay next to me. We faced each other and kind
of just starred at one another.

"You tired yet Scott?"

"Kind of, I suppose we could just lay here and talk till we fell asleep. I
don't know about you, but im going to get ready for bed." I pulled my shoes
off and stripped my shirt and pants off. I then crawled under the covers.

"Are you crazy, you will freeze tonight?"

"No way buddy, I learned this in the scouts. This way you use more of your
body heat, plus we have a pretty good fire going. I just can't stand
sleeping in my pants and shirt."  He looked at me smiled, and started
peeling off clothing. Now I don't know if you have ever noticed, but the
light of a fire makes everything look mystic and shadowed. I could not keep
my eyes off of him as he undressed. The light from the hearth flickered
shadows of light across his body. I didn't think it was possible, but at
that moment, I would have given anything to reach out and hold him close to
me.

We fell asleep soon after crawling under the covers. I awoke awhile later.
My bladder was calling me. I made a dash to the bathroom. Came back out,
threw more wood on the fire, and crawled back under the covers. You know
what its like when someone has that unique smell to them? Everything they
wear or have next to them smells just like them.  Brian always smelt
great. I can't put down in words what he smelt like. It was Brian.

	I was only under the covers a few minutes when he scooted his way
back towards me, I assume looking for warmth. This wasn't good I
thought. His back was now making contact with me. I knew that at any
second, he was going to think someone was trying to rob him. I assume you
can catch the drift of my meaning? My mind was going a million different
ways at once. I stayed as still as I could, I lay there thinking of him,
and how fond I had become of him. I tried to imagine what my life would be
like if he disappeared tomorrow. At that moment I realized that. no it
couldn't be. Is, is this what love feels like. I knew that I thought about
him more than I thought about myself.

Mom said Love is when you care more about them, than you do yourself.
Could it be true? Was this love? A strange feeling overcame my whole body
that can only be described as, Heavenly. My mouth went dry; I actually felt
a total love for him. I wanted to be with him forever. I never wanted to be
without him another day in my life. I slowly laid my arm over his chest,
and snuggled right up against him. I squeezed him tight to me and I nuzzled
up as close as I could get. He picked his arm up; I started to move mine
away. He grabbed my arm with both hands, and I froze.

"Scott, are you awake?" I didn't answer. I was too scared too.

"Scott," this time his voice was just a whisper.

"Yeah", my voice was kind of shaky.

"Are you sleepy?"

"No."

	" I'm not tired." His voice drifted for a second. "I need to talk
to you about something. I think its time." His voice trailed off again, and
he rolled over and looked me in the eyes. He let go of my arm and just
stared at me. I had no idea what he was going to say next. I couldn't read
his face, or tell what his eyes were trying to say. He looked down at the
blanket and started fidgeting with it. He looked up once again, and then
back down at his hands.

I could tell by now what the look in his eyes meant. They were getting
puffy; he was on the edge of crying. I reached out to grab his hand. He
stopped me.

	"No, if you do that, then I will never be able to say what I have
to say.  He took a big sniff and cleared his throat. He kind of shook his
head, grabbing the blanket; he looked up and tried to put a smile on his
face.

"I need to talk to you about." He paused.  "I need to talk to you about my
Brother."

I looked at him with all the understanding I could show.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." He showed a look of determination in his eyes.

"You said when I was ready, Well I think im ready." He let go of the
blanket and cleared his throat once again. " You told me once that you
would be here for me. I wanted to make sure before I told you this."

"Make sure of what?" I said in almost a hushed like whisper.

"Make sure that you were gonna be around."

I lay there not moving, or taking my eyes off him. I kind of had an idea of
what he was going to say. I could tell he was really struggling with
this. I wanted so bad just to reach out and grab him. Hold him and make
everything right once again.

	"Im afraid. Afraid that you might." He stopped and looked up at the
ceiling.

"Afraid of what Brian? There is nothing you could say that would make me
think less of you, or dislike you. I promise." He was on the very edge of
loosing it completely. His voice was shaky and he spoke so soft I couldn't
hear him.

