Billy opened up his eyes , only to shut them again due to the light. Slowly he opened them again adjusting himself to the brightness . He could see that he was in the nurses office lying down on the makeshift trolley bed .
` What on earth ...' he said to himself trying to remember how he got here. His thoughts suddenly came too as he remembered seeing Matt' s face smiling then BOOM he was on the floor outside the coach's office . He could vaguely remember flashes of Anna looking down at him , stroking his cheek and blowing cool air onto his face.
He had fainted . And to make it worse , infront of absolutely everyone. Well not everyone but he had remembered a lot of people being around . And Matt of course. He had seen it all.
He felt quite embarassedembarrassed and stupid to say the least. I mean who faints just because their friend is going out with the guy they like he thought to himself . How melodramatic and pathetic I am .
Billy laughed out loud at this thought.
Suddenly he felt a pang from within his stomach. Anna was going out with Matt. This thought welled up allsorts of emotions within him. He felt jealous , betrayed and lost. But why? he said to himself. What right have I to be jealous? Well a lot actually. Anna is probably going to start dating the schools most gorgeous guy and I want him , so the jealously is understandable. But betrayed???? He shook his head slowly , ` I have no right to feel betrayed. Anna hasn't betrayed me. Hell , she doesn't even know I am gay let alone the fact I fancy Matt , so she has every right to go out with him if she wishes . And Matt !!!!. What does he owe me. He has only known me for practically 5 seconds . Plus it is me who is infatuated with him . He didn't do anything to cause this. It is all me!!!!
He dwelled on the thought of ` lost' for a while , trying to figure this emotion out. Why would he feel lost ? He realised he felt quite afraid of not knowing what the future held. Anna is his best friend? What if she gets really close to Matt? What if her affections turn more towards him rather than Billy? What if she starts spending more time with Matt ? It could ruin their whole friendship . Billy had been aroudaround when she had had other boyfriends but none of them were ever serious or meaningful and she had laughed about them with Billy , making jokes at the expense of her ex's . But Billy felt this one would be different somehow. She had already raved about him and had been like a giggly little school girl , something which Anna hardly ever was. And if they did get serious Billy did not know if he could handle it , being infatuated with his best friends boyfriend ! He knew he would have to go places with them , see them around acting ` lovey-dovey' whilst he wished it could be him with Matt. Billy did not know if he could handle it. All these thoughts though were `what ifs'. None of them were facts he thought to himself ...yet!!!!
He slowly lifted himself into a seated position in the bed and felt his head swim a little.
` Time for a descisiondecision ` he said aloud to himself ` My thing with Matt is an infatuation. I hardly know him. Hell, I only just met him today and we have only spoken for like 5 minutes so...so get over it ...and be happy for Anna if her and Matt do get it together ` .
He thought that this should have made him feel bettereasier , but he still felt a slight knawing feeling from his stomach .
Billy slowly rode his way back through the park . The nurse had suggested that he go home for the rest of the day. When she had said that she would call his mother to pick him up he had abruptly said No and that he would make his own way back . Against her better judgement she had let him luckily. The last thing he wanted was his mother fussing around him. She would have insisted on taking him to the hostpitalhospital to get tests done adamant that he had some life threatening virus or what not.
He had thought about finding Anna and saying goodbye but had decided against it. He did not think he could have handled her worry . Besides she would then want to talk about her lunch with Matt and Billy thought he had had enough of him for one day.
He knew he would get an earful from coach tomorrow about missing after school practice . ` You have to show more dedication than this HoldenCarlson if you wanna do well THIS seasonyear . You maybe the current champ but now but it doesn't mean it is gonna be the same thing this new season. s year. Don't have a fainting fit EVER again `
The thought of coach saying this made him laugh . Funny though , this was the first time he had ever fainted . My God he thought to himself All this over one boy .
