Date: Sun, 15 Apr 2007 23:30:38 -0400
From: ppdanny@gmail.com
Subject: Corey's Dear Journal - 3

The events, names, story, places, occurrences in this store are all
fiction. Any information which can be traced to anyone is purely coincidence.
I have written this as if in the eyes of a young man, at the tender age of 21.
Each chapter will be in the form of a journal entry, as young Corey
adds events to his journal. If you have any comments or suggestions
you can email them to me at: ppdanny@gmail.com


Corey's Dear Journal!


Chapter 3: Guilty Conscience.


April 16, 2007:  I'm sorry.

Ok I am going to dip into my past here. It was about 10 months ago
that I met 2 very interesting individuals. Their names are George and
Riley. At first, I didn't know George ... I only knew Riley. Riley and I
were friends for quite a while before I decided I might be interested
in him. So him and I started to get a little... involved. We didn't do
anything serious. I will admit, that I did jack-off on cam for this
Riley... and he really seemed to like it. He was always talking dirty to
me and stuff.

About a week later, he introduced me to a friend of his, George. So
over the next few days George and I started talking and getting to
know each other. There was 1 thing that I seemed to have missed when
Riley introduced me to George. That George is his boyfriend. However,
I didn't find this out until I started hitting on George, and until I
finally told him my feeling for him.

George broke the news to me about Riley. Needless to say, I liked
George to the point where I wanted to be with him -- and that involved
getting rid of Riley. I did the unthinkable. Even though everything I
did was evolved around the truth, I still feel horrible now. I copied
the entire conversation that happened between me and Riley and I
emailed it to George. Knowing that when George reads it, that he will
be upset with Riley and break up with him.

What I didn't realize, was how hurt George would be by Riley's
actions. It destroyed George, and he slid straight into depression. As
a response, I was destroyed by what I did to 2 people I considered
friends. Even worse, one of them I was interested in. I can't believe
that I had done that ... and to this day -- I still live with that shame.
George will never consider a relationship with me for doing that.

Now, one of the fastest ways for me to think nothing of a person and
completely shut them out, is if they do something to get between two
people. Whether its intentionally breaking up a friendship or a
relationship, it is disgusting someone can do that -- the way I did. It
is one thing to approach a friend that you are concerned for and
discuss something. It is a completely different matter to say
something you know will directly cause a break-up for the 2 people
when its an issue of you wanting something out of it.

The reason why I've mentioned this, is because of things I have done a
little more recently. I told someone that I would never do anything to
get in the way of their relationship. I haven't, and I won't. I have
however, spent a large amount of time telling someone how much
feelings I have for them. I wish I had a way to convey to them that
although the feelings I have for them want me to be with them. I would
rather they be happy. "If this person wanted out of their current
relationship to persue something with you, then its up to THEM to do
it, not you to fawn over them declaring undying love, which everyone
who's seen you in action will last no longer than a few months. Think
of someone else for once." The words burned into my head, the words of
my close friend Sam -- whom I had gone to with every situation I was
in.

Yeah... I know... this entry deals with some things in my past, but my
past is what makes me who I am now. Who knows what will happen
tomorrow. I'm sorry for all the names.. I will talk more about my
closer friends sometime and tell you more about them and what they are
like. But for now, I need to understand myself. So I visit these past
experiences to get more familiar with myself, and who I am. Maybe now
I will stop professing my undying love for guys who I like and I'm
interested in. Especially Steve....

Corey \