"I tried, I tried but I couldn't save him. Every time I reached for him he
went under. I couldn't save him." He grabbed the pillow and started to
pound it slowly against the floor.

"You have to believe me, I tried" His face fell forward into the pillow and
he cried so hard he was gasping for breath. I reached over and grabbed him
and pulled him to me. I hugged him, and just let him cry.

	"Its not your fault Brian, Its not your fault" I kept saying that
over and over and over again. I kept him pulled tight to me. I was trying
to take his pain away.

I would have given anything to take his pain away.

He stopped crying after what seemed an eternity. I really don't know how
long it was.  He relaxed and just lay there, letting me hold him. Finally
he started to sit up and I let my hold go. He looked up into my eyes and
seen that I had been crying too.

"I loved him Scott, and it hurts. I miss him so much. Its times like now
that I wish he was here the most." He sniffed and wiped his nose with the
back of his hand.

"You know, he really would have loved you." He smiled and kind of laughed.

"If he walked in and seen us laying here right now, and seen we were
crying.  He started laughing hard now. A smile broke out on my face.

"We wouldn't have heard the end of it all weekend long."

	I lay there next to him and just stared into his eyes. I saw joy
through his sadness when he thought of his brother. He jumped up and ran
over to the patio door and opened the door, "You want a pop while im up?"

"Yeah sure." He ran back over and sat down on his pillow. I sat up and
threw two more logs on the fire. I could feel a chill in the room. Sitting
back down I looked at his face. He was looking off into the distance and
wasn't saying a word. He was noticeably lost in a thought.

"Brian, I have a confession to make to you." He came out of his daze and
looked over at me.

"I talked to your Mom and she kind of told me about what happened. You know
she loves you?" He kind of shook his head. Almost embarrassed that I would
talk about love and his Mother in the same sentence.

"Speaking of talking to your Mom, I got a bone to pick with you Mister."

"Oh God, now what did she do, tell me she didn't pull out baby pictures or
something?"

I had to laugh at that comment. God he could be so cute when he was trying
to be funny.

	"No, worse. She told me you were a chronic masturbator." I thought
he was going to send pop up through his nose. I had to bust out
laughing. While I was laying on my back laughing, he chose this as a moment
of weakness and attacked. All I seen coming was two hands and his body
flying on top of me. He pinned me down and started his assault. I could
have easily thrown him off, but I was enjoying it. Then he started to
tickle me. God I am so damn ticklish, and he seemed to know my weak
spots. I was laughing so hard that I was getting a hard on.

"Stop, please stop or im going to piss myself." He stopped and looked down
at me. I looked up at him and felt nothing but Love. I wanted so badly to
just reach up and hug him.

"So, I take it we can both now agree that I am the best at three things?"

"And what would that be?"

He smiled and cocked that smart-assed grin of his.

"Well Hockey of course. Being a smart ass. And now wrestling."

	"As I told you before Junior, I still don't know about that Hockey
thing.  And as far as wrestling goes." I flipped him over on his back and
now had him pinned to the ground. "Two can play that game." I now started
my attack on him. As my fingers traced over his body trying to find his
weakness, I was in heaven. For the first time I was actually touching this
creature sent to me from God. Everywhere I touched felt like I was
caressing velvet. He was laughing, and out of breath. Screaming for
mercy. I stopped and pinned his arms above his head.

"Why didn't you tell me your Birthday was less than two weeks away?"

Sliding down, I bent over and placed my lips on his stomach and blew as
hard as I could.

"Huh, why didn't you tell me?"

He was once again laughing. I was in sensory overload as my lips came in
contact with is skin. I sat up and stared at his face. I looked into his
eyes. I let down all my guards.  For the first time, I let him in. I let
him see into my soul.  I didn't hide anymore how I felt about him. If he
was looking, I know he could see it.  He kind of smirked at me.

"UM. would you believe me if I told you I forgot," and then he started
giggling again. I just sat there and had to laugh. The feelings that were
running through my brain made me dizzy with happiness.

	I slid off and rolled over on my back. I was out of breath from our
wrestling and was now getting tired. I guzzled down my pop and announced
that I was going to go to bed. I reached over and threw the last three logs
on the fire. He agreed and once again we settled in for the night.