Billy stands in a field , the wind gently brushing against his hair . All around him a sea of green waves moves slowly towards him each blade of grass struck with a purpose . One glance upwards , the blue sky , sunless , yet bright , wispy clouds moving towards the east in a military formation . A lone black bird silently glides towards him . He watches it coming nearer , its wings outstretched , not flapping.
Yet it does not reach him . Instead it lands 50 feet from where he stands. It lands next to a person lying on the soft grass. He moves slowly closer toward the still person. The bird cocks his head up at him , it's left eye watching his approach. As he moves closer , the bird becomes agitated. It seems to hop up and down . It starts screeching and flapping its wings . Suddenly it alights from the grass and flies straight at him , its noise becoming louder. Billy stops . The bird flaps into his face , it's wings beating onto Billy's cheeks , the noise of it's screech ringing into his ears. Billy tries to swat it away with his arms but to no avail . The bird remains on him forcing him to the floor. As his knees touch the ground he hears a voice from within whisper ` Not yet...Not yet'.
Billy woke up suddenly with a small cry.
He sat up , supporting himself from his arms . His breathing was coming in quickened bursts and sweat poured from his face rolling down onto his bare chest.
Glancing up towards his bedroom window he saw the dusk sun from outside as the light slowly ebbed away into darkness. On his bedside table , the small clock/radio said 8.30p.m .
How long had he been asleep?
He thought back to earlier , remembering getting home from school . He had then walked straight up here , ripped off his clothes and thumped down upon the bed. He must have nodded off soon after that.
Leaning up against the headboard , he put his head back and closed his eyes . Letting out a long breath , he gave himself time to slow his breathing down . The bed around him felt damp and his body was clammy . He rubbed his eyes .
What a dream. he thought to himself. Or a nightmare! What on earth was the meaning behind that dream . Usually he dreamed about things that occurred to him , or with people he knew . This one was weird . Surreal. It had just come out of nowhere.
He laughed to himself.
` Ah...whatever Billy ` he said to himself ` It has just been one really weird long day'.
Slowly he stood up from the bed , his legs slightly wobbling . He felt his head spin causing him to become disorientated , so he reached out for the wall to steady himself.
` Not this time . Not again. ` he said. ` no more fainting for you Billy'
Putting on some shorts , he walked out from his bedroom and down the stairs . He could here the t.v. coming from the front room , so he poked his head round the door .
` Hi mum , dad' he said
His mother looked up from the couch at him letting out a knowing smile .
Hello , sleepy head ` she said
Next to her , his father poked his nose out from the paper he was engrossed in to look up at his son. He let out a warm grin ` So son , a tough day back eh ?'
` Not really. Er...I guess I just burnt myself out quickly'
He father let out a soft laugh. ` How are you ever gonna survive out in the world of work my boy if the first day back at school has you burnt out as you put it ` .
` Whatever dad .' Billy groaned ,not really wanting to listen to one of his fathers lectures on the `world of work'.
` Whatever yourself ` his father replied letting out a laugh again and turning back to his paper.
Billy smiled. He loved his father's easy going manner. Yeah , he did always lecture him about school and work like any other father but he was also great at having a laugh with. Billy thought of his father as more of a friend , often spending a lot of time with him . They always went mountain biking together or camping , where the would stay up half the night fishing on the lake , his father telling him stories about times past. He knew his father was proud of him too. Every time his family went out together , whether on family occasions or just out to a restaurant , his father would always be telling people about Billy and his swimming.
` Did you know , my son is this years under 16s swimming champ. He won the districts cup you know' he would say much to the embarrassment of Billy.
` Dad , can you please stop telling everyone' Billy would say.
` Why should I son . You should be proud of yourself ` his father always said back to him.
His thoughts on his father were interrupted by his mother.
` I made you some salad , it is in the fridge ` his mother said turning back to the t.v .
` Thanks mum ` .
He walked out to the kitchen . Opening up the fridge door , he took out the plate of salad wrapped in cellophane and put it down upon the table. He then got himself a drink of water and gulped it down before settling down on the chair , its cold wooden back making him shiver slightly .
