I couldn't believe how deliberately he had told me. I told my parents I was gay just last year. It took me months of agonizing over it, and months of figuring out exactly what I was going to say. When I was about fourteen, I told Stevie that I thought I might be gay and he took it all in stride. It was the scariest thing I had ever done, telling Stevie. I had heard so many stories at Monson Academy about `fags,' and never anything good. From everything I had ever heard, or been taught, people who like the same sex are less than human.

I remember when I was about thirteen; it was the first year we were taught Sex Ed and human development in school. I was in the eighth grade, my first year at Monson Academy. We had a great teacher whose name was Mr. Silk. This was his first year teaching; he was supposed to be some kind of a genius. All I know is he was really cool.

The entire Sex Ed class gathered in the parking lot that September day to view this engineering delight Mr. Silk had just purchased. It was black, all black including the interior. It was a convertible, and the cloth top was black, too. The only other colors on the coupe were silver, white, black and blue insignia, and the shiny chrome trim. It gleamed in the late summer afternoon, and you could see your reflection in the high gloss finish.

Along with Sex Ed, Mr. Silk taught a course called Distributive Education. It was only offered to sophomores. DE, as it was called, was a three-year course. I took it, all three years. It was a business course that taught me all about marketing and retailing. I loved it, especially the sales portions. If you were taking DE in your senior year, you could go to `work study.' The 'work study' program let you go to school in the morning and work in the afternoon. You were graded on your job, just as any other class.

Well, I'm sure I'll get into all that later, for now let's get back to where we were. Mr. Silk had an effeminate way about him. He would use `limp wrist' type motions and had a definite wiggle when he walked. He didn't lift his feet, as most people did, when he walked; he kind of slid them, or scuffed his soles along the ground. His voice was higher than most men, and had a feminine quality to it. He was particularly close to another Business teacher, named Miss Arndt. I hated her; she was a bitch with a capital `B', and the feelings were mutual. I guess it was his body language that attracted me to him. Whatever it was, as I said earlier, I felt a connection of sorts to Mr. Silk. There was something about our relationship; sometimes it was explosive, other times, gentle.

I knew then that I was more honest with myself than others were. I admitted to myself the feelings I had, but didn't have the courage to speak out. I thought I was unique, because I didn't have any attraction to girls, and Mr. Silk had taught us that humans were instinctively supposed to reproduce the species, as did all animals. I had no interest at procreating when I was thirteen, so I figured I was all alone.

I remember when I told Stevie about my desires, he laughed, and told me I had better keep thoughts like that to myself. "You're queer," he said. Therefore, I did just that, until the feelings became so overwhelming that I had thoughts of killing myself. I didn't want to actually die, but I didn't know how else to relieve myself of the suffering from being different. That was when I decided to tell my parents, the second greatest terror in my life.

My mother was a small woman, about five foot two. Her hair was pure white, and she kept it short and combed back on her head. My mother looked much older than her fifty-something years; her face was all wrinkled. She had the softest blue eyes that peeked at me. Above her small nose were resting the cat's eyeglasses. The glasses had black frames and small rhinestones at the corners above the lenses. Her teeth were all crooked, and no matter how much care she had given them, they were deteriorating rapidly. I thought she was beautiful, despite what age had done to her. She was my mother.

"What can I do for you, James?" Came, her sweet voice.

"Mother, I have something to tell you. I don't know where to begin. I just have to tell you, because I am too scared of what I will do if I don't," I said quietly from my place at the table

"Well, if it is that important, then you must. I want you to know that I have an appointment at the hairdresser in an hour, though. Will this take long?"

I thought to myself; how very important was my life to my parents? I didn't care. I knew if I didn't say something, I would kill myself. It had gotten to the point where I was thinking about how I would `off' myself. I had even pictured my funeral. My biggest fear was how she was going to react; would she still love me after I had told her? It had taken me several weeks to finally decide that there was no other way to find my inner peace.

"Mother," I announced, and began crying. "I am a homosexual."

The tears streamed down my cheeks as I went back to my bedroom. A few minutes later, Charles came up to my room. I told him what had happened; sometimes he was the only one I could confide in. Charles was always there for me; his six foot six stature was truly far above the rest. Charles listened intently and never uttered a word until I was completely finished sobbing.

"James, some of us know, while others think, but we all think we know," was all he said.

"One of them was, how you say, a troll?" He burst out laughing. His white teeth showed bright in the dusk.

"Really, a troll, huh?"

"I guess I understand."

I remembered that we had Stevie waiting for us at the club, so I determined that we should go. Danny seemed a little nervous about meeting the others, but I assured him I didn't like anyone else on Nantucket, except Stevie. Not counting my family, I added. He seemed content and agreed to go with me. I also told him, that if he felt the least bit uncomfortable, we would just leave. I rather hoped he'd be uncomfortable, because I wanted to spend more time with him alone.

I eased my car into the Nantucket Country Club parking lot. I had to park far away from the entrance; it was always like this on Thursday nights. All the parents would go and play bridge during the day, and then go home for cocktails. While the parents were away, the kids took advantage of the club. I hated most of the people who shared the island, especially Ellis and his bunch. I felt badly when I thought about the plan which Stevie was sure to have put in place. I hoped it wouldn't hurt Danny more than it had already.

"Listen, Stevie likes to fuck with these people, so just go along with what ever happens. OK?"

"OK."

We walked into the lounge where I knew they would all be. In the center of the room, seated at his family's table was Ellis Knotsworth. Ellis was an ass; he had to be the center of attention no matter how boring he was. I hated him more than I hated any other person I knew. Sitting at his table were some of the others he kept in his company. Marcy, his girlfriend, and just as self-centered, was on his right. On his left was Jonathan. I swear to God, if Ellis took a sharp turn to the right or left while he sauntered about, Jonathan would break his neck because his head was so far up Ellis' ass. I smirked to myself as I pictured it. Stevie was sitting on the opposite side of the round table, across from Ellis.

"James, how good of you to join us," Ellis faked his happiness

I could feel all eyes on us. I was dying inside. I couldn't wait to see where Stevie was going with it. I just had to go along, that was my end of the deal. I was glad I had prepared Danny. I could tell right away that he was just like me, a practical joker. I learned all I knew from spending so many summers with Stevie.

Danny walked right up to Ellis and stuck out his hand, offering it to be shaken. He looked Ellis right in the eyes; his mouth had the biggest grin you could imagine. Ellis, being the well-mannered bore he was, rose to his feet to shake hands with my `cousin.'

"Eees so nice to meet chu," Danny laid on his best Spanish accent.

We both sat down at the table next to Ellis'. I did all I could to keep from laughing. I had no idea where this was all going to end up. I just went along for the ride. Stevie liked to have his jokes played so that no one knew what was really going to happen, and often these tricks could last for weeks.

"So James, how is Danny related to you again?" Ellis finally asked after he had sat down. He couldn't take his eyes off Danny.

"Oh, it's his mother's, brother's, son," Stevie offered.

"Where are you from, Danny?" Ellis asked.

After a few hours of idle gossiping and ridiculing of the lesser people on the island, I had had enough. I decided it was time to go home. I wanted to spend some more time with my new friend. I think he was just as ready to go as I was, as he hadn't spoken a single word for quite a while. I kept shifting my eyes from him to Stevie, hoping they would take my silent hints to leave. Finally I just came right out and told everyone I was tired, and said good night to them all. Danny and I walked silently to my car.

Thanks Wayne for the fine editing job.

I hope the rest of you keep the letters coming, I love getting mail.

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