"Scott," he said in a low whisper.

"Yeah buddy"

"Thanks"

I rolled onto my side and looked at him. "For what?"

"For being the best friend anyone could ever have."

I looked at him and didn't know what to say. I mean I could have been a
smart-ass, that's what I normally would have done. But this moment was more
than that. It felt so right.

"Well" I sighed deeply, placing my hands under my pillow fluffing it a
little. "You sure make it damn easy."

	I woke up the next morning and wasn't sure if I was awake, or if
indeed I was dreaming. As I lay there I became aware that Brian was lying
next to me. His arm was draped over me, and I could feel his breath on my
neck. I closed my eyes. If this was a dream, then I didn't want to wake
up. I was enjoying the contact between us. I loved the way his skin
felt. Everything just felt so right. I drifted off to sleep again and was
awakened once again. This time to his voice.

"Scott, come on buddy."

I opened my eyes. Once again I awoke to the sight of Brian in the morning.
God, I could get use to this. I fluttered my eyes and seen he was just
smiling at me.

"What, no breakfast in bed?"

He jumped up, ran to the kitchen table and ran back for covers.

"Here." He handed me a package of Snowballs and a Coke. I grabbed them and
sat up.

	"Wow, you shouldn't have gone to all the trouble."

He smiled, giggled a little. "Hey, nothings to good for you." I just shook
my head.

"Smart-ass." He tried to put a real dignified look on his face.

"Given. I thought we established this a long time ago," I could only smile.

"Next thing you know, your gonna want half." I opened the package and he
reached for one of the Snowballs. He grabbed it and started getting coconut
all over the blanket. We lay there and ate our breakfast. As I put the last
bite in my mouth. I looked over to him.  He was really shining this
morning. There was a glow to him that could only be described as magical.

"Well." I paused. "You sure know how to show a guy a great time. What's the
game plan today?"

He looked around for a second and then got that grin on his face again.

"Well unless we plan on chopping a tree down, we are out of wood."

He was right, and it was cold as hell in the cottage.

"I guess we should head back, unless you got any other ideas?" I know at
that moment I had a few ideas. I wanted to stay here cold or not. I never
wanted to leave.  I wanted this to last. He shook his head no, and I was
disappointed. Not that he didn't have any ideas, just that we had to head
home.

	"Hey, I got an idea. Why don't we go Birthday shopping for a friend
of mine?"

He looked at me from the corner of his eye. Got a strange look on his face.

"Scott, if you're talking about me, I really wasn't going to have a
birthday this year."

"Well you might not be, but my friend is." We got up started getting ready
for our trek home. We made sure the place was clean, and the same as we
found it. We dumped a bucket of water from the pump outside down the
toilet. Pour some antifreeze in the bowl, made sure it was locked, and
left. I liked this place. It was so peaceful here.

We made the drive in silence. It wasn't uncomfortable. We were both sad I
think. I think it was because we were heading back to other people, and
away from being alone. At least that's the way I felt. It was difficult
sometimes to read Brian. He did tend to wear his emotions on his
sleeve. Sometimes he would just get quiet. I couldn't tell if he was just
content, or sad. Like any relationship it takes time to understand
people. I was willing to take that time.

	As we pulled up to his house, we could tell no one was home. We
emptied the truck out, trash and stuff and went inside. I could only stay
for a couple of minutes. My folks were bitching cause they hadn't seen much
of me, and I had to do the family thing tonight. We walked up to his room,
and both sat down.It was quiet, neither one of spoke.

I finally broke the silence.  "So, did you have a fun time?" he looked up
and finally smiled again.

"Yeah, I had a great time. You?"

"The best, thanks. Well I have to head home. Call me later if you want?" I
got up to leave and he stood also. He seemed kind of different. He walked
over to me, and then just hugged me.

"Thanks. You have been really great. It's been a long time since I have had
this much fun." He stepped back, and got kind of embarrassed I think. He
tried to put on this macho image again. And I smiled.

"Does this mean we are going to be taking warm showers together soon?" He
reached out and pushed me

"Asshole"

I got a serious look on my face. I was trying not to laugh. "That's Mr.
Asshole to you. I think I deserve a little respect."