Eating the salad , he thought back to the dream . A thought struck him that it seemed more like a message than a dream and he didn't think it was a good message. But what message? The black bird .
He knew it was renowned that black birds were a sign of bad omen or death . Possibly the death of the person who it had landed next to. But who was that? He wasn't able to see . The bird had stopped him from seeing. It had flown straight at him. But why? He then remembered the words whispered in the dream. ` Not yet...not yet'. Did that mean that he would have another dream? Another message? Would it show him who it was?
He let out a shiver again , this one not caused by the chair.
God, I am scaring myself here. All this thinking of prophetic messages and bad omens . he thought to himself.
It was just a dream .
Finishing the salad , he got up and put the plate in the bowl.
He heard the phone ring from the hallway and letting out a shout of ` I'll get it ` he ran out and picked up the receiver .
` Hello , Holden residence ` he announced in a posh mocking voice .
` So , it seems you are much better after your swooning fit at school ` the voice on the other end replied in a warm manner.
It was Anna.
` I do not know what you are talking about. I do not swoon ... I fall gracefully ` he said absently.
` Yeah right Billy –boy . You literally clunked right down on that floor. ` she said laughing.
` Whatever' came his sharp reply.
` Honestly though' Anna said in a more serious tone . ` Are you okay. I was so worried about you. I wanted to stay with you in the nurses office but she wouldn't let me. Then , when I went back after lunch to see you , you were gone. The nurse said she had sent you home'.
` I am fine' Billy replied. He felt touched at Anna's concern .
` I am angry at you though ` she then proceeded. ` You should have come to say goodbye to me at least. Let me know how you were . I spent the rest of last period worried sick , wondering whether you were okay. If you got home safely?'
Billy felt a wave of guilt flow over him. He hadn't thought about her worry. He had just thought about not wanting to put up with her .
`Sorry ` he said in a sombre tone.
`You better be buster' she replied in an upbeat manner. ` When I got back home , I spent the first 30 mins phoning your house to see if you were fine but I got no answer'
` Yeah , I fell asleep as soon as I got in. Mum doesn't get back home from work until about six and dad later than that so no one would have picked up' .
` What did they say about you fainting ? ` Anna asked
` Nothing' Billy replied. ` I didn't tell them'
`WHAT' Anna screamed down the phone at him. ` Why not?'
Billy sighed. `Look , they would just nag at me and Mum would take me to he hospital fretting about it all. There is no point . It is nothing. I just fainted'
He heard Anna let out a groan over the phone . `Billy...you fainted. You never faint. Out of the 10 years I have known you , you have never done that. There MUST be a reason'.
Billy knew what the reason was .
He had fainted over the surge of emotion he had felt about seeing Matt , the boy he had an infatuation with , looking at Anna smiling. It had got to him. Taken the air out from his lungs. Starved his brain from oxygen.
` Anna , do not worry. Honestly , it was nothing. It isn't serious . Just leave it okay?'.
` Billy ...' He could feel some indecision in her voice. ` Look , tell your parents , please.'
` No Anna' he said . ` And you can't either.'
` Why not?'
` Please. Just trust me. It was nothing.'
He heard her breathing but she did not reply.
` Please Anna !' he said in a pleading whisper.
After a pause she said ` OKAY...but I am not happy about it. God, you are so stupid sometimes Billy. The position you put me in.'.
He heard her sigh ` But do you not think it strange that you just fainted?'
` Yes ..a bit' he replied . ` But something even stranger happened to me tonight'
` What?' he heard Anna say in an anxious tone.
He laughed . `Don't sound so worried bint. I had a really strange dream'. He then proceeded to tell her about the field and the bird .
` God , it seems like it was a message or something. A bad omen' Anna said after he had finished telling her about it.
`That is what I thought' he said ` But I ain't superstitious , and I don't do prophetic dreams so let's not let our imaginations get carried away with us' he laughed . ` Anyway, how was the rest of your day?'
Anna let out a slight giggle. `Well ...after you went to the nurses office , I was in a state of shock about it all , like literally hysterical ...'
`Drama Queen' Billy interrupted .
` Listen' she shrieked over the phone ` I think you already won that prize Billy-boy ,so let me have my time to ham it up'.
` Anyways...' she continued ` As I was saying , I was hysterical ...I was in tears , adamant that you were dying or something , but then Matt was great. He gave me a big hug and took me to the lunch hall where he bought me lunch and all. He managed to calm me down. It was so nice'
`Your hero' Billy heard himself say sarcastically . He felt a stab of jealousy strike him.
` Billy . Don't . He was great. And I was so worried about you. He really helped'
Billy kicked himself mentally . Don't ruin her moment he thought to himself. ` Sorry' he said quietly.
` That's okay ` she replied. ` He is such a great guy. And so fit. You should have seen all the girls faces. They looked so jealous , seeing me with him. Honestly , he is gorgeous , and charming. Not like a lot of the other boys . He seems such an adult'.
`That's cool' he said to her.
` Don't worry though' she said. ` You are still my number one. But I cannot go out with you being my best mate and all'
He laughed ,thinking to himself about another reason why she couldn't. One she didn't know about.
`Well to cut a long story short' she continued ` We spent the whole of lunch chatting about stuff , you know , his life , my life. He was in a private school before he transferred. Somewhere in the Midlands. His parents are really rich . His father is a top executive of a company involved in shares and his mother is a solicitor . They had to move due to his fathers company or something . Anyway as you know , he is a top swimmer like you'
`Yeah' Billy said. `He is here to oust me out from the top spot'
`Billy' she replied `Don't be so silly. God, you really seem to hate him'
This made Billy think. He was being really negative suddenly about Matt. Why was that? He loved him. Why would he be negative about someone he felt so strongly about?
He heard Anna continue the conversation ` He asked a lot about you too. How long had we been friends? How did we become friends etc? He said that he was a bit worried about you , something to do with a toothache then the fainting. I just told him that you were a freak and that he should avoid you.'
Billy laughed . He had felt a slight leap of his heart hearing that Matt had talked about him. Had been worried about him . It made him feel warm .
` Don't worry' she said ` He didn't pay attention to that. He said that he hopes to get to know you a bit better so he can train with you and all. He wants to swim with the best apparently. God, you boys and your macho emotions' she laughed.
If Billy's heart did a leap before , it was now jumping , a huge surge of emotion towards Matt. He wanted to train with HIM ! That beautiful specimen of boy wanted to be with HIM! Billy imagined training with Matt, just the two of them. He could just picture Matt's body streaking through the water , picture the powerful back , as it's muscles worked . He could see the long sleek legs , going up and down. Matt's face emerging from the water , the drips of water cascading over his cheeks , his soft blonde hair pressing flat against his face, looking towards Billy with the crystal blue eyes . Billy could feel a familiar stirring from his crotch . He pressed it slightly against the phone table and let out a little groan from the pleasure.
` Billy...' he suddenly heard Anna's voice from down the receiver ` Are you okay?'
`Yeah...yeah sorry' he replied. `Just daydreaming'.
` So I am that boring' Anna said flatly.
` No...no...sorry please continue'
`Well anyway...after lunch we arranged to meet after school , which we did at the school gates. He offered to walk me home , which was very gentlemanly of him . So we walked and talked loads. He was gonna take me out tonight ...'
`Wait a minute' Billy interrupted ` What do you mean `gonna'? .
` Well , if you give me TIME to finish Holden , then I will tell you' Anna replied in a shortish tone.