"Yes sir, Mr. Asshole sir." He kind of saluted when he said this. I turned
to leave and as we were leaving his room. I reached out and wrapped my arm
around his neck.  Roughhousing him a little. I wanted do badly to hug him
and this was the only way I felt safe to do that.

	I drove home. Thinking of something I could get Brian for his
Birthday. I also had to be ready for what was coming. It was less than a
week away. Next week was the anniversary of Brent's death. I was going to
have to be strong for him. His Mom said it was going to be tough. I knew
Brian well enough by now to know that to be true.  We talked on the phone
that night. But over the next couple of days, we only saw each other at
school. We both seemed to have stuff we had to do. I got a call from
Brian's Mom on Wednesday night and she invited me over for dinner
tomorrow. Before she hung up she said.

"It might be kinda tough around here. Tomorrow is the day Brent died last
year."

I told here I would be there, and if there was anything she needed between
now and then.  Call. She said she would and I hung up.

	Brian wasn't at school the nest day. I found out by second
period. I decided to skip out after third and made my way over to his
house. No one was home.  Shit, I didn't know what to do now. I jumped back
in my truck and thought about going back to school. As I was driving away I
saw their family roadster drive by.  I pulled a quick U-turn and went back.

I pulled up as they were all jumping out.  Brian's Dad and Mom both put
smiles on their faces and walked inside. His little brother walked in the
garage and Brian just sat in the doorway of their van. I walked up and
kneeled down in front of him.

"Hey buddy." He looked up at me, I don't even know if he knew it was me at
first. He kind of looked confused.

"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at school?" He looked off behind
me and then went to stand up. I got out of his way. As he stood he
stretched and yawned.  Once again he looked at me.

"Hey Scott, im glad you stopped by. How long can you stay?" I reached over
and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"How does, forever sound?" He kind of looked at me. I think he was trying
to grasp what I just said. I quickly punched him in the arm. And smiled at
him.

"Hang on, I will be right back." He walked up the sidewalk to his house and
disappeared.  He came out a few minutes later dressed in Blue jeans,
jacket, and his Bruins hat.

	"Lets go for a drive, I want you to meet someone." We jumped in my
truck and he was giving me directions. I quickly realized in about ten
minutes where we were going.  We were going to the Cemetery. As we pulled
in he was telling me which ways to turn and finally told me to stop. Before
I could even say a word he opened the door and got out. I jumped out and
followed. He had a jump on me, and was walking quickly towards a big
tree. He stopped and stared at the ground. I walked up behind him and seen
before me, Brent's gravestone. We stood there without making a sound. All
that could be heard was distant traffic and the wind. He reached in his
pocket and pulled a baseball out.  He bent over and placed it on the
gravestone. Tears were now flowing down my cheeks, as I watched the love of
a Brother in pain.

"I told him that you were coming. I wanted him to meet you." He looked up
at me and seen I was crying now. He put his hand in his pocket and pulled
out a Hanky.  Reaching over he lightly wiped my tears away.

	"Don't cry. I wanted you to come." He paused for a second, and
looked down at the grave once again. I placed my arm over his shoulder and
just stood next to him.

"If we stand here and cry, he's going to think we are a couple of Pussies"

He tried his hardest to put a smile on his face.  It was ironic in a way. I
was the one who was there to support him, and yet I was now leaning on
him...


	I was standing in front of the store now and had tearstains on my
cheeks. I reached up for the door handle, and out walked my skater buddy
from earlier.  He didn't see me, and walked right into me. Looking up I
could see an attitude in his eyes. He glared at me for a second, and then
recognized me from earlier

"Hey dude, sorry. Didn't see you." He looked at me and I could see the
attitude fade a little.

"Damn dude you O.K?"

Thanks for reading. This by far was the hardest chapter to write. I had to
stop several times. It's kind of hard to type when you're crying. ? Thanks
for all the E-Mail, you have all been so great.

To my Latin teacher, I am making a strong effort.
To my friend in New Zealand, my thoughts are with you.
And last but not least. Trey, Thanks for the smiles when I needed them most.