` Sorry Anna' Billy said ` But earlier , before I fainted , you said he did ask you out . So I was slightly shocked when you said you didn't . It seemed to me that he was messing with you'
Anna's tone became soft and she let out a sigh ` Ahhhh...you care about me not getting hurt'
`Well of course I do' He replied. `You're my best mate. I don't want you to get hurt'
` I love you Billy' she said. `No-one replaces you'
He felt touched at this. He had to admit , he had felt slightly worried that Matt was replacing him in Anna's eyes .
`Anyway...' She continued ` He was going to take me out tonight but on the walk to my house , his mobile started ringing. It was his father . I think he was asking Matt where he was because Matt just said ` out' in a short tone. Then the strangest thing happened Bill . It sorta scared me! I could hear his father shouting down the phone at him and by the look on matt's face I could tell he was not very happy . His eyes looked all cold and scary. He was just staring at the pavement , all distant'
`Really?' Billy said , slightly disturbed.
` Really' Anna replied in a whisper. ` His face was really pale . He looked so hurt and angry. So angry!
By this point , I was almost going to walk off. I didn't know what to do. I mean , there was obviously some trouble between him and his father and I hardly knew Matt. Yes , we had gotten to know eachother , but only just , so I didn't think I could be any sort of emotional support'.
Billy heard Anna breathe a deep breath down the other end of the phone. He waited for her to continue. After a pause , she spoke again.
` Obviously I didn't walk off. That would have been rude. As it went anyway , Matt just hung up the phone , then switched it off. I asked if he was okay and he said he was fine. The weird thing was , I thought he would be upset about it , but he just perked up in the space of a second. His eyes became warm again and he smiled at me and all. He then walked me the rest of the way home without even talking about any of it , as if it had never happened'.
`What, he just ...forgot it' Billy said astounded by what he had heard.
`Well ...yes' Anna replied `Until we got to my house that is . Once we were there , he said to me that he wouldn't be able to take me out tonight as his father needed him .He said he was really sorry and all.
In fact , he was too overly apologetic about it. He just kept saying sorry over and over again . I had to stop him and say it was fine. He then promised to take me out another time . Which obviously I said yes to . And there ends my tale'
Billy thought before saying anything. ` How weird. It does seem there is no love lost between him and his father . Do you think it is wise to get involved with him?'
` Now Billy' Anna said in a flat tone. ` Firstly , he was great with me today when you were swooning and secondly , I like him . I am not gonna back away from a friendship...or possibly more just because of an asshole of a father'.
`Your right' Billy replied. ` Of course you are'.
The phone conversation lasted a couple of minutes more after that , with the two throwing back and forth reasons as to why there might be problems between Matt and his father , but they both agreed it was not worth guessing or thinking about until Matt decided to say something about it.
A shout from Anna's mother had signalled the end of the phone call , so they said some hasty goodbyes and agreed to meet eachother at the school gates tomorrow.
After a quick talk with his parents , Billy wandered upstairs , and plonked himself upon his bed stomach first , lying his head down on the pillow.
His thoughts drifted onto the phone call with Anna and what she had told him. It struck him that he felt slightly jealous about Anna being the one to get to know Matt quicker than he had. She had experienced so much more than he had of Matt already even though he had met him first . Then he realised how pathetic this was and childish. It wasn't a competition . Besides , Matt sounded like he had a lot of problems at the moment. Things he might need help with or support. He knew that Anna and he could be there for Matt if he needed it.
Closing his eyes , Billy found himself seeing Matt in the school showers. He had his back from Billy. The hot water , falling onto Matt's blonde hair cascading down to his broad shoulders , onto his supple smooth back. Billy's eyes followed the trickles of water as they rolled downwards onto the smooth hairless cheeks of the boy's behind . Billy could see , in his imaginations eye , drips of water rolling into the crack , disappearing into the point of Billy's desire.
Opening up his eyes again to the reality of his room , Billy could feel his erection pressing against his shorts which in turn was pressing against the bed covers. He started moving his crotch area up and down feeling pleasure as his penis rubbed against the bed . He felt his nipples slightly harden as they chaffed against the cover beneath them .
He closed his eyes again . Matt `s muscular arms were both up as he massaged his hair with his hands , the water from the shower cascading downwards. Billy saw the muscles within his back elongated , and at the crook , where the top of the arm meets the shoulder , he saw the knot of muscle that he loved seeing. As he continued to watch, Matt turned around to face him , his eyes closed , head upwards towards the shower head . The water slipping down to his neck onto his ripe chest. His dark nipples , both erect , some of the drips of water catching upon the points , seemingly trying to hold onto them , desperately clinging on for dear life ,only to fall away from the boy . Billy's attention drew onto the beautiful stomach . Matt was twisting back and forth slightly in the water , causing his stomach muscles to show with each turn , glimmering through the gentle sheet flowing away from it .
The centre line lead down to a small belly button . Going downwards now followed a small line of golden hair , leading the way to Billy's desire , the hair erupting outwards , surrounding Matt's erect penis . Billy saw Matt's hands slowly moving down towards it , reaching it they started to massage it , moving the fore skin up and down , Billy watched it move over the head and back down exposing it . He felt drawn to it , to Matt , the power of the boy's beauty and sexuality calling him . Billy looked up to Matt's face , the water still cascaded downwards , but Matt's eyes were upon him . Their blue glow , seemed to call Billy .
Opening his eyes again , Billy pumped against his bed more furiously , his penis rubbing harder . He felt a slight flutter from his stomach , and a pressure ready to let itself out . He pumped harder , his arms holding onto either side of the bed . He felt the familiar wetness of precum on his shorts and closed his eyes again .
All he saw were flashes : Matt's chest , Matt's shoulders , a close flash of his brown nipple , water running through his crack , his throbbing erect penis , his beautiful face , full lips , blue eyes .
Opening his eyes , he let out a groan as he felt the warm wetness , pulse from his penis in short bursts , erupting into his shorts . Each pulse sent waves of ecstasy over his whole body , rippling through every available pore creating a tingling sensation from within . Billy's breath's came in short erratic bursts and he whispered `yes, yes' with each new sensation . The pulses became shorter and the cum stopped . Gently he stretched his body slightly , his erect nipples sorely caressing the covers underneath . He moved his body up and down a couple of times to abate the aftershocks of pleasure , which still welled within him.
He smiled to himself as he gently turned himself around , and took off his shorts . His erection was ebbing away , still slightly throbbing . He put his hand to it causing it to stiffen but let it go .
After wiping himself down with the shorts , he lay back on the bed looking up towards the ceiling , his left arm behind his head , his right hand rubbing his nipple .
` You have really got me haven't you ` he said to himself . ` God , I am so infatuated'.
With that , he let out a laugh and continued to look at the ceiling until he fell asleep .
The blackbirds wings cease from hitting against Billy's cheeks and the screeching from within his ears slowly ebb away . On opening his eyes , he sees the bird flying upwards to the deep blue . He waits , silently watching , until it is a distant speck , only then does he turn to the person lying on the sea of green 20 feet away .
He slowly walks forward , each step seeming dull and heavy. The wind seems to pick up as he progress's nearer .
His eyes remain on the person .
As he gets closer , he cannot make out who it is .The person is lying face down into the grass . They are wearing a pair of demin jeans and a black top with a hood covering the head. .
The wind blows more furiously now causing his hair to lash against his cheeks .He squints his eyes , and puts his arms up to his face , struggling forward .
On reaching the still form , he slowly kneels down , and moves his arms toward the person .
The wind suddenly stops and everything becomes silent. Billy becomes aware of the sound of his own fast breathing .
He slowly put his hands onto the persons side .
He stays like this for a few seconds and slowly closes his eyes .
He pushes .
Lifting his head upwards he opens up his eyes , seeing the clouds rolling eastwards .
Slowly , he moves his head downwards to the face of